XV. Incomplete

I tried to look for any related articles with regards to them being law students. Lahat na yata sinubukan ko. I already tried typing all possible keywords, but none whatsoever appeared.

It felt like everything had been deliberately erased.

I felt defeated.

Sinubukan ko ulit na itext si Pamela, pero wala pa rin akong nakuhang sagot. Mas lalo lang tumitindi iyong curiosity ko sa mga pangyayari. Na para bang mas lumalapit na ako sa katotohanan, pero kahit na ganon, sobrang layo ko pa rin.

And it fucking annoyed the shit out of me.

At dahil sa sobrang inis ko, pumunta ako sa kwarto, at saka kinuha iyong binigay sa akin ni Pamela na kopya ng affidavit ni Molly.

I tried reading it.

Numerous of times.

But every time I did, a little part inside me died. Hindi ko magawang isipin na nangyari 'to sa kanya... and I wasn't there to protect her. I couldn't stop blaming myself for what happened... Na kung sana nasa tabi niya ako, hindi mangyayari 'to. Na kung sana nasagot ko lang 'yung tawag niya, nasabihan ko sana siya na 'wag pumunta.

In the end, I could still feel that everything could have happened differently.

Na sana buhay pa si Molly.

REPUBLIC OF THE PHILIPPINES

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

NATIONAL PROSECUTION SERVICE

OFFICE OF THE CITY PROSECUTOR

MAKATI CITY

Molly Esquivel

Complainant

vs.

Nathaniel Pierce Ramirez

Respondent.

I.S. No. 4527197 For: Rape

x--------------------------------------------------------------------------------x

COMPLAINT-AFFIDAVIT

I, Molly Tan Esquivel, Filipino, of legal age, and with residence at No. 67 Mckinley Hill, Forbes Park, Makati City, after having been duly sworn in accordance with law, hereby depose and state that:

(1) This complaint-affidavit is being filed to charge Nathaniel Pierce Ramirez a.k.a "Nathan", Filipino, of legal age, and with residence at 2211 Mckinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati City, of the crime of Rape under Article (Art.) 266 of the Revised Penal Code (RPC), committed as follows:

(a) On 25th of July 2015, at around 9:00 in the evening, I was attending a party hosted by Mia del Castillo at Shangri-La, Makati.

(b) There, I met a few people whom I knew from school. At around 11pm, I saw Nathan. We began to talk when his friend, Andres, suddenly approached us.

(c) I suddenly wanted to walk away. I knew he didn't like me especially after what happened. I didn't know why they were blaming me for what they did, but I couldn't question that. I simply just wanted to avoid them.

(d) Later on, we were joined by Nathan's other friends. They introduced themselves as if we didn't know each other. As if they weren't mad at me. But I didn't want any trouble since I knew that they all belong to powerful families. It will just make things harder for me.

(e) In an attempt to make amends, I accepted the drinks they offered. They seemed nice. I thought they were finally okay with it. We talked for a while, they asked questions, we laughed. Nathan was being weird, but his friends were funny, so I stayed.

(f) The last thing I remembered was it being past 11pm because I tried calling someone. That was the last thing I could recall.

(g) I was blindfolded. I didn't know where I was, but I knew I was in a cabin. It smelled like resin everywhere, like our vacation house in Tagaytay... and there were barks of dogs everywhere.

My breathing became labored. What the fuck was Molly talking about?! Bakit siya nilapitan ni Andres? Bakit gusto niyang umalis nung lumapit ito?

What the fuck was happening?!

Mabilis kong kinuha iyong laptop ko. I tried skimming through the past emails that Molly and I exchanged, but there was nothing she mentioned about this.

She was always happy.

She was always excited to talk to me.

Fuck. Ni hindi ko man lang natanong sa kanya kung may problema ba siya.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Sinubukan kong balikan iyong iMessages namin. I needed to find something. Kahit maliit lang. I just needed to know where to start looking. Kasi nararamdaman ko na kung anuman iyong dahilan kung bakit natakot si Molly nung lapitan siya ni Andres, may kinalaman iyon sa lahat ng nangyari.

Molly: sorry late ako, Mal

Me: it's fine. What did you do today?

Molly: wala naman...

Me: you sound downtrodden

Molly: obvious ba?

Me: yup can feel it from miles away. So whats up?

Molly: wala naman, pinatawag lang ako sa dean's office

Me: wowwww finally being rebellious?

Molly: baliw hindi. Basta may something lang, pero ayos naman na yata siya hehe

Molly: kamusta pala? Pwede ba akong dumalaw jan this summer?

I stared at the screen.

Pinatawag siya sa dean's office. It was off-putting. Molly was never the kind of student na pinapatawag sa dean's office. If anything, she's a model student.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim. If only I pushed a little; if only I was more concerned. If only I asked her what was wrong, what happened, hindi na sana umabot sa ganito.

Sinubukan ko pang maghanap sa ibang usapan namin, pero hindi na ulit nabanggit ni Molly na pinatawag siya sa dean's office. Pero sa lahat ng usapan namin, iyon lang iyong isang pagkakataon na parang problemado siya.

Hindi ako maka-tulog. Sinubukan ko, pero hindi ko magawa. Instead, I went to Molly's place. I wanted to turn the place upside down para lang malaman kung ano iyong nangyari... pero bago pa man ako makarating doon, napahinto ako nang maka-salubong ko si Nathan.

"Ary," he said upon seeing me.

I halted.

My heart almost jumped out of its cage.

"I was just worried, so I came to see you," mabilis kong sabi. Agad ko siyang nilapitan. I touched his cheek with the back of my hand, and stared at him lovingly. Bakit naman kasi sa lahat ng pagkakataon, ngayon ko pa siya nakita?! I wanted to go to Molly's unit, and find something that would enlighten the fucking situation!

Nathan smiled a little. He looked tired. Harvey was a handful, after all. Isama pa na siya mismo ay mainit pa rin sa mata ng publiko. Kahit ano'ng sabihin niya, siya pa rin ang sinisisi ng karamihan sa pagkamatay ni Molly.

"Thank you, Ary," sabi niya, pagkatapos ay hinuli ang kamay ko.

"Have you eaten dinner?" I asked kahit madaling-araw na.

Umiling siya. "Been busy the whole day," he said then kissed the back of my hand. "I'm sorry for asking you to look after Thomas."

"It's alright. It looked like he really needed someone to look after him," I replied. "Let's go somewhere. You're eating," I declared. He just smiled, and nodded.

We drove around until we found a place that's still open. Walang masyadong tao, but Nathan didn't seem to mind kahit merong nakakakilala sa kanya.

"Let's get takeout na lang," I suggested since even I could feel their eyes on Nathan.

"Why?" he asked. He was holding my hand. Kanina pa niya ayaw pakawalan kahit nung nagda-drive siya.

"They're looking at you," I said, not discreetly pointing at the people who were looking at Nathan. Kung sila nga hindi nahiya na tumingin, bakit ako mahihiya na ituro sila?

Nathan just looked at them for a second, then turned his eyes on me again. "It's alright," he said.

"Aren't you bothered?"

Umiling siya. "The case is already over, Ary. I wasn't indicted. They didn't file for an appeal. The judgment is final. That's good enough for me," sabi niya. Mabilis niyang binaling iyong atensyon sa menu habang pumipili ng pagkain.

My breathing deepened again.

Ganoon na lang? Just because he wasn't found guilty in the court of law, he'd continue on like nothing fucking happened? That no one killed herself because of him?

Na dahil lasing si Molly. That because she was too intoxicated, her statements wouldn't hold in the court of law.

Minsan, nakaka-tangina na lang.

Nasaan ang konsensya ng tao na 'to?

I quickly got my hand from his grasp. Agad siyang napa-tingin sa 'kin.

"I'll just go to the comfort room," I excused. Hindi ko lang maatim na hawakan siya. Sa tuwing pakiramdam ko ay walang kasalanan si Nathan, bigla siyang gagawa ng bagay na nakakapagpagalit sa 'kin.

Pagpasok ko, mabilis kong tinignan iyong sarili ko. I could see myself shaking slightly in anger, but I begged myself to calm down. Walang mangyayari kung papaganahin ko ang init ng ulo. I needed to be logical, to be rational, to play as if I have the upper hand when in fact, I felt like I was lost in a maze.

"Head in the game, Mall," I reminded myself. "Head in the game."

Paglabas ko, nakita ko na mayroong kape sa harap ni Nathan. There was one for me, too.

"I saw something interesting," I told him after I sat down. Tumingin siya sa akin. "Lawyer din si Thomas?" I asked, feigning surprise.

Sandali lang iyon.

Mabilis na segundo.

Pero kitang-kita ko iyong pagbabago sa mukha niya.

"I mean, I saw a couple of law books in his unit. Really didn't peg him as a lawyer. I mean, Thomas, really, of all people? He's the kind who breaks the law, not one who upholds them..." sabi ko na natatawa habang medyo naiiling.

Nathan also tried to make light of the situation, but I could clearly see that he wasn't comfortable with the situation. "He's not really a lawyer," he simply said.

"Dropped out?" I asked.

He didn't clearly respond. "It's complicated."

I just nodded. I knew I couldn't push it further.

Habang abala siyang kumain, nagsimula na akong mag-isip. Hindi lawyer si Thomas. Natakot si Molly nang lapitan siya ni Andres. Kinabahan siya ng lumapit iyong mga kaibigan ni Andres. Was she talking about Thomas, Harvey, and Blake?

Why was she called in the dean's office?

Why didn't Nathan want to tell me why Thomas wasn't a lawyer like him? Kung sabay naman pala silang pumasok sa law school?

Fuck. I was so fucking tempted to break in that fucking dean's office to look for the records!

"Will you still be busy tomorrow?" I asked while we were on the way back to the condo. He would just drop me off since kailangan niya daw umuwi sa bahay nila sa San Juan... o baka naman magkikita na naman sila.

He nodded. "Yeah..." he tiredly said. "We're trying to prepare for the pleadings."

"Do you need me to go see Thomas again?" I asked.

Umiling siya. "No," he quickly said. "Just... stay away from this, Ary. I don't want you getting involved," he said like he cared.

Tumango na lang ako, at ngumiti. Nathan kissed my forehead before leaving. Mabilis akong umakyat sa unit ni Molly. I looked for anything related to why she was called to the dean's office, but nothing turned up! Gusto ko na ring basagin iyong cellphone ko dahil hindi sumasagot si Pamela!

I was so fucking angry.

And frustrated.

I went to the secret server Pamela told me, and uploaded videos of Thomas and Sabrina. Videos Harvey surely didn't want to see.

Bahala kayong magpatayan.