I've said this a million times but this has truly been the single most cathartic writing experience of my life. No book has hit me quite as hard, as personally, or as deeply as this one has, and did so at probably the most vital time in my life.

This book means a great deal to me for many reasons. It's the version of me rarely anyone has seen. Between North Star and Waves of Us, you can truly see inside my soul in all the best and worst ways. That feels, honestly kind of scary but also freeing.

Hokulani Kahananui has been one of the easiest protagonists I've ever written because she gave me an outlet to explore myself in an honest and vulnerable way. Many of her experiences and thoughts are direct reflections of things I've experienced, especially a lot of the earlier years. Things like hiding in the bathroom during school because it caused me so many panic attacks, or dropping out of school because I knew I couldn't be there and getting judged immensely for it. I also quite enjoy writing about grief beyond immediate the aftermath. We do get to see that here in the past timeline, which was relatively new for me. But I like writing about how people have grown into their grief. Because as someone who has lost a few special people in my life, it doesn't just completely go away. Not for me, anyway. And I like showcasing how it transforms into something different over the years.

Hokulani's grief, depression, fears, and sense of belonging (or lack thereof), are all part of who I am. They're all things I struggled with and continue to do so, and writing about them has given me an outlet to explore these feelings instead of letting them bottle up inside.

Most importantly, I gave her a lot of things I didn't/don't have.

Someone very special to me once wrote about how she gave her character a loving father because she didn't have one, and she knew that no matter what, she would not put her character through that same treatment. That her character would get the father she always wished she had. And truly? That's what this book is. Hokulani had the most loving, caring, and respectful father who gave her the entire world, and writing about their relationship healed a lot of the pain I've held onto for so long because that is not what I have. Her mother was supportive and kind in every way possible. She shared the most special bond with both her sisters. This is the kind of family everyone deserves, and I will always hold the most special place in my heart for the Kahananui ohana.

Hokulani and Kanani's relationship is the real love story of North Star. Sibling relationships are often not all rainbows and sunshine. There are many ups and downs and days when you wish you were on your own. And then when you need them the most, they're the ones who show up for you. At least, that's what this particular relationship is. There are equal parts of growth and love, and I think that's something we need to see more of.

Kaipo is my other MVP. Truly. Callback to the other paragraph? Yeah, I write the kind of men I wish I had in my life. Kaipo is one of them. In my opinion, Kaipo and Hoku are platonic soulmates. Their relationship is one of my favorites I've written—built upon trust and understanding, and every good word you can think of—and I'm so glad they resonated with so many of you. Having a friend you can experience all of the messiest parts of life with and not worry about feeling judged is what we all need in life, and I'm happy these two have each other.

One particular aspect that changed their relationship from what I originally had planned was the pregnancy. In the original outline, Kanani was the only one that got pregnant, and she terminated the pregnancy. However, that idea changed for many reasons, one of which was the Supreme Court's decision to overturn Roe V. Wade. That decision, as well as the ripple effect that has taken place and continues to do so, solidified my decision to write about an abortion and the emphasis on choice. We see two people get the chance to make the right decision for themselves, and we get to see their partner in the situation support them with it. That was very necessary to me. This aspect of the story will never be up for debate. It is what it is, and will always be the right choice I made for this book.

Nikau. Oh, Nikau. I need to learn how to write romantic interests with flaws because I just don't seem to know how to? They're all perfect. I love him so dearly. I love writing about men who are supportive, and respectful, and trustworthy, and everything they need to be at the right time. Timing is a funny thing, isn't it? From the very beginning, I knew they weren't going to walk off into the sunset together. They both have things they need to do on their own. And that's not some commentary on "if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else" bullshit because that's not true. They very much love each other, and that's why they say goodbye. Not all goodbyes are forever. This book was open-ended, but I know where they both end up. I think their story "ends" quite happily.

This is a book I'm so proud of. Every single word. I deserve to write long-ass domestic books about Native Hawaiian characters who struggle with their mental health and suffer through the same hardships so many people deny exist because they want to paint my home as paradise. I get to write books that depict brown and Hawaiian characters as the well-rounded, lovable, and beautiful people they are. And hey! They don't center white people in Hawai'i as the victim! (I'm rambling here, but this needs to be reiterated for those who think they have the right to portray Hawaiians as the bad guys in their books.)

Writing about Hawai'i and Hawaiians will always be what I do best. It'll always be where my writing feels most at home. And I truly thank everyone who's given these stories a chance—for giving me a chance to be heard. It means so much more than I will ever be able to explain.

Jordan and Katie, the loves of my life. Everything I do is for you. I mean that. This book would not be what it is without you both by my side. You are always there for me, day in and day out, and have saved my life so much more than I could possibly explain. Knowing I have you two by my side for the long run makes life infinitely better, and I cannot imagine my life without you. Thank you for seeing all of the best and worst parts of me and loving me anyway. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love truly means. Thank you for being my north star. Sad girl libra squad for life.

Marta and Jaliyah, thank you for being the best readers a writer and friend could ever ask for. Your genuine and astute observations and thoughts about this story, especially relevant to the character of Hokulani, have been the biggest joy of this writing experience. I cannot thank you enough for your comments and constant support.

Cate violadavis my wife. I don't know if you realize how much your unforgettable talent has inspired me and will continue to do so, but reading Final Room—please, please read this if you haven't already; it's simply the best and one of my favorite books I've ever read—while writing this has been such an undeniable inspiration. Writing a character-driven story on Wattpad often feels like a mistake because I'm constantly told it doesn't do well (literally repeatedly told lmao), so being able to write one alongside one of my favorite writers of all time (I mean this so sincerely) has gotten me through some of those difficult days when I can't come up with the words. I'll genuinely just sit down and reread some of those chapters and feel everything click inside me. Like, I enjoy most books I read because I can be pretty selective sometimes, mostly due to my limited time and attention span, but there's always something that clicks with me with each story she graces us with, and I always leave feeling so satisfied, entertained, and touched by her characters and stories. Final Room in particular feels like it came to me at just the right time in my life when I can truly sit and process my own thoughts and emotions about this beautifully character driven story. So, for anyone else reading this, although these are two very different stories, if you have at all enjoyed this one, I would highly recommend you read Final Room, as well as any other of Cate's works. She puts her heart and soul into these books and writes about the human experience in such a profound way. You'll fall in love no matter which masterpiece you devour first, and you'll leave feeling like you learned something about yourself. Thank you for always having my back. I love you.

And most importantly—

This story is dedicated to Uncle Keith and Tom, two men who weren't in my life for as long as I wish they could have been, but whom I will always hold deep in my heart. To my uncle for showing us incredible strength in his fight against cancer and whose presence is wholly missed, and to Tom for being a father figure to me at a time I needed one most. You're both so loved and so missed. Bigger than the whole sky.

If you've made it this far, mahalo for your support. I sincerely hope this story touched you as much as it did me.

A hui hou,

Steph