~Do Kyungsoo~

I looked at the drawing and felt my face heat up. Namamawis din yung mga kamay ko at hirap akong huminga. I frowned and my hands started to shake as sweat appeared on my forehead. 

Hindi ko alam kung anong ginawa ni Kai sakin. He's giving me a feeling i never felt before. Something foreign... something dangerous.

Paano ko ba idedescribe?

"Jongin," i whispered without looking away from the drawing. "Ano bang ginagawa mo?" napabuntong hininga ako saka finold yung drawing. Inilagay ko ito sa bulsa ng jacket ko saka humiga nalang ulit sa sleeping bag.

Tumagilid ako saka napatingin sa duffel bag sa isang dulo ng tent. There's the blue rose Kim Jongin gave me a while ago and i stared at it without reaching out. It looks so beautiful and everything. It's.. too beautiful and yet...

He said I'm more beautiful.

Hindi ko maintindihan si Kai... si Jongin. Ginugulo niya ako.

Maybe I'll rest my thoughts for a while. Maybe I'll forget about this feeling the moment i wake up.

Hindi pa ako nakakatulog nang bumukas yung zipper ng tent. It's a good thing my back is facing the opening of the tent and so i kept my eyes shut and tried to breathe normally. I clenched the collar of my jacket and tried not to move.

"Tulog na siya?" mahinang bulong ni Kai sa sarili niya. He sighed and started to fix his bed, i think. I exhaled a troubled breath and tensed when i felt his presence just behind me.

"Did he see the drawing?" he whispered and i can feel him hovering. Jusko. Ano ba to. Pakiusap, ilayo niyo siya. ILAYO NIYO!

And very suddenly, i felt his hand over my forehead. "Kyungsoo?" he called and i tried hard not to say anything. "You feel... hot." he said and that's when i realized how red my face already is. He tapped my cheek. "Kyung?" he called again and that's when i tried to whimper.

Kunwari nga tulog diba?

"W-what?" i groaned without opening my eyes. Nice try, Kyungsoo.

"Gising." he said and tapped my face again. "Wake up."

"What?" tanong ko and this time, i opened my eyes just to see his face a few inches from mine. He looked at me with pure concern and my eyes went wide. I pulled back and felt his other arm behind me. I'm trapped. I can't move back. 

"You okay?" he asked and his breath is so fresh i felt my eyes close a sec. "Namumula ka saka ang init mo. Are you okay, Kyungsoo?" he asked again and i looked up at him, unable to say anything.

He's so close... too close.

"Huy." sabi niya saka lumayo konti. He gazed at my face and touched my forehead again. "Say something." And that's when i blinked my eyes and cleared my throat.

"You." i whispered. "Y-you did this."

Kim Jongin frowned and pulled back to sit. Nakatingin siya ng maigi sakin habang nagtataka talaga ang mukha. Agad akong umupo saka kinuha yung drawing mula sa bulsa ko.

"What's this?" i asked and looked at him. I showed him the drawing and made him look at it.

Jongin looked at it and gulped. "A drawing?" he answered and i rolled my eyes.

"Seryoso ako, Kai." sagot ko saka tinignan siya ng maigi. "I came back here and this is what i saw. Akala ko drawing lang... pero..." then i glanced at the note below it. "W-what are you trying to say?"

Kim Jongin didn't say anything. Umiwas siya ng tingin saka huminga ng malalim. Mukhang wala pa ata akong balak sagutin ah.

"You make me so confused, Kai." i finally said. "I never felt something like this before and you're making everything hard for me."

Jongin looked down and played with the hem of his shirt. He may look cute now but I can't be distracted from the main problem here. He's being quiet and i don't like his peace.

"Your actions... your words... the way you look at me." i whispered and looked at him pleadingly. "Ano bang meron, Kim Jongin? Why are you like this?"

Kai finally looked up at me and his eyes are very serious. Nakatingin lang siya sakin at pakiramdam ko, mamumula nanaman ako. And no matter how dangerous his eyes are, i can't look away. I can't make myself look away from him.

"You don't have to know." he finally said and i can tell that he's somewhat annoyed.

I shook my head. "Ano? Bakit hindi mo masagot ha?" inis na sabi ko. I can feel my anger and frustration building up already.

"Kyungsoo, you don't know me." he said firmly and looks at me in the eyes when he said it.

"Alam ko!" i shouted. "I know i don't know you and you're making things harder for me. I want to know you, Kai. I want to know you more but you continue to push me away."

He remained silent as he studied my face.

Napahilamos ako ng mukha saka umiwas ng tingin. "I want to know... what is this." i whispered and suddenly, Jongin's eyes started to soften. "I want to know why you're making me feel like this and why... it's only you who could do this to me."

"K-kyung..."

"I told you before right, that there are things that i can't understand." i said and sighed. "Matalino ako pero may mga bagay na kahit kelan, hindi ko magets. And this feeling is one of those many things, Kim Jongin." i looked at him intently and waited for him to meet my eyes.

I want to see his eyes. I want to see the emotion in them.

"Kai," i called quietly and he did look at me. He gazed at my face and suddenly, he's so lonely and sad and confused at the same time. "Tell me." i murmured.

I leaned into him so i could be closer. "Please... tell me--"

And suddenly, i felt his hands on either of my shoulders. He pushed me hard on the tent floor and my head hit the soft pillow over my sleeping bag. I gasped and grabbed his arm. Kim Jongin looked at me intently and i stared back at him. He held me in place me and when i tried to fight him, he leaned down and planted his lips on mine.

I was stunned and unable to move. He's kissing me and my eyes went wide with shock and my body tensed.

This is not happening.

And yet, his soft lips against mine tells me that it's not a dream. That this is real. He is real.

This moment... is real.

Jongin pulled back just a few inches to look at me. His eyes are wide and cautious. He looked at me and slowly pulled back. "Kyung..." he whispered and shook his head, "I-I'm... I'm sorry."

Then he ran out of the tent.