(Highly recommended song for chapter: Sweeter Place - Selena Gomez ft Kid Cudi)

Lonin Laura Ogbugo.

"If he did it the first time, he can always do it again." I reread the quote on the pink cardboard with shaky hands.

Who sent this to me?

How do they know?

Who sent this to me?

I squeezed up the cardboard in my hand and picked up the envelope it'd come in.

I didn't need this type of negativity first thing in the morning.

This was probably a prank.

He would never hit me again. It was just a mistake on his part.

He'd lost his job at Saint Joseph, he was just frustrated and tired and I'd forgiven him..

He wouldn't hurt me again, it was just a slap... He wouldn't do it again.

But, who sent this to me?

••

"I'm just saying baby, I lost my job why do you have to keep yours?" Joshua grumbled loudly as he ate.

This wasn't the first time he was bringing up my job at Emerald Academy, certainly won't be the last. But this was the first time he was being so direct about it.

Other times he'd sugar coated it and I always thought he was just kidding, because if I quit how would we survive?

"Josh, you know I can't do that. You're currently unemployed, I can't add myself to the list of unemployed Nigerians right now. We need my salary." It was my words, it was my fault.

Why didn't I know I'd hurt him?

"The list of unemployed Nigerians? What the damn does that mean huh?" His plate flew across the dinning table and landed on the floor, I moved my chair backwards and dropped my fork in shock, baffled by his actions.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I mean-"

"-We? We need your salary?! Damnit Lonin, you! You need your salary to keep up with your lavish lifestyle! To keep up with it so you can attract one of those shameless old men your mother wanted to marry you off to!"

Why was he so angry?

I'd apologized, I was sorry.

"But Josh, I don't live lavishly. I don't do any of that, I'm sorry for labeling your predicament, I'm so sorry. Please calm down." I stood up and walked over to meet him, I probably should not have done that.

He stood up immediately and glared down at me,

"My predicament? God dammit Lonin, what did I do to you tonight? I just asked you quit your job and you're throwing insults at me? Damn it, what's wrong with you!?"

What's wrong with me?

He's right, I was throwing insults.. But not on purpose, he should understand that.

"Joshua please, calm down. I can't quit at Emerald Academy. You know I can't. We're planning for a baby and that baby will need to survive." He grabbed my hand, tightly.

His grip was painful but I couldn't complain, I'd put my self in this situation.

He dragged me towards our bedroom and tossed me down unto the bed. His hands soon fumbled with his belt and I crawled away from him.

If he wanted sex, I wasn't ready for that...

"Baby? Planning for a baby? You think I'll be unemployed for ever? Is that it? You think you'll be able to deceive me to raise one of those shameless men child?"

What was he talking about?

"Joshua, you're not thinking straight. I've never cheated on you, I'd never cheat on you so why are you always bringing up old men? I don't think you'll be unemployed forever... " He pulled out his belt.

"What are you doing? Please, I don't want to have sex with you right now." I know some people would argue that a good wife is meant to always be ready and eager to receive her husband.

And I was that wife, but right now. I just didn't want to.

Does that make me a bad wife now?

"Oh, but you'd rather let an old man fuck you right? Right!" He threw the belt on the bed and seconds later he'd grabbed me again.

He was suddenly so fast and agile.

He twisted my hand from my shoulder joint after raising me up and I screamed out in pain.

"I'd never do that!"

"How can I be so sure? You're attracted to the wealthy right? Now I'm not wealthy, you're going to leave me, I can't lose you. Please understand."

The tone change was so dramatic, it was like an off switch had been turned on in him, so I understood him.

I did.

"I do, I'm so sorry. " I didn't even know what I was apologizing for. But it hurt, his grip was so painful and it hurt.

He needed to calm down right now, because he was hurting me.

"You're crying? Damn Lonin, I'm sorry." He dropped me.

My hand still hurt.

"Lonin please look at me, I don't know what got into me. I'm so sorry, this won't happen again. I promise."

I believed him. Even though he'd continued talking,

"You know it's your fault, lately you piss me off so much and I'm trying. "

I forgave him.
••

He liked walking round me, every time he accused me, he always walked round me like I was a prey he was getting ready to devour...

And I usually was.

I always fell for it, one wrong word and he'd slap me.

I didn't understand, who replaced my husband with this monster?

|•|•|

They say you're meant to make mistakes so you'll learn from them, why wasn't I learning?

When would I ever learn?

It was my fault, I know that now but I did it with good intentions. I wanted to help, I wanted the abuse to end.

I told my mother.

I told her to help him, pull some strings and get his job back. If she couldn't, she could help him get another.

Joshua was very skilled, he was hardworking too. It was just an accident, he didn't want his patient to die, it was just a one time thing and they had to fire him, or be sued.

Sounded like a propaganda against him when I heard it, but it wasn't.

A simple mistake that had caused a patient's life... I was deeply sorry and saddened by his death, I could understand what his parents must've felt... But I still feel like it was blown out of proportion.

The hate he received, the death threats, the backlash when he'd publicly apologized. They were all blown out.

My mom promised she would, I begged her not to inform him that she was helping but.... Why did I trust her?

She'd always disliked my husband.

She'll now forever hate my husband.

So when Joshua came home two days later, drunk and smelling I knew she'd spilled.

He didn't drink, unless he was angry.

My mother always made him angry.

He'd grabbed my neck, slurred out compliments about my body and slapped me, quite contradicting but I finally realized I couldn't keep forgiving him.

"She knew I was unemployed, she only bugged me about how you'd leave me one day but now thanks to you! I'd never hear the last of this! Why the fuck are you so stupid!"

Exactly, why the fuck was I so stupid?

How didn't I realize my mother was behind his abuse, the person I'd hoped could end this had actually started this.

It was her fault and not his, how could I be so stupid. Meeting her for help, when she'd started all these.

So I forgave him.

I didn't say a word while we had sex, I didn't query his former anger when he later mentioned he'd resume on Monday.

I was just glad, happy... He would return back to normal and this dark phase in our lives would finally be over.

When would I ever learn.

••

Teachers at Emerald Academy were noticing.

The excessive makeup did nothing to conceal the bumps from fresh slaps.

A student had even questioned me while teasing me about my clumsiness,

Her name was Munachi, according to the stories I've heard... She was once like me.

Quiet, meek.... Lonely.

Now she was stronger, far more stronger than she was the first day I met her.

I loved the relationships I shared with most students, especially the female students. They were like friends I could advice and talk to.

They were the only reasons I had refused to quit.

I wish I had, my death wouldn't had hurt them half as much as it did.

••

He was cheating.

I couldn't forgive that.

I would've been able to ignore it if they weren't dated back to the days he was accusing me of being unfaithful.

It was the final load that broke the camel's back.

I wanted a divorce.

I was going to get a divorce.

•••••

He didn't want to, I didn't understand why.

He'd hit me countless times, slapped me, beat me, raped me. Cheated on me and he still thought I didn't deserve the right to be set free.

The guilt tripping never worked, no matter what he was going to say.

I know I loved him, I really loved him. Loved him to the point where I was blind.

But not anymore.

•|•

I moved out, I had my own flat.

I didn't tell anyone in Emerald Academy, but I really wish I'd told Mrs Ojukwu I wanted to move into the staff quarters in the school.

If I did, I'd still be alive.

•••°🥺

He found me, the former love of my life found me and he'd come drunk and angry.

Later on I found out it was because of a silly thing, his side chick had dumped him. She'd upgraded to a politician.

I'd died because a side chick used and dumped him.

I wasn't expecting anyone so I was careful to stare into the peephole before even thinking of opening the door.

And there he was, with his knees on the floor and his hands up on his forehead in a begging manner.

He'd fooled me once again.

He'd fool me never again.

When would I ever learn.

I made the mistake of opening the door and till tomorrow, I'll forever wish I hadn't.

I didn't want to die then, I still don't want to be dead now.

I want to go back. I want to see my students one last time.

I want to understand from Munachi's perspective why she was always going to choose Rooney.

I want to heal Arthur, he was a good kid. I wish I could be there.

I miss the staff room gossip, the coffee, the old lady who always stared at me with pity in her eyes at church.

She was the one who'd sent the pink cardboard a long time ago.

She had once been a victim too. Until she stabbed her abusive husband.

I miss everyone. Most importantly I miss my mom,

I wish I could have been around to comfort her during her loss.

But I couldn't, I was the loss.

She'd lost me.

Because I was never prepared, I didn't even have an idea of what he wanted so late at night.

I was never prepared to be strangled instantly,

For the door to be locked while he did so, I didn't expect him to slap me and throw me down like I was a worthless piece of rag.

He kicked me, it hurt.. But what hurt the most was how I didn't understand then.

Why was this happening, I hadn't said a word to him before this abuse started, I didn't hurt him with my words.. So why was this happening to me?

What did I do to deserve this.

I lost count of the number of times he'd kicked me.

Later on, I found out I was kicked sixty six times.

I would've died anyways from internal bleeding.

"You fucking hoe! You left me now she left me! Why couldn't you had stayed! I loved you Godamnit Lonin! You should've fucking stayed! You can't leave me! I love you. "

The irony. But stupid me just had to realize it, a little too late.

If he loved me he wouldn't have ever hit me.

If he loved me, he wouldn't be kicking me right then.

If he loved me, I'll still be alive right now.

I couldn't even scream for help, I was breathless. Exhausted. In pain.

Made it easy for him to pick me up, slap me and kiss me with his alcohol breath.

My last memory on Earth was Joshua Philips, drunk, angry, kissing me to death.

Because I didn't know when he did it but I felt it, I felt it when he slammed my head against the wall and the pain I thought I was feeling from his kicks and slaps and everything from the beginning was nothing compared to what I felt next.

It hurt, it really hurt and I didn't want to die like this.

No one wants to die like this...

Please Lord, end this pain. I had silently begged.

He slammed me again, and again and I tried to scream but I watched blood spill out from my mouth.

Watched because it wasn't my body anymore.

Watched because I could feel myself leave.

The last words I heard on Earth was him yelling out with tears in his eyes. "I loved you Lonin! Godamnit. I did!"

Then he dropped me, my body was on fire as I could feel it twist and turn in violent convulsions .

It hurt. It truly hurt.

My head, my stomach, my back, my neck, my cheeks.

I begged the Lord to take the pain away.

I don't regret it but I wish I knew that was the only way he could end it.

I wish I knew I'd die that night, because I would've never said 'yes' to him... When be was down on one knee with a ring in his hand.

I would've never tolerated everything.

I would've told someone in Emerald Academy, they were all nice.

I wish I'd told someone. Because no matter what.

I wasn't ready to leave.

🙂•••

Fin. (Literally)

A/N
This chapter was inspired by three things.
1) A case where two Nigerian doctors forgot a towel [gauze] and scissors in a patient (2016)
2) Women who've lost their lives to domestic violence.
3) My love for Laura.

I know it comes across as sudden and even somewhat unnecessary for us to know, I know a lot of us would have preferred to never know what happened to Laura anyways in book 2 but it isn't sudden, I knew this was always going to happen from the day she showed off her ring. In fact, I knew before I even knew who wins the love triangle. She was in the beginning because she was the end.

It's also very necessary because I built her up to be liked and loved by characters and readers, I needed it to hit home. Because sometimes we hear about 2) but they're just names on newspapers and no one really feels the loss, no one grieves so no one really understand how evil domestic violence is.

Anyways. I miss Laura.