Do it..
Jump over.
Don't.
Jump!
Don't do it..
Jump now.

No one would miss you...
Rooney would.
Do you really believe that?
No.

He kissed you...
Why?
He invaded your personal space,
How dare him?!

You didn't give him permission to touch you,
Yet he did.

No one listens, you ask for a bit of attention... You crave it and no one gives you!

He gave you!
He kissed you!

How dare him!!?

Now jump...
Escape...
Be free...

Jum-

"-Munachi, stop! I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry." His voice halted her, with her back facing him and her second leg frozen in the air over the wall, she turned to look at him.

Rooney..

How did he get here?
How did you get here?

Where are you?

"Go back..." She muttered quietly, looked down and sighed.

It was pitch black, she was staring down at an empty space...

It could perfectly describe how she felt right now..
Why did she feel like this?

It was just a simple kiss...
A kiss she didn't ask for... But still, just a kiss none the less.

Yet, how dare him? What gave him the right to do such to her?
You gave him that right.

She dropped her second leg and turned her face away from him, stretched her legs first then crossed her feet.

"Munachi please, don't do this.. Please. " Rooney begged her, his knees immediately touching the ground before he could complete that sentence.

Munachi turned again and watched him... She felt different as she tilted her head backwards.

"Why, why, why did you do it? Why don't you love me?" She whispered quietly, feeling breathless as she did so and he sprang up.

"I do, I really do. Please don't do this, I love you... Don't end your life. " He was quick to wrap his shaking hands round her stiff body, slowly trying to hug her..

He dare not attempt to drag her down..
He couldn't risk losing her.

"Mother doesn't. Tomorrow is her birthday. She doesn't love me and I'm her daughter! I didn't do anything wrong! " Munachi didn't feel like she had control over her words, it all felt preplanned to her.

The way she yelled at her friend, the first guy whose 'privates' she touched, the only guy, it felt like this was an event that was meant to be happening an event that she had no opinion in.

"Of course you didn't! You're too innocent to do anything wrong, I'm sorry for everything.. I'm sorry. Please don't do this. " He begged her. Head resting down on her shoulder with eyes that expressed raw fear, he looked beautiful.

But she couldn't understand why he looked like he was fading away, why he looked so white.. He looked pale.

Why?

Why was he this fair?

Why was he so ashen?

Why was he holding her?

Why'd he pick her?... Why'd he pick you to use?

... You are stupid, worthless, useless... Why'd he pick you?

You're not worth his attention, time or effort.. You don't deserve anything but a painful death, you stupid coward.

"I'm not a coward,I'm just scared to die, I want to die,but I can't do it.. I ca-can- can't.. I..ca..can't kill my self. Just let go of me! Let me go!" She screamed, trying to shut down the inner voice in her head and pushed him backwards,

Her hands detaching slowly from his body as she felt her self loose balance on the high wall,

She'd done it, she'd jumped.

Not intentionally, but still... She was falling and that was what it wanted... What the voice in her head wanted.

Why couldn't she scream?!

Why was he screaming her name now as he stared down from where she'd sat? Why wasn't she screaming?

Why didn't she feel anything?

She was about to die, yet she didn't feel anything...

Maybe this was what peace felt like... Maybe she wasn't going to hell like her mother always claimed..

Maybe, she was going to heaven and this was the calm quiet path to heaven.

Rooney's voice slowly hushed as she plunged down to her death, time moved slowly.. Her red house gown flying up while she moved down..

It felt like she was floating down on air with the way her eyes easily picked up the tiny semi molecular particles around her.

But no, she was actually falling.

She was falling to her death.

Maybe now, she could make mama proud.

She briefly shut her eyes and a ghost smile began to form on her lips at that thought but the loud chilling scream compelled her to snap them open again.

"Never!"

"You can never make me proud, I hate you,I hate your very existence. Just die already. " Her mother's voice yelled, her ghost smile disappeared quickly and at once a face rapidly began to form in a distance so far up, she shouldn't had seen it so clearly but yet she did.

Curly eyebrows, rough and scattered...
Just the way she liked them. Plucking stray hairs off was never an option.

Dark brown eyes with straight and full lashes that protected those beautiful eyes.

Eyes that always glared at her with un readable hatred.... But the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen.

A tiny button nose, a dark black birthmark on the crook of her perfect nose. A birthmark that strangely duplicated on her father's nose.

Outlined upper lip, dark upper lip... Red lower lip...

Flawless lips..That always yelled out vile words at her.

But still, the lips that owned the most breathtaking smile Munachi rarely saw...

Never had she seen it aimed at her.

... Except moments when she flashed back..

Munachi saw it all.
And even though her mother's voice had yelled out those words.

She smiled again, so much that her teeth gleamed, grateful that at least the last thing she saw before her permanent departure from Earth, was her mother's face.

Her mother's beautiful face, the same face that she saw everytime she stared into the mirror.

Now she could die... And she could die happily.

Her eyes fluttered close and she felt her head smash against something.

She didn't feel it, but she also felt it.. Felt like she'd hit something hard but yet.. Soft, still she didn't feel anything behind her head, it was meant to hurt and she knew it hurt..

She felt it hurt but didn't feel it hurt. She felt abstract but, still felt alive... Whatever she'd touched felt like an extra heartbeat she didn't need, a heartbeat that seemed to violently jerk her body.

So she let out a deafening shout as she felt excruciating yet simple pain rush through her veins, it was agonizing yet basic. Then her eyes snapped open.

She didn't die.
You're still alive.

Her back wasn't on her bed: it was inches above the red bed sheet on her foam, and her two feet were in the position to push her up from her bed on her bed. Her right hand felt chained to her pillow and her left hand taped to her bed.

Why was she like this?

Where was she?

Where's mother?

"Munachi! Are you okay?! What happened?" She heard a voice suddenly question her. It sounded close, too close.

A bright light shone directly above her head, temporarily blinding her for a few seconds before she blinked multiple times, trying to get the black dots that were blocking her vision out of her sight

That was the only thing she could do since she couldn't move her hands, her legs felt bloodless, she couldn't feel them.

But why?

"Munachi talk to us! What happened, say something! " A tiny voice yelled and shook her.

Shook her so roughly, she felt inward hinges pop.

Her body hurt.

With a groan, her legs dropped and her hands moved.

She turned to look at her savior... Saviors and smiled at her new two friends in pajamas.

They smiled back.

"Come, Numb. What happened, why did you shout like that?! I'm sure you've woken up everyone in this hostel, maybe blue house boys join. What's your problem!?" Someone at the far corner of her dorm yelled at her and Munachi wished that her dream wasn't just a dream anymore.

Wished that she'd actually jumped down, wished that she didn't have to listen to another girl scream at her...

Everyone always yelled her her, made her feel worthless and disgusting.. She now wished she'd actually died.

Wished that she didn't exist.

Wished her mother was here...

Wished her mother loved her.

"Mummy." Munachi croaked out and tears dropped from her two eyes.

She was crying...

She was feeling an emotion.

She was feeling sorrowful.

What was Rooney doing to her?!

"Silvana, she's crying." Jasmine whispered quietly to Silvana.

Silvana nodded and switched off her rechargeable LED lantern... No one needed to see her.

"Shh... Don't cry, today we'll all go home.. You'll see your mummy soon. Shh. " Silvana cooed before she hugged Munachi.

She didn't understand... No one understood.

Munachi wasn't home sick..

She had a phobia for her home... Had a phobia of staying in a place that reminded her of how unwanted she was.

"Is that why you're crying? In less than twelve hours, you'll probably be at home.. I don't know if you live in this state but anyhow, in twenty four hours.. You'll be at home, chilling and watching Netflix, Face Booking, WhatsApping, Instagramming, going out, shopping.. Taking selfies with your friends, posting them, taking Snapchat shots of your favorite meals, don't worry.. Don't cry. You'll soon do all these and see mummy again." Jasmine told her, worsening the situation instead of fixing it.

Munachi couldn't remember the last time she'd cried but after hearing Jasmine describe normal activities that normal people her age did, while she remained indoors without friends, electronics, gadgets, internet just text books and more textbooks, it triggered a need she rarely felt.. made her heart feel heavy and her throat clog up.

Made her want to cry more about how pitiable her life really was.

This was probably the second time she'd felt the urge to cry as much as she did now, in all her years alive.

Just because Jasmine had ignorantly spoken.

"Jasmine you made it worst. " Silvana scolded and in the darkness, Jasmine received a smack on the back of her head.

"Oow! What did I sa- Ohmigosh... I'm so sorry, I forgot... You're... Numb, you're lonely but don't worry about all that anymore.. We're here for you, you have friends now. Me, Silvan-" Jasmine didn't get the chance to finish her sentence before Silvana interrupted in the same low tone Jasmine was using,

Jasmine didn't like the way Belema had yelled at Munachi earlier on.

Not like, she was the only one that woke up.

And now, they weren't whispering just so Belema could peacefully sleep back.
But because they didn't want the gossip of eight grade B listening in on their private conversation.

"-And Rooney. We can plan something over the holidays and you'll have a fun mid term break."

At the mention of his name, Munachi remembered the kiss they shared.. Remembered how her first kiss was.

It was something major and she was sure that was what had triggered her dream..

Triggered her nightmare, anything that involved her dying could be perfectly termed as a night mare to her... Then again, today was really her mother's birthday.

He'd asked her permission, she didn't grant it but neither did she decline it...

She'd even closed her eyes when it happened and tried to kiss him back.

Failed to kiss him back.

So, why did she have a nightmare that was centered on the kiss?

If the kiss was a good thing why have a bad dream?

"Shay! Let's plan it well jor. Rooney's brothers are throwing a party in Rooney them's house. Let's meet there. They throw the best party ever. " Jasmine almost blew their cover by whispering loudly and Silvana wiped Munachi's tears with her pajamas sleeves before she switched back on her lantern.

" Where's their house? If it's not in Ibadan I can't come. " Silvana's volume increased a bit.

Munachi wasn't crying anymore. Belema or any one of their roommates could pay attention now, if they weren't sleeping... Now they had no news to spread and no reason to mock her.

"They have many houses everywhere oh. One's in Lagos, Island only oh, not even in mainland, another is in Ibadan and another is in Jos.. It's spread out, they're very rich. That's why all the Edwins have useless. " Munachi's eyes snapped up once the word 'useless' left Jasmine's lips.

"Who's useless? " Munachi asked.

"Rooney them.. They're spoilt rich kids. They're useless now-"

"-Rooney's not spoilt. " Munachi defended him quickly and they both smirked at her, Jasmine's curly thick eyebrow shooting up as she did so.

"Of course. His wife must disagree." Silvana teased her with a chuckle.

Munachi understood and looked down, a real life smile playing on her lips.

"Abi oh. See how she na said it fast fast. Munachi, yes eh.. Rooney's kind small, but he's rude big." Jasmine emphasized on 'big' and Munachi giggled.

She was giggling more often now.

Rooney, what was he doing to her?

"I know. I've noticed, most times when we see each other he's probably about to insult someone or push someone, he now has this stupid scowl... Which disappears every time he sees me, I don't understand him.. He's so unpredictable sometimes, like the time he kissed me yesterday, we were talking an-" Munachi probably just spoke the most words they've ever heard her say yet they didn't notice that, instead they were hung up on the knowledge she'd just blurted out to them in her grinning moment.

They kissed.
Rooney kissed Munachi.

"-You guys kissed! " Jasmine yelled loudly and groans erupted from every corner in their dorm.

"Keep quiet now. "

"Please now. "

"Somebody wants to sleep. "

"Who kissed who? " Belema stuck out from the crowd, a red light flickered from her bunk and she jumped down.

Her feet barely touching the ground before she ran to them.

"Give me the deeds oh! Munachi kissed who? Ehen. Talk na, why are you people na looking at me like that? Shuu! I kill person?!" Belema exclaimed with a sly smile directed at Munachi, Silvana wondered why she didn't call her Numb... As usual.

"What happened to Numb? So it's Munachi when you want gist, meaning you even know her name... And yet you'll be tagging her as Numb, why?" Silvana asked sternly with a disapproving look on her face, she wasn't known to keep things locked in.. She always voiced out her thoughts, maybe that was why she was tagged a talkative.

Belema eyed her slowly, rolling her eyes repeatedly at Silvana before hissing loudly.

"You too Belema, shut up, you're making noise. It's just two am, somebody wants to sleep! Ah! " Faith, one of their roommates yelled, Jasmine grinned.

Finally, someone reasoned properly.

"Nawa oh. Eat me! Eat me alive you stupid people. Somebody has no right to be as loud as they want because you're roommates with them?! Nonsense. " Belema was frustrated, she sounded frustrated.

How dare them yell at her?

She was betrothed to a billionaire's son!

She could make a call and be out of here in a jiffy... Well, they would all gawk at the fleet of cars that'll arrive to pick her up soon.

Then she'll be even.

"You're even making more noise, please just go back to bed. " Patricia pleaded with her former-acquaintance-turn-new-friend, she couldn't even classify her as her friend yet because they didn't talk in school, at all, Belema didn't return her waves at school, never said 'hi' when they walked past each other, they only ever talked in their hostel, all their conversations to date always centered around Belema asking for permission to use her perfumes, eat her biscuits and drink her juice... Requests that she, Belema always turned down whenever someone asked her.

"Ugh! Whatever! After today I won't see you losers again for a complete week. " Belema groaned and returned to her bunk.

"Bla bla bla. She's gone. How was you two's first kiss? " Silvana grinned at Munachi and she felt her cheek heat up. She was getting uncomfortable now and didn't want to discuss something personal again.

She didn't want to blab about her first kiss anymore, she didn't want news to get back to Rooney that she couldn't keep secrets, she'd even blurted that out by accident.

"No, not that kiss, he kissed my cheek." Munachi lied, Jasmine frowned.

"Oh.. "

"Guess that's cool. Sorta? " Silvana muttered. Munachi smiled at her and closed her eyes, she shifted away from them and turned in the opposite direction.

"Sorry for waking you up. " She apologized and blinked, she was shutting them out and shutting down.

She didn't feel sleepy anymore and she was also scared of having the same nightmare.. Sleeping was actually the last thing on her mind, she just wanted to be alone all of a sudden.

"Um.. It's cool, goodnight. " Jasmine said awkwardly and stood up from her bed.

She didn't understand Munachi's abrupt mood change, but who was she to lay a complain? They just recently became friends.

"Hmn. Well, it's cool... Talk to you later on and oh, if you want to talk about your bad dream.. We're here for you. " Silvana scrunched her lips together and walked away, this girl was sure confusing.

Munachi smiled in the new darkness, she sure handled that well.

•°•

" I've been looking all round this damn school for you. " He dragged her hand back and she turned to blink at him.

"Rooney... " She mouthed to him and he stared at her eyes, the dark absorbing orbs that seemed to be sucking him in.

Why were you looking for me?

Those eyes seemed to ask him, the eye language was back again in full force and he could swear that she'd truly asked him that and he wasn't imagining it.

"I haven't seen you since morning, why'd you stab (miss)breakfast? You weren't even in your class all through out? What's up? " With her hand still in his he walked down the stairs. She didn't complain, didn't say a word, she just walked down with him.

Followed him out their building and cornered the building with him.

"Well, talk. I'm listening. Where have you been since? " He dropped her hand once they were in his hidden walkway, she dropped her gaze from his face.

She didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't even want to see him or anyone, especially today...

Munachi didn't go to the cafeteria for breakfast because she just didn't want to see anyone, she went straight to school with her school bag strapped against her back, locked her self in the staffroom with the excuse of helping form teachers who hadn't finished preparing their first half results prepare theirs, all because she didn't want to explain to anyone how watching parents walk in with smiles on their face as they asked around for their wards' classes affected her.

All through out her days in this boarding school, her mother had never come to visit her, expecting her to pick her up was like expecting Jupiter to fall on Earth.

It was impossible. And now everywhere she looked, she saw women with proud smiles plastered on their faces as they collected their children's result, every time she brought back her own result to her mother she always hissed and continued scrolling down her phone... Her mother could never be proud of her.

She could never make anyone proud.

"Munachi, you're not listening. "Rooney rubbed his hand against her collarbone snapping her back to reality and she shook her head in effect.

It was when she noticed the long file in his hand, then it all dawned on her.

"They've come for you? " The way she'd asked sounded childish in his ears,

Who's the they? My mother or my older siblings?

But still, it made him smile.. Finally, she was back from that haze she'd trapped her self in.

"Yes, my brother. He signed and, I'm going soon. We're going soon. " He added the last part when he remembered he had older siblings in this school with him.

It wasn't always so easy for him to forget the twins existed since girls also attended Emerald Academy, moments like this were formerly impossible but now they were rare... Especially whenever he was with Munachi.

With her he didn't live under anyone's shadows, he was a moth drawn to her bright flame and she fully illuminated him.

"Oh.. You're going?" You're leaving me? She rhetorically asked, he stared at her eyes and saw the last words she didn't voice out.

"Nachi. I'll be back in a week time and we'll call each other during -"

"-Call?"

"Shit, I forgot... I don't even have your phone number, is it the same as your WhatsApp number, just give me the one you ha-"

"-Rooney." His name escaped from her lips and he froze in response. "Nachi."

"I don't have a phone. " The shock on his face made her feel worst.

Rooney stared at her like she'd grown three more heads at once, "Why? "

"I'm an Odumba, books first. " She quoted her father's words back to him, his eyebrow shot up.

"What? That's stupid, having a phone won't affect your education. Look at me for example, look at Silvana or any other intelligent person in our class, they all have phones... "

"You're not an intelligent person. " Her words cut his ego in half and he withdrew from her.

His heart felt like it'd been stabbed.

"You're stupid. " He counterattacked and continued.

"I'm not dull, look at this. " Shoving his result into her hand with a bold smirk, she rolled her eyes.

"Only ten A's, you're dropping... " She playfully teased him and he groaned.

"Shut up. "

"What'd you get? Second best. " He wasn't playfully teasing her, like she was playfully teasing him, he didn't even note that she was just teasing all he knew was her words had hurt him and he wanted to share his hurt.

Munachi surprised him by giggling.

"I don't know, I haven't seen mine yet.. Daddy hasn't come."

"I'll be surprised if you get up to two A's. " He continued his mission of trying to hurt her and she laughed.

"Me too, two A's and I'll kill my self. " It was meant to be a joke but his smirk disappeared from his lips.

A quiet sad girl he liked, joking about death was never going to be funny to him...

"Why did you have that sad look? Why did you go MIA on me? What's up? "Abandoning his mission of hurting her back, he picked up a new interest.

Munachi's smile got erased.

Maybe it was the way he'd spoke, he sounded so genuine and like he actually cared about her... Maybe that was why she replied honestly.

"Today's mother's birthday. "

"And how's that a bad thing? You're lucky you'll spend today with her. "Rooney frowned at her.

He was yet to understand how a family member's birthday was affecting her negatively.

"She doesn't love me. "

Her words added more to his confusion.

"Of course she does, you're Muna.. Who doesn't love you? "

"This school population. Mother... Everyone. " She answered him and he sighed dramatically before picking up her left palm and slowly rubbing his thumb over her hand while he spoke.

"Munachi, fuck this school okay? Fuck everyone in this school who doesn't give a fuck about you.. Fuck them.

I care about you, I deeply care about you.. You have Silvana, Jasmine, your dad.. You have me... And I'm sure your mother loves you, maybe she just doesn't show it well enough-"

"-She doesn't love me! "

"That's not possible! She's your mother! She carried you for nine months and she's been with you for fourtee-"

"-She tried to abort me, all I've done since I came into her life was cause her hardships.. I'm horrible, she doesn't celebrate her birthdays because of me.. " Munachi gushed out and Rooney stepped back.

He needed space to process the new information he'd gotten.

"She tried to abort you? And she told you? What the actual fuck? Who does that? " His face was flustered up, his fair skin taking a red hue.

What kind of mother tells her daughter she'd tried to abort her?

Maybe she didn't actually tell her, maybe Munachi wasn't sure of what she was saying.

"Wait, did she actually tell you to your face or you think you overheard her say it? " He continued, her eyes followed the butterflies around them...

Why were they so much butterflies?

"To my face. I've been a mistake from the start. " Her heart pounded against her chest as she told him, he was going to be the first person she was going to tell this.

If it was up to her, he'd be the last.

"How? " With a shaky voice, he stuttered out.. His heart beat had now increased rapidly almost in tune with hers.

"How old is your mother? " Munachi's question knocked him off guard.

He closed his eyes and tried to think, he was sixteen and she was older than him with thirty good years... She was.

"Forty six.. "He answered and Munachi nodded,

"She was thirty when she became pregnant for you? " Her calculations were never wrong but she just wanted to hear him confirm things.

"Yes and now she never let's me hear the last of it. " He smiled and then chuckled deeply as he reminisced.

"You were my most complicated pregnancy Rooney. Why'd you think I stopped giving birth after you were born and I was just thirty years old"

"My mother's thirty. " Munachi told him and his brain did the quick calculations as his eyes widened slowly.

"She was sixteen... You were a teenage pregnancy? " Rooney asked her, Munachi nodded.

Still, things didn't make sense to him?

Thankfully, she survived with no complications.. He was aware of, unlike most teenage pregnancy he'd heard about...

So why did her mother hate her?

"Because you were, doesn't mean she hates you.. What kind of hardship does a teenager face in Nigeria when she gets pregnant? " Once the words were out of his lips, only then did he reflect on them.

Ooh.. ...

He remembered a distant cousin who'd gotten pregnant and had to move abroad, she was now a single mother abroad but he remembered how tough her life was in Nigeria and how it influenced her parents decision to send her away out of shame.

The stigmatization she'd faced, people calling her promiscuous and careless even in church, even during his father's funeral. The laughters and the loud gossiping about how her mother failed her.

His lips formed an 'O' and she looked away.

"Still doesn't give her any rights to hate you.. " He murmured slowly.

"Dad was never there from the start, she was a single teenage mother... "

Single Teenage Mother.

No doubt the brunt she carried would have been excessive.

Rooney still didn't understand, "That's the more reason you two should've been close, You know 'you got her and she got you' kinda thing? " Now he sounded stupid in her ears.

Munachi thought he sounded incredibly dumb.

How did he even think he made sense? She was the cause of her mother's misfortune and he was saying that should've cemented the bond between them?

On the other hand, Rooney was reflecting from the first day he met her in Kindergarten, she could barely pronounce her name then, he was reflecting on every encounter he had with her till the very moment.

"Is that why you changed? Is that why you changed from Munachi to Numb? But you've always had your mother from KG till primary four.. What changed you? Talk to me. " Rooney quizzed her and she felt choked up.

Why was he questioning her this much?

She didn't like it anymore, she felt unsafe and felt like he was attacking her.. The mental walls were slowly rising up in her head.

She was getting defensive.

"Daddy must be here now. " She tried to walk away from him, but he gripped her right hand and pulled her back wards.

"My whole family's upstairs but I'm down here with you... You're my priority, my close friend and my personal quiet fool who hasn't lost her sharp mouth, I really like you Munachi, I care a lot about you. I want to be here for you... Now talk to me, what made you numb? Please don't shut me out." His voice was quiet and urged her to open up to him.

But she still couldn't find the words to explain things to him...

How could she explain to him that she'd killed her grandparents... How could she explain to him that she'd caused so much pain to her fathers family?

How could she explain to him that she was the reason why her mother couldn't have more children?

How?