Ashton

"Ashton, wake up," Hope mumbled against my ear, her cold fingers running into my hair.

"You need to get a haircut and-" she pauses, lacing her hand on my cheeks. I loved that soothing touch, it was too familiar, too Jane-like.

"Trim this stubble too," she whispered, chuckling.

Where was I? Why was she here?

"No. Hope is gone-" I screamed, fighting off whoever was speaking to me, but it was her melodious voice. It was Hope.

"Shh. Don't be silly. I am standing right in front of you. I am here for you. Now get up on your feet, show me the same crazy Ashton who would never stop smiling. I love that chesire cat smile of yours, you know? You need to stay strong, you gave me hope, don't lose it for yourself." She was still touching me; pressing her fingers against her lips then brushing them against mine. I shivered against her warmth. I was paralysed, I could not move. I wanted to jolt upright, reach for her and press our lips together.

"I will. Just don't leave me," I pleaded, slightly opening my eyes as the blossoming smell of honeysuckle and jasmine hit my nose. She was sitting right in front of me, shifting from one leg to the other, smiling.

Did Heaven feel like this?

Jane was wearing a light yellow, see-through dress and holding a bunch of forsythia flowers. With all the power buried inside me, I moved my hand forward, grabbing her hand, starving for her taste. Sadly, all that touched me was the warm sand.

No sign of Hope.

Jane wasn't here. I was only dreaming of her.

***

Still, Day 6. No Hope.

I woke up after an hour, choking on the sand plastered all over my face and body, finding it's way inside my skin. I rubbed my eyes, getting a hold of the situation. My head hurt too much and I vomited twice. I was having a freaking hangover.

Fuck, why did I drink so much?

After running for a shower and installing six cups of caffeine into my system, I was a little successful in removing the negative impacts of last night's heavy drinking.

I called up Emily from my uncle's Home Phone Service since my iPhone was gone for repair. I was concerned about Em; it was a lot to take in for the little one as well, she was too young for all this pain, the pain I wished I could erase from our lives. I wasn't myself anymore, trying to smile, concealing the trauma from my features. My heart was empty.

Hell, I hadn't smiled in a week. Emily knew something was wrong, it was there in my voice, but she was too scared to ask me, aware her world would flip in just seconds if the truth touched her. She wanted to hang onto Jane's liquid theory, the one I still wasn't aware of.

Next, I called my Uncle, wondering how long he would be staying in Australia.

"Ashton?" He asked in a cool, carefree tone. I could hear loud music playing at his end.

Was he at a party?

"When are you coming back?" I asked in an icy voice, getting straight to the point.

I didn't want to dump everything on him but I couldn't possibly forget that she was his sister. They were related through blood and he was supposed to know what was happening here. Goddam. My Uncle told me he would be coming back in the end of August- before the college would open. A part of me thought of him as a selfish person even though he had helped my family in so many ways. I always wondered why he came back to us when he had cut ties with our entire family before granny's death. What made him ask mom for forgiveness? I knew nothing about my family history.

But one whole freaking month?

I was going to stay here till then. I loved this place. Hawaii was precious; my mom was here, Emily was here, and so were the vivid memories of Hope. I didn't care if it was over, I would always remember her as someone who made me forget my worries. She made me feel alive, even if it was just for a few seconds.

Was I giving up on her?

As I thought everything through, I was more and more convinced that I wasn't going to leaving mom alone either, she needed me. She craved for the sight of her son, whimpering alone in the washed out hospital bed. She wouldn't say it on my face, but I saw the ache in her eyes. I would never forget that hysteric sight of her, ever. I wouldn't let her suffer here alone.

Everything else could wait. Life is worthless if you do not have those you love around you. This was my life, my family. My everything.

It was mid of July and it wasn't passing away easily. It seemed as if time had stopped moving.

Grabbing lunch for Emily, I honked the horn one more time and she came rushing out, shoving something into her basket and slipping her shoes on.

"Ever heard of the word patience?" She shouted from the door, sitting on the steps and tying her laces. All of a sudden, the memory of Jane came storming back into my head followed by my words to her. I remembered how beautiful she looked, dressed in blue, hovering over me as I tied her laces. The gold of her skin always flecked under the sunlight.

Gotta save you every time, were my exact words to her. It hurt remembering everything. We were connecting. I knew I had fallen for her way too soon.

Could I help it? No.

If only I could get her back into my arms..

Her ship needed saving and I tried to be the captain of the sinking ship but she didn't want to be saved. She was already hitting the rock bottom of the sea and I couldn't fix anything anymore.

Sighing, I came back to the present.

I honked one more time just to get to Emily. She rolled her eyes and stomped towards the car. I wasn't in a good mood today. I opened my mouth to reply but it started quivering and I looked away.

"Do it one more time and I will hit you," she said in a serious tone.

"Who roasted you?" Emily chuckled as she buckled her seatbelt. She paused and studied my face for a few more seconds. Covering her mouth with her hands, she started giggling in the most adorable yet irritating manner ever.

"Yeah, well I slept under the sun so-" I squinted at her, passing a fake smile.

"Don't worry. You just have a slight tan line on your nose. Everything else is fine," she reassured, fiddling her hand through the collection of my mixed tapes.

"Besides, Hope would love the tan on you," she added, smiling cheekily. Her words made me flinch and I lifted my shoulder in a half shrug. I wasn't looking at Emily, my sight was on the road. I didn't want to snap at her, something was boiling inside of me.

Anger? Frustration? Desperation?

"How is she? I haven't seen her around these days. Did you drive her away or something?" Emily teased, shoving her elbow against my arm.

"She is fine," I said, shortly.

"Can you call her? I have to talk to her about something. She gives great sugges-"

"Later," I responded with complete control. Emily wasn't getting the hint. I wanted her to stop talking about Jane before I would elope back to the depression. I just needed to see mom, that was all I wanted to think about, the dream I had today wouldn't leave my mind. The smell of the flowers was still too fresh.

"Ashton, are you mad at me?"

"No-"

"Okay, call her. I bet she is missing you right now," Emily smiled toothily, drumming her fingers on her lap.

"I am calling her from your phone," she squealed, grabbing it from the cup holder.

"No, she doesn't want me, Emily. Stop it. Nobody does. Can you shut up for a few seconds? I have so much going on in my mind right now. And you are not letting me think clearly," I snapped, banging the steering wheel with one hand and snatching my phone with another.

I almost lost my grip on the wheel. The tires screeched on the road and the car jerked towards the right, but I still managed to park the car on the side. Emily's loud gasp made me realise what I had done. I was losing control over everything. There was so much pain in my voice, my words caught in my throat. It hurt to even speak. I threw my head on the steering wheel, making the horn honk without any pause.

"It is about mom, isn't it?" She whispered, her head bowed down. She was shuddering in her seat.

I was making her cry. I made everyone cry.

"Emmy," I begged, reaching for her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was.

"No, don't," she shouted, her eyes red with tears.

"Mom is okay now. I am sorry-"

"You think you are the only one suffering cause of mom? You think I don't get hurt right? You are the only one who has a heart and I don't because I am a child? I don't understand things, right?" Emily started unbuckling her seatbelt. As she stepped out of the car, I ran out to the other side and sat onto my knees, in front of her.

"I am sorry, baby girl. I didn't mean to do that. I am always anxious about you. You are my precious little angel. When I saw you for the first time, lying in that pink crib, wrapped in the peach coloured blanket, I promised myself to take care of you no matter what, " I sobbed, cupping her face

Emily shivered, crying even more.

"Hush, hush, baby tell me what makes you so blue."I squeezed my eyes shut and sang the silly lullaby mom used to sing to us when we were young.

My little sister looked down at me and smiled with her tear soaked eyes, singing the soothing song with me.

"I can numb the pain and transform it into something new," her voice ruptured in the end.

Our life was fucked up and all we could do was pray to God.

***

Note: So, how are you guys feeling after this? Did you like the scene with Jane? Do you think it was real or just and illusion?

Don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT

I will post the Lullaby in the next chapter lol. It is too silly, promise.