---- [Proof God is dead] ----

W: My first conscious thought when I woke up was if u hug a snake with two heads each of the heads could wrap around your throat and hug u back

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W: Would you like to see how much of that was comedy-based?
K: None of it was comedy-based. No one laughed

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D: If it pleases the court I would like to say, my opponent is talking shit

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K: Who's my best friend? Oh well, it's Di-
T: Di- who? Di who?
K: Timmy, of course!
T: Ah yeah okay, for a second I thought u were gonna say Di-government, in my home
K: I would never do that to you, Timmy, especially when you own the land I live on

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W: It's a little spooky out here
R: We literally just murdered someone
D: We need to hide the body
W: Like some criminals?!!
R: We killed him
T: What the fuck

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B: I don't like the words you just said and ima be honest about it because I gotta speak my truth

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D: I cannot stop thinking about how wack it would be to have a teacher that turns out to be a serial killer
D: Ppl r talking about how awful it is he killed all these ppl and ur like "ya he was an easy grader tho. I think I kinda got that we were all stressed, yanno? I mean, look at him, he snapped ha ha ha"

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T: "you lost baby girl?" but it's "you new here cowboy?"

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B: kon i have
B: become attached to you kind sir
B: Please do not leave me here alone

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W: sounds like u wanna kiss but maybe i could be wrong idk idk idk

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T: Kon in da tree fo today

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D: Wally, where's my order?
W: did you look under the tray?
D: Oh, no, I didn't. Sorry

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B: Learning about the fall of Rome. Sounds kinda sucky. A plague resulting in labour shortage, bad military leadership, Christianity mattered more than the government, multiple civil wars, infighting, decisions created to benefit the rich more than the poor- hey wait a sec

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K: What do you mean, Wally? They have always been called chocolate chimp cookies. Are you feeling ok?

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D: You know what they say :) go big or go home :)
R: We are begging you, Dickie, let's just go home
D: I'm going big

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W: Kon, I see here you wrote: "amazing liar" under skills?
K: No I didn't
W: Then who did?
K:

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T: Just boiled water :)
J: Solid
T: No
J: I just mean that it's cool
T: how can you be wrong so many times?

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R: Certified freak. 5 days a week (I'm in a union)
D: W.orkers
D: A.re
D: P.rotected

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W: Every day is Valentine's Day if you are a fool and have love in your heart

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T: Hacked into Duolingo to get the secret menu. Languages that haven't been invented yet. Ways to translate silence. Example sentences describing how I will die.

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C: my pronouns are they/them/there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in our philosophy

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K: "lives in my head rent-free" is such a strange expression. Does anything in your head actually pay rent?
T: The little mouse that lives in my frontal lobe is my only source of income

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W: So true bestie
B: Watch who the fuck u callin bestie, acquaintance!

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T: So let me get this straight
T: I have to do tasks... every day. Dozens of them..and then I have to wash my skin off (I did not ask for skin)... and the lie unconscious for a while... and then do tasks again?

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D: Jason really just yelled "I RENOUNCE YOUR AUTHORITY IN THE NAME OF SHAKESPEARE" at the police huh
C: As he should

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W: the fact that there's only two numbers between 4 and 7 is so twisted and fucked up I'm literally going to be sick
R: Wally's learning how to count
D: Technically there's an infinite amount of numbers between them but I'm afield if I true to explain decimals I'll either lose my gay card or get shot

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D: It's called bonding, Timmy
T: it's called psychological torture
D: we're bonding

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T: If ur over 5'11 sorry ur pronouns are fe/fi/fo/fum

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W: Shawty bad. Like morally

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T: I think I'm going to become an unreliable narrator. If you see me obscuring the full truth or saying things that directly contradict each other, don't worry about it

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D: I don't think we can gaslight, gatekeep, or girlboss our way out of this one boys

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K: I live for two reasons.
K: 1. I was born
K: 2. I haven't died yet

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B: girl help the ceaseless watcher turned its gaze upon me

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D: I'm thirty steps ahead of all bitches at all times

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D: Boyfriend tag go
T: What do you think I'm talented at?
J: Photography
W: Defensive driving
R: Petty theft

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T: can i replace the stress in my brain with something fun like cotton candy or mice or spaghetti pLEASE

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D: I once ripped my Jason's foil Charizard Pokémon card in a fit of teenage rage. It has been six years, and he still has not forgiven me. He said the card was worth fifty dollars, and I've provided him with money quite a few times over the years, but he still brings up that Pokémon card every chance he gets. How can I get him to forgive me or at least quit bringing it up?
R: Well let me ask you this, Dickie, for example, how would you make it up to someone if say you reformatted a PlayStation memory card and erased someone's Final Fantasy Seven game when they were moments away from beating the game and they'd put like, a hundred hours into it. How would you make that up to someone? Just hypothetically
T: Thats oddly specific
R: And say they'd collected everyones like, final weapons and final limit breaks and they were very very close to beating the game and you reformatted the card? How would you make that up to them?
D: I think, setting them free from their Japanese role-playing game prison, that their mind- their teenage mind- their vulnerable teenage mind had been imprisoned instead of going around and like, having sex and like, yanno making friends and forging lifelong memories and friendships and going to the football game and tailgating and like getting in trouble and like yanno, staying out after curfew and doing all this shit- I think that that's a reward in of itself
R: So you're saying the action itself was a kindness?
D: I'm saying you had a very serious addiction and I swooped in there like superman
T: Maybe an option is to tell Jason that you realized that card is an idle to him and thou shall not have any false idles above thou lord God, so you were trying to save his immortal soul by destroying that card which he worshiped
D: yeah. That's precisely it.
D: Man, the ending of that game is so fucking good tho
R: I hate you so fucking much
W: Yanno what? I'd still be angry too. That card is so rare. The kids at my middle school that had that card- it was like a status symbol. It had nothing to do with the value of the card, it had to do with like, the triumph. Cause you say it's worth 50 dollars, but it's actually worth however much he spent on Pokémon cards to get that card, which was probably in the thousands
C: Name your firstborn child Charzard foil
T: and then let Jason tear them in half
B: ok, I can make this very easy for you, it's not a problem. Go to eBay, I just did it for you, type Charizard card, and it's $30, okay? Grab one for $30
W: Babs do you not understand the difference-
B: You get it, you throw it in his face, say "there, we're square now"
K: Then tear it in front of him again, say "I'll do it again hahaha!"

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