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Nova stared down at her mothers necklace, sprawled on her nightstand in the shape of a crescent moon.

Her fingers brushed the cool, silver chain, smooth from years of wear. Untarnished, it's fragility ruminated the possibility of loss. If she were to wear it, and misplace it at school nonetheless, she would never forgive herself. It wasn't just a necklace, it was the necklace her mother wore everyday before her death. It was the feeling of her hair against Nova's cheek, the smell of jasmine and cedar, it was her protection when biting her nails wasn't enough.

Her carpet was covered in yesterdays, last weeks and tomorrow's clothes, but her chosen outfit for her first day back in Senior year sat folded on her desk chair.

The familiar feeling of early morning dread cloaked her body, unwilling to depart from her blanket and finally brush her hair. She stared down at her feet, and tried to articulate the feeling that smothered her. Just as her therapist had told her.

Since her mothers death, everything felt like a before and after, and this was the first day of deployment after intense 'after' training.

Nova fastened the necklace around her neck, neglecting any gentleness in ripping the knots in her hair to make way for the chain to snap into place. She sat and twisted the metal between her fingers for a moment, sitting in the stillness of the thin, morning air.

Nova frequently slept with her window propped open slightly, she enjoyed the smell of pinewood buried in the foothills behind her neighbourhood and how she didn't have to wake up to the sound of sirens or people talking, just the faint hum of bird songs. There was also brittle tenderness she felt when the metallic, morning air bit at her lungs.

Nova lived in a state that was categorised by it's impossible contrast. Nova belonged somewhere in the middle, situated between the rusted cliffs and wide open deserts of the south to the deep, emerald forests and sharp, snow-cut mountains of the north. The winters mean heavy snow, but the summers are blazingly hot, softened by the ravines and lakes that surround.

There was a faint knock at the door. It creaked open softly, and Nova pulled her head up to look at her step father, Joel.

He had always been sturdy, with deep lines in his tan skin from years of laughter and stoic frowns. An unruly beard, unruly like his eyebrows, but as dark as his short, straight hair. Among them, white tufts of hair had began to show. They had lived in the North her whole life, but his deep, gravelly southern accent never seemed to vanish.

"Just checking you're awake." He nodded, his old boot held the door open wide enough for her to see his whole body.

He was already dressed for work. Joel picked up carpentry work around town for the locals, and never had nothing to do. Since his wife died, if he wasn't working in the town he was in the garage, carving something from trees from behind the house or fixing up old cars which really just needed replacing.

"I'm up." Nova whispered, paralysed to the edge of the bed for ten minutes more.

The local radio was on downstairs, playing old George Jones. The garden glass doors were wide open and a substantial pancake was sat slowly simmering in the pan. Nova came down in her clothes and shoes, her makeup done enough to mask.

Nova had passed her sister on the landing where she was erratically trying to decide what to wear for the first day of High School.

Idealising that the experience would be no less than exhilarating and it was substantially important to look her best. Because the thing was, that Nova and her sister didn't share the same mother so they didn't share the same loss.

Maggie was 14, and went to stay with her real mum often and with pleasure. The other hard truth, was that they didn't share a father either. Joel was her mothers partner; and Nova didn't even know her real dad. Nova was all that was left of her mother.

The families plush tabby cat wound it's way around Nova's bare ankles, purring for attention as it stretched her self awake. The breeze swept up Nova's loose shorts and ruffled the fabric, relaxing against her bronze skin, now basking in the sun that was raising over the trees.

The house was built up a tender hill, with a garden that retreated down to a patch of clearing surrounded by cabbage palm trees and well manicured mahogany's. Proper, tended garden beds that had over summer grown a little askew with no-one to maintain them. The grass was still rich with dew and the windows began to clear from condensation.

"You're up late today." Joel observed, slipping a flat pancake from an old spatula onto a piece of china. He received a hum in satisfaction as her expression of gratitude, tip-toeing around the cat to slip into the table and chairs.

Nova dragged her fork across the textured pancake, stirring a half cooked blueberry from it's crater. "I don't want to do this."

"You don't need to be nervous, doll." Joel said, his voice smooth like whiskey. "You gotta just try your best everyday."

"Not really." The sizzle of the second pancake enticed the cat who had began to wound its way around Joel's legs now, talking loudly about nothing anyone could understand.

The smell of frying batter heavy in the air. Nova lazily poured herself a glass of fresh apple juice, chugging half of it in one go, before divulging into her breakfast.

Nova gazed at her sisters choice of outfit when she appeared downstairs, aimlessly wondering through her thoughts of how everyone would act with her today.

Nova shared a knowing look with her father when Maggie tried to fix her hair in the reflection of her phone camera at the table, both slightly frustrated by such menial distress. He reminded her to be nice and make sure her first day as a freshman went as well as possible.

Maggie looked as much like her sister as the laws of nature in circumstance could allow. The second sister was always taller, smarter and more popular. No relation by blood, but the girls still held their attributes and comparisons in confidence. More often that not, they saw eye to eye and didn't argue or clash in their opinions.

Nova respected that her sister had what she wanted from life in the way that logistically, she never could have. To be a product of something utterly authentic, rather than something fleeting and left behind.

Nova left the remainder of her breakfast for the cat, whose fur was a deep orange, long matted tufts that never seemed to stop moulting. That was made clear by the trail of fur that had collected on the lounge rug over the summer, something that had been always dealt with by her mother and was now falling on new, learning hands. The pots and pans remained in the sink, abandoned by everyone distracted and hurrying out the door for the dedication to the new year.

The car journey into town was fairly silent. Clammy palms stuffed between Maggie's bare thighs that stammered with nerves. Nothing either could say would clear her mind, so the low rumble of Fleetwood Mac drowned out the transition into the school year.

Equally, Nova knew they were both battling different stresses on that morning. And both were being equally selfish in their withdrawal. Wishing the clock could turn back so the car could remain still, one more day could be spent without the pressures of reality weighing on them.

The town they lived in sat tucked at the base of Crocodile Foothills. Not much to look at from the freeway, but once you passed a handful of dusty gas stations, the town opened up into a busy stretch of coffee shops, farmer markets, busy bars and humble food spots. It was the kind of town where everyone knew Joel's name, but danced around the mention of his wife's now.

When they got to the front gates of school, Nova felt her stomach do a flip. Joel halted the car in a quick judder and reminded them they were getting the bus home because he'd be working late but to call him if anyone needed anything.

"Don't give anyone attitude today." Nova warned her sister as they both approached the school entrance.

Maggie nodded, eyes unable to focus on her sister because the front of the school was alive with bustling energy, school spirit and people reuniting after what was probably a wonderful summer for the majority.

They lived in a rather conservative town with an imbalance of community, with half the students in her school coming from a lot of money and the other living past the train tracks. The mountains still looked the same size, despite the pockets of their parents.

"Just, focus on finding your friends and stay away from them rich nasty girls from top of town." She took a deep breath, listening to her sisters words before they entered the heaving first hallway of school. "I will be busy focusing on this day being over. But, text me if you need me, ok?"

Nova had conveniently timed her arrival at school so she only had a few minutes to get to her morning form and could avoid the early "school spirit" - which was mostly catching up with fellow classmates in the hallways and lounge room.

Football season always kicked off within the first week of term, and everyone was already buzzing for the game on Friday. Nova couldn't of felt more detached from the previous collective effervescence that school provided for her. She just walked with her head down, following the current without swimming too hard against it.

Everywhere she looked, people were reuniting and laughing and already discussing homecoming. Everything was moving too fast. Her only focus was to finish the day in one coherent piece, not letting onto anyone that she was had made little progress in 'healing' (whatever that meant) over the Summer.

Nova led her sister down the hall to where all freshman began there journey, everyone bustling with the tenures of first day jitters. The new freshman looked like lost puppies, glued to the floor as they waited around for something to happen outside the doors of the auditorium.

Her sister stopped next to her, reading the sign pinned up against the tall arch way to the main corridor below the clock. In lazy, bold bright letters it read "ALL FRESHMAN TO THE AUDITORIUM."

Nova nodded at the first set of double doors to her left that led to the hall where hundreds of students already queued in anticipation. They were already propped open, with a support teacher stood welcoming the freshman with an eager smile.

She understood why these events were so stressful, because they were interlaced with the tedious nature of settling in and pretending all those smiles are real.

Maggie took a deep breath, gave Nova a hug before pulling her bag closer to her as she looked longingly down the rangy hallway and walked away from her sister.

High School still held the same musty, bodily smell that it always had. Something indescribable yet overwhelming. It lingered all the way down to the street on hot days and stuck to her clothes until they were drenched clean. The lockers were still an obnoxious aqua colour and the floor still a glossy, poorly laid, cheap vinyl that became dirty with every step.

The school hadn't been renovated in years. The only recent change was the implementation of better bleachers on the football field that had clearly been the Coaches idea. Seen as though the sport department was where all the money got pumped into.

Nova entered into form class and slipped towards the back row where her friends waited for her. Ren stood immediately and wrapped her arms around Nova, her grip strong and sincere. With a fabricated smile, she forced what little energy she had in her to act exultant and excited to be here.

"Hey." Nova sang her best.

"Nova." Tia, the only other girl she really considered a friend, greeted her. Less of the hug type, she squeezed her hand and smiled happily.

"Hey, beautiful lady." Tia closed her compact mirror, and turned out of her chair to look at Nova from head to toe blatantly.

Tia was quietly judgemental. Tall, toned, with long gyrating coconut scented curls down her back. She was the type of girl to wear makeup to the dollar store, and not be caught dead running in gym. Her skin freckled by her mothers genetics and her skin-tone dark from her dads.

Tia was a newer friend, a girl from up town that Nova had more differences with than similarities. Except Tia was one of the only girls in the grade, bold and quick enough to defend her friends. She also had grown up down the road from Nova, she had only moved up town when her dad got a better paying job the year prior.

Ren on the other hand was probably the shortest girl in the year, her frame timid yet stocky. Her face still young with a shape that still had not shifted into adult-hood. She had long brunette hair that she would wore as a cover up and equally never missed a day without a full face of makeup bold enough to catch attention. Ren and Nova had been friends since freshman year. She was deeply loyal, and was happy to just lay next to Nova in her misery all summer and watch movies with the blinds closed when the sun blazed down.

"Tia's hungover." Ren pointed out, trying to cut through a premeditated awkwardness. Nova knew that Ren was worried she wouldn't want to talk about anything.

Everyone already knew about her mum, the forced pity was mind-numbing but equally was the way people trod on egg shells around her. Nova was already aware the inconvenience her mums death had on everyone at school. She couldn't run relay, or finish her group projects, or pull her weight in debate club. This year Nova knew everyone would be lucky if she even put her running shoes on.

"You know it's a Monday morning?" Nova playfully chastised. Nothing had changed. Everyone had continued while she had remained stagnant.

"Don't..." Tia dragged out, dropping her forehead against her hand with her eyes closed. "I regret everything." It was generally traditional for the seniors to all meet up the night before first day to see who could and would come in the most hungover. It was a tradition that the teachers all knew about but chose to dissolute from the morning welcoming so as not to be held liable.

Nova clutched her necklace. "How was your night?" Nova asked.

"You didn't miss much." Ren shrugged it off, tucking her hair straighter over her books pressed against her chest as they all settled in for first day back to begin. "Besides Tia already making a name for herself senior year."

Nova took a deep breath in. A gritted smile sent her friends way. "What did you do?"

"Nothing bad." Tia scoffed, ignoring Ren who stood there with her lips pursed and her eyebrows raised. Eager for her to just admit it. "I got with Tommy Erst like six times in front of everyone at the party then woke up in his bath tub this morning."

Nova pulled out her phone to check the time, not entirely surprised by that. "You've woken up in weirder places and kissed weirder boys."

Tia laughed, pressing her hand to her head in dismay at the headache that was coursing through her blood. She flinched again as the bell went, the dullness of the new semester already settling in.

"Right!" Miss Dover stood from her desk. The girls shared an amused glance at her billowing unneeded authority. "I've signed you all in, I can see everyone is here... I'm going to hand out this years syllabus and any other relevant information. This is an important year for final SAT's, college applications and if any of you want to take advantage of the schools scholarship schemes to play sport - now is time to focus. We'll be going over club sign up's, pep rallies and game dates... and other important stuff. So please!" She shouted again as the volume of the class began to pick up. "I know we're all excited to catch up but can we all please settle down."

"Do you reckon Mrs. Denver is going to wear a bra this year?" Ren whispered to her friends.

"That woman has never owned one and never will." Tia took a long slug of her water, popping back some painkillers with tired eyes, regretting all previous decisions that led to this moment.

"I'm not complaining." Anthony Harris twisted round, peering back at the three of them with an amused smile on his face at what they'd said. Nova ripped her eyes away from what she had previously been doing, which was staring at the hands of the clock move slower than what felt normal.

Tia groaned when she saw who it was. "I thought you had spared us the freedom of your absence."

Anthony liked to rile the girls up and he particularly enjoyed it on days where it was easy like this. "You know she's pushing mid 50's"

"55 years too young for me." He shrugged playfully, making Ren giggle to herself. Ren had quite frankly liked Ant since they were kids, but she had also liked several other boys, living in her head with them all in different ways. Nova rolled her eyes, choosing not to retort.

"How was your summer anyway triple threat?" He asked, turning his body slightly.

Anthony was from the poorest community down the bottom of town. There was some mystery surrounding his home life, he drove a crappy pick up truck filled with food wrappers and cigarette ends but he always looked after himself. He was also the guy at the party who had the weed for everyone and a stupid joke everyone pretended to not find funny. He was tall, broad shoulders, tan skin and always smelt good. He was handsome, with a crooked nose from sport or fighting, both went hand in hand for Anthony. The rich girls pretended they didn't want to fuck him, and the other girls, outwardly admitted they would. Nova and her friends however, refused to boost his ego.

"You would know you witnessed most of it." Tia said after swallowing her last painkiller. They had obviously spent a lot of summer together. Nova knew she had missed out from her endless nights scrolling social media seeing everyone out and enjoying life, unable to bare social interaction.

"I know what I witnessed last night too." He teased and Ren let out another snigger, catching Ant's eye who looked at her with a smug smile.

His dark brown hair had grown out not only on his head, but over the sharpening line of his jaw over the summer. Ant had always had these crystal blue eyes, deep like the ocean. Ever since he was a kid it was what he was known for by most girls and most people in the town too. They were terrifyingly piercing, but Nova didn't let it past her blunt exterior, or so she didn't make it obvious anyway.

"How was your summer?" Nova asked casually to Anthony. She had not been present for most of it, but knew now they were back at school she was going to dedicate her time to spending it on the people around her who still tried, not the people gone.

"Lovely, thank you for asking. I smoked lots of weed and scrolled your Instagram pictures every night before bed." He smirked back at her, sending a wink her way that just made her roll her deep set eyes. There was an overly friendly tone to his mannerisms, but they weren't from a place of pity. Nova appreciated that he was still acting the same sleazy way with her.

"Idiot." Nova muttered, noticing someone coming down their aisle she didn't recognise.

"Right." A loud voice drew everyone's attention to the front of the room. "Welcome back seniors." Ant whipped his head round quickly, raising his eyebrows at Nova who couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh. Mrs. Denver had in fact seemed to forget her bra, and her tits were staring back at everyone.

"I hope you've all had a lovely summer and make the most of the first few relaxed week of the term- this year will be slightly different to last- You all have a week to change electives if they are not well suited to you and this can be done through your head of years. There will be mandatory 1-1's with your tutors to review your options for college. If college is not an option for you, come and find me this week and we will discuss plans for after school for you. Though we strongly suggest applying, you may not be the same person in 6 months as you are now. The sign up sheet for debate club, yearbook, homecoming etc is all at the front here. You have until the end of the week to sign up before the electives come round and collect. Also, permission slips for the annual senior ski trip are due on Monday next week, you can drop those at the main reception desk."

Nova looked down at her timetable. Her face furrowed in confusion when she realised there was a blue post it note attached to hers.

Can you come and see me at the guidance office after form please? - Mr Cartwright

Nova arrived to the guidance counsellor just before half past 9.  "Just wait a moment." The receptionist halted her when she went to knock. "Take a seat. He'll only be a minute. He's just with another student. Come and sign your name here dear."

Nova slumped into the rickety wooden chair opposite the office, her chin in her palm and her knees locked. Returning here was the last of her concerns.

The end of her Junior year was filled with manufactured condolences and passive aggressive extensions. She knew this meeting was coming. Truthfully, she did actually feel that Mr Cartwright cared. The patience and advice he had given to her the previous year was priceless.

As selfish as it felt, Nova wished her mother had just waited until she'd finished school.

Though the desire for elongated suffering at the extent of her loved one begged a selfishness Nova knew better than to feed. Her thoughts were constantly dazed at her own expense, and she spent most of her days filled with incredulity about it all. No-one ever wanted to discuss the dark thoughts surrounding grief. The way it makes your mind go to awful, ugly places.

Nova glanced up as the office door swung open. Expecting to see Mr. Cartwright. Instead she became mystified by the forgotten boy from last years rumours.

Harry was a face she didn't expect to see this year.

She had completely forgotten about the turmoil he experienced at the end of his last year until this very moment. A whirlwind of stories surrounded him, none of them validated by any proof.

He had always been quietly handsome, someone who always had friends around him, always invited to every party, always competed in games and always got good grades.

He was Anthony's cousin, however they both had experienced very different start's in life. Harry's family was far richer, members of the boating club and his dad had a seat on the council. Only this year, he looked far more dishevelled. His curls longer than they had been the year before and were loose and unruly.

Harry had always been a popular boy from the grade above. He was generally liked by most people because of his money, his charm and hopelessly attractive genetics. Nova thought he reeked of republican barbecues and microaggressions, but as she looked at him, there was a different energy.

It seemed someone had forced him to tidy up and plucked him off a hanger that morning, placing him back in school with a sharp smack on the ass. Much like Nova felt.

He looked different. Hands fumbling with his timetable, folding it over on itself multiple times before it became small enough to fold out again. Why was he still at school? Shouldn't he of graduated last year?

He noticed her, his eyes sharp as they met hers. Nova dropped her gaze, pretending his existence didn't concern her. She could feel his blazing stare nonetheless as her stomach did back flips. It felt like she was deeply intruding,

Following behind him was a short woman with dark silky, black hair, a big coat and a designer handbag clasped at her side. "Thank you, Mr. Cartwright. We'll be starting to look at Colleges soon hopefully."

"Well like I said, he has until January to apply. I'm sure he'll make his mind up." The counsellor smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. Harry reluctantly shook the counsellors hand. "This small set back shouldn't affect anything. We'll make sure this school year will be like last year never even happened. Our class of 2022 are very friendly too."

Harry was embarrassed. It was clear from the twisted expression on his face that Nova was now watching shamelessly. He was being held back a year.

Harry stormed off down the hall away from the two of them without a goodbye. Nova wasn't particularly good at reading people, but she knew when someone was pissed off. She really felt like she was in a room she shouldn't be in. She knew how it felt to be somewhere you really don't want to be.

Nova looked down at her feet, not wanting to watch the colour drain from his mothers worried face. "He'll be fine, Ms. Booth. We'll take care of him here." His voice went quieter, but didn't reserve Nova's ears. "This won't affect anything."

The older woman cast her stare to Nova, bitter and incredulous. "We'll see."

Her heels clipped sharply down the stairs and away from the office, her words lingering in the icy air.

Mr Cartwright took a long, deep breath.

"Nova... Why don't you come in?"