Every time I speak, every time I walk, I wait to see what your reaction will be... I hang on every word, I can't stand in front of people without feeling like their gazes are trapping me, like I'm suffocating in my own way, I find them in a force field with me and I can't get out their words and gazes taunting.

I can't speak to my own family without choosing each word carefully and hoping to god I didn't offend them or say something wrong or do any hand movements to help that made them feel uncomfortable or off with me.
I don't understand my own mind and am suddenly in life feeling as though all childishness is gone.

I can't walk outside without overthinking everything, and I can't get dressed without wondering wether my parents or brother will accept it as suitable. I can't walk out of my room without getting a sickening feeling in my stomach. I'm afraid of everything and everyone.

And honestly I'm starting to wonder if it is in fact anxiety that gets the best of me at all times, or is it paranoia, that I cannot seem to shake from my body.

I don't know, but if I were you I'd notice that there is something wrong with the writer of this book and that she needs help and that you should leave her alone along with this book before she drags you down with her as she has a bad habit of doing to others.