I'm 50% sure I remember crying a little bit while wrapping this chapter up last night. You have been warned.

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     "Yo, daydreamer, what's up with you today?" someone asked with a laugh, waving a hand in front of Lilly's face. It took her two seconds to remember where she was, and two more to register who the speaker was.

     "Ugh, honestly, Kota, I don't even know anymore," Lillian moaned after flopping down face-first into her best friend's comforter, making her sound muffled.

     "Nervous about tonight?" she heard her best friend ask sympathetically, though Lilly still didn't bother to pick herself up and face her companion again. Too mentally exhausted to care.

     "Understatement of the century!" she yelled into the bed, attempting to soothe her nerves. It didn't work. "I am scared to DEATH of what he's gonna say. It can only end in two kinds of bad: heartbreak, or embarrassment. And I reeeally wanna avoid both."

     Lillian had invited Timothy to come over for an hour or two after supper to sit around and chat. Ever since lunch that afternoon, she'd been on edge. She just wanted to know what was going on. And yet... she was deathly afraid of what the truth might be.

     "Honey, that's what I'm here for. To distract you from your problems with mine!" Dakota declared, making them both crack up. It was kind of too true.

     So, for the next two-and-a-half hours, Dakota ranted about two out of her four sisters (she was the second of five girls) being brats while her parents apparently stood by and did nothing, and her long-time crush that she was slowly but surely getting over (Christian).

     Unfortunately, it had to end, and Lilly's mom came to pick her up in time for her to not get car sick on the way home because of intense hunger. But, joke on mom, by the time they pulled into the driveway she was feeling sick from nerves.

Eating was pretty much impossible. Lillian's stomach was in knots, and there were fluttery things everywhere, making it extremely difficult to focus on anything but the thought of the boy making her nervous. So much depended on this night; it could either end in absolute disaster, or pure happiness, sweet relief. It felt like a new start, like they were meeting for the first time. And that... that was terrifying.

Lilly's mother had to threaten her with not letting Timothy come if she didn't eat, so she forced down the entire bowl of soup presented to her. Thankfully, the taste didn't make her nauseous. But her stomach still churned a little harder when the food hit it, and Lillian thought that was just wonderful. Especially when Timothy texted her what felt like an eternity later that he was on his way. It was only a ten minute drive, but GEEZ did it feel long. And yet much too short.

She was practically in a daze as she watched the car pull up. The plan was that his mother would drop him off for an hour or two, then come back to pick him up whenever she finished up with her friends in town. Girls' night or something. But, in that moment as she watched Timothy slide out of the car and walk up to the front door with his mother close behind (probably wanted to see him off), she didn't really care.

     It was like time had slowed down, and all that existed was that door, him, and her consciousness. She felt her nerves spike in a million new ways as she reached for the handle and turned it. What if this went terribly wrong...

     Coming back to her normal self by a smidge, Lillian remembered herself and opened the door just as the two reached the landing outside.

     "Hey," she said feebly, forcing her legs (apparently made of jello) to step aside and allow the guests in. "Glad you could make it."

     "Yeah," he replied shakily, somehow equally nervous as her, it seemed. She could understand why, though. He'd clearly seen right through her and noticed how on edge Lilly was. But was it really that hard to see, though? Was it? Um, no.

     She clenched her fist around her ring, hoping it would give her strength, and smiled at Timothy's mother, Martha Hamilton. "Thank you so much for driving him over. Sorry we couldn't pick him up ourselves."

     "Oh, it's fine, Lilly honey. It was on my way into town anyway!"

     Then, giving her son a side hug and brushing a piece of her short brown hair out of her face, she bid all present a fond farewell and made her exit.

     Leaving Lillian and Timothy... alone. With a silence that felt like it weighed a few hundred tons. Now, Lilly loved Mrs. Hamilton — even though she hadn't personally interacted with her much — like a second mother, but... how COULD she?

     Lillian also felt like she'd betrayed herself when she thought back to how she'd been wishing they would get to be alone fast so they could start clearing stuff up.

     "C'mon," she said finally, motioning for him to follow her, which he did readily. His compliance made her feel SO much more at ease than she'd been a second before.

     Walking at a surprising steady pace on her shaky legs, Lillian made her way to the back porch, holding the door open until he got ahold of it by default, and sat on the cozy, cushioned bench which Timothy hesitantly did as well.

     Silence.

     "Wow, my dad was right," Lilly said after a moment, trying to start up some sort of conversation.

     She heard him mumble something — almost miserably — like "oh gosh" to which she internally giggled and said, "The stars really are beautiful."

     He made a sound between a sigh and a quiet laugh that said loud and clear, "I feel stupid now" or something very close. But it was incredibly amusing to be reminded how much Timothy believed her dad didn't live him, though it sadly didn't help with the nerves one bit.

     "Timothy honey... I have something I really wanna ask you, but I'm too afraid to actually ask it," Lillian finally blurted out.

     She sensed that they both sat even more rigidly as she said this.

     "Well," he said carefully, trying and failing to hide his curiosity and concern, "no time like the present."

     Lilly laughed slightly — almost bitterly — at the dearly familiar response. She had a growing feeling that it would sound completely different the next time he said it, like a once happy memory coming back to haunt her. And Lillian didn't like that at all. It made her feel heavy and empty just thinking about it. But there was still hope. She could still be worrying for nothing. So she said it.

     "Okay... okay. If you still love me, please um... kiss me."

     She felt her cheeks flame and outright avoided eye contact. That had sounded so stupid!

     But what made it so much worse was his long, long silence. The heaviness in Lillian's chest became so bad it started making her feel nauseous again.

     Quietly, shakily, he spoke at long last, looking at the beautiful night sky instead of her face. "Does my hesitance make my answer clear?"

     Her heart shattered into a million pieces.

     Lillian Marie Gresham had never, never... felt a pain like this in her entire life. As she looked away, feeling her fists clench, she felt like the best half of her had just been ripped away. She wanted to beg, wanted to cry, wanted to stop this from happening. Wanted to climb into his lap and kiss him until he remembered what they had was so, so special. But she was frozen in place. She was helpless, useless. Even alone, though Timothy was still sitting right beside her.

     It was like he'd already left. She already missed him more than she'd ever missed anything. It was an indescribable yearning. A need. But he felt utterly unreachable.

     She was completely lost without him, and he hadn't even gotten up to leave yet. Lilly clung to that fact, unable to control herself; he was still here. Maybe she could still do something. Anything.

     But she couldn't bring herself out of the frozen trance. The grief was too huge.

     Lillian heard someone open the porch door an eternity later, and looked up to see Timothy's sweet mother standing there.

     She barely registered Mrs. Hamilton telling her son they needed to head home, but it made her feel somehow more hopeless and worthless all the same. And let's not forget meaningless.

     Suddenly, she sensed Timothy's eyes on her.

     "I'm so sorry, Lillian," he said softly, sounding heartbreakingly sincere, and she felt him rise from their seat. She saw his feet pause briefly, then walk away.

     Lilly looked away. She couldn't watch him go, though she yearned to get what felt like one last glimpse of her soulmate.

     She sat out there for a minute, but when she heard the car door slams out front, she forced herself to stand and go inside. Her family waited eagerly for news, but she passed them by and ran up to her room, telling them that she needed a minute alone. And, as she closed the door, blocking out the world, she fell on her bed and cried.

     It was raw. It was messy. But at least it was real.