The purple tone in the inside of the coffee shop, combined with the lounge music gave off a soothing effect, a most welcome one. Especially since I hadn't been able to sleep properly all night and I'd avoided Chris like the plague all morning long.

To be honest, it hadn't been that hard. I think he was avoiding me too.

One thing was for sure, spending time with Chris was like a double-edged sword. No matter what I did or what I thought, it was going to come bite me in the ass, either way.

Cassie had called, telling me that she'd be around for a couple of days, and I needed to see my friends now more than ever. I'd summoned them on a small cafe near downtown.

Anne was the first to arrive. She was looking more like herself in ripped jeans and an off-the-shoulder white blouse. Her red hair was pulled up in a half-ponytail. She was wearing a bold red color on her lips and black eyeliner. She was gorgeous. A few guys turned her way as she crossed through the door and made her way to my table. However, Anne, being Anne, didn't even notice either of them.

"Hi," she beamed at me before taking a seat.

"You look great!" I raised an eyebrow, "And I'm not the only one to think so." I bobbed my head to the right, where one of her suitors was still glancing at her.

She pursed her lips before surreptitiously checking him out. "Ugh," she huffed. "Guys are only good for one thing," I cracked up, "Nothing more." She shook her head, a small smile curving up her lips.

"You're incorrigible." I raised both eyebrows at her.

"Am I?" She tilted her head. Her green eyes glinted knowingly. "Haven't you suffered enough for one in particular?"

My grin evaporated into thin air as my stomach rolled. "That's not funny," I muttered while shifting on my seat.

She smirked before glancing at the menu scribbled on the blackboard behind the counter. "I'm definitely getting an iced latte and a brownie. I had the worst day at work." She shook her head. "There was an annoying customer trying to lower the price of her gown by trying to find non-existent flaws. It was awful." She placed a palm on her forehead. "I deserve two freaking brownies."

"I got it." I stood up before she could protest. The place was almost packed, so she couldn't get up from the table or we'd lose it.

I asked for her order and got a black coffee for myself and a chocolate donut when I felt someone stand extremely close behind me. What's going on? A bit freaked out, I turned around to find Cass smirking at me. "You should be more careful, Farah," she quipped, her blue eyes sparkling happily, just like they always seemed as of lately. I rolled mine. Sheesh. Thanks Cassie.

She got a cappuccino and another donut for her. She knew very well that we would tease her to no end if she didn't get anything else but coffee.

We all settled with our coffees and desserts, when Cassie glanced at me. "So, what happened?"

I huffed. "Can't a girl want to see her friends for a change?"

She smiled. "Of course. But you were adamant that you only wanted to meet us, so I had to ditch my boyfriend for you."

"You live with him." Anne added in a flat tone.

"Still," Cassie pushed on, "I like to go out with him."

Anne groaned. "You guys do everything together. It's so cheesy."

Sensing a never-ending discussion looming around, I blurted out, "I miss what I had with Chris." They both shut up and looked at me. Anne with a panicked expression on her face and Cassie with a big-ass smirk.

"I knew it!" she squealed rubbing her hands, totally excited.

Anne rolled her eyes. "We all knew it." She looked at me. "Except you, of course." She rolled her eyes again.

Crossing my arms, I slumped on my seat. "This is not a good thing!"

"I think it's awesome," Cassie chirped in. "I take all credit, by the way."

Anne groaned, while I blinked at her. "Why would you take credit?" Cassie opened her lips to answer, when I raised my palm, not letting her say anything. "It doesn't even matter, because there's nothing going on." I uncrossed my arms and leaned forward to nibble on my donut. "Only the fact that I'm being completely pathetic," I added before putting a piece of it in my mouth. As Anne, I needed two freaking donuts.

"You and Chris were like, the cutest couple ever. I remember wanting to be so cheesy as you two!"

My mouth was completely full so I couldn't voice what I was thinking. Anne did. "You have surpassed the cheesy stage, Cassie." She leaned forward and grabbed her brownie. She closed her eyes and moaned loudly while she ate it. I turned to the sides, a bit panicked. I knew she was just messing with me, though. Apparently, she had picked up the habit to annoy the hell out of others during the last few months.

Swallowing the last traces of bread in my mouth, I took a sip of coffee. "I seriously need to get new friends."

Cassie protested immediately, while Anne chuckled. "We're one of a kind," my read-head friend smiled.

"You got that right!" I retorted with a small grin on my face.

"Oh, you love us!" Cassie shook her head. A few bangs of hair fell loose from her messy bun. Her baby blue eyes turned serious a second later. "Seriously, what's going on?"

I sighed. "Nothing really." That's the issue. "It's just that I'm seeing more of him and I'm sort of remembering things, you know?" Cassie tilted her head with a dreamy look in her face. Anne was still finishing her brownie. "I should just avoid the crap out of him and that would be the end of it. Yet, the guy is everywhere, and when I say everywhere, I mean it."

My best friend chuckled. "I know about that!" She was talking about the fact that her now boyfriend, seemed to be stalking her over the first few months of senior year. He totally was, but he was already in love with her and he never meant harm. On the contrary, he helped Cassie more than anyone ever could.

I'm not Cassie, though. And this is not high school.

Chris wasn't helping me at all. If anything, he was messing up everything.

"Seriously," I said in a more serious tone.

Anne shook her head. "I told you. Guys are only good for one thing." Cassie's blue eyes cut to her. She slapped Anne on the shoulder, completely annoyed. I couldn't help but chuckle at my friends. I loved them both to death.

"What are you going to do?" Cassie asked a moment later.

I shrugged. "I can't do anything." That was the most frustrating thing ever. I couldn't stop seeing him, that was crystal clear. And I couldn't help to have feelings over him, either. "I guess it all shall pass when I go back to Berkeley in a few weeks," I fidgeted with my napkin, glancing at my hands.

"I'd say that you should totally kiss the crap out of him." Anne said in her most business-like voice. "Even go all the way, if you know what I mean," she wriggled her eyebrows for good measure.

I stared at her as if she was crazy, which she evidently was. "How would that help me?"

"It wouldn't help you, but at least you'll have a good time." She lifted her shoulders before grabbing her drink and sipping through the straw, looking mighty innocent.

"I have to agree," Cassie trailed carefully. I looked at her with a bewildered expression on my face. What the hell are they saying? "I mean, what do you have to lose? You clearly have feelings for him and if you don't do it, you're going to have to wonder for the rest of your life if you should have taken the risk or not." Her brows furrowed. "I don't know, use it as some sort of closure."

My eyes skimmed from her to Anne and vice versa. "Who are you? What have you done to my friends?"

Anne giggled while Cassie rolled her eyes. She leaned on her knees. Her blue eyes were serious. "Farah, think about it. What do you have to lose?"

"My heart? My dignity?"

They both snorted at the same time. I puffed out my chest and glared at them.

"What dignity?" Anne snorted. "It's not like you haven't slept together!"

My brows furrowed. "I'm pretty sure that Chris totally avoided me today!"

"So?" Cassie pressed on.

"He doesn't even want me near!" I said in a duh tone of voice.

She glared at me. "I think that's exactly the opposite. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't mind spending time with you. But since he clearly has feelings for you, he tries to avoid you as best as he can."

"Just sleep with him," Anne murmured before leaning back in her seat with her coffee in her hands.

Like that will not complicate things even more!

I breathed out slowly. "I hate you guys," I sulked.

Cassie smiled triumphantly. "No you don't, you love us and we love you too. That's why we need to smack some sense into you."

Pursing my lips, I leaned on my seat.

Cassie did have a point. If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't mind seeing me around, would he?

What if he still loved me? What if he was feeling as confused and messed up as I was? What if he was complaining to Nathan about me right in this moment?

Would his kisses feel the same way they felt a year ago?

This sounded messy, though. Too messy.

Yet, what if I regretted this for the rest of my life?

What if?

Argh! For fuck's sake! I know I'm screwing up. I'm jumping from a cliff so high, seeing the rocks, knowing that I won't make it, that this might be the end for me, and still...there's that sweet one in a lifetime probability that I might make it, that I could dive in and see the light.

What if this was my once in a lifetime chance to make things right? To make them go back to the way they were?

What the hell.

You can only live once. Make the most of it.

I'd been heartbroken once and I survived. I could totally survive this time. Especially since I knew what I was getting into.

Now I just needed him to kiss me. Because I was not taking the first step.

Not in a million years. 

Thank you for reading me!