I've lived my whole life believing that there were some activities that the other kids got to do that I just wouldn't be able to do. For example, I was never really good at sports. My hand-eye coordination was- and still is- terrible. I was never really good at looking at a ball that is flying towards me and catching it. I suck at sports, but I am a really competitive person. So, when I was little my sister Kayla used to play baseball and I would always sit and watch from the sidelines and cheer her on. I would also get kinda bored sometimes and draw in the sand. 

I remember seeing my sister play baseball and thinking, "Wow! I wish I could play baseball! That would be so cool!" But, unfortunately, my parents kind of raised me to believe that I "could not do it" because I'm so freaking "different." 

Frick that shit! I don't wanna be different; I wanna be me! And if I can't play gosh darn baseball with the other kids, then I don't know why the heck my parents feel so good about theirselves being able to raise a perfectly different child. 

Oh my gosh....I am so sorry, parents! Sometimes I really do think I have anger issues. I get angry, mad, sad, grumpy. I'm having crazy ass mood swings right now, and my whole family is a little freaked out. You could always see me stomping through the house, rolling my eyes and stomping my feet. I've always wondered, "Why the frick am I so sassy all the time?" 

But then I remember, "Ahhh... it's because I'm so freaking different." And, of course, that's a sarcastic thought. I'm really not that different from you. Yes, you! The person who's reading this behind the screen right now. Yes, I have a Trach, I have a feeding tube, but I also have freaking feelings. I am human, like you. I'm not a happy little angel all the time. I know some people think people like me are so happy and joyful all the time, but we're really gosh darn not. We face oppression, we face depression, and yes there are lots of times where we smile and laugh. Nowadays, I don't really feel like laughin that much anymore. 

Fortunately. there are some rare opportunities that I do have a little smile on my face.  Fortunately, I always hold on to that sliver of hope that I'm going to be okay. I am going to be okay.  

So, to whoever is reading this: know that people aren't as different as you think. We all have one thing in common that we want: to not only be accepted, but to feel accepted as well. 

Thank you so much for reading this, and have a wonderful rest of your wonderful life.