It was never about loving unconditionally, was it? It was never about living wild. It was about making most of the little time you had. It had always been about that. And I for once, admit that the grandeur fooled me. I fell for it, over and over again. Till I lost you. To the turning wheels of life, to the abyss. To the beyond which I feel is, simply put, nothingness. There's no flowing rivers, gleaming mountains, arching rainbows. Just an endless nothing. There's something so poetic about losing you. How my mind has practiced to forget you. To enclose the emotions in a box and leave them in an inaccessible part of my brain. A part that keeps threatening to burst open, to remove the ground from right under my feet. Sometimes I wonder if I ever did love you. But my brain keeps telling me that you never meant more than a penny to me, because if you really did, I would have cared more about keeping you alive than keeping your word.

(c) Ishita Singh 2021