I can remember the warm days. The sweet sun kissing my pale skin as I lay across my grass bed. It was so easy then, to fall asleep. Hm, as easy as it was for Alice to fall in the rabbit hole. I could dream for hours at a time or at least until mama came to awaken me to do chores or other work. Rarely ever did we have fun. She was always busy at work or cleaning. Whenever there was a chore to do that I allowed to slip my mind, she would shout aloud for the whole city to hear "AURELIE ANEZKA OCÉANE BRING YOUR LITTLE ASS HERE!!!!" She would only hit me if it were a major chore.  I believe it was the exhaustion from the hard chores that led me to a sweet slumber, then again it could be anything.

    I'm bringing up sleep because that is the very sweet treasure I have yet to posses at night. If only I could get sleep like others, or like I did as a child. I don't even know how it all went down hill from there. I Work just as hard as I did as child, just without my hard working mother allowing the entire neighborhood to know my name. I tried so many different things to try to sleep from home remedies to strong pills that would put a horse to sleep. Nothing ever worked, it only caused hallucinations and dizziness. My doctor tried to prescribe me with the best medicines for my condition which I researched to be described as "insomnia". I appreciate it but with all of the warm milk and pills, I am getting no where with this. I am desperate for a cure to this disease or whatever it is. I don't even know when it began! I spent plenty of years pondering those questions and had back to back psychiatrists to help but again, nothing. I'm quite sure plenty of people have killed themselves after so much time with no rest. I've read books and typed some of my own in that amount of time. Plenty on this condition.

    My best friend in the whole world Melanie A. Ophélie has been there for me the whole time. She suggested the psychiatrists after giving up on the home remedies along with me. The psychiatrists failed us but she still recommends that I attended the sessions. I appreciate her help but I'm going to just do some further research on my own. So many days have gone by and tonight will be the night that I do something drastic. Mother, forgive me.