Phil, Rae, Logan, Reg, Simon and I frantically ripped opened our mega packages of toilet paper while hiding haphazardly behind a bush in the yard next to Mr. Walrus-Nard's house.

I hate that sentence.

"So, you're clear on what we're doing here, right, Jacky?" Phil said.

"Throw the toilet paper at the house. I got it, you sap," I said. I stood up, while the others, still crouching, watched me with apprehensive looks. I positioned myself in front of the dark house and lobbed the TP as hard as I could. My eyes fallowed my first roll fly through the air and land in a tree to the side of the property, neatly unraveling. I breathed a sigh of relief, not just because Rae and the rest were watching me sharply, also because it felt good, physically and emotionally, to just chuck a roll of toilet paper at someone's house. The others fallowed me out, seeing the coast was seemingly clear, and gave it a whirl — though this was most certainly not their first rodeo. Rae hurled her TP with vogue, as if Mr. Walrus-Nard had personally wronged her. I smiled, even laughed slightly.

In the euphoria that is vandalism of private property, I effectively forgot what my brother had pronounced earlier in the day to Charlie and I, and so when I saw Phil make his way towards Rae with a stupid, flirty look on his face, my heart tripped over its own feet, and I ended up throwing my TP straight upward.

"You have a good arm," Phil said to Rae.

"Thanks," Rae said. "It doesn't look like it does in the movies."

"Eh, it'll be just as hard to clean up," he said. He heaved one roll in each hand into the porch. "Besides, it's fun for us, so, like, touché, right?"

"Right," Rae said, an inquisitive look on her beautiful face. "I'm curious, what did your teacher actually do to deserve this?"

"Ugh, he failed us — and is just a dick in general. So we started planning. Totally dope."

"Should you have passed?" Rae asked.

"Well, I don't know," he said, which meant 'no.' "Trust me, it's just what happens when you fail my crew. No real harm done."

You could see that Rae felt concerned about the last part, and she hesitated to throw another roll.

Phil cleared his throat.

"So, speaking of...stuff, would you maybe want to go out some time?" I threw my TP so boisterously it flew past the entire property.

"Nice throw, sweet cheeks," Logan said, so I bunged a couple of rolls at his head. He spazzed out, flailing his arms and Reg took the opportunity to noogie him.

She paused and seemed to ponder the question. "Well, pfff, I mean, well yeah," she stuttered.

I inhaled anxiously. "But I'm not sure about th-the, you know, timing of it — god, okay. I don't think I can, Phil."

I exhaled, relieved.

"I'm not sure what — why — if, but, I mean, you know... Uh, here's the thing: I... was planning on asking Charlie out."

"What?" Phil asked.

"What?!" I said louder then I intended, but turned away before Rae or Phil would see me actively eavesdropping.

"Have you even met him?" Phil asked.

"Yeah," Rae said. "Before you came downstairs we had a very nice conversation." By this point, I knew that she was lying. "Some major vibes between the two of us. I'm gonna ask him out... soon, so, I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline that very tempting offer."

"That's okay. No hard ones," Phil said, to Rae's alarm. "You know, it's pretty cool you're into Charlie, 'cause he said he was gonna ask you out, too."

Shit, I said under my breath.

"Really?" Rae said.

"Yeah," he said. "I hope you guys are happy." Phil walked away, hanging his head in dejection and rejection, to his bros, who were ripping up toilet paper and spreading it around the lawn and dunking it in the gutter. Yeet.

"JustactnormaljustactnormaljustactnormalJackyoucandoit," I said to myself as I casually walked over to Rae. She was considering a roll of TP.

"Sooooooooo, what was that about?" I asked. "What was my brother talking to you about?"

"I thought you knew," she said, and I tried as best I could to act flummoxed. "You were listening the entire time, weren't you?"

"That's implausible. That's feasible. That's totally true."

"It's okay, Jack," she said.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"But does your friend Charlie actually have a crush on me?"

I sucked it right back in.

"Um," I stalled. "No. He just said that. He has no idea who you are — as he said."

"Why did he say that he likes me?" Rae asked the right question.

"I told him to," I said, "because we knew my brother would ask you out. And I knew that you wouldn't be into that, so Charlie said he's into you and asked Phil to step off his kool aid bro. But Phil said no and that he could try after he asked you and so... yeah, this happened."

"Okay," Rae sighed. "But just one question, what made you think I wouldn't be into your brother?"

"Because he's a jackass...? I just assumed—"

"Never assume," she interrupted me, "it makes an ass out of you and me." She looked genuinely angry and walked away to her own part of the yard. My mouth hung open, like I was about to say something, but the fact that this was the literal worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone ever distracted me, and I ended up looking like a mime, I guess.

As the twilight transformed into night, I realized that, maybe, this was all for naught, and I lobbed another roll a lot more morosely than I ever had before.

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Hello, and thanks for read chapter 6 of Preternatural. 

Signing off extra quick because I'm shaking like a leaf with my arms wrapped around my knees and slowly rocking back and forth. 

Bye. :)