F*ck me up the a$$...

I wanted to scream. I may (or may not) have coincidentally forgotten to ask my boss to push up my schedule so I could be at Mark and Thomas's place by six. I sorta pushed it aside and just started editing an article for the new magazine that was to be printed in two weeks.

Sure, you could say I was a bit ahead of schedule and was just burning time. You'd be absolutely right. I was uneasy about going back to the hottie's place because I was like 98% sure they were part of a gang or something.

Although, I did agree to be their maid or whatever. Now I was paying for it. Like I always did...

It wasn't necessarily all my fault, though. Other people had a hand in this! I was having a stressing day, I was anxiety ridden and didn't have the courage to ask my boss to let me off early.

I blame this mostly on Charles, the barista at the local cafe. He cursed me this morning by giving me a jelly filled donut instead of a cream one. That jelly stain on my tie had led me to be too embarrassed to face my boss on top of all the crap I was struggling through!

It was also Samantha's fault. She engaged me in an interesting conversation (about how Toby McGuire's Spiderman wasn't canon because of being able to actually control his webs, while the new Tom Holland Spiderman was so much better because he invented his like in the comics right) right as I was about to grow a pair and talk to my boss.

I guess I could blame it on Timothy as well. Actually, I was totally blaming it on Timonthy. He was the one who screwed up the clock on my computer. That was partially my fault because I was too lazy to fix it, but that's besides the point!

There was a million other people I could blame for getting me in this mess, *cough cough* mother for giving birth to me*cough cough*, but that wasn't solving the problem.

It didn't really matter now what had led up to me being cramped up under my desk hiding from a big brute, just that I was. I used to be so good at hide and go seek, whatever happened to that skill?

I could see Mark's large form as he prowled down the lines of cubicles. I cowered beneath my desk, pulling my chair back into place so he hopefully didn't see me. Because that would definitely help. The position was quite uncomfortable, since I wasn't exactly a 'small' guy.

I guess I was overreacting a bit. Taking off early wasn't such a big deal, especially since I usually stay an hour, sometimes two, working overtime. Wasn't too crazy going home an hour early, was it?

I internally groaned. I didn't even want to ask my boss. I prayed silently to myself that Mark would just pass on by from my work cubicle, but I had no such luck.

You know, luck is a really weird word... Like, it sounds like 'uck' with an l in the front. That's because that's exactly what it is, you dipsh_t, I chatisised myself. Still, who ever though that word could ever be so against me? Or for me, if we're referring to bad luck.

"What the f*ck are you doing?" A deep voice rumbled, extracting me from my internal rant about 'luck'.

I stayed silent, hoping against hope he was talking to the other guy hiding under my desk. But there wasn't another guy... Well f_ckity f_ck f_ck f_ck.

"No one's home, please leave a message," I replied in a nasally voice, imitatimg that one secretary lady from Monster's Inc.

"Keenan, get your a$$ out from under there," Mark ordered, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I was officially caught. Yep. Man, why would I ever think I could hide out under my desk? I barely even fit under there, and that's with my legs sticking out.

I slowly crawled from my hding spot, taking my sweet time to stand up. I let out an entirely manly yelp as he pulled me up quickly by the collar of my shirt.

I hissed softly as I was shoved back against my desk. I glared angrily at him. I spat at his feet, turning away from him. Sorry, I don't appreciate being manhandled!

Mark growled, bending me over the desk. Wow, what a great position this was. Was he going to rape me at my office in front of all my coworkers? His hands locked around my wrists, pinning them behind my back. "Is that really how you want to treat me? You owe me, you know."

Me, owe him? Yeah right. He was the big oaf that attacked me in a dark alleyway with his buddy! I scoffed, squirming and trying to free myself from this awkward position. Seriously, come on! It was embarrassing to be a grown man and pinned to my own desk. I know we attracted at least a few wandering eyes.

"How'd you figure that?" I asked, rutting back against him and trying to squeeze from his iron hold.

"Well, for one I've decided not to punish you for not doing as I said, although I promise you I'm only doing this because you aren't yet... Accustomed to how I run things. And I've come all this way to pick you up from work, so you should be grateful!" Mark replied, still holding me steadfast.

I huffed and relented in my struggles, falling slack against him. How he ran things? What was that supposed to mean? I perfectly understood how he ran things, he forced people into doing what he wanted and 'punished' them if they still didn't comply. The only way he could punish me was to not pay me as much as he promised, and if he did that, I was quitting. He didn't scare me!

Yeah, that was a total lie. I'm terrified of him.

"Fine then! Let me go so I can go tell my boss and then we can leave," I grunted.

I was not happy about being forced into doing this. But hey, I would be a lot more compliant if that mother f#cker just let me go.

Mark reluctantly dropped his arms to his sides and backed away from me. I turned sharply on my heel, glowering at him.

"You're a huge d_ckwad, ya know that?" I scowled.

Mark rolled his eyes at me. "Didn't you say something about telling your boss you were leaving early?"

I did say that, didn't I? You know, I hate it when people remember what I say. Half the stuff that comes out of my mouth is total sh#t.

Not literal sh#t though. That would just be nasty. Wasn't there an American Pie movie where a guy had to eat dog sh_t to get a ring or something? That might be the wrong movie, I watched it a long time ago.

Mark crossed his arms. "If you keep on stalling, I'm not paying you for the first hour of work."

That sure got me moving. Spurred on by the idea of a little extra cash to fill my pockets, I practically skipped to my boss's office.

Mark was close on my heels and his presence behind me made me feel slightly intimidated, but also... Comforted? I don't know. I think I've already expressed how insane I am.

Mark was the kind of guy that I would like to hold me- to cradle me to his chest like I'm the most precious thing in the world. I was already daydreaming about it, thick arms wrapped tightly around me, nimble fingers trailing down my chest, soft kisses pressed to my neck...

God, I was so thirsty. Out with one boyfriend, in with the next. I can testify that I am a repulsive human being.

On top of being repulsive, I'm stupid too. I had left my glasses at my desk and almost ran face first into my boss's door. Luckily, Mark grabbed the back of my shirt and stopped me.

I shot back into his chest. Sending him a glare, I shrugged him off. I reached out and twisted the door knob to my boss's office.

"Hello?" I called out, poking my head in.

My boss's head snapped up. It was kind of funny, he was a pudgy man with triple chins and his head bobbled like a bobble head figure. I stuffed a very unmanly giggle back down my throat at the thought.

"Mr. Crater! What can I do for you, lad?" He grinned, plucking a chocolate from a box on his desk.

"It's Mr. Carter, sir, but you can just call me Keenan," I murmured. My eyes flickered down on the gifts on his desk. A box of chocolates, a single rose, and a card... Seems like my boss had an admirer.

My boss blushed, and stuffed the treats inside a drawer. "I'm sorry, lad, slip of the tongue. What is it you be needing?"

I was about to answer when Mark cut me off, answering for me. "Keenan would like to change his work schedule. He'll be needing to end work at 5:45, can he make those up earlier in the morning?"

My boss drew his eyebrows together. It was strange how in the boundaries of my mind, I always referred to him as my boss, even though his name was actually Mr. Bailey. My boss sounded better in my opinion. Wow, I was getting off topic.

My boss pulled out a thin file, examining it. "I suppose that could be arranged. May I ask who you are?"

"You may not," Mark replied, and I swore I just about hit him. This f_cking idiot was going to get me fired!

My boss frowned. "Oh. Alright. Well, I don't wish to trifle through your business, but may I at least know why you wish to make such a change?"

Mark was about to answer, but this time, I interrupted him. "I've been offered to take up a side job which could really help me get the bills paid. I'll still be working here just as viligantly, I promise, though." I shot him a charming smile.

My boss grinned back, reaching over and patting my arm. "I understand, lad. Still fresh in the world, must be getting those student loans paid and food on the table! I'll have it changed by the end of the week on file, but you can start coming in an hour earlier starting tomorrow."

"Thank you! I really must be going now, have a fine evening!" I beamed, practically skipping out of Mr. Bailey's office.

Mark trailed behind me, closing the door behind him with a little bit too much unneeded force. I ignored him and made my way to my desk. I gathered my things up, pulling on my jacket.

"Alright! Guess I'm ready to go be your maid..."

♪Yeah, yeah, I know, it's been two weeks... But dude, how am I already on the leaderboard for humor? This is crazy! Thank you all for being such supportive and amazing readers!♪