I know i should be talking about my relationship. But not rn.
I need to go over something.
Cutting.
Many people do it for different reasons.
For me. I do it for all the reasons..
Im depressed. Especially after events that happened two days ago I cried and some of those tears were burning my wounds as i cut.
I do get a high from it..it feels...kinda good to do it..
And..i enjoy looking at my scars...
But i never cut deep..
I just cut the surface enough so it makes marks..
I cut a lot this time..
But again never deep..
I just woke up...
Im so tired..
I miss my love.
I miss my friends.
I miss feelings happy around them.
I mean i am happy.
But the one person who cheers me up the most...
Is gone..i let him go..
I fucked him up by telling him something...
Of course he has other things that fucked him up too...
But i cant help feel like its all my fault...
Haha...im the queen of ruining peoples lives...
I just lost another friend today...
But more than anything...i feel like that was his fault rather than mine....
Of course i feel sad and guilty but...
He was overly sensitive to something that wasnt mean or offensive...i would get into it..
But why?...
My hands are getting tired...
I think im going to go outside for once...breakfast first tho
Its been snowing so i cant go skateboarding..
And its to cold for me to go walking...
Damn winter....

-M