Im such a freaking idiot....
But i couldnt help it...
When people yell at me...like do this do that...ur not suppose to be here...ur suppose to be here...ur doing this wrong...
I hate it....it triggers my anxiety....
I was about to have a freaking attack...
And guess what...
My girlfriend and me got a fake divorce....its fake right...i was joking....but when she responded she sounded so serious...and she said she thought i was....i was hurting on the inside....and then the nervous pain bottled up inside....and i got hit by a basketball there....inwas in so much pain but i didnt show it...and then there was the yelling....afterwards....even tho i was doing so well holding it in....i just started....it hurt so much.....
During class....all i could think about is ...i want to die. I want to diem i want to die. I. Want to die. I want to diem i want to die....and i remember drawing something...to...on my notebook...also this day...i was very tired.....i didnt sleep much....

And now this...looking back at it now...i feel like a wuss....i feel weak....i feel useless.....unloved...when they yell at me....ii feel like how i feel when my parents tell me those things....even if they arent saying those words...it hurts...
I know my girlfriend has it way worse...but i cant help but rant....thats just me....also...i remember one time she told me because she wasnt allowed near sharp things....she bit herself instead of cutting...and whilr i was in class ...i bit my hand....it hurt...but not that much...i bled a little...but..the pain inside was much worse...im also kept away from sharp objects...but i have an emergency blade in a safe...and im home now...so....em...yea......i know i told my love i wouldnt cut....but i cant help it...