Im crying in the girls bathroom...
Is sucks...
My tears sting the scratch marks on my face...
No one knows this yet...but i scratch myself when im stressed...
She told me...why she loves me...
And yet she comes today in a foul mood..

Being me...i went up to her to start conversation...
"What are u doing?" i ask...

No response..

I pause for a second..wondering what ti say...or should i leave...
I say..."can i hug u..?"..

She continued to look at her phone and say no....

That feeling..is like when uve been rejected...not to go out but....marriage...
When u propose and u get rejected...
It hurts ...
Im crying in the bathroom...
So no one sees...
I went to see whether or not the marks where visible..
They are not......thats a good thing...
But they sting...
Alot...
I dont want others to see me cry...
They are always concerned..
Especially gibby...
She....
Is always concerned for my relationship...
And...i dont want to tell people...
Cause i feel like i did something....
I feels like a garbage human again...
But...even tho...this is so...
Ill try to be happy....
But...then again...
If im happy shell get jealous and say that i like hanging with other people more than her...but thats not true...
Its just the way she acts towards me...is like she doesnt want me around...
And when i laugh and talk to people she feels that way...
And when i cry...everyones concerned ....and she was happy with them...and then she feels bad.....she already has it hard enough...

That one time when i cried...
I remember her saying when they were trying to comfort me

"Can someone say something happy! Im tired of being depressed..."
I cried more...but calmed down again...i told them i just needed time alone...i went to a place...by myself...
Cried some more...

And on the inside....
I told myself

Why is she still with me?
I dont deserve her...
Im awful..
Im a garbage human...
Im ugly....
Im fat....
I hate myself...

I feel like...happiness or sadness cant show....because ill make her mad or jealous...but a part of me...has to...its who i am as a person....

But i guess.....

Ill try to show no emotions...
Happiness?
Sadness?
Pssshhh...

I dont need those...

Ive got good ol neutral....

*sighs*....
This is gonna be so hard.....
But i gotta....