My heart for some reason ached...earlier this afternoon...
It ached as if...something was wrong...
And for some reason...i felt the urge to scratch it...
I wasnt itchy....
It just...
I had to itch it...
Or else it bothered me...
I was drawing...and every single while...i scratched my chest...hear my heart...i didnt feel anything...
I kept scratching it...and when i took a shower...i looked in the mirror...and saw a big red spot there.....and as soon as i went into the shower...it burned....it burned so badly...
Afterwards.....it was less red...but the burning continued....
And i also had an urge to cut....as soon as i got back to my room...i went looking for...a small blade i kept hidden...but i was missing...and i couldnt find it...it drove me crazy....i wanted to do it....but i couldnt....
So instead...to take my mind away from things i drew
...
I felt better but the lain was still there....and then...i checked my phone......

I talked to one of my best friends gavy....and as soon as i did....

Another message appeared...but from a different person...

It was....the person....the friend i lost....

U see....i made a promise to my girlfriend...that no matter what happened....id marry her....

Knowing i made this promise....he was upset....

Cause he liked me....

....he started to get even more upset...knowing that he liked me and i still made that promise....

But....still...

Alot of people like me on here......alot....

But i cant return everyones feelings....
And im not the one to cheat....i feel bad on the inside....and if i did...my mouth would let it come out....

I just dont like telling lies...

And....besides...my girlfriend.....

I love her...more than all the past people ive dated...im sorry to say this...i know people ive dated in the past are gonna be mad...but its the truth...

I love her....and i cant wait till the day we marry....

The aching had stopped...the burning no...

But rn....i feel it again.....

But i think im just relieved...