brian regan yesssss

Tommy- *walks on stage*

crowd- *cheering.

Tommy- Thank you very much!

crowd- *more cheering*

Tommy- Thanks.

crowd- *still cheering*

Tommy- Very nice.

crowd- *STILE CHEERING*

Tommy- Wow. 

crowd- *wont stfu*

Tommy- Thank you. Thank you.

crowd- *finally shuts up*

Tommy- Wow. Feel good.

Tommy- That's all the time I needed to fill.

crowd- *laughing*

Tommy- I appreciate that, man. Feels good.

Tommy- I'm feeling good, I just recently had to go to the emergancy room though, I had some stomach virus thing, I almost called an ambulance!

Tommy- It's weird, considering calling and ambulance for yourself.

Tommy- Ya know? You call ambulances for other people, right? What are you supposed to day about yourself? "Can you come get me?"

crowd- *laughs*

Tommy- "Yeah, I don't feel so good. Just come on and i'll be lying on the floor."

Tommy- I'm just looking on the floor saying "I don't know how to do this."

Tommy- I don't know what to do, it was at night so I drove myself to the emergency room. That's a nice relaxing drive.

Tommy- *whistles* No, after you. 

Tommy- Merge, everybody. Merge.

Tommy- I'm only imploding.

Tommy- So, I pull up to the entrance to the emergency room. No valet parking. I mean, that's not the biggest OVERSIGHT in our solar system.

Tommy- If there's ever a time where you're like "Can you park this? Because I need to collapse immediantly."

Tommy- No, I'm circling around a parking lot.

Tommy- "Can I park here? I think I'm going to die."

Tommy- "I'm dying too." "Okay go ahead!"

Tommy- "I'll go up a couple levels!" "Hah hah hah haaahh.. Hah hah haaahhh..."

Tommy- I don't care of you're driving yourself or someone else to the emergency room, you still wanna get out and rum in with them.

Tommy- Are you supposed to drop somebody off and go park a car?

Tommy- "OKAY YOU GO IN!"

Tommy- "TELL EM' YOU'RE SHOT!"

crowd- *laughs*

Tommy- "ASK EM' IF THEY VALIDATE!"

Tommy- So I finally park, ya know, I go in to check in, they ask the most insulting question when you check into a hospital. "What seems to be the problem?"

Tommy- Wh- what seems? Well it "seems".. It seems like eveything on my inside want's to be on my outside. But I'm no doctor.

Tommy- What kind of condesinding question?

Tommy- So, they check me into my luxiorius half-room. There's a curtain down the middle, with the mystery patient on the other side.

Tommy- And he's moanin' over there, "auuuuuuuuuh!" I'm thinkin' "man, they're never gonna help me with him moanin' like that." So I gotta out moan em', ya know?

Tommy- "uuuhh" "AUUUUUUUHHH!" "UHH UHHHHHHHH!"

Tommy- QUIT MOANIN', WE'RE ALL HURTING.

Tommy- They whole floors like a moaning qu- UHHHHHH, MUHHHH!" It's gotta be hell to work in this enviorment.

Tommy- So, i'm killing time riding. The nurse finnaly comes in "How are you doing tonight?"

Tommy- "I'm on a gurney."

Tommy- "You have a pain killer or somethin'? This is killing me."

Tommy- So she goes "How would you describe your pain?"

Tommy- ..... "It's killing me."

Tommy- I don't know if you remember that part.

Tommy- Um, ouch. What? Are we playing that pyramid game? Um.. Excrusiating.

Tommy- Horrific.

Tommy- Um.. Would rather have shards of glass in my bones. "How do I convey this to you?" So she asks, "How would you rate your pain?" 

Tommy- "4 stars."

Tommy- "Two enthusiastic thunbs up."

Tommy- She goes "How would you rate it from 1 to 10, 10 being the worst?" 

Tommy- Ya know, saying a low number isn't gonna help ya. "Oh.. I'm a two :). Maybe the high ones. If you could get me a baby aspirin and cut it in half. Maybe a flint stone vitamin and i'll be out of your case."

Tommy- "You can go tend to all the 9's and 10's and such- if anyone's saying such ridiculous numbers.."

Tommy- I couldn't bring myself to say 10 though cuz' I had heard the worst pain a human can endure is getting a femur bone cracked in half, I don't know if that's true but I thought if it is, they have exclusive rights to tap.

Tommy- And now I'm thinking what was I worrying about? Is there like a femur ward at the hospital, they would have heard about me and hobbled into my room. "Who the hell?!?"

Tommy- "HAVE THE AWDASITY!" (idk how to spell that.)

Tommy- "TO SAY HE WAS AT A LEVEL 10!"

Tommy- "You know nothing about 10! Giveme a sledgehammer, i'll she you what 10 is all about! Mister "tummy ache"!"

Tommy- "NEUUUUH! NEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUHUHU!"

Tommy- How could I possibly say ten?

Tommy- Can't! So I thought if I said 9, then I thought, "no childbirth, I don't to compete with that."

Tommy- Then I though, you know what must be hell? Giving childbirth when your femur bone is cracked.

Tommy- So I said "I guess I'm an 8." And she said "Oh-ho-ho. I'll be back." Gawh- I blew it man. I ain't gettin' nothing with 8.

Tommy- But she surprised me she came in and said "The doctor told me to give you morphin immediantly."

Tommy- Like, morphim? That's what they gave the guy in Saving Privite Ryn right before he DIED! Okay, I-I'm a four!

Tommy- I'm a 0, I'm a negative eleven-teen!

Tommy- Morphin.. So they gave me morphin. Wow.. All I know is about 15 minutes later just for the hell of it i was like "I'm a 8 again! Guess who's an 8? When they finally checked me out i'm walking down the halls and I'm like "Say8! Say 8! Say 8! Say 8!"

Tommy- Happy 8 day!

Tommy- Did you get some 8? Did you get some 8?

Tommy- What am I throwing? You can't throw a number.. alright, Johnney Appleseed did you get any 8 over there?

Tommy- I dont get my own visuals. Alright.  I'm here throwing a number around.

___________________

idk why i made this but it took a while and its rlly long and also ill start making my chaoters as long as possible so yeah 

also i just got back from disney world thats why i havent uodated and please give me some ships for my one shot book oki doki byyye

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