After no contact for months, my ex texts me out of the blue

That's a red flag, right? 

It's already hard enough to move on and stop thinking about them without them texting me... 

I'm anxious now. 

I mean they did a lot to me, it was really hard to block the number and delete the texts so I'd stop constantly reading them and making myself upset. 

I mean it's not like they said anything really but still. 

Sorry I'm ranting... 

I just- I don't know. 

It's taking a lot in me not to unblock them and text them again.

And it's not like I still like them, I don't. They put me through hell.

But, I'm not the type to cut people off left and right without a thought. It's not who I am, I always feel bad no matter what shit they put me through.

Am I selfish for thinking they have no right to show up whenever the hell they feel like it and wreck whatever happiness I built up since they've been gone?

I mean, I'm not the happiest person but I have my friends and I'm doing my best to manage.

It was incredibly hard for me to cut off contact with them and it feels like not a day goes by where I regret it.

I know it was what's best for me. So why do I feel like awful? Is this normal?

I don't still like them, I've done my best to keep the distance to protect myself.

I don't know how to handle this.

The only reason I was able to block and stop texting them was the advice of mu friends and a consler I talked to.

I don't know what to do anymore. We were just teenagers and dated for less then a year.

They were horrible to me but the breakup hurt more than I thought it should have. I knew it was coming but I was living in doubt.

I'm trying not to get upset, it means nothing. It should mean nothing.

I know I overthink, but why is this such a big deal?

I'm not going to answer, obviously. I blocked them and been trying to ignore it.

I never got closure, that's all it is, right?

I can't go through this shit again.

I don't want to go through this. My life is already shit, I don't need this.

I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I should be able to stop thinking about it and be able to ignore it and move on with my life.

So why am I crying over it?

I really hope they don't see this. I don't want them to see this.

I want it to stop. I want it all to stop.

Make it stop.

Please...

Make. It. Stop...