I have felt like fucking shit recently. Well, more like the past few months. I have had a major relapse in my depression, stress, anxiety, and anorexia. I don't want to end up relapsing in anything else so I am going to try to get signed up for therapy either today or tomorrow.

With my anorexia I had stopped eating for a few days and I didn't even realize it. It was after the fact that my mom had pointed out that my clothes were getting baggy on me again did I realize what was happening. I had told my mom right away and she forced me to eat. So far I have only been able to eat 1 small meal every day. I know I am looking weight and I am getting skinnier, but I am also hurting my body. I have had a ton of stress and things I need to get done, I haven't had time to eat or I never felt hungry. I hate this disorder, I really fucking do.

My depression has gotten to the point where thoughts of self harm go through my head daily. I have my blades, but I don't want to hurt anyone else. I also don't want to fuck up 4 months clean after doing it for 2-3 years. I don't smile anymore with out it being fake, I haven't made any jokes with my family, and I don't do anything with much passion as before. It's really upsetting to walk into a room and hear everyone sigh as the room became heavy with my emotions. It fucking sucks.

I just wish it would all go away.