Y/N went back into her room after awhile. The topic of fighting had lingered on her mind. Y/N had always considered herself a fighter. She considered herself a survivor. She had gone through the cold of New York with no shelter, family or anyone all in search of the last family member she knew she could depend on.

Y/N made a fist to see what it would look like. She took out her thumb from inside the clenched hand- remembering something in one of Splinters lessons that she overheard. Mikey was being careless about something and forgot the basics of it. After Y/N fixed her hand, something still seemed wrong. Her hand did not look right. Nothing looked right.

Y/N decided to undress and take a look at herself.

The only opportunity she had to have done that before was at Aprils but it had not come to mind. She was more worried about being intrusive even though April insisted she wasn't- wow that girl is really nice.

The first thing off was a shirt April had given her. She took her hands and felt the tops of her shoulders first- they were so hard she felt numb. Her hands slid down to her chest- she laughed at the fact that she thought something would be there- then down to her ribs.

Her ribs expanded and shuddered but she knew she needed to continue. She had avoided knowing what she was in four months and she needed to know. She went down to her stomach.

It was not flat or sunken, or fatty. It could be described as normal if it wasn't for the scar a little bit above the space of her hip bone and pelvic bone. She always knew it was there and she knew she got it from something bad but her brain had not decided to reveal it to her yet.

She had had dreams about it like an accident in a car happening or suddenly being stabbed by an intruder. The worst one was she was tied for some reason and her own mom just looked at her and said,

"Don't you want me to be happy?"

Y/N swallowed bitterly. The more days that had passed since the earthquake, the more horrible things came to mind about her mom and Y/N did not want to see her mom that way. She wanted to remember her as a scent of laundry detergent. Something that cleans. Something that fixes.

Y/N quickly put back on her shirt. She would take off her pants of course, but she wasn't going to suddenly get to her body all in one.

Her legs had always been very small. Something that was fine in elementary school but became a crime entering high school. Now she wished she could go back to bullies and shit tests. It was better than worrying if she would see another day.

Her legs had also bruised more easily now.

She liked to keep them covered. She put back on the pants and turned on her side.

Then she pictured April. April was small like her-

"Knees are pinpricks"

Who was to say Raph is wrong? Maybe Y/N could fight. She wanted to feel strong, to feel more confident in herself and be ready for the worst.

Y/N couldn't contain her excitement. She opened her screen door.

Raph was not sitting in front of the TV anymore so Y/N assumed he had probably headed back his own room.

Wherever the hell that is-

She knew where Donnie and Mickey stayed so she avoided those two room and the dojo.

And as she approached the first door she felt like she was intruding.

Should she knock? If this was Leo and they were asleep, they might assume some weird shit.

So Y/N decided against knowing and prayed a teenage boy wasn't doing some weird shit in his room late at night.

Luckily, Raph wasn't.

He was passed out asleep, snoring a bit with his arm hanging off the bed and his blanket on the floor, having been kicked off.

His mask was still on and his weapons were on a table opposite of his bedroom.

"Raph," Y/N whispered,

Raph didn't wake up but stirred a bit.

"Raph," Y/N spoke softly,

That woke him up. He was suddenly at alert but once he realised it was just Y/N-

"Uh- Holy shit it is 4am this better be good."

"Well it is good and I think you will actually like it so,"

Y/N suddenly felt shy about asking. She had been so dismissive of his offer earlier and worried a bit that she had offended him but now for her to suddenly ask.

"Well, spit it out girl."

"I want to..."

"If you're worried about it lemme tell you once Mikey woke me to collect earwax because he wanted to make a ball out of the stuff."

Y/N visually gagged.

"Or was that Donnie?"

"Well, Raph,"

"Raph? You bet. The one and only."

"Yes, well we were talking earlier."

"Yeah," He got a bit excited, like he was able to tell where this was headed.

"And you know. I just want to be better."

Raph stopped acting excited for a moment amd tried to process that as best he could.

Better. Stronger. Faster.

Tools he probably would have used.

Better. Calmer.

He couldn't think of a last one but-

"Look Y/N, I think it takes a real to champ to decide they want to become a better person."

Y/N nodded, but had a feeling it was now too late. Raph was going to reject teaching her now, wasn't he?

"But you also have to accept who you are now. And I've been someone who hasn't really helped you with that and hell that's some shit I struggle with all the time."

"But you're strong." Y/N contradicted,

"Well thank you for noticing, sweetheart." He said with a wink.

Y/N felt themself blush before laughing it off. Raphael also, realizing what just came out of his mouth quickly added,

"But there's more than that." His voice cracked a little.

"What more Raph? You and your brothers are freaking ninjas. You guys are literal athletes- flipping off rooftops and shit-"

"While flipping off-"

"Like shit- I didn't think that crap was humanly possible or-"

"Let me stop you there, Y/N." Raphael's tone was no longer joking. "My brothers and I may have touched humans before we touched the mutagen- but we really aren't humans. We're turtles. And Mikey is trying to come up with a name for us that he can copyright if you can believe that shit."

"Sorry I- What I meant to say is well- You said April can do it?"

"Well, she tries,"

"So is she good or-"

"Well, she's getting better and that's what really counts but if she didn't have her mind powers- you could count her out."

"Oh,"

"Please don't tell April that. Or Donnie! I know I sound like a total jerk right now but she's like my sister, y'know and she is a fighter, I'll give her that. But you best believe when it comes down to a fight all four of my brothers have one eye on the bad guys and one on her."

"Do you uh- Do you see her as a burden?"

"No! Of course not! April is totally cool and Casey ain't so bad either."

"You just worry about them."

"As any caring being would."

Y/N couldn't help but snicker.

"Hey, I may be crude but I ain't no Shredder. That's for damn sure."

"Raph, I want you to be honest-"

"I always am."

"I know. You're blunt and I guess that's why I'm asking you this because I know you won't sugar coat shit or try to protect my feelings-"

"Look," Raph interrupted, "I really am sorry about what I said and what I called you. That wasn't me being blunt. That was just rude." He slapped his wrist, "Bad Raph."

"Well no, thank you for that but I actually forgot."

"I'm just out here reopening old wounds."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Well, it did get me thinking along with you helping me get out my anger. I want to be like you guys. I want to fight and I know I have a long way to go but I have spirit and all that cheesy shit."

"You do!" Raph agreed, "I'll never forget those cans."

"Cans?" Y/N suddenly felt a need to cover her chest but realized he was talking about when they first met. "Oh yeah!"

"You must of got lucky and hit a nerve because I was seeing some weird shit."

Y/N laughed, and Raph smiled.

"Can I- umm-" Y/N look at his weapons. They were only one of the brothers weapons that would remind her of her scar. They were a stabbing weapon.

"Do you understand stab wounds?" She asked rather quickly,

"Yeah, a bit."

"Okay well, this is going to be awkward as fuck."

"More awkward than my existence?"

"Awkward like my shirts non-existence."

Raph's face was some between a whoa and a-

"Wait a second-" He put up his hands standing.

"It's not bad! And I'm not going to actually remove my shirt. It's lower than my belly button."

"And it's a stab wound?"

"I think so. It could honestly be anything!"

"Okay," Raph huffed, he gestured to his bed for her to lay down. "Let's see this so-called stab wound."

Y/N kind of smirked to themself, getting comfortable- the bed was a bit cool- and they raised there shirt a bit. They watched eagerly for the look of surprise on Raph's face.

"Oh. Well shit."

Raph put a hand over his mouth, her eyes focused.

"Are you okay with me-"

"Yeah you can touch it. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's really old."

Raph pulled the skin a bit more taught. The wound was a straight shape and Raph could tell whatever blade was used, had to have gone in at least 3 inches.

"Girl, you really must've ticked someone off."

"I guess,"

"You really don't remember who did this to you?"

Y/N shook their head. "I was hoping you could tell me. Like shit, someone wanted to kill me. I would like an idea of what I need to avoid."

"Y/N who ever did this, wanted you quiet about something. If they wanted you dead, they would have hit for a vital organ or there would have been more marks."

"Shit," Y/N said,

"That's some trauma shit. I will bet." Raphael said, "And we all got our marks." He referenced to the mark of the edge of his shell.

"Did someone try to stab you?"

"No! This was actually an accident from Master Splinter."

Y/N covered her mouth in shock.

"It's nothing horrible. My brothers and I were babies and Master Splinter was trying to protect us from the kraang. He had as us all in this shopping cart and well, as he was running from them or maybe he had to take one of their drones down-

"They have drones?" Y/N asked in disbelief,

"Yes and well, we were on the stairs and he had to let go or something. I bounced out and the shopping carts wheel just used me for momentum-"

Y/N covered their mouth again and sat up while Raph sat down. She put her hand out looking at him, wanting to touch the area.

"It's cool," He reassured,

The edge where it cracked was harder than any other part of his shell.

Raph could feel himself not being cool anymore, rather the opposite. He cleared his throat,

"Well this," He referenced to his own injury, "Came from something positive." He took her hand and somewhat shoved it back to her person. "Splinter was trying to protect us. He loves us, y'know. So I don't know if I can say what I got here is traumatic." Raph patted her side, "But what you got there, jeez. I don't know..."

Y/N thought for an extra moment, her elbows resting on her knees as she tried to think. Part of her wanted to tell him the dreams she had. More about her and more about him. It just felt good to get out but she was scared that as time continued, that he might get annoyed with her. So she got up and said,

"Thanks Raph, I think I'm going to head back to bed."

"Hey, no problem sister." He was quick to reassure and one of his hands fiddle with the strings on the back of his mask.

"I..." Y/N did not want to leave things like that. This was so awkward. She wanted him to be somewhat comfortable around her. "I want to be more like you, Raphael." She said it as convincingly as she could. It wasn't really a lie. The more she was around the turtles, the more she saw how sweet Raph actually was. She knew how strong he was.

When Y/N closed the door, Raph clasped his hands in disbelief.

"Y/N," he muttered, "You are doing just fine."

Raph got up and looked the the small tank that Y/N had missed- probably because it was covered with a blanket. He gently removes the cloth seeing Spike underneath. Spike was wide awake.

"So you heard all that, huh?" Raph asked,

Spike chewed his leaf.

"It's just- holy cow, Y/N is a really sweet girl. Like I thought she was an asshole to be honest but, I guess I was wrong. I think I've been an asshole to her though, I don't know. Maybe it's just nonsense."

Spike chewed another bit of his leaf.

"I should probably do something nice for her. I should probably help find her brother!" Raph muttered something else, annoyed at himself.

"Holy shell Spike! I never even told her yes to me teaching her. Yeah I know, I know, Splinter is going to wonder what the hell I'm doing. But as long as I don't turn her out like Donnie's student- well, it should be fine."

Raphael opened his bedroom door and booked it to her room. He opened the screen door.

Y/N was out like a light which should be a superpower all on its own.

"Psst, Y/N,"

She stirred a bit sniffling and turned away from him.

Raphael walked to the other side of her. She wasn't crying but her forehead looked like it was. Her body would have gentle tremors and her throat sounded dry.

Raphael felt an impulse to take care of her, make sure she was okay.

After all if she was going to be his student, she was now his responsibility.

But he knew the responsible thing to do would be to get Donnie.