Chapter 14

“How do you think ole Carby’s getting’ along, Colt?” Jessie heard Doc ask to her left.

Colt grunted. “I don’t wanna think about it. No telling what she’s done to the place.”

“She’s probably fine, though,” Doc said.
“How long have ya’ll lived in that little place?” Jessie asked.

Colt ran the pad of his thumb along the line of his square jaw and pressed his lips into a thin line. “About two months, I guess.”

Jessie drew her eyebrows close together. “You don’t have a home?”

Colt shrugged. “Home is where the people you love are. It’s not a building, I don’t suppose.”

“Colt had quite a bit of money saved up for his own spread before he had to spend it on fixing that place up for his grandmother,” Doc put in.

“Shut up, Dawson,” Colt grumbled. “It wasn’t all of it, and I can easily earn it back.”

“Easily? It’s taken you the better part of your prime to save up that money,” Doc shook his head.

Jessie looked back and forth between the men.

“What else was I supposed to do? My parents couldn’t handle her anymore, and I’m the only one she half-heartedly listens to most of the time. She needed a place to stay, and that loft wasn’t gonna work,” Colt defended.

“You could’ve explained the situation to her.”

“That would have been nice. ‘Sorry, Granny. I can’t take you in because I don’t want to part with my money so you’ll have a roof over your head.’ Ain’t that just the picture of a trophy grandson?” Sarcasm laced Colt’s words.

“You know it wouldn’t have gone down like that.”

“I think it was a noble thing that Colt did for his grandmother,” Jessie interjected. “If a lot more men possessed his selflessness, the world would be a better place.”

The wagon jolted, and her shoulder brushed against his.

He sure was a solid man, but that empty feeling she got after she touched him was something she needed to keep an eye on.

She scooted farther away from him and closer to Doc.

“Ha! Hear that, Dawson?” Colt teased.

Doc waved off the words and looked the other way. “If a man worked that hard for the savings he had, he ought to use them for their intended purpose.”

Jessie looked over at Colt and wondered. How long had he been planning to get his own spread? Was is a lifelong dream of his?

She resisted asking the questions in her mind at the conversation was steered in another direction.

The campfire blazed that night, bringing peaceful warmth to the three people around it. Jessie had a terrible headache, but tried not to let on to the men. She had seen them act so carefully the last time she had been hurting, and didn’t want them fretting over her so much all over again.

Colt seemed distracted to her. He didn’t try to make conversation as usual, but he just sat there in silence. He had a faraway look in his pale blue eyes, like something was eating at him and he was trying to figure it out.

Doc slept peacefully - surprisingly - to his left, leaving the two of them awake alone.

“Is something on your mind, Colt?” she asked.

He looked up at her before running a hand through his slightly curly black hair, causing it to stand up roguishly. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Just thinking, is all,” he said.

Jessie sighed. “You just looked like you had something on your mind.”

Colt nodded. “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“I understand.” Jessie leaned over until she rested on her elbow, her hurt leg situated directly in front of her.

There was a short time of silence, and then Colt decided to confide in her.

“Have you ever felt like God was there, but he just didn’t care about your wishes and dreams?” he asked.

Jessie thought a moment. “I guess so.”

She had never had any dreams that she could think of, at least not any realistic ones that she could physically accomplish.

“I know it sounds dumb, but sometimes it just feels like God is there and he hears me, but he just doesn’t listen, ya know? I wonder if he even cares what I have to go through. I know that sounds selfish and conceited, but it’s just what I was thinking.” Colt made circles in the dirt with his forefinger, not looking at her as he sat cross-legged in front of the fire.

Jessie pulled her coat tighter around her as a chilly breeze blew over them. “I know what you mean. I used to feel that way all the time when I was about sixteen. That was only two years ago, but it feels like I’ve come such a long way. The young man that I fancied ran off and eloped with some other girl. I felt so betrayed and hurt. Though it seems silly now, back then I thought my life was just horrific. Then I was sitting in church one Sunday morning and something the preacher said stuck in my mind. He said, ‘God understands your life. He knows what makes you bend and he knows what hurts you, and it’s not that he doesn’t care. It’s just that he sees the bigger picture and how everything works out in the end.’ I guess it suddenly dawned on me that my life was so small compared to God’s plan of the universe, that he had already read the end of my story and he knew how it all worked out. Better yet, he was the author of my story. Then, after I realized how insignificant my temporary problems were, I forgot all about Mr. Heartbreaker and everything else that went along with him. Adam and I became closer, and that’s led to where it is today. All in all, there is a plan out there somewhere waiting to be completed by you. It might take you a while to recognize it, but it will all make sense someday.”

Colt listened quietly while she entrusted him with the thoughts of her heart, only nodding every now and then. It wasn’t until she finished that he looked up.
“Those were about the wisest words I’ve heard in a while,” he said.

Jessie blushed. “It’s just my thoughts.”

“I’ve never thought of life that way before,” Colt told her.

Jessie lay flat on her back and looked up at the abundance of stars above her, sprinkled over the pitch-black sky like salt.

“What do you see up there?” she asked.

Colt stared at her strangely.

“When you look at the stars,” Jessie explained. “What do you see?”

Colt looked upward and thought a moment. “I see the power of God. It’s amazing how something as insignificant as a star can be so small and yet beautiful at the same time.”

Jessie smiled and watched the twinkling lights.

“What do you see?” Colt asked.

“I see millions of candles.” Jessie smiled. “They all burn for one solitary reason - to bring God pleasure. I think it’s so kind of him to share a little of that pleasure with us.”

“They are amazing,” Colt agreed, laying flat on his back on the other side of the fire.

They were silent for a while, content with watching the stars twinkle and sparkle above them.

Jessie sneaked a glance across the fire at the man laying there, his eyes revealing his state of deep concentration. She smiled.

Colt was one of those men whom she could consider a friend. He had stuck by her through everything over the past two weeks, even explaining the same thing to her over and over on a few occasions. He was loyal, and that was hard to come by.

Adam would like him.

She smiled, thinking about her fiancé and the life they had planned. She’d had her concerns about being a Sheriff’s wife at first, but those worries had been put to rest with trust in her Heavenly Father.

Thank you, Lord, for providing me with Adam and a promising future. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you.

*****

Colt rolled onto his side and faced the fire, the relentless thoughts of his mind preventing sleep.

There was so much that he didn’t understand about life. That confusion led him to doubt and wonder if God even cared sometimes, but when he looked up at the stars, he knew that there was a God and that he had painted the night sky just for their pleasure. With his own hand, he had sprinkled the darkness with the little lights and made the moon show itself.

It was beautiful. The whole stage of life that he was in was truly beautiful. God had a great plan in motion, and he just had to find the faith to wait and trust in the One who knew what was going on.

It was finding the faith that left him bewildered. How did one come about more faith? He was born with some, worked for some, and just came about more. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath and prayed in his mind.

Lord, I don’t know your plan. I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’m gonna do it, but I know that you do. If you don’t mind, could you grant me a little grace and help me trust in you? I know I need you, that you have everything I’m seeking, but it seems that I’m a little short on patience. I want to forget about Bliss and all that I felt, but I can’t seem to. She’s been the love of my life for so long, I just don’t know how to move on. Maybe I’m supposed to learn from this, but right now I just need comfort. So Lord, just grant me the wisdom that I need to move on. That’s all I ask.

He felt the need to write in his journal as he finished his prayer. He hadn’t written in it since his grandmother had arrived, out of fear that she would see him. He didn’t know why, but he felt that he needed to keep the book that he kept his private thoughts in to himself. He didn’t want any of the cowboys to know that he could write more than simple numbers and a name or two, but he also didn’t want the word out that he actually had - private feelings. Bliss knew about his journal, but she was the only one. He hadn’t felt like he could trust anyone else.

Sadly, he had left his journal hidden back at the line shack and didn’t have it with him. Instead, he folded his arms behind his head and tried to relax. His mind was racing and his muscles were tense, preventing the otherwise simple luxury from materializing.

Suddenly, a cry pierced the air.

“Adam!” the disembodied voice called.

Colt sat up and looked across the fire. Jessie was tossing her head back and forth, mumbling pleas for help that he couldn’t quite understand.

Doc sat straight up just as Colt reached her. Colt dropped to his knees and shook Jessie by the shoulders. She snapped awake from her nightmare and her hand reached out to grip his forearm. She stared into his eyes, pure terror radiating from them.

“Don’t let him touch me,” she whispered, her forehead peppered with beads of sweat.

“No one’s here, Jessie. It’s just me and Doc. You’re fine,” Colt’s hand clasped over hers.

Her breathing grew more even as she lessened her grip on his arm.

“It was a dream?” she asked.

Colt nodded.

She lay back down and looked up at him. “That man was back.”

Colt squeezed her hand. “That man is behind and guarded by two men with shotguns. You’re in no danger, Jessie.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re right. This is childish.”

“It was just a dream,” Colt soothed.

“I’m eighteen years old. I ought to not be this afraid,” Jessie pressed her lips into a thin line and displayed her obvious frustration.

“Are you kidding me? I’d bet my bottom dollar that one of your friends from back East wouldn’t be able to sleep for a week straight after an ordeal like that,” Colt told her.

Jessie sighed.

“Doc, why don’t you get your guitar,” Colt suggested.

“No, let him get some sleep,” Jessie protested.

“I won’t hear of it, Miss Jessie,” Doc reached over and pulled his guitar from where it was wrapped in a blanket.

As he played, Colt saw the relief wash over Jessie’s face and color return to it. He felt that there would be many more nights like tonight.

Yet that didn’t bother him. Jessie was a strong woman, and she wouldn’t cry them a river every time she felt afraid. She was made of tougher stuff than a lot of women her age, and he felt proud of that.

*****

Jessie smiled as she watched Colt and Doc load their things back into the wagon the next day.

“No, it ain’t gonna fit that way, Kidd.” Doc shook his head.

“I’ll make it fit,” Colt mumbled, cramming a bedroll into the corner of the wagon.

“If you’d squeezed those into the satchel earlier like I told you, we wouldn’t be having a problem,” Doc said.

“I told you that I could make it fit, and I’ll do it, mister,” Colt said as he shoved at a crate to make room for a satchel.

“You gotta learn things the hard way, don’t you?”

“We’re about to have words if you don’t shut up, Dawson,” Colt ground out.

“I’m just sayin’. We’d be well on our way by now if you’d listened to me,” Doc pointed out.

“Anybody ever told you that you’re an annoying old buzzard?” Colt turned and yanked the last satchel from Doc’s hands.

Jessie took her crutches and stood. “Ya’ll two are just about as bad as two old women.”

Doc made a face at her and Colt simply shook his head.

With one last shove, Colt fit the satchel and turned to Doc, brushing his hands together.

“Well, well, well, Dawson. Would ya look at that?” He smirked.

Doc looked in the back of the wagon and groaned. “It looks like a tornado threw up back there.”

“Well, nobody said it had to look pretty.” Colt turned to Jessie. “You ready?”

Jessie nodded and allowed him to help her up into the wagon, a difficult feat with her leg, but manageable. Once she was situated, he climbed up beside her.

“You coming, Dawson?” he called back to Doc, who was gathering his guitar from where it was leaned up against a tree and placed it in it’s padded place in the back of the wagon.

Doc climbed up beside Jessie and Colt slapped the reins across the horses’ back, setting them into motion.

Jessie leaned back and sighed contentedly. She may be having a hard time while she was trapped here, but she was thankful that God had put her in the care of two kind men. Two kind men that were fast becoming good friends.

Thank you guys for reading! Sorry it's been such a long time coming x( I was kinda preoccupied in my "brain pan" as Festus says. Anyway, thanks for reading! Please vote and leave a comment! I'd be so very grateful!