luke is going to be sorta weird/different in this update, he's just having one of those days. Idk if you what i'm talking about but I hope you do? I hope you've noticed that his mood changes ALL THE TIME

Luke's POV

Since video chatting, I've been missing something a lot.

Fifa.

I don't even know why I miss it. I never really enjoyed playing it. I think it's because it's something Calum and I did together, and I miss Calum. I guess playing it might make me feel closer to home.

Is that stupid?

I've been pacing the hallway for the past few minutes, debating whether or not to leave the house. I figured that Ashton might have Fifa, or some other game that will keep me busy. I don't want to play with Ashton, but, well, he's my only chance. The Fifa withdrawals are giving me anxiety, and I'm not really sure why.

Is this what homesickness is? Or am I going insane?

I'm already insane, actually.

When I want to do something, it usually causes me to have to do it. I get jittery and anxious if I don't, so I'm sort of forced to do whatever it is. Today, it's Fifa. Something like this has happened in awhile. I don't like when it happens because I get completely wrapped up in thinking about it. It's usually something that connects to Delia, but today it's Calum.

I can live without Fifa.

But I want to play it.

I don't need to play it.

Yes, I need to play Fifa.

I'm a mess.

I finally run down the stairs and open the door. My hand stays on the knob a little bit before I walk outside. I take the first few steps down my driveway and stop.

This is weird. This is really weird. Is it weird?

I shake my head and continue walking to Ashton's. Good thing my Dad wasn't home, or he would've questioned me. He's been trusting me a little more with being alone. He leaves to do quick errands, he's never gone too long. I understand why he's afraid to leave me alone. I'm unpredictable.

When I get to Ashton's, he isn't outside like I hoped he would be. I hesitatingly ring the door bell and wait for him to answer. After a few seconds, an unfamiliar face opens the door. I'm guessing it's his mom.

“Hi, can I help you?” she asks.

I open and shut my mouth, unsure of what to do. It's not like I'll speak to her, and she is expecting an answer. I bite on my lip ring and pull out my phone to type something. I pass it to her, I don't want the robotic voice to speak. That surprises some people, and I'm trying to make this less awkward than it has to be.

Is Ashton here?

“Ashton is at school. He should be home soon. Do you mind me asking who you are?” she says, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. She probably expects me to be at school too.

I forgot all about school. I should've realized that's where Ashton would be.

Thankfully, Ashton pulls up in his car. He grabs his bag and gets out, drumming his fingers against the door. He notices me standing at his front door, and he looks surprised.

“Hey, Luke! What are you doing here?” he asks, walking over to us. “Mom, this is Luke. He's Andrew's son.”

“Oh, nice to meet you! Ashton told me about you moving in,” she says. I feel my cheeks heat up, slightly embarrassed. I wonder what Ashton said about me.

“So, uh, what are ya here for?” Ashton asks.

His mom heads back inside, leaving us alone in the yard.

I type in my phone. “I was wondering if you have the game Fifa.”

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure we have it! I'm, like, blind so Harry usually plays the games. Do you wanna borrow it? Here, come inside.”

“Actually, I was wondering if we could play it.”

Ashton stops walking and turns around, a big smile growing on his face.

Great, he's going to laugh at me. This is so embarrassing.

I type in more. “I don't have anything to play it with at my house, and I thought you'd have it. I'm sorry if that's weird.”

I'm suddenly regretting coming over. This is really awkward. I basically just invited myself into Ashton's home to play Fifa. If that isn't strange, I don't know what is.

“No, no, that's not weird at all! Of course we can play! I kinda suck at it, but that's alright,” Ashton says, leading me into his room. He rummages through a drawer, pulling out his glasses. “I'll need these to see,” he says, laughing. “C'mon, let me show you around.”

He takes me on a brief tour of his house, which is almost exactly the same as my dad's. I wonder if all the houses in the neighborhood are like this.

I'm surprised that Ashton is willing to let me come into his house and hangout with him. This is considered hanging out, right? I feel like I haven't done something like this in forever. Ashton is so kind when all I've been to him is rude.

We head to the living room to play, and Ashton sets it up. He hands me a controller and sits down on the couch beside me.

“Just warning you, I really am terrible,” he says as the game starts.

I didn't think it was possible to be as bad as Ashton is. Half the time he runs in the wrong direction or doesn't move at all. He keeps screaming too, it's quite funny to watch.

“Oh my, God! All this green is so frustrating!” he screams after a few minutes.

Playing Fifa makes me feel better. I feel a little closer to home while playing the game because it's so familiar to me. Ashton isn't anything like Calum, but that's okay. He's not a bad guy, he's pretty nice. I'm not sure if he's being nice because he pities me or if that's just how he is.

“No, I'm the better Fifa player!” Calum says.

“No, I am, and you know it!” I say.

“I've won the past three games!”

“I was distracted,” I say, blushing.

“By what?”

“That girl!” I say, pointing out the window to a girl outside.

“Who? Delia?”

“That's her name?” She had just moved here and sat across from me in English. She was so interesting. She was always writing in this blue notebook, but I don't know what. She had these cool glasses and wore pretty dresses.

“You like her, don't you?” Calum asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

I feel my cheeks blush. “Psh, what? No! She's just... different, that's all.”

He rolls his eyes.

“Let's get back to Fifa,” I say, turning the game back on.

“Luke, why aren't you running anymore?” I hear Ashton say. He waves a hand in front of my face, and I push it away. “You always get distracted,” he says laughing.

Distracted is a way to describe it, I guess. I see my player standing in the middle of the field, and Ashton has paused the game.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

I nod quickly and wave my hand so he'll start the game again. He shrugs, and we continue to play. About halfway through, the door opens, and I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, Ash! I found this really cool- What is he doing here?” Delilah is standing in front of us and crosses her hands in front of her chest. She looks confused when she notices me.

Ashton pauses the game again.

“Luke and I are playing Fifa! Wanna join?” he asks, patting the spot on the couch beside him.

“No, that's okay. I'll let you go back to your game. Sorry for interrupting.” She starts to head out, but I stand up and quickly type something.

“No, it's okay. I'll leave. Thanks for having me, Ashton.”

“No, Luke, it's fine,” Delilah says.

“It's okay.”

“Luke.”

“Delilah.”

Both of us are stubborn, and I've quickly learned that about Delilah.

“You were here first, I don't want to interrupt,” she says, opening the door.

“Why can't we both stay?”

Wait, what. What did I just type? Clearly my fingers aren't cooperating with my brain.

“Wait, what?” Delilah asks, saying exactly what I'm thinking. She's as confused as I am.

I bite my bottom lip nervously and rock on my heels.

“Why would you want me to stay? You clearly hate me,” Delilah says.

I don't type anything because I'm not sure what to say to that.

“Thought so. Bye, Luke. Bye Ash, I'll call you later.” Delilah slams the door shut. She's gone as soon as she came.

I head back to Ashton, who was observing the whole thing.

“Well, that was awkward,” he says.

I nod and sit back down on the couch.

“You wanna keep playing?”

I shake my head no, and Ashton sits beside me.

“Don't be upset because of her. Delilah is just really sensitive and takes everything personally. You may not hate her, but she feels that way. She'll get over it, don't worry. I thought you hated me, but hey, look at us now!”

I feel bad that I was so rude to Delilah, and Ashton too. I feel like everything is changing inside me since I've started taking the pills again. This is partially why I stopped taking them last week. I'm afraid of how they make me feel.

I'm afraid that I can actually feel again.

I'm afraid of being happy.

i hope you like this! i thought it was cute to see luke kinda change

a lot of you keep asking about michael, he's coming a lot later, but he'll be here! :)

next chapter something really sad happens omg so stay tuned

also i know they say mum in australia but putting mum will confuse me too much bc i'll say mum or mom half the time and it's just too hard ok

twitter: fiannelash

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ilysm (btw today marks a year since i posted marcel omg)

-ashley