Luke's POV 

Delilah and I walk back to my house in silence. I feel awkward after what happened in the park. She just saw me cry like a little baby, and the worst part is that I cried into her shoulder. Her shoulder. Guys aren't supposed to be the one crying on the girl, it's supposed to be the other way around. I'm such a loser.

When Delilah found me, I just wanted to be invisible. I wanted Delilah to turn around and leave, like maybe she didn't see me. But of course she found me within the trees sobbing.

Why did she have to be the one to see me cry?

I don't know if I'm so emotional because of the pills or what's happening to me. I've been taking them everyday, and I've just been feeling so much. It's like everything inside me is changing. Or I'm just hormonal. I feel like if guys had periods, this is what it would feel like.

I honestly thought Delilah would make things worse when she sat down beside me. I thought she was going to yell at me or say something horrible. But she helped. She comforted me a lot. It was nice to know that she was there for me. I still feel uncomfortable around her, just because she reminds me so much of Delia. She looks exactly like her, and I'm starting to see similarities in their personalities.

It scares me.

“What are you thinking about?” Delilah whispers. She must've noticed my pace slowed down as we're walking.

I nervously rub my nose and shrug.

“I won't tell Ashton about what happened back there if you don't want him to know.”

I nod my head. It's good to know that she won't share that with him. I don't want everyone to treat me like a child.

I type something in my phone and press speak. “Can you tell me something funny?”

Delilah looks over at me. “What?”

“Tell me a funny story.” I want something to keep my mind off of thinking about Delia and getting upset again. I think Delilah realizes that, so she starts to talk.

“Umm... Okay, I got one,” she says, a small smile growing on her face. “In second grade, we had a dinosaur play. And of course I had a solo. You'll never guess what I was.”

I look over at her with raised eyebrows.

She giggles a little and starts talking again. “I was the baby dinosaur. Oh, my God. I had to come out of this giant paper egg, it was huge. I sang this song in a high pitched voice, and then I was born. Like, I had to literally jump out of the egg. So I jumped, and I stepped on my costume. It broke in half. Thankfully, I had clothes on underneath. But it was this horrid Tinkerbell shirt with gold glittery wings that were peeling off. People teased me all the time about it. It was so embarrassing! I even had a huge binky around my neck and a giant hat.” Her cheeks are slightly red, and she covers her face with her hands. “It was horrible! My acting career was ruined!” she says, her voice muffled.

I can only imagine this happening. I wish I had been there to see it. I smile as I imagine it happening.

“Hey, you have a dimple,” Delilah says, poking my cheek.

I roll my eyes and swat her hand away, trying not to smile any wider.

“I've never seen you smile before,” she whispers.

I shrug and continue walking.

Delilah's right though, she's never seen me smile. Barely anyone has these past few months.

Ashton and my dad pull up to the house at almost the exact same time we get there. My dad runs out of his car and pulls me into a tight hug.

“Oh, my God, Luke. Don't ever scare me like that again,” he says. “Do you know how worried I was?”

I notice that his hands are shaking slightly. Did I really make him that nervous? I didn't think he'd care if I was gone.

“Thank you for finding him, Delilah. And thanks for you help, Ash. I don't know what I would've done without you guys,” my dad says.

“No problem!” Ashton says. “I'm happy Luke's alright.”

“Yeah, same here,” Delilah says. “You guys want some alone time?”

“That'd be great,” my dad says.

“Okay. I'll see you later, Luke,” Delilah says, waving as she walks away with Ashton.

I could've sworn I saw some sadness in her smile as she left. Maybe I'm wrong, why would she be sad?

My dad tells me we have to talk, which I was expecting. We sit down at the table, and he has a stern look on his face. He asks me what I knew he would ask.

"Why did you leave?" he asks.

 I write down everything that happened. I let him know about everything that was going on in my mind. It feels good to let it all out for once.

When I'm done, he tells me some new rules for me to follow. I have an earlier curfew, and I have to sleep with my door open. I'm kind of annoyed, but I guess I was expecting it. He doesn't really know me yet, and he's worried. He can't trust me, which I understand because no one trusts me.

Once his speech is over, I head to my room. I lay down in my bed and write some stuff into my notebook. Candace said I should write my feelings down, so that's what I've been doing. She says it's a way to clear my mind. I don't know if it works, but I'm trying.

Everything that has happened in the past few months have been building up inside me. It's like all the bad things are stacking themselves up inside me, slowly getting taller and taller. I'm afraid one day there won't be any room left for the good things. It seems like writing things down makes the bad stuff shrink a little, like they're leaving my mind.

Candace says there's a switch inside me that I can turn on and off. I don't really understand the metaphor. She says right now the switch is on, and that's why I'm miserable. I'm capable of turning off the switch apparently, and I'll be happy. But how am I supposed to turn off a switch that I don't even know what it's for?

I like my metaphor much better. How is someone supposed to tell you how you feel? Only you know that.

I guess that's why I'm writing in this notebook right now. I'm writing my thoughts and feelings, no one elses.

A few hours later, I hear a knock on my door. I open it up to see Delilah standing there.

“Uh, hi. I, uh, came to see how you're feeling?” she says. It comes out more like a question than a statement.

I shrug and sit down on my bed. I quickly hide my notebook under my pillow so she doesn't see it. She walks awkwardly into my room, looking at my pill containers again. It doesn't bother me, I know she's just curious. Everyone is.

She walks over to them and reaches into her pocket. She pulls out a bag of skittles and takes out a few.

I look at her with a confused expression. She smiles and puts one skittle into each section of the container.

“Maybe they'll make it easier to take the pills,” she says. “It makes them seem less terrible.”

I find myself smiling again.

I type something into my phone. “Skittles are my favorite candy.”

She smiles and sits down beside me. “They're my favorite too.”

She reaches into the bag again and hands me some Skittles. I eat all the red ones first, like I always do.

“Is red your favorite?” she asks.

I nod. I look down at my hand, which now has rainbow spots all over it from the Skittles.

“Me too. I guess we have more in common than we thought, huh?”

I shrug and toss another Skittle into my mouth.

I hate to admit it, but Delilah isn't so bad after all. She may have been why I stopped taking the pills, but she's a reason to keep taking them now.

I HOPE YOU FIND THIS AS CUTE AS I DO

this is so embarrassing but the dinosaur play thing hAPPENED TO ME. THAT IS LITERALLY MY OWN LIFE EXPERIENCE. IT WAS TRAUMATIZING. I'VE NEVER ACTED AGAIN SINCE THAT PLAY

also i changed my twitter name to singsongash if any of you were confused

-ashley

P.S. I'M GOING TO BE SUPER BUSY THE NEXT MONTH BC NEW JOB, DRIVERS ED, MY SIBLINGS ARE VISITING, AND SCHOOL IS STARTING BUT I'LL UPDATE WHENEVER I CAN OK ILY