make sure you 've read the previous update bc wattpad was over capacitated and wouldn't let some people on last night/ this morning

Luke's POV

For the past three days, I've barely done anything but sleep. When I'm awake, I'm just overcome with sadness and confusion. By sleeping, I don't feel anything.

I keep thinking about the past few days and everything that's happened. I feel like everything is slowly getting more confusing for me as time goes on. I'm so conflicted by everything. I don't know what to think about anything anymore.

Everything is a mess.

I check my phone for the time, and I look at the phone icon, which shows one new voicemail. Except, it's not new. It's been there for eight months.

I've never listened to it.

The last time I saw Candace, she told me I should listen to it. She said it might make me feel better. But I haven't been able to press play. I'm scared of what it is.

I think I'm scared of moving on too. I feel like if I listen to it, it will feel like I'm losing the last piece of Delia that I have.

I don't want to lose her.

The voicemail is from the night of the incident. That's why I haven't listened to it.

Delia didn't actually die instantly. I just tell people that so I don't have to think about the fact that she was alive for awhile after the accident.

So I don't have to feel so guilty.

She called me before surgery.

The time on the voicemail says 11:33 pm. She died at 5:04 am.

Her contact name still has emojis after it. Her contact picture is still the same.

It's possibly the only thing in my life that hasn't changed.

One simple voicemail can hold a lot of meaning.

I try not to think about the day of the accident too much, but now that I am, the whole day comes flooding back into my mind. I remember it vividly. I remember every detail. Sometimes I think that if I don't remember it, maybe it's not true. Maybe it didn't actually happen. But I know that's impossible, and I can't reverse time.

It's the one thing I wish I could forget the most, but I can't.

"You need to move on," Calum tells me.

"I don't want to," I mumble.

"Clearly she's moved on. She doesn't seemed phased by the break up at all."

"That makes me feel so much better," I groan.

"Well, it's been two weeks..."

"It's been two weeks of an almost year long relationship!"

My phone vibrates, and it's a text from Delia.

I'm on my way to your house. I need to talk to you.

"She's on her way over!" I tell Calum, jumping off the couch. "Do I look okay? I haven't showered!"

"You need to chill. It's Delia, if she liked you last year, she'll like you now."

"What do you think she wants to tell me? You don't think she wants to get back together, do you?"

Calum shrugs. "I dunno. Maybe she just wants to tell you that you need to stop obsessing over her."

"I'm not obsessed."

"Yes, you are, actually. You've liked her since the day you first saw her."

A few minutes pass of me anxiously waiting, and Calum continuously telling me not to get my hopes up. Delia doesn't show up even though she lives close by. We figure she's stuck in traffic. A half hour goes by. We hear sirens, lots of them.

"Something bad must have happened," Calum says, going to look out the window. "It's somewhere down there," he says, pointing to his right.

I start to get nervous. "That's the way Delia would have come," I say quietly.

"It's definitely not her, don't worry. Whatever happened is probably keeping her from coming down the street."

"Right, that makes sense." But something doesn't feel right. Delia would have texted me to tell me she's stuck in traffic.

Or, she would have when we were together. Now, I'm not so sure.

Calum goes home after an hour. I stay awake. I figure Delia decided not to come. What she had to tell me probably wasn't that important. I fall asleep shortly after.

I'm waken up by my mom shaking my shoulders gently.

"Luke," she whispers.

"What time is it?" I mumble.

"It''s midnight. Delia's been in an accident."

It takes a few seconds for my mom's words to sink in. At first, I think I heard her wrong. But then I remember the sirens.

"What? Where? We need to go to the hospital, I have to see her," I yell, getting out of bed.

"She's in surgery right now. We can go and wait, if you want."

"I want to. I need to see her," I say.

I run out of my room, not bothering to change out of my pajamas. I grab things that I know Delia would like to make her happy when she sees me. Even though she probably doesn't want to see me, I want to see her. All my anger and sadness over the break up turns into nervousness wondering what happened to her.

The drive to the hospital feels like it takes forever. Every minute that passes feels like an hour. I nervously tap the window and watch the rain fall.

When we get there, my mom goes up to the counter to ask where she is. I see Delia's parents in the waiting room and run over to them.

"Is she okay?" I ask the second I get there.

"We don't know," he dad says. Both of them have been crying, and they look exhausted.

"Where is she right now?" I ask.

"She's still in surgery. She has some head trauma and internal bleeding."

I'm shocked by the news, I definitely wasn't expecting that. I thought maybe a few cuts and bruises, not head trauma and internal bleeding.

I sit in one of the chairs, overcome with anxiety. Nobody talks much, we all just sit there. My mom tries to calm me down, but I can't relax.

Another hour goes by until I doctor comes out. Delia's parents stand up abruptly.

"Her surgery is done with. There were some minor complications, but she should be alright. She hasn't waken up yet, we're not sure when she will. It should be soon though."

"Can we see her?" I ask quietly.

"Family only, I'm sorry."

The doctors bring Delia's parents to her room. I watch them walk down the hall and turn down the corridor. I wish I was down there too.

"Why don't we go home and come back in the morning? Get some rest, maybe," my mom tells me.

"I want to stay here. I want to be here when she wakes up. I can't leave her."

I'm trying not to cry. I want to see her. I can't stand waiting. I bounce my leg anxiously and bite my nails.

"She'll be fine, I promise," my mom says.

"But how do you know?"

My mom says nothing.

Delia's dad comes out when police officers show up. They explain that they were inspecting the accident. They looked at Delia's phone, suspecting that could have been a cause of the accident, as it is for a lot of people. The screen had a text that said "be there in" but it was never finished.

It was addressed to a boy named Luke.

"Oh my, God," I whisper once I hear the news. I break down sobbing in the middle of the waiting room. A doctor comes over and asks if I'm alright.

My mom answers for me and says I'm fine.

But I'm not fine.

I'm the reason Delia got in an accident. I'm the reason she's in this hospital.

"I can't be here right now," I tell my mom, leaving the waiting room quickly. She tries to follow me, but I tell her I need to be alone. I need to get my thoughts together.

I walk through the silent corridors of the hospital, and pass by rooms with sleeping patients. I've always hated hospitals. I hate the sanitary smell, I hate the depressing colors, I hate the pictures that line the walls.

I end up sitting down in the middle of the hallway, crying uncontrollably. I can't seem to stop.

"Excuse me, is everything okay?" I hear someone ask.

"I'm fine," I manage to say.

I hear the person walk away.

At some point, my mom finds me. Everything seems to be going by in a blur. I don't know how much time has passed.

"They're moving her to ICU," my mom tells me, sitting down beside me on the floor.

"Why?" I say in a barely audible whisper. I can't look her in the eyes.

"Her condition is worsening."

"Can I see her yet?" I beg.

My mom shakes her head no. It looks like she's been crying too.

I can't remember the last time I cried this much. I feel like I've been crying for years. I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me.

We head back to the waiting room, which seems even quieter than before. A nurse walks over to us, and I get hopeful that I can finally see her.

"Are you Luke?" she asks me.

I nod quickly.

"I was with Delia before her surgery. She asked if she could make one call, I think it was to you."

"What?" I ask, confused. She chose me to call? I don't know how to respond. "Did you hear what she said? I don't have my phone, I left it at home," I say. I can't believe I left it at home.

She shakes her head. "I think you need to hear it for yourself. I'm sorry."

All I keep hearing tonight is "I'm sorry."

She walks away, leaving me wondering. I debate going home just to get my phone, but I don't. I can't leave. I have to stay here.

Delia's parents come and go from the waiting room to Delia's room. They're sent out whenever something happens. They've been in the waiting room for awhile with no signs of any doctors, which is starting to worry me.

After a blur of chaos, a doctor comes out. Delia's parents, my mom, and I all stand up expectantly.

"I'm sorry," he starts off.

I feel my stomach drop.

"Delia's head injury was more severe than we thought. She suffered major swelling."

"Is she okay?" I whisper, even though I know the answer.

The doctor shakes his head. "I'm sorry. We tried. But she didn't make it."

Delia's parents hug each other, both of them are crying. I run out of the waiting room in the direction of the exit. Again.

"Luke!" my mom calls.

"She's not dead. She's not dead." I repeat, over and over.

My mom grabs my wrist, causing me to stop walking. I whip around to face her, tears staining my cheeks.

"She's NOT dead!" I yell. I pull away from my mom's grasp. I'm breathing quickly, and my chest feels tight. I feel like I"m going to pass out.

"Luke, you heard the doctor. I'm sorry."

There it is again.

I shake my head over and over. My mom pulls me closer to her, and I can't stop crying.

"Do you want to see her?" my mom asks.

"Not unless she's alive," I say, a little harshly than I should.

My mom tries to comfort me, but it's not working.

"She's dead. It's because of me," I choke out.

"It's not because of you, don't think that."

"But it is!"

"It'll be okay."

"How can you say that?!" I yell, pulling away from my mom.

She doesn't respond.

"The text was sent to me. I am the reason she looked away from the road," I whisper.

"It could've happened to anyone."

I turn around and keep walking towards the exit. It could've happened to anyone.

It happened to us.

"I never told her I loved her," I choke out. "And now I'll never get the chance."

I'M SO SORRY IF I MADE YOU CRY

I THINK THIS IS POSSIBLY THE SADDEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN

SO HERE'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO DELIA, I KNOW YOU'VE ALL BEEN WONDERING

ILYASM TWEET ME YOUR FEELINGS @singsongash

-ashley