The next morning I wake up to someone moving next to me. I crack an eye open and see Lana trying to get more comfortable.

"You are here," I grunt, staring at her dumbly, my brain trying to catch up. Is it the weekend already? I need a coffee.

"Well yeah, you told me to come to sleep here." She stares back with an equally baffled expression. "Or did I get it wrong?" She starts to sit up, her cheeks getting red and the blush spreads. She's giving me questioning look, waiting for me to- what? Oh!

"No, no you didn't, it's just, usually when I wake up you are already gone."

"And seeing this lovely reaction of yours, you prefer it that way?" she asks, looking utterly confused.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just, I don't know... This is the first time I woke up next to someone. I'm just not used to it."

"Okaaay, so you want me to leave or what?" I catch her arm before she has a chance to move off the bed.

"Not at all, come here." I tug until she's settled by my side with her head on my chest. "I didn't say I didn't like it now, did I?" I whisper in her hair, playing with it, letting it slip through my fingers. I feel her relax and turn slightly her head to give me a kiss on my neck.

"Good morning," she says quietly and a thought comes to me.

"How about a good morning blowjob? I never had one of those."

Her head shoots up. "Yeah, and with the greeting you gave me, it'll stay that way too!" she responds, resting her head back on my chest, making me huff in annoyance, which makes her look up again. "What?"

I just shrug, If she won't she won't. What can I say about it?

"Don't be like this. You know, I don't have a switch that turns me on anytime you think of sex. And if you can't be nice you could at least choose your words more carefully when you ask me to do things."

My hand in her hair clenches into a fist, I am not nice? I'm plenty nice to her! Actually, I'm nothing but nice to her! But I try to force the anger, waking up in me, down. I don't want to lash out at her, that never helped us with anything. I didn't manage to make my voice less harsh though.

"What do you mean? When I wanna fuck I ask if you wanna fuck. When I want you to suck me off I ask you to suck me off, how else you want me to say it? And what's that shit about me being nice? You think I don't treat you right?"

"No, no that's not what I meant, what I meant was..." She stops to gather her thoughts, playing around my chest with her fingers. "You know what I like about living with you, about being with you?" 

I shrug because no, I don't know since I'm not a mindreader. 

"I like the quiet, I like that I can just be myself. You don't make me do anything I don't want to, and I'm not talking just about the sex here. But there too, I know you said you are used to something else, and I know you are making an effort for me and I love that you do. You don't make me feel bad when I bury myself in books to study for several days either. You let me do my things and you are there when I want company. I feel safe with you. I feel like I have an actual home after really long time. But sometimes, I would like to actually hear something that would make me feel like I matter to you too, you know?"

"You do matter to me. You are mine. I've never had someone I could call mine."

"So tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why I matter to you."

"Because... Because you do. If you didn't you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't want you to be here. I don't know what else to tell you." I'm starting to get frustrated with all of this. It must have shown in my tone because she goes quiet for a moment.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry," she whispers in the end, blushing she hides her face in the crook of my neck. She sounds sad though.

"I do like having you here." I try to reassure her but she doesn't say anything back and the room falls silent. I'm not sure what the problem is here. I don't remember saying anything that would make her think she means nothing to me or that I don't want to live with her anymore.

"Tell me I'm beautiful," she suddenly demands.

"You are gorgeous." My answer is immediate because she is.

"Tell me you like spending time with me."

"I love spending time with you. You are about the only person whose presence doesn't piss me off constantly." She doesn't say anything, so I try again. "There is this peace I feel with you around, I wish I could pack it into a box to take it with me when I leave for work, or anywhere actually."

She melts into me. "You see things like this. That's exactly what I want to hear."

Thank God! "Good, you happy now?"

"Yes, very much. Thank you."

"So how about that blowjob?" I push my luck and she huffs but when she looks at me I can see she's grinning. Guess I'm gonna get it.

_________________________________________________________________________

"Hey, Jackie! You in there? I asked you a question." Wade punching my arm pulls me out of my thoughts. We are on our break, eating some of the stew Lana made yesterday. She packed some for the both of us, making Wade very content. He started to talk shit about stealing her from me, so I stopped listening to him a while ago.

"Huh, what?" I ask with a frown. I'm not in the mood for talking.

"I was telling you about tomorrow night, last big party before everyone starts to study for their damn exams. You gonna pick me up or what?"

"Oh yeah, whatever." I go back to my musing. I can't even concentrate on what he's saying anymore. Today is the worse yet in last few weeks. As long as Lana is around I'm good, the moment I step out of the door, I start to measure everyone I pass. In this moment I think about the asshole with the Impala I screwed back together. I would love to wipe that stupid smile off of his face. But the prick just had to ask for me personally. It's like a bad joke, every time I find a perfect person lately there is a way to easily connect them to me. And with the Anthony thing, I really try to be smart about this, but I just know I'm gonna crack! I just hav- Another punch.

"Hey asshole, stop punching me!" I shout at him and punch him back.

"Fuck!" Wade says rubbing the place my fist landed. "What am I supposed to do to get you to listen? What's up with you? I thought you were good, with Lana and all."

"Everything is okay with Lana," I snap.

"Okay, so what's-" He stops seeing my glare, he finally gets it. He's eying me for a moment but not saying anything else. I don't understand why he always seems to be so surprised.

"I know that it's hard for you to understand this, but fucking doesn't solve everything."

We finish our lunch in silence. And just as we are about to go back inside I see that cheery asshole strolling to the garage. He spots us before I have time to disappear inside and starts waving at us, well at me.

"Hey, Jackson! Wait up!" Fuck! I can't just tell him to fuck off either, Joe would have my ass for treating his customers like that, and there would go my bonus. Wade for once doesn't snicker or chuckle or anything, he looks more worried than anything else. He doesn't move to go inside either. "Hi." The boy says when he catches up. "So what was the problem?"

Is he stupid or what? "Didn't Joe tell you on the phone?" I snap at him.

"He said something about screws, I didn't get it." Is he for fucking real?

"Someone unscrewed everything he could in her, so rent a garage or something."

"What?" He makes a horrified face. But it's weird, something's really off about this guy.

"Just what I said. I have to go back to work." I open the door but here he goes again.

"Hey, could you maybe tell me more about it later?"

I point to the office. "Go talk to Joe! He's the manager here, he tells you whatever you wanna know." Not leaving him any space to say anything else, I go inside, Wade right behind me.

"What the hell was that? He a fag or something?" he says, while putting his working gloves on.

"How the fuck would I know? I don't care one way or another."

I've never been happier than that day to come home.

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