Chapter Nineteen

Acceptance

I awoke with the sounds of beeping and of whispers which seemed to be coming from around the room.  How long had I been out? Am I still dreaming? I wondered.  My eyes still felt too heavy to open yet, but as my ears strained to figure out where I was or what the noises were coming from, I quickly realized that I must’ve still been dreaming.  There was no way I was hearing the words from other people saying, “Is her Grace alright? What shall I say to the Court? We need to discuss what to do about the press, what do you think? Who else knows? Just because all the tests proved that she’s the Russian heir, doesn’t mean she can rule.  I think she will make a great ruler, it’s in her blood, just look how she has been the last few hours, even in her sleep she can still command the authority of attention, ha just like her great grandmother if I do remember correctly…”  It was at that last statement that I knew I must wake up, someone in the room had been around to know my great grandmamma, and I had to find out whom.  However, as soon as I made the slightest movement and began to open my eyes, I realized that it was just me in a very clean and very nice room.  Had I been dreaming this entire thing up?  Had I really had all those tests ran on me as if I were a lab rat?  Had people actually believed that I was their long lost Grand Duchess Anastasia’s great granddaughter? My head was swarming with questions and confusion. I had dreamt so many strange dreams, dreams that almost felt like reality; however everything paused when I felt my hand being held down by something.  My eyes drifted down to my hand and to the hand that clasped, that belonged to a very tired looking Prince, who was passed out in a chair beside the bed I was laying in.

I just watched him for a few moments, took in his features, and his personality while he slept.  My mother always told me that everyone reveals their true selves while they sleep, because they are the most vulnerable at that time. However, as soon as my eyes shifted back to his shirt I let out a giggle as I saw a stream of drool from his lips that had already landed on his shirt once or twice.  Yeah, he’s vulnerable right now alright, good thing I’m not into blackmailing. I thought sarcastically as I smiled, and watched him finally become aware of my moments, and woke up.

“Oh, hey Lisa, you’re finally awake. Oh phew.  How are you feeling?”  Ros asked as he let go of my hand to stretch from his uncomfortable seated position.

“Better.  I think all that blood loss, really got to me.  What all happened?  I mean why you here, not that I don’t mind, but I thought you left? And where is everyone?  How long have I been out? I heard voices earlier, but I thought I was just dreaming…” I started laying out all of my questions and concerns a hundred miles an hour, and finally stopped with Ros interrupted me with laughter.

“Whoooah slow down little road runner.  One question at a time.  However first I promised William I would go get him as soon as you woke up.  He’s been really worried about you, so hold on; can you hold your questions for a few minutes?” He said with another grin.

“Yeah, go get him I guess, and I’ll find something else to wear that isn’t this…” I said as I looked down at a huge t-shirt and huge sweat pants.  Who dressed me in this? I wondered, praying quickly that none of the guys saw me indecent. My eyes or my expression, or both, probably gave my thoughts away, as Ros quickly stood up and left to go get Mr. Poloski, but reassured me that some of the maids and several other women from the dinner last night had helped me change out of my dinner party clothes.

As he shut the door, I quickly threw off the covers, not knowing how long I had time to change, and jumped down off of the huge four poster canopy bed that was draped in elegant yet comfortable gold and red fabrics.  I looked all around the room until I saw my dress hanging over a winged back chair, and quickly put it on. Really I felt fine, however at just the same moment as all the rush of getting off the bed quickly and moving around too fast went to my head and I started to lose my balance the door opened, and both Ros and Mr. Poloski rushed to catch me as I almost fell over again.  Great, now they are going to think that I’m helpless or pathetic…I groaned in my head as I sat down in the winged back chair while Mr. Poloski and Ros both asked me about ten times each if I was okay or how was I really feeling, etc.

“For the last time, now are you sure you’re alright your Highness?” Mr. Poloski said for the tenth time right after Ros had asked.

“You know what, no, I’m dying, See me I’m on the floor throwing up blue stuff….I mean really, I can go punch a wall to get hurt if it’ll make you stop asking…” I said with an annoyed facial expression, that Ros just smirked and then laughed at before Mr. Poloski turned to give him a “stop that” look.

“Okay, I’m sorry.  You really had me worried your Highness.  The doctor shouldn’t have allowed you to get up and walk around so soon after the tests were done.” Mr. Poloski said as he looked at the door then back at me.

“Well, it was all worth it right?  I mean I kind of sort of remember everything, but it’s a little hazy.” I asked as I thought back to my strange dreams.

“Yes your Grace, everything went perfectly, well up until you passed out onto the ballroom floor when everyone bowed.” Mr. Poloski said with a frown as he thought back, however I couldn’t help but chuckle at the little replay in my mind.  From someone on the outside, it was the greatest dramatic motion someone could do…was to faint in that moment, and I could almost picture me looking like Kira Knightly playing Elizabeth Swan in “Pirates of the Caribbean” when she fainted.

“Luckily Prince Ros, caught you just in time, before your head hit the floor.” Mr. Poloski said as he looked back at Ros who was looking away from me, trying to not be embarrassed.

“Oh I didn’t know, thanks Ros.” I said casually as ever, causing Ros to avoid looking at me as he cleared his throat and tried to take the sincere compliment.

“So, where is everyone?” I finally asked both of them, as I sat up straighter in the chair and in a way actually presented myself as a true royal sitting on a throne.

“Some have left, but the majority of everyone is downstairs eating breakfast.” Ros said as he tried to hide his stomach that had growled at the mention of breakfast.

“Breakfast! What time is it?  How long have I been out of it?” I exclaimed and stood up, heading towards the door, in my dinner party dress.

“It’s a little after ten, but there’s no need to rush, everyone is completely fine on waiting…” Ros said as I opened the door and stepped outside to a very bright hallway that was lit from the sunshine coming in through the grand windows.

“Lis, I mean your highness…I must caution you…” Mr. Poloski began to explain but I was really tired of it all, I knew my place now.  Throughout my strange dreams of being in the past, present, and even in the future, I knew what my fate was for this moment in time.  I didn’t need Mr. Poloski constantly reminding me it.

“Mr. Poloski, William, you may address me as Lisa from now on.” I said as I looked up at him with confident eyes.

“Yes your gr….Lisa.” Mr. Poloski said with a smile.

“As I was saying, I must caution you…since many other people of the Imperial Court now know of you, which is not my doing, but my Uncle’s, then you have to be prepared that if this leaks to the press, your world will not be the same.” He said as he looked at me with almost sadness in his eyes.  Yesterday, when he had told me that, I had freaked out, but today it was as if everything just finally clicked, as if my ancestors were giving me the confidence, and the strength to do what was necessary to keep the Romanov name and hope alive.

“Ha, well…I’m afraid that ever since your little senior class project, Mr. Poloski, my world hasn’t been the same.  I shouldn’t expect any less.” I said with a true playful smile that seemed to ease his stress a little.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean for all of this to happen in the beginning of the assignment though.” He said as he began to lead the way towards downstairs.

“It’s okay, Fate and God wanted it to happen this way I think, besides, I’ve enjoyed learning my roots.” I said as I looked at both Ros and Mr. Poloski with a wide grin.  It was true; I have loved learning about Russia and my family history, and possibly learning about my future.

Several moments later as we walked down a large open room that was filled with antique furniture and paintings that hung on the wall, we reached doors that had been opened up to reveal a large dining room table filled with all sorts of fruits and other breakfast foods.  However I didn’t have time to take in the entire site, for as soon as I walked in everyone became silent and stood up from where they were sitting and bowed their heads towards me. Okay…what do I do? I wondered after a moment when I realized I had to say or do something, for them to stop bowing and to continue eating, and such. Then an elegant strong voice entered in my mind and I repeated the words that it told me.

“Please, you may continue your delicious meal. I’m afraid I must apologize for scaring you all last night.  However, please do enjoy your meal, and your happy conversations.” I said surprisingly gracefully, and very “royal” like, as everyone still stood, waiting for me to take a seat. As soon as I sat down everyone else sat back down as well, however no one continued eating.  Everyone was silent or was whispering to the next person beside them while just staring at me.  I met eye contact with several people and smiled a small “yes I know you are staring, what do you want” smile, which they totally didn’t take the hint.

One butler after another, came to me quickly and filled my cups up with juice, water, and coffee, and kept placing one breakfast food after another.  To most people, this would be totally awesome, and I guess in a way it was, however I just wanted to eat and not wait on the next plate to come my way.  I was so hungry and my body was still feeling a little weak because of last night’s tests, which was the only memory to keep realizing this wasn’t a dream.  It was a constant reminder as I looked down at my bear arms and finally realized that I now had bruises from where the needles had been.  I let out a small gasp as I touched one of them and felt the uncomfortable pain.  Yep this is not a dream, I said again in my mind.  I finally looked up, feeling another pair of eyes staring at me.

“What?” I asked Ros, who was just staring at my arms then back up at my face with sadness in his eyes.

“Nothing, just that, you look like a leopard now.” He said with a smirk, trying to make me feel a little less uncomfortable.

“Well, it was a price that had to be paid to know the truth right?” I said with a sigh and then a smile as I took a bite of my delicious breakfast that tasted as if it was a combination of all of my favorite breakfast foods.

“Yeah I guess so, speaking of which have you figured out what you are planning to do now?” He asked as casually as ever.

“Um, what do you mean?”

“What he means your Highness, is that will you accept your title?” I heard a low deep voice which belonged to Count Dubrov, who had walked over to where I was sitting.  The room became still, and silent, evidently everyone had been wondering this exact question and I guess I couldn’t really judge them for it either.

I looked up to Count Dubrov, and then over to Ros, and lastly looked at Mr. Poloski who was walking over towards me. What should I say?  I really don’t know what I want.  I just proved to the royal family of Russia that I was their long last Grand Duchess’s great granddaughter.  Can’t I think about this some more?  I thought to myself, as I felt my eyes grow big and I took a sip of my juice.

“Your highness, I mean Lisa, you don’t have to decide anything quite yet.  I know we are all still trying to process this exciting news that our beloved Grand Duchess is indeed still alive and that this young beauty is the rightful heir to the throne. However, perhaps it would be wise if we discussed this later considering what happened last night, wouldn’t you agree Uncle?” Mr. Poloski said as he directed a checkmate type of question towards Count Dubrov.  Thank you Lord for putting Mr. Poloski in my life, especially in these moments, I thought to myself as Count Dubrov just nodded and stepped away towards the other end of the grand breakfast table.

“Thank you.” I said softly as I looked up at Mr. Poloski with a smile.

“It’s not a problem Lisa; however, you remember when I said that you must make a choice in the near future?” He said reminding me of our conversation.  I could only stare up at him and nod my reply.

“I’m afraid that today or at the latest, tomorrow you must decide and voice your decision.  Take this morning and this afternoon, and really think about this.  Like I said before, once you give up the claim to the throne, Ros here is the next person in line and you can’t take your decision back.” Mr. Poloski said as he bowed his head and left the room as his cell phone started to ring.  I stared after him, hearing his words echoing in my mind.  Did I want the throne?  What about Ros, he’s thought the throne was his all this time, should I just let him have it?  Could I even rule or learn to govern a nation?  I thought to myself, as I looked down at my breakfast suddenly feeling not so hungry anymore.  I looked over at Ros; he knew the decision I had to make, my decision that not only affected my life, but also his. Could I do that to him? Take away the only thing he’s known, dreamt of, and fought for? I questioned in my mind.

I looked around the room, which was suddenly becoming very closed in.  Everyone was eating, talking, staring, and I knew I needed to get out of here.  I had to clear my head.  I needed Nunna, I needed her advice, just to hear her voice.

“Ros, do you have an international cell phone I can borrow?” I asked quickly, surprised at how fluently I was now at my Russian.

“Um no, sorry not with me, but ask William, there.” He said a little bit louder as Mr. Poloski was just entering the dining room again.

“Lisa? Do you need something?” Mr. Poloski asked as he made his way back over to me.

“Please I need to use your cell phone. It’s urgent.” I said, my voice becoming more frantic as I began to freak out with needing air and needing to talk to Nunna.

“Yes, sure, is anything wrong?” He said as he held out his phone and watched me as I quickly got up from the table.

“I need to get out of here.  I just need some air.  I won’t be long.” I promised as I quickly ran out of the room, knowing that it was going to start more talk amongst the relatives and royals.

I ran and ran and ran…until I was finally outside in a very lush garden.  I quickly found a bench near the far side of the garden, under a large tree which shaded the entire area.  I had to take a few moments and gather my thoughts and emotions, I was a wreck, and I didn’t want to stress my Nunna out anymore than I was going to.  I slowly dialed the number to my great grandmamma’s nursing home room and took another deep breath as I heard it ring.

“Mrs. Vasilieva’s room, may I ask who is calling?” A nurse’s voice spoke as she answered the phone.  I guess it was still really early in the morning over there, but I had to talk to Nunna.

“Hi, yes this is Annalisa Peterson; I need to speak to my great grandmamma please.  It’s urgent.” I said, making sure she heard the urgent part.

“It’s very late Annalisa, but urgent you said?  Is everything alright?” The nurse asked.

“Please, just let me talk to my Nunna.” I said again.  Gosh, stop asking questions and just do what I’m asking you to do. Just put her on the phone woman.  I ordered her in my mind impatiently.

“Alright, one second.”

“Hello? Annalisa is that you?” I heard Nunna answer the phone in her elderly Russian voice.  I woke her up, I could tell, but I needed to talk to her.

“Hey Nunna, sorry I’m calling so late.  I didn’t realize the huge time difference.  I can call back later if you want.” I said, hoping she would just let me continue to talk.  I needed her.

“No, that is not necessary Annalisa, you called this late so it must be important, I’m not dead you know.” She said in her serious tone, which I couldn’t help but smile at.

“What is the matter Annalisa?” She asked softly, as I heard her bed being tilted upward.

“Well, I’ll just come out and say it so you can go back to sleep…I um, well, Russia has been great.” I said, not meaning to stall but didn’t know how to break the news to her.  I really wasn’t sure how she was going to react with the news of our family secret getting out.

“Annalisa Peterson, stop toying with me now child, and tell me what’s the matter.” She said forcefully that made me swallow and take a deep breath before telling her the truth.

“Nunna, I’m really sorry.  But the Imperial Court knows about me.  And I’m at Count Dubrov’s now, and he wants me to make a decision about taking the throne.  Then there’s Prince Ros, who thought he was the only heir to the throne, and he’s a great guy, and I don’t want to hurt him.  But…I just don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to give up something that I don’t know that much about.” I finally said, realizing the last statement held my true emotions as tears began to slide down my cheeks and on to Mr. Poloski’s phone.

“Oh my dear, dear Annalisa.  I knew that one day this moment would come.  I am sorry I can’t be with you to comfort you.  This is a very serious decision that you will have to make, and I wish I could be there with you.  I wish I would have prepared you more, or taught you more.” Nunna said with a quiver in her voice, as she sounded like she was trying to hold back tears.

“Annalisa, what do you want to do?” She asked softly.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I can tell you that both decisions have consequences, but you already know this.  If you decide not to take the throne, then Ros is the last true heir.  However, you will have to life out the rest of your life knowing that you gave up the throne because you didn’t want to accept the challenge.” She said, causing me to drop my mouth open to argue.  I wasn’t scared, I’m not scared.  I can accept any challenge, but to take on the challenge of an entire country?  Now that’s different. I thought defensively.

“If you decide that you do want to take on the challenge of taking the throne, then my dear, I believe you will be just fine.  You are Romanov, where you finally accept that or not, you’re stubbornness, and the way you over think things is just how we all are.  Not to mention that defensive tongue that you have, which is just like Papa and me.  Anyway, don’t let fear make your decision, and don’t let a boy’s feelings make your decision either.  Ros, has always known that there was another out in the world that was the true heir, he knows that the throne was really never his.  So, don’t let him fool you my dear.  Does this help?” She asked me after she spoke her wisdom to me.  I let out a huge breath that I had been keeping in.  She was right, I couldn’t let fear and Ros make my decision.  What do I want?  Do I want this? This life? I questioned as I finally replied.

“Yes, thank you Nunna.  It’s just that I still don’t know what I want.  If I do accept what will life be like? I mean what was your life like before, you know.” I asked, unsure if I should even say the name of the tragic event.

“My dear, life will change, but that’s just life.  The water always changes and becomes chaotic looking when a stone is tossed into its peaceful dwelling, but then somehow it goes back to being normal and peaceful again, even though that stone is still there.  It will be the same for you.  This decision is your stone.  I know you are unsure, but you have friends and family that will be there to help you through it, if you let them.  However, I must caution you, like I’ve warn you before, there are still those who would wish to see our family never again think about reclaiming the throne, so be on your guard.  That’s a warning to keep whether you decided to accept your rightful place or not.” She finished saying as she started coughing.  We had talked way to long, and it was still very late over there in America, but I knew I couldn’t hang up the phone just yet. 

“Thank you Nunna, I mean really thank you. You’ve helped me be able to think about some things in a different way.” I said as I began to really understand what I would be giving up if I declined the offer of the throne, and also what I would gain if I accepted.

“My darling, you can call me any time.  Be safe.  I will pray that God will lead you by the hand down the path of wisdom and discernment, and will show you the right choice.” She said and I could tell that she had a smile on her face.

“I love you Nunna, sleep well.” I said as I knew it was time to hang up.

“I love you too Annalisa. Be safe, and do not be afraid of accepting who you really are.” She said as she ended the phone call.

I sat there with the phone in my hands for a while.  Just watching the peaceful scenery before me in the garden and thinking.  I thought about each side of the decision I had to make.  I couldn’t let Ros distract me.  I had to think about this as if there was no other person for the throne.  Nunna was right, before I was letting fear make my decision for me, however now after our conversation I knew what the right choice was.  I closed my eyes hearing the sounds of the bees and the birds chirping, and just sat there and prayed.  Prayed for God to help me, in a way this moment reminded me of when Jesus was praying in Gethsemane when He once said, ‘if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will…if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’ Finally, after praying for a while longer, I got up and slowly started back towards the house.  My heart was beating a thousand race horses a minute, or so it felt like it at least, however my mind was ironically calm, and focused.  Somehow between my strange dreams that I had had last night of meeting and talking with my ancestors and then just a few minutes ago talking with my Nunna, and finally praying, I had come to one conclusion.  I just now prayed silently that God will give me the courage to face everyone.

“Lisa, there you are. Are you alright? You’ve been out there for hours.” Ros asked as soon as I entered back into the beautiful estate house.

“Yes, where’s William?” I asked, as I knew I needed to find him at once.  I had no time to get distracted.

“Um, I think he’s in the library.  What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, actually.  Nothing at all. I just need to speak to him.” I said with a small smile before heading off to the library, which I had passed early when I was running through the house towards the garden.

“Well, I’ll walk with you then.”

“That’s not necessary Ros, but thank you.  I’ll come find you in a few minutes okay?  I really need to speak to William alone.” I said, trying to not hurt his feelings.  However, something inside of him made him stop, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.  I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright soon, but I couldn’t just yet.  I had to find Mr. Poloski.  I had made my decision.

“I promise, I’ll be back in a little bit, and then we can hang out.” I said with a reassuring smile.

“Alright, well just come and find me.  Or call me from William’s cell phone. Oh and Lisa?” He asked me, causing me to turn back towards him once more before heading off to the library.

“Yeah?”

“You know whatever happens, you can always trust me and count on me as an ally, and a good friend.  I mean heck we are cousins….well very distant cousins, but we are family.  And family at our age has to stick together.” He said first looking serious, then smiling at the last statement.  I couldn’t help but smile and let out a small bit of laughter myself.

“Thanks Ros, I’m really glad God brought us together.” I said as I walked closer and hugged him and then kissed his cheek before turning to finish walking towards the library alone.

Walking towards the library, brought so many thoughts and visions in my mind.  It was as if time was slowing down to allow me to see what my life would be like if I accepted or declined my right to the throne.  Every step that brought me closer to the library’s doors became another step towards possibly a new future. Finally as I put my small hand against the door that was already opened a little, I knew that this moment that I had both dreading and anxiously waiting for had finally arrived.

“Lisa, there you are.” Mr. Poloski said as he looked up from a book that he was reading near the window.

“I’ve made a decision.” I said, which caused him to put down his book and stand up.  He took off his glasses to clean them for a few seconds before putting them back on.

“Oh.  Well I hope you thought about this thoroughly.” He stated, as he walked over closer to me.

“I have, and Nunna really helped me.  And I believe God is pointing me in the right direction.” I said with a smile.

“Before you tell me your decision, let me clear the air here by saying that whatever happens, you will forever be a Grand Duchess of Russia, and I will always be a close ally, a friend to you, Lisa.  No matter what you choose.” He said with a nervous smile.

“Thank you Mr. Polo…William.” I said with a honest smile before I became serious.

“I’ve thought long and hard about this, and even prayed about it for a while.  I truly believe that this is what God is telling me to do.”

“Which is what exactly, Lisa?”

“I’ve decided….” I paused as I looked up at him, his face was glued to mine, I knew I was leaving him hanging in suspense, but I needed to think for a quick second about the next few words that were going to exit from my lips.  With a deep breath and a voice in my head that sounded like Nunna’s encouraging me…I told him my decision.

“Wow, Lisa, you are sure about this?  I mean you can’t change your mind once I tell my Uncle.  Also, you will formally need to announce your decision.” Mr. Poloski said as he began to frantically text someone, while at the same time getting down some books and began writing down some things on a sheet of paper.

“Yes, I’m very sure.  It’s really the only way that makes since for me,” I said as I heard footsteps echoing in the hallway outside the library door. Not but five minutes later, just about everyone from breakfast this morning was inside the library, all facing me and Mr. Poloski.  I had managed to find Ros who was standing in the back, closest to the door, and who looked just as nervous as I felt.

“So, your Highness, William told me that you have come to a decision. I’m sure you have thought long and hard about this.” Count Dubrov said in his low voice, as he stepped towards me a little.

“Yes I have, first off I just wanted to say, how honored I am to be part of this family, how amazing it has been to trace my roots, how grateful to build new and everlasting friendships in such a short amount of time.” I said as I looked directly at Ros, before continuing.

“Are you declining the right to the throne?” I heard someone in the cluster of royals, ask. I could only smile.

“Yesterday, or even earlier this morning if you would’ve asked me that, I had only one answer which was being made by fear, I didn’t really see another option for me.  However after much thought, advice from my Nunna, and prayer, I have decided to no longer be known as Annalisa Nicola Dimitriievna Peterson Romanova, Grand Duchess of Russia…” I said with a pause as I took another deep breath before I spoke my next words.

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Author's Note: Hey Yall, I hope you enjoyed Reading! Please take a moment to click the orange VOTE button that's on the left hand side of the screen. Thanks so much for all your support.

This chapter is dedicated to OrtonCenaRKO for creating the book cover that can be seen on the side of the chapter.  Also, this chapter is dedicated to the former Wattpad User: Miss SerenaTheStoryteller, also previously known as Gabr3ll3Ann3, for helping me out with this chapter, and also introducing me to an awesome new website called Figment.com where my story can also now be read on.  Thanks so much chicas!