"Maybe I should apologize to Alfred," Arthur thought as he sipped a cup of tea. "I was a little harsh on the lad. And no matter how much I loathe to admit it Francis was right in saying that Alfred is still nothing but a child. A child who managed to go to war with me and win when my empire was in the height of its glory but he is still a child. He has not seen the bloody grounds of war and heard the cries of the damned like the rest of us have. But still he must learn that his ideas are ridiculous and outlandish and only serve to reinforce the negative American stereotypes. The poor boy refuses to listen to anything I say so maybe he is just getting his just desserts."

"*Angleterre!" Francis exclaimed as he knocked Arthur out of his brooding.

"What do you want frog?" England growled unhappy at being interrupted by his neighbour.

"Do not be like that *mon lapin. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join Mathieu and I in a little catching up. It has been ages since we've seen the twins." Francis continued

Oh but where is *Amérique?"

"He's probably shoving a few of his nasty burgers down his throat." England commented offhandedly as he stared sadly at his now cold cup of tea.

"Maybe we should look for him?" Matthew suggested politely.

"We should look for him so that we may enjoy some quality family time." Francis repeated as he gently grabbed the hands of his son and possible future husband as he brought them along in search of their youngest family member.

"Why must you drag me along with you to find the git, you bloody frog? I have better things to do than find the stupid prat." England snapped. "Besides he's a big boy, he should probably be able to take care of himself."

"Mon lapin why all the hatred for little America?" Francis asked.

"And why the change of heart?" Arthur shot back. "Last meeting you told me you thought he was nothing but an uncultured, idiotic whale and today you want to preach to me about second chances? I believe you are being a bit hypocritical you *frog."

"People can change, non? Does Alfred not deserve a second chance like everyone else Arthur?" Francis questioned seriously. "Alfred is still young and has made a few stupid mistakes just like you and I did when we were young. He has not had the guidance that we had, we were bad parents and left Alfred on his own for far too long. You hold your grudges for far too long and you need to forgive. Alfred is *notre fils and so is Matthew. I do not understand how it is possible to forget the name of your own son! When was the last time you remembered his name without any prompting from Alfred or I? Do you ever stop to think about how that makes him feel? I am trying to change to become a better father. In the past we were far too obsessed with our empires and we put that in front of the children. I know that I have done wrong but I am trying to correct my wrongdoings what are you doing Arthur?"

"Do you think that I don't know that I'm a horrible father? Don't you think that I don't feel guilty when I can't remember the name of one of my youngest sons? Or when Alfred looks at me like a bloody kicked puppy when I can't even tell him I love him back. I'm a damned mess and I fucking know it!" Arthur thought as he listened to Francis's rant. "It fucking hurts when I want to give my little boys something as simple as a hug and I can't even do it because of something as stupid as my pride. I do love my sons even if I don't know how to show it."

"Is that really how Papa and Arthur thinks of Alfie? But at least Papa is willing to give Alfie a second chance. I knew he wasn't the most liked nation but if even his family thinks of him like that doesn't it ever have an effect on Al? I guess I am being a hypocrite on the matter, after all what I did to him in 1812 was brutal. Just one more thing that I screwed up, I'm such a hoser. I'm supposed to love and protect him as his older brother and instead all I do is mess things up." Matthew thought as he tuned out Francis's and Arthur's bickering. "But I suppose that I should stop looking back on my actions of the past and instead concentrate on doing the right things in the future. One of the first things that I need to do is find out what exactly happened between Al and Native America. Now that I think about it I can't remember him ever talking about his time before Arthur found him, I just never thought about it. I hope nothing bad happened to him but knowing my little brother he is the kind of person to keep all his problems to himself and then shoulder the burdens of others too. Well on the bright side it will probably be revealed it the diary entries. I wonder if my nasty little secret shall be revealed, it's not like I'm doing anything that I don't deserve but I'm sure Papa and Alfie might take it the wrong way."

***

"I'm not going to stay in my room and mope. That would mean letting them win and showing weakness. Any sign of weakness is inexcusable and will only lead to my downfall. I think i might be being a little overdramatic, I'm blaming my extended stay at Broadway before the meeting. Perhaps Russia would not be opposed to a friendly game of chess." Alfred pondered as his feet changed direction to Russia's room. "I will just have to try harder to keep my competitive spirit in check or it might just end up like the last time China and I engaged in a game of monopoly."

The lean, blonde, American stood at the black wooden door and knocked politely keeping an emotionless and blank look on his face as opposed to his usual goofy smile. There was no point in playing the idiot as Russia is to date one of the few nations to be able to look past the first layer of his facade. The cold war had been one of the few times when Alfred could not afford to play the fool as it was obvious that his country needed him.

Russia opened the door and smiled down at the younger and shorter nation. "What would you like comrade?"

"Would you be opposed to a game a chess?" Alfred questioned with a tilt of his head. "There is a board we may use in the conference room."

"Da." Russia blinked surprised at having been sought out by another nation, especially his cold war opposer.

Alfred smiled softly and moved swiftly and silently in the direction of the meeting room only pausing to make sure that Russia was still following him. Alfred pushed open the heavy metal door effortlessly and held the door for Russia. The icy eyed teenager retrieved a brand new chess set from a small cabinet in the corner of the large room. With the help of Russia, Alfred was able to completely set up the chess board in merely five minutes and sat down to play.

"You may have the first move." Alfred softly offered feeling slightly shy.

"Thank you comrade. You will surely regret it as I shall not go easy on you *Fedechka." Russia said smiling frighteningly as he moved his first black piece.

"I wouldn't want you to go easy on me Ivan." Alfred replied as he moved his own white piece.

"Can I ask you something Fedechka? Why do you play the fool when it is obvious that you are far more intelligent than you pretend to be?" Russia questioned as he continued playing.

"It is because I do not want to end up like you. You are mostly alone with even your family being frightened. I enjoy being able to interact with my family without them shivering in fear. The other nations fear power that they themselves can have no control over except for a few fragile alliances that can be severed easily. I have seen your suffering and although we are friends I would not like to join you in your life of seclusion." Alfred explained as he kept his eyes on the board.

"But is hate really what you desire comrade? I know you are aware that the facade of your is very obnoxious and irritating." Russia countered.

"I will admit that the facade that I have chosen has long since irritated me and I wish that I had chosen a pleasanter personality closer to my real self. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, being feared or being hated?" Alfred questioned as he captured one of Russia's knights."

"What is your real self like comrade?" Russia wondered as he captured one of Alfred's bishops.

"I- I don't know," Alfred blinked. "I never really thought much about it. Even as a child I was forced to wear a mask to appease someone else even if at that time I wasn't very good at it, maybe one day we'll both find out. I can't remember a time where I could simply be myself without caring about the opinion's of others. Perhaps that in itself is my flaw, but is it not human desire to be loved and as nations we mirror our human counterparts?"

"Da *Fedechka you are correct. The other nations might have a heart attack if they heard or saw you now. You have not shoved any of those tangible heart attacks down your throat."Russia complemented. "And you have not sprouted out any nonsense about heroes or ridiculous ideas. You are being intelligent with obviously well thought out replies."

Alfred blushed lightly although with his pale parlour it was rather obvious and  then partook in the mature thing and stuck his tongue out at the older nation. At this point in time the game was already drawing to a close with both sides equally matched and skilled. Had another country been here they would have been shocked to see the •Cold War participants having a civil conversation with no promises of nuclear warfare and war. Instead it was merely two friends seeking to relieve boredom by playing a friendly game of chess. The American representative was surprisingly silent, only speaking after being spoken too, had replied with intelligent obviously thought out ideas and had not once sprouted out any insane scheme involving giant robots, superheroes or a combination of the two. The Russian representative too had not asked his chessmate to become one with him, nor had he commented on the darker blonde's so called obesity and had instead chosen to enjoy his time with one of his few friends.

"Checkmate." Alfred smiled softly.

"Good game comrade," Russia congratulated. "We must play again soon when you are not acting like a *cамо по центру идиот."

"Meanie!" Alfred replied childishly with a slight pout. "You know my reasons."

"That doesn't mean that I like them." Russia countered as he began packing the chess set.

"Stop!" Alfred demanded as he gently grabbed Russia's arm. "You can't put it in like that."

"*Зачем?" Ivan asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"You can't just dump it in like that!" Alfred protested as he began removing the pieces that had already been placed inside and began arranging them properly. Russia stood off to the side smiling softly at how carefully Alfred was organizing the chess pieces. The pale, blond closed the box and placed it in the otherwise empty cabinet.

Ivan smiled down at his shorter friend as the exited the room together going in the directions of their rooms after a friendly goodnight and a short, warm hug.

***

"Ve~ Germany let's draw," Italy insisted as he clung to his almost boyfriend's arm. The taller nation sighed but chose not to try to refuse Italy because he had gotten to a point in his life where it was simply easier to go along with Italy's request the first time instead of needing tears to persuade him at the sixth time.

"Why wouldn't he ask me to draw with him? Am I not good enough?" Southern Italy wondered as he paced up and down his large bedroom. "Should I ask him to join? But I don't want to spend more time than I need to with the Potato Bastard! Maybe I'm being the bad big brother? But how would I fix it? Can it even be fixed?"

Romano flopped onto his bed and cradled his pillow to his chest as his eyes glazed over and he was taken deep into his memories.

"Ve~ Big Brother come play with me!"

"Big Brother can we have pasta for lunch?"

"Big Brother do you want to play with me?"

"Big Brother come meet Holy Rome!"

"But Big Brother I don't want to go! I'm playing with Holy Rome!"

"Bye Big Brother I'm going to play with Holy Rome!"

"Big Brother he's gone! He promised he would come back so he is!"

"Waaaahhhhh!"

"Big Brother meet Germany!"

"I'm sorry Big Brother but I promised Germany I'd cook for him today.”

"I wish I could be a better big brother," Romano thought as he bit his lip. "I can't seem to do anything right, maybe that's why Feli prefers that stupid potato bastard over me. He already broke Feli's heart once and I know he is going to do it again, so why won't Feli listen to me? I'm sure he suspects that the potato bastard is a reincarnation of Holy Rome! Or is it that he just want to get away from me? Am I pushing him away? Is it my fault? Why the hell do I care about him? He doesn't even like me but I need his affection so much. It's obvious that he's just going to leave me again just like he did before when he left with •Julius. I should simply close off my heart but that is a lot easier than it sounds. Maybe I should ask for help? Yeah right! Who would want to help a *bastardo like me? All I do is push people away and besides who would want to help me when Feli might need something? Whatever it's not like it's important, I might as well go to bed now, tomorrow shall be a long day,"

***

"I have absolutely no inspiration for this yaoi that I need to complete," Japan thought worriedly as he stared at a blank laptop screen. "I promised the publisher that I would have this ready by the end of the week and it's already Friday. Perhaps I can draw inspiration from RusAme. Yes! Russia, is the overbearing and overprotective alpha dominant who controls everything that his reluctant submissive America does. America is a naturally free spirit who hates being controlled but will endure if it means keeping his lover happy. Eventually Russia goes too far and America breaks free from the cruelty of his lover and escapes to his family overseas. I believe that I can make this work with a little bit of effort.

Japan smiled briefly before he bent his head and began typing away furiously on his laptop.

"But I wish Amer - no Alfred -kun would be with me instead. Something about him makes me feel a longing that I never have felt before, he makes me feel so alive in a way that I never have felt before. Perhaps after this is over I will invite him to AnimeCon with me or to play video games." Japan thought hopefully. "I believe that I may have a small crush on someone who considers me their best friend, how cliché. I wonder which of my secrets will be revealed in the diary entries."

***

China sat on his eastern style bed fingering a brittle painting from long ago. The picture featured younger versions of his little brothers and sister •Li Xiao Chun, •Im Yong Soo,   •Lin Yi Ling, •Honda Kiku, •Im Hyung Soo,  and himself Wang Yao. He remembered when his little family was complete and his house was full of childish laughter, happiness and smiles, nowadays the only other alive beings residing with him were his many panda bears.

"I miss having a family," China wept with his head in his hands. "I miss waking up to Kiku climbing in my bed after a nightmare, I miss when •Im Hyung Soo and •Im Yong Soo would do everything together and go everywhere together, I miss playing with my little princess •Lin Yi Ling and trying to draw •Lin Xiao Chun out of his shell. I remember enjoying the taste of half burned breakfast on my birthday from my babies. I don't understand how England could leave his baby home alone for any extended period of time, how could he survive seven years not knowing if America was even alive? Arthur was given the precious gift of life and he didn't take care of him, every child is precious! I would know, I have raised five children and I miss that so much. When I was born no nations were around to take care of me, that is why I try to hold onto my family the way I do because I don't not want anyone to be as lonely as I was in my youth. I was alone for hundreds of years just wondering and looking for a family and purpose before I •first found Japan and began raising him. For the first time in my life I had had felt needed and then I found more and little ones to take care of, I had felt so needed and loved and then after Japan’s betrayal everyone began leaving. I wish so much that I could go back to that time, is it wrong to have a family? England does not know what he is losing out on by pushing his America and um, Canadia, Canada and France away like that. Maybe America is so immature because he is still seeking parental affection from his deadbeat father °Opium. America never had a proper father figure in his life but maybe Native America was a better mother. No, I believe that she might have mistreated Alfred someway, I have volunteered at enough orphanages that I can tell the signs of an unhealthy familial relationship. The other one is so invisible that I barely have any prominent memories of him where he wasn't being mistaken for his brother or being embarrassed by France. How is it possible for one child to be so outshone by the other? When I was raising my babies I made sure that no child was left behind to hide in the shadows of the others.”

Yao stood up slowly and walked over to his bathroom to wash his face before he returned to his bed to sleep.

***

One by one each nation returned to his bed to go off to sleep.

Germany and Italy had fallen asleep cuddled together an Italian movie called °La Dolce Vita. Although Ludwig might appear cold and hard to the other nations when he was with Italy all his walls seem to just melt away. There was just something about the 5"8 that seemed to melt away the taller 5"11 man's walls like the spring after winter.

Japan had once again fallen asleep at his computer with a sense of accomplishment as he had completed his fictional story and had sent it to his editor after proofreading it. Sadly, enough China had cried himself to sleep while a now familiar longing for a family weighing heavily in his heart. Russia had gone the opposite direction and had actually fallen asleep with a small smile which to him was a very rare feeling. Much like his Chinese counterpart the more Southern Italian personification had cried himself to sleep feeling the part of his heart reserved for his little brother being empty. Arthur had been coaxed into having a few drinks by Francis and being the lightweight that he was had gotten completely wasted and had needed to guide him to his room, let's just say that Arthur is called *grand ambassadeur du sexe by France for a reason.

Alfred had long since nodded off as he had not slept properly for almost a week having missed almost a week of work previously due to the world meeting. During the world meeting no nation was able to work properly due to the large number of distractions and the preference to catch up with other nations. President °John Doe had offered to extend the blond's deadline but being the overambitious, workaholic that he was Alfred refused to give in any less than 500% and had managed to flawlessly cram two weeks of work into one.

Canada tossed and turned in his large king size bed unable to sleep. The blond haired, purple eyed nation was a major insomniac and often found it hard to sleep more than three or four hours a night. Matthew sat up in his bed and placed his head into his hands as he stared into nothingness.

"I miss the days when I could cuddle with Alfred to sleep," Matthew thought. "Maybe I can? I'm sure he won't mind, he always cuddles with me after he's frightened by a scary movie."

Matthew slid out of his bed clad in his pancake themed pajamas and walked out of his room quietly out of his room with his blanket in his hand. The Canadian crept quietly into the room of his younger twin. The pale American snored softly completely oblivious to his surroundings. Matthew slipped unnoticed into his brother's bed and began to cuddle with him. Alfred subconsciously leaned into his older brother's touch and began nuzzling his brother's neck eagerly seeking his affection and maybe drooling a little.  Matthew ran his hands through his brother's soft hair reminiscing about the days in which they shared a room and did everything together. The northernmost brother lay his head on the feathery pillow and closed his eyes as his breathing began to slow down and he entered the realm of sleep feeling closer to his brother than he has in years.

***

Matthew being an early riser awoke long before his twin brother but was unable to get up as he was being used as a pillow by Alfred. The blue eyed nation had curled up unto his brother, using his chest as a pillow with his hands around his older brother's waist while their legs were intertwined.

"Alfie, you drooled on me, you idiot," Matthew groaned quietly. "This was my favorite pair of pajamas but you do look pretty cute while you're sleeping so you're forgiven this time. Although you do feel strangely light, maybe it's the angle he's resting on me? Now that I think about it he has looked a little thinner, that's  pretty good! The other nations can be pretty mean to him! I don't understand why, I mean compared to everyone else we're still children both in human years and actual age. We're only a few hundred years old, none of us close to three hundred yet and people hundreds and sometimes thousands of years older bully him and call him names like slut and whore when everyone knows that Alfred is still a virgin. I wonder what it feels like to always be in the spotlight like he is? I'm always so invisible and almost no one knows me or even my name. I wonder why I'm so easily forgotten considering I'm one of the largest countries in the world. The few times I am noticed I'm always mistaken for Alfred and the other nations almost always want to beat me up! Even Papa ignores me sometimes and Arthur, the man I once called Daddy can't even remember my name or who I am without Papa or Alfred reminding him. I thought when Alfie left and became independent that he would have more time for me but he was always out on the sea or off  fighting with Papa. It's so unfair! Am I simply not good enough to be considered his child? Is something wrong with me? Even Mr. Kuma -something can't remember my name but considering I also can't remember his then I guess we're equal. I wonder where he went today, he disappeared before I woke up. I need to to use the bathroom however I don't want to awaken Alfie, but my bladder is bursting."

Matthew tried to untangle their bodies but Alfred clung to him whimpering slightly at being moved. The Canadian personification frowned slightly before he shook his brother awake seeing as he has no other choice. Alfred once again whimpered slightly before he opened his icy colored eyes as he gazed around blearily as he continued to cuddle with his brother.

"I gotta pee!" Matthew whined. "Please get off me."

Alfred rolled off his brother and let Matthew retreat to the bathroom. The blond still on the bed clutched his brother's pillow, burying his nose into it and enjoying his brother's scent. When Matthew was done doing his business and entered his brother's bedroom to the sight of an already half asleep Alfred. Matthew signed before he went to the small and portable kettle that was already filled with water and turned it on.

"Coffee?" Alfred mumbled quietly.

"I'll make coffee for you if you get up," Matthew bargained knowing that Alfred couldn't resist good coffee.

"M'kay Mattie." Alfred agreed as he struggled to rise from the pillowy confines of his bed. "I like your coffee."

"I know little brother," Matthew agreed. "I'm going to add lots of sugar just like you usually drink it. Although I don't know which teenager is as addicted to coffee as you."

Matthew prepared the steaming hot beverage for his still sleepy brother and handed him the drink. Alfred began to slowly sip his Americano as he continued staring at his brother.

"Mattie," Alfred began in a small voice. "I've missed this, I've missed you and I don't want to lose you. I know sometimes that I may be very annoying, irritating and useless but please don't get rid of me! You're my big brother and I love you so much and I don't know what I would do if you left me. Please don't leave me!"

"Alfred where is this coming from?"  Matthew questioned as he moved to wrap his hands around his younger brother's waist. "Please don't think like that! I promise I won't leave you, I love you too much for that and besides twins need to stick together. No matter what the other nations say please don't think that you're useless, irritating or any of those other things. Alfie I need to know where you got that thought from, please tell me."

"It's -it's nothing," Alfred sniffed as he buried his head in the crook of brother's neck. "Please drop it."

Matthew eyed his brother worriedly but decided to drop the matter knowing that Alfred would tell him when he was ready. The brothers remained in each other's embrace for a few minutes before Alfred seems himself composed and balanced enough to let go.

“I think I'm okay now Mattie,” Alfred said as he wiped his eyes. “I think I'm going to shower now.”

Matthew gave his brother one last squeeze before he released him from the safety of his arms. The still glassy eyed teenager stood up and went to his the bathroom on his side of the now joint room to get ready for the day. Once inside the lavish blue and white bathroom the teen stood in front of his large mirror and examined his body thoroughly.  To Alfred what he saw was an obscenely, obese teenager with lifeless, mustard yellow hair and dull blue eyes. This person had flabby thighs the size of tree trunks, a stomach so large that it almost overlapped his knees and jiggly arms with fingers so ringed with fat that they could barely close. In reality what was there was nothing more than a skeleton with stick thin arms and legs with protruding bones that had surprisingly thick blond hair with wide, broken (but fixable) ice blue eyes with just the barest hints of baby fats on his cheeks.

“I'm so confused, I don't understand why Matthew seems so sure that he won't leave me or get tired of me, everyone else did. •Shima got tired of me before I could walk and told me so, Arthur always tried to stay very far away from me without outright saying it and Francis always preferred Mattie so why should Mattie be any different and stay? Doesn't he understand that he deserves better than a probably mentally unstable and morbidly obese twin? I feel very lost and I don't know which direction to go to. Matthew feels safe, safe means no pain and no more hurt so maybe I can fully put my trust in him with no walls up? I know I always call him big brother but I don't reveal everything to him and he seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being so when we come back tonight I'm going to answer all his questions. I just really hope that he still likes me afterwards.”

On the other side of the wall the other twin was surprisingly going through a similar thought process that stayed along the lines of self doubt, low self-esteem and self worth.

“What am I doing wrong?” Matthew pondered as he leaned against the wall in his identical red and white bathroom. “I must be a horrible big brother if Alfred feels that I'm going to abandon him! Maybe I shouldn't have berated him like that last meeting, I made him cry! He had looked so broken and sad and I did nothing to comfort him but tell him that he needs to grow up. That was unfair to him! We are kinda still children and I'm the one who chose to mature quicker but that's doesn't mean I have to force that on him. What kind of big brother am I? So much for my supposed maturity if I can't even see the huge details, eh.”

The two brothers then proceeded to shower and clothed themselves. Formal clothes are usually only worn on the first day of the meetings and then everyone is free to dress as they want making sure they're dressed appropriately of course. Alfred choose to wear a padded (to keep out the cold which unintentionally ups his bulk) oversized red sweatshirt from °MIT that was partially falling off his bony shoulders with a pair of very loose fitting jeans and white Vans. Matthew was dressed in his typical Canadian themed hoodie with a pair of skinny jeans with a pair of black converses.

“Are you ready to go Alfred?” Matthew questioned as he stepped out of his bathroom where Alfred was drinking yet another cup of coffee. “You know that much coffee will kill you one day.”

“Then I shall die doing something that I love,” Alfred countered cheekily. “And I'll be back eventually.”

Matthew rolled his eyes at his younger brother's reply before he began walking put the door knowing that Alfred would soon follow.

***

“Owie,” Italy groaned as he accidentally rolled off Germany’s bed and spotted a box underneath his bed. “Ve~ Germany why are the pretty ladies naked in your book? Aren't they cold?”

Germany began sweating profusely before he grabbed Italy and placed him in the hallway.

“Ve~ why'd you kick me out Germany?” Italy whined.

“*Mein gott! Why did I hide my …special books under the bed. “I hope that Italy doesn't tell anyone, I might be thought of as some sort of closet pervert.”

Germany opened the door and grabbed the still whining Italian and returned him to the room.

“You are not to tell anyone what you saw Italy,” Germany instructed. “Understand!”

“Ve~ but maybe we can raise money to buy them clothes Germany. They might freeze and get sick!” Italy said informing the taller nation.

“It is a surprise Italy,” Germany said lying effortlessly. “We're going to surprise the ladies with coats and blankets but if too many nations know then someone might tell them by accident.”

“Ve~ okay,” Italy agreed. “Do you have more pretty ladies to clothe?”

Germany let out a soft curse before he kicked Italy out again and locked the door this time.

*Word Glossary*

Angleterre (French) -England
Amerique (French) -America
Fedechka (Russian) -Alfred
Mein gott (German) -My God
Bastardo (Italian) -Bastard
Зачем (Russian)- What for
cамо по центру идиот (Russian) - The idiot.

•Fandom References•

Im Hyung Soo- North Korea
Lin Xiao Chun- Hong Kong
Lin Yi Ling- Taiwan
Im Yong Soo- South Korea
Julius- Rome

I know that this isn't the super long chapter that I promised but I keep adding onto it. I decided to cut in about half, half because I realized that and 11K+ chapter is really long. I'll try to post the other half really soon, after editing and finishing. I also wanted to say thank you to ClassyAmerica, mistydarkmoon and England_From_Hetalia for all the love that you guys showed my mediocre story. I love talk so much! My total word count is 5632 words.