Otto was around 50 steps ahead of me at all times, leading the way down the mountain. We mostly followed the trail, but occasionally he would take a leap off of a rocky edge or a shortcut through a crowd of bushes in order to get down faster. Needless to say, I was terrified. There were drops of blood every so often that left stains on the rocks, and I couldn't believe that what was happening right now was actually real. Unfortunately, it was all too real.

Jason talking about Otto's book was stuck in my head, echoing on an endless loop. He didn't say much about what was in the book besides the numerical pattern I had caught onto a while ago, but I needed to know more. Why did he assign all of his girlfriends a number? Why did he keep a secret book that apparently had something to do with those numbers? And where had he been hiding it?

When I got out of my head, I noticed that the parking lot was right in front of me, and Otto was already there, holding Jason and waiting for me beside his car. So he wasn't planning on running away. I ran down the final stretch of the mountain and made my way to where Otto was standing, panting as I tried to catch my breath. Running down a mountain? Definitely not my workout of choice. "Where are Jason's keys?" I asked.

Otto lifted his hand up to turn over the keys to me and my heart raced as I noticed the shakiness of his hand and the blood covering it. I shook myself out of my daze and quickly unlocked the car so that he could lay Jason in the back seat. Jason held Otto's jacket in place, keeping pressure on the wound. His eyes were squinted shut and he was fighting to breathe indrawn breaths constantly escaping his mouth. Otto shut the door to the car, and as I was about to open the driver's side to get in, he stopped me, his hand landing on my wrist. Chills ran down my arm at his mere touch and he must have noticed because he swiftly let go of his grasp on me.

    "Sorry, sorry... Just wait," Otto said.

"We have to get him to the hospital now. We can't wait."

"I just need you to promise me one thing," Otto said. "Promise that you won't turn me in? I know... I know what just happened is bad, but I didn't know what was happening. He wouldn't let me wake up, he kept me away. Please just promise that you won't turn me in. I can't lose you like that... I can't lose Jason like that."

I kept my gaze on him, noticing the frown he wore. He was pleading with me because he was afraid that I would turn him into the police, and he didn't want to lose me? What kind of a sick game was this, and why was I left in charge to make such life-altering decisions? Why was I being forced to decide whether or not Otto was to be trusted, whether or not I could continue to love him?

I remained calm as I reached out to pull Otto's face up gently, forcing him to look at me. My fingertips grazed his chin before moving to his cheek, wiping away a tear that fell from his right eye. "I won't turn you in," I said. "I promise, Otto. I promise." He gave me a weak smile and moved to get in the passenger's side of the car. I got in, keeping my hand steady as I inserted the key into the ignition, starting the car and immediately driving away.

The situation was beyond fucked up and I was being put in the position that I had to decide whether or not to turn Otto into the authorities. And I had chosen not to, maybe just to get him in the car, or maybe I was being serious because I knew, deep down, that my love for him was that strong. As I drove, my heart couldn't help but sink at the realization that I desperately wanted Otto. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be able to touch and kiss him, I wanted to hold his hand as we walked around downtown Ann Arbor, and I wanted to love him despite his demons, despite what he had done in his past and even right now. I wanted him, no, I needed him, and it was past the point of being dangerous. I was royally fucked for loving him.

"The nearest town is a few miles out," Otto said, breaking the silence.

I nodded, not wanting to say anything. There was nothing I could say to Otto right now. I was too conflicted to be able to speak to him rationally. Out of my peripherals, it looked like Otto was about to say something again, but before he could, there was a buzzing noise coming from the back seat. Jason groaned. "It's my phone," he managed to say. He reached out to hand the phone to me and as I stretched my hand out to grab it from him, I felt the instability of his hands. They were trembling as if the phone weighed over fifty pounds. Grabbing the phone, I checked to see who was calling.

"It's West," I said.

"Tell him," Jason said and then he coughed. "He knows why I'm here." I could feel Otto's eyes piercing the side of my face, but I wouldn't look in his direction.

I waited before answering the phone. "Hey, West," I said, and my voice was so quiet and pathetic. I needed to pull myself together. I couldn't be cowardly right now, not in these circumstances.

"Harrison? Oh my god, you're okay, you're not hurt," he sounded relieved, but it only lasted a few seconds before I heard him gasp and say, "Wait. Where is Jason?"

    "He's in the back of the car," I said. "Something happened, West..."

    "What do you mean something happened?" West asked, and his voice was gravelly and intimidating. He sounded angry, and I hadn't heard him talk like this since Jason's cheating incident. "Harrison, tell me now."

He was going to be upset, and I didn't want to tell him the truth. Even though Jason said that West knew what was going on, there was no way West could've predicted the current outcome. He could've expected something bad to happen, but not to Jason. Not like this. "Otto shot him," I blurted. From the corner of my eye, I could see Otto flinch, then turning his attention out of the window instead of at me. Thank God. I used to love the feeling of being looked at by Otto, but now the piercing of his eyes at the side of my head scared me shitless.

"Otto did what?!" West snapped.

I sighed. "We're taking him to the hospital, West"

He interrupted. "Which hospital?"

"The Mackinaw City hospital," Otto spoke, not daring to look over at me.

"Mackinaw City hospital," I repeated. There was a brief pause where I could hear West grabbing his car keys and slamming a door, probably the door of his dorm room. "He'll be okay, West."

    "I'm on my way. Goodbye, Harrison," was all he said before hanging up.

I felt the burden of guilt getting even heavier on my shoulders as I drove on. West hung up in such a cold manner, it was clear that he was upset and angry, but more specifically angry at me. Could I blame him? Jason went after Otto and I to save me from getting hurt and instead, he ended up getting hurt in the crossfire. Without warning, I felt Otto's cold hand slip over mine, set on the armrest. I looked over to him and he was looking right at me, this time not holding back with the eye contact. He shot me a sympathetic close-mouthed smile and I faced the road again. I couldn't look into his eyes because it broke me to do so. On impulse, I squeezed Otto's hand as a gesture to reassure him that everything would be okay, even though I was positive that wasn't true. How could everything be okay when so much had gone wrong? Even though we were almost to the hospital and Jason was still breathing, how was I supposed to believe that everything would turn out to be just fine? Both with Jason's health and Otto's.

I needed to get out of my head and the unending thought spiral in my mind. Once we made it to the hospital, the first priority had to be taking care of Jason. The second priority? Taking care of Otto, no matter what that entailed.

•••

The doctors had rushed Jason into surgery with no hesitancy. They said it would be over an hour before he would get out of surgery and it would take some time to ensure his survival. They couldn't promise us life, but they could promise us that they would do everything they could to try and save him. The doctors also asked us how Jason got shot, and I was forced to lie in order to keep my promise to Otto. I told them that some guy came out of nowhere and just shot him before running away. It was a random act of violence and nothing more. I didn't dare mention the fact that we had been on the top of Mount Huron because that would have just led to even more questions, which none of us needed at the moment. While they wheeled Jason off, they instructed us to stay in a private, secluded waiting room. It was just Otto and I sitting in the cramped space, chairs apart, forced to remain in an awkward silence as we waited for Jason's fate to be revealed to us.

An hour had already passed and still no word from the doctors. They had asked for my phone number so they could text updates about what was going on with the surgery, but nothing had come through yet. The guilt of lying to them about the situation was beginning to eat me alive progressively as we waited.

"I shouldn't be here," Otto said under his breath. He was sitting and looking down at his feet, tapping anxiously on the ground, his hands interlocked as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

"You should be here," I assured him.

"It's my fault, I caused this," he said, looking up at me. His eyes were even more watery than they had been earlier, likely on the brink of tears. Although I wasn't sure how to feel about Otto right now, I couldn't stand to see him like this. I couldn't stand to see him in so much pain. "I don't deserve to be here, Harrison. I could have killed him. He could still die. All because of me. I'm so fucked up."

    I found myself kneeling down in front of him, grabbing both of his shaky hands in mine. "Otto," I whispered. I took a moment to compose myself, as I could feel the tears threatening to escape my own eyes. "Jason is going to live. I can feel it."

He shook his head. "You don't know that. You can't know that. Even the doctors didn't know whether he was going to live or not. No one can know, Harrison."

"I know, I know. But you can't sit here and blame yourself for all of this, Otto. You shot him, you did. And maybe you were planning on doing something drastic at the top of that mountain, but it wasn't you, Otto. It was him. It was that awful person who climbed inside of your body and took you over for hours, leaving you unable to speak for yourself. It wasn't you. It was him."

    "You should've listened to me," he spoke thickly.

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath and his eyes met mine. "I told you I was a monster and you didn't believe me, but you should have. You're sitting here caring about me when you should be sitting over there wishing I was dead, cursing me out for fucking everything up. You should be agreeing with me on the fact that I am a monster because even if it wasn't completely me up there on that mountain, it was still my body. It was still something inside of me forcing me to do unspeakable things. It was still my fucked up brain. Harrison, it was me. It was me and even you know that."

I squeezed Otto's hands and pulled them towards my chest. "No. You are not a monster, Otto Landry," I assured him. "You have to listen to me, you have to stop fighting me. The more you fight, the more guilt you are going to feel. You have to stop fighting me, Otto. You are not a monster, it was not you up there on that mountain, and Jason is going to be just fine. We are going to be just fine."

Otto halted before a tear made its way out of his eye and rolled down his face. Once that first tear had been let loose, the rest followed in an incessant stream. His body bent over his legs, and he kept his hands in mine, shaking violently as he sobbed. He cried as if his heart had been yanked from his being and all that was left was his body, completely empty of any emotions other than hopelessness. My head bowed down to rest on top of his while he cried and I never let go of his hands. Maybe I shouldn't have comforted him, but I couldn't stop myself.

Otto was broken, Jason was badly injured, and I was straddling the fence not knowing how to feel.

•••