I had been nervous to drive to the apartment. Nervous to meet Harrison there. She wasn't supposed to know about the apartment in the first place, but Jason explained it to me, and I tried to keep my temper at ease while he did.

    "Don't flip out, man," Jason warned before telling me about how Harrison found out about the apartment. He was hesitant. "I took her there once you disappeared because I thought you might be there, but you weren't. She was just looking around."

    I sucked in a deep breath. Calm, Otto, calm. "So what? Did she find anything?"

    Jason looked down, fidgeting with his fingers, and I had never seen him act this way before. He was acting so unnerved as if he was scared himself. Scared of what? He took a moment before he looked back up at me.

    "She just found a lot of things in the place," he started, "and there was only 16 of everything there. Literally everything. And the thermostat was at 16, too. And she found this note, one that you wrote to Jolene, I think. Mentioned meeting up at 16th street."

Jolene. My jaw tensed and I knew Jason could see that, causing him to stop talking. "What are you trying to say?" I asked, attempting to keep my tone calm, but it proved to be difficult. There was a ball of anger threatening to crawl up from the pit of my stomach.

    "I'm not trying to say anything," He defended. "I'm just pointing out the fact that Harrison found out that there was a lot to do with the number 16 in the apartment. Apartment number 16. You can't blame her for thinking that's a little weird."

    "Do you think it's a little weird?" I questioned him callously.

    "I know how much you liked Jolene and that apartment must mean a lot to you since she moved away, but... With all of the 16's, don't you think that's just a little creepy? A little too weird to be purely coincidental? And, I mean, the shoes. The only shoes you had in there were 8 pairs of sandals, and I haven't seen you wear those things since she moved," He said and I couldn't take it anymore.

    I snapped. "There is nothing fucking wrong with it, and the whole 16 bullshit is just a fucking coincidence, so fuck off, Jason!" I yelled, stepping closer to him.

    "Otto"

    "Don't even think about speaking her name again," I warned. "And keep your nose in your own goddamn business next time! I am going to meet up with Harrison, so you can go fuck yourself."

    Jason stepped towards me once before saying, "You cannot go there like this, Otto. Not with your temper, you need to calm down. You have to trust me on this, man."

    "You can't make me do anything, Jason," I said, taking a step back and swiping my keys from the counter. "I'm leaving and I'm telling you that it will be fine. So you decide whether you trust me or not."

    He was thinking, and he looked down and shook his head. Jason lifted his head up to look at me, and it was almost as if he was about to cry from the sparkle in his eyes, but he wasn't going to be vulnerable towards me. He never was. Sucking in a deep breath, Jason said, "I trust you, Otto. It's the other you I don't trust. So as long as he isn't the one gracing Harrison with his presence today, then go on ahead."

    "It's me, Jason," I said, and he looked at me with both a look of concern and a look that told me he was scared. He wasn't scared for himself, but for me. The idea that I wasn't myself had always made him nervous for the people around me. I took a moment before leaving the house, brushing past Jason, who didn't move a muscle.

    It took 15 minutes to arrive at the apartment, and reluctantly, I went around back to the staircase and climbed up to the top level. The latch-window was already open, and as I peered inside, I could see Harrison standing up against the kitchen counter waiting for me. So I went inside, latching the window shut behind me. Harrison turned to face me and I looked around the apartment, realizing how messy it was. She had torn it up inside and out, probably searching for the 16-pattern she found, as Jason informed me. Her eyes looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep for a few days, and that was probably true considering how the past few weeks had gone.

    It was silent between us, and I guess it was because neither of us really knew what to say. She stood there, constantly switching back and forth from making eye contact with me and looking down at the ground.

    "We're just gonna stand in silence, aren't we?" Harrison asked after what was probably at least 5 full minutes of deadly silence. She stood in the same spot I had first seen her in, and I had kept the distance, not wanting to get too close.

    "I don't know what you want me to say," I admitted. Because I didn't know what it was that she knew. But from the fact that she had wanted to meet up here, I realized she must have known about my issue. The question was just about how much she knew.

    Harrison crossed her arms and looked directly at me, almost as if she was looking straight into my soul. Her forgiving eyes pierced through mine. But I didn't know if she was more forgiving or angry. I didn't know which emotion was more pronounced.

    "Otto, I know about you, about everything," she said and then immediately sighed. "I don't get it, though. I mean, I get why you disappeared, but the fact that you came back and didn't even reach out to me after all of the texts I sent... that doesn't make sense to me in the least bit."

    I didn't say anything.

    She tensed for a second, but almost instantly relaxed once again. "You could have talked to me or said something," she pressed on. "But not talking to me and then showing up to a party with nearly all of the students at my school and punching Mike was the dumbest decision you could have possibly made."

    And once again, I didn't say anything. But this time when she tensed, she remained so.

    "You're going to have to say something. You're going to have to stop being a coward," she remarked.

    I took a small step forward, but we were still a comfortable distance apart. Inhaling deeply, I thought of what I was going to say to her. I have to end this, I reminded myself of my thoughts from earlier on. So in an attempt to do just that, I decided it would be best to scare her off, and it should have been easy to do so.

    "Showing up to that party and punching Mike," I started, "was a huge wake-up call for me," I finished, taking another small step closer towards her. She didn't so much as move a fnger. "This, us, can't be a thing. For so many reasons."

    She looked hurt and frustrated at the same time. "I don't believe you," she angrily whispered. "You came to that party for a reason, and that wasn't to punch Mike."

    "You're right. I went there to end things between us, and judging from what Mike said happened between the two of you, I was making the right decision," I said, although I knew I was lying. But I had to lie to her. It was for the best. We couldn't be together anymore, it was too dangerous. Both for my career and Harrison's life. We weren't supposed to be together, and as much as I hated to do so, I knew I had to push her away. I had to push her away before it was too late.

    "What happened between Mike and ?" She asked. "You mean how he and I had sex the night before? How I actually enjoyed it at the time?"

    My jaw clenched. "So you did sleep with him," I said. I didn't realize how mad that would make me, but I was livid. Instead of keeping my calm, I screamed. "Fucking hell!" My hand slammed against the wall and out of my peripherals, I could see Harrison flinch.

    It took a moment for her to regain her composure. "You don't get to be mad about that, Otto," She said. "You weren't there, and you haven't been for weeks. Also, if you're here supposedly trying to end things between us, why are you standing here getting mad about what me and Mike did once?"

    Nothing.

    "So you see why I don't believe you," she said. "You like me, Otto. Fucking admit it and stop trying to run away from me, you goddamn coward!"

    I slowly inhaled before replying, "We can't be together."

    Harrison rolled her eyes. "Jesus, don't give me that bullshit, Otto! No more of that!" She exclaimed. Harrison took a few steps closer to me, but I backed up one so that we were still a safe distance apart. "If you say we can't be together, you're going to have to give me one good reason besides the reason we both already know."

    And swallowing every bit of anger inside of me (and I could feel that there was a lot), I said, "I'm not good for you. I'm not a good person."

    Harrison scoffed. "Please, did you really think I was going to believe that?" she asked, shaking her head. "You're being a complete and utter asshole and cowardly right now, Otto. You're trying to push me away because you don't think I can handle your issues, and maybe I can't, but how the fuck would you know? You didn't tell me about your problems, you didn't tell me about your secret life, where apparently you keep everything in numbers of 16, which is so oddly specific, I don't get it! But you didn't give me any of that, so you wouldn't know what I feel! You're trying to push me away cause you don't think I can handle it, but you have no idea what I can and cannot handle. You wanna know what I think, Otto?" She paused and stepped closer to me, her pointer finger jabbing into my chest. "You are the one who can't handle it."

    And without any reluctance, I shoved Harrison up against the wall, holding my arm across her neck so she was pinned and couldn't move. Every ounce of my being was completely tense and angry. My goal here wasn't to hurt her, but to make her understand.

    "I'm a monster!"

    She looked directly into my eyes, shaking her head as much as my arm would allow. She, much like me, was also livid, and you could hear it in her response. "A monster, Otto? Really? You're gonna pull that cliche bullshit on me and expect me to believe you?"

    "It's true. I am a monster," I pressed on.

    "Well I'm not seeing it," she said.

    I grunted angrily before pushing my arm further up her neck so it made it harder for her to breathe and she choked. I could tell she was struggling and I hated it. I hated to see her in pain. But for some reason, I pushed further. I couldn't control the impulse. "Well maybe this will make you see it now," I said. "I am no good for you or for anybody, for that matter. You need to give up on the fantasy that we are going to end up together because we aren't. You should find a way to wrap your head around that."

    Struggling to speak, Harrison managed to form a reply. "You care about me," she croaked with her breathy voice, fighting for air. "Don't give in to your anger, and just admit it to yourself. You care about me, and you aren't going to hurt me. And you definitely aren't going to lie again and say that you don't want to be with me when you do. I know you do."

    I felt as though there was nothing else I could do to convince her, so reluctantly, I dropped my arm from her neck. Harrison nearly gasped for air before grabbing her neck, dropping her hands afterward and fighting to catch her breath.

    "Fine, you're right," I gave in. "I care about you. So..."

I felt myself getting panicky for an unknown reason, and I went over to the velvet couch where my keys sat and grabbed them, turning back to her and walking closer. There was this impulsive feeling coming from deep down inside of me, forcing me to do what came next.

"Come with me. On a trip to the mountains," I said frantically. But I knew the mountain. Mount Huron around 2 hours from Ann Arbor, and it wasn't too high, but that was exactly how he preferred it to be.   

She hesitated before she said, "Otto, I can't. I have school, and," she paused, "I'm not afraid of you, but I can't just go on a trip with you so suddenly. Not after everything that's happened."   

I felt myself getting mad again, but it wasn't me. It was the other person inside of me. The angry guy who shared my body threatening to show himself. As if I couldn't control my actions, my hand lifted up my sharp keys and said, "If you don't come with me, I'll hurt myself. I can't go without you, and we have to go. Please."

I didn't know why I was doing this. But I couldn't stop.   

"Otto," she paused, looking worried, "I can't."   

So innately, I dug the key into the skin of my forearm. Clearly, my actions shocked her and she yelled, "Otto, stop it!"

I shook my head. "Not until you agree to come with me," I said, grunting in pain from the keys. I could feel the blood trickling down my arm. Why was I doing this?   

Harrison jolted forward and grabbed the key from my hand and gave in. "Fine," she said. "Fine, yes, I'll come with you, alright?" She smiled and grabbed my hands. "Come on, why don't you go home and get your stuff together, and I'll go do the same at my dorm. You can swing by and come get me when you're finished. Does that sound good?"   

Looking into her eyes, I could get lost for days. They were not even close to ordinary. They were vibrant, captivating, eyes that could easily brighten up the globe, bringing the earth back to life with one glance. Perfection, I would say. I nodded and agreed to her plan. She smiled and handed me my keys back before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the apartment window.

And that's when I knew I wasn't in control of my body anymore. Instead, the other person inside of me was taking over. And there was nothing I could do to stop him.

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