Blue

It was already the end of summer. I've seen my therapist more than a handful of times. My cast was finally removed, and I've spent my time getting adjusted to walking with a cane.

Not only is that what changed, but being off the team drastically changed the way my old teammates interact with me. Maybe it's because I somehow am responsible for getting the captain of the team kicked off. How is it my fault he was influenced by drugs and my dad snitched?

In the middle of a supermarkets parking lot , I sit in the passenger seat of my aunts mini van. I glance out the window to the cars side mirror, my hairs length is one I'm not used to. Is making it's way to my shoulders, and this heat isn't helping.

I glanced down at my lap and take out my phone, I scroll through social media where the town and my friends are heavily on.

Scrolling through my feed, is just the same videos of the party, or the crash. And the same dumb comments like, "awww."

"He deserves it."

"This is insensitive take this down!"  Yes exactly.

Everything really flipped around in one damn summer.

The only thing trending about me is the fact that I killed people. Accidentally that is.

The door besides me opens, "oh god you're still looking through that dreadful mess. You're only gonna get yourself more upset Blue." My aunt laughs

"I just want an update..." I say lowly.

"Update? On what? People's ignorance or how you shook the town, because the only crazy things that happened before this was Rosemary giving birth in a movie theater."

Why is she pretending to not be bothered. I see how she was at the funeral for my mom. The way she looks at me at times. She should be disgusted with me. I took her sister from this world. I'm just a burden.

The only new things surrounding me is new medication, my therapist nagging me about a fresh start in school, and to get off of social media.

—

Using a cane, and being unbalanced only makes me worry more that the moment I fall, my fragile weak knee is just gonna shatter some more.

As we walk into my aunts house, the phone rings. "Aster! You couldn't have picked this up, you're home!" She yells at her son, whose god knows where.

My cousin Aster, screams from across the house. Must be glued playing video games. "Didn't hear it!"

"Hello?" My aunt says, I stumble over to the couch and plop down.

"Oh really. Okay. Thank you, no thank you so much. I understand, yes of course— I understand." My aunt hangs up the phone, I look back at her, she glances over to me.

My aunt smiles, "Your father is doing well the doctor said, they're saying the trauma from the crash is subsiding—"

—I look off into the distance. Am I guilty if I blame my father? Is it really his fault or am I just finding someone to blame... if it wasn't for him—

"So they think he will be released soon, maybe a month? Or two? Who knows." My aunt says smiling, she starts to pick up mail off the same counter as the phone.

I so badly want to feel sympathetic. I— Is it wrong if I wish... I can't even think it. If my mom was in the coma, I would feel entirely different about this situation. The blood is not only on my hands.

My father had me put up this façade. This fake life. I expressed it, horribly. I just wanted to make myself fit in with the crowd I wanted, and put on this act. And here it is everything crumbling like a tower. I'm exactly in the spot I didn't want. How does this benefit me?

The Shell is breaking off of me.

-
I head downstairs to the room my aunt was able to give me. The steep steps and my cane aren't friends right now. Tripping on half the steps, I head over to a desk top computer. And head straight to my schools social site.

But it's the same here too.

"The murderer comes to school in a week."

"Crazy how Blue Lennox who used to be our star football player, is now the drunk driving murderer."
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>"Wait he also got Jason kicked off the team
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> Jason?
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> he's the captain lol

"He murdered his family."