I wish you knew how much I miss you

How torturous this journey has become

You have gone from me, all that you are and were

The shell remains, hollow eyes turned inward

Even the angry outburst of the first inklings and warnings

Would be welcome as I watch the destruction of

A dynamic leader and teacher

Your kindness

Your practical willingness to help others

The love you showed in so many ways

Rolled away from us in an inching, relentless progression

Destroying everything but my memory of what you once were

And now you barely speak, silent vacant stare

Where are you?

Gone to glory as everything you believe taught you?

Why can't I let it be enough?

Knowing you are staunch in your faith

Mine is shaken to the core by this cruel loss by miniature degrees

We fought often,

You're calling at odds with how your son was raised

I miss the fierce insistence

God's work came first

Mothering did not

And with all your faults, we loved you

I would give anything to argue again

To see you stiff with the knowledge I was wrong

Or delivering words you refused to hear

You did not deserve this

We did not deserve this

But God's lesson is here as well

Love is still the solution

Compassion is our duty

And sitting here, where I can see the disappearance

Of all you were, is my way of letting you know

You are loved

Even when you are not here