Happy Birthday. I really didn't want our friendship \ relationship \ whatever the hell we had to end this way. If we're done talking to each other for good, I want to remember you as a good friend. Not some a hole.

I guess what we had is like a metaphor for a rollercoaster. When the ride starts there's that one person warning you to put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride, then there's others that tell you you're crazy. But when it starts, there's these constant butterflies dancing in your stomach. But there's loops and crazy turns you didn't think were ever gonna come. Then there's that one drop that makes you feel like you're gonna die and you scream till your throat burns. Then the rides over and you want to go again and again, but you can't and you just wanna cry cause the ride was hella fun. But you get over it and move to a different rollercoaster. I wanted you to be my only rollercoaster. But things change, people change. Shit gets said and you feel like your whole world is collapsing. And maybe that's because it is.

You were my world. And Im just really sorry about everything that happened. None of it was intended. That day we argued for hours straight I was talking out of anger. Everything I said I felt I meant. But tbh, I didn't. I actually regret saying those horrible things. You meant hell to me, and when I thought you were dating her, I swear and I will never say this again. I was jealous. I hated her atm (but I love her now. Don't ask. It's a long story) I was jealous that you were happy without me. But then I realized, I didn't need to be jealous so I talked crud about both of you. Most things I regret. Like, crashing that car. But there's things I won't ever regret.

Like you. And meeting my partner in crime and meeting my bestie. (: You three have been there since day one, and I'm glad to say 2\3 is still here although most times it feels like 1\3 is here. I wish you all were here. I wish none of this stupid break up awkward crap was here. I wish we were still friends who would stay up talking late at night. I wish we were still close. I wish I told you everything. I wish you didn't lie when you said it wasn't her. I wish I said happy birthday on your actual birthday. I was just too mad to talk to you. Happy LATE birthday.

The sad thing is, I'm happy now. I'm happier than I have ever been. Without you in my life. And I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I really do hope you find her. The one who will be your forever. I think I found my forever and I want you to be happy like I am. I'm done with the war or whatever this is. I'm done with it all. And I don't regret a thing, and I wouldn't change how things ended up the way they did if I got the chance, because like you said. Everything happens for a reason.

Now, go find your rollercoaster. I found mine.

A