° true love does not accept your demon. they love you even more for them. °

Chapter 20

"Nessa, are you kidding me?" I bark out, standing up to my feet and looking at her in complete bewilderment.

"Huh?" She asks, sitting up straight confused at my sudden change in mood. "Is, what's going on?"

"You find that a-adorable?" I ask, unable to get the words out without feeling like my brain was about to sink all the way to me toes. "H-how? It's gay and you said—"

"Israel calm down, I don't understand anything you're saying," Nessa pleads, getting up to her feet too.

"A sin is now adorable?" I ask, clenching and unclenching my fingers.

"A sin? What are you—"

"You're such a hypocrite Nessa. I cannot believe you right now," I glare, anger and distaste mixing up something really nasty inside of me. "You have no right to say that! You have no right!"

"Israel..."

I couldn't hear anymore, my blood feels like it's boiling and I feel like if I keep looking at Nessa, I'd do or say something stupid. With one last look at her, I turn around running up the stairs and into my room, locking the door behind me. I collapsed on my bed immediately, one thousand and one thoughts infiltrating my brain at once and causing me to wrap my hands around myself on the verge of a panic attack.

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

"What's that?" I had asked, curiously looking at her.

"Gay?"

"Mm."

She waved her hand, "don't worry about that Is, it's a sin."

Why was she then so accepting? Why did she say she found it adorable then? What was all that about?!

I toss my pillow, throwing it straight at the only mirror in the room. It doesn't make much sounds and falls plump on the ground. If I wasn't at home or if it wasn't horrifyingly approaching three am in the middle of the night, I would've screamed. Hot tears rolled out my eyes at I succeeded in shutting down, pushing Nessa and everything that just happened to a file that would remain closed for now. I basically turn off, going numb to my thoughts and mental war.

It would all make sense eventually. It would all make sense eventually.

It's no surprise that I don't sleep for the rest of the night and I leave the house very early avoiding Nessa like a disease. I don't need all my questions answered now.

The answer might be too terrifying to bear.

---

It's Saturday and I don't have anywhere to go to justify leaving the house so early so I wind up in church.

It's weird being here so early with no goal in mind so I sit at a back seat, silently praying for my sins to be washed away and asking for the comfort of Jesus Christ in my heart and soul. I'm not sure it works but I start playing chess on my phone and when other people start arriving too, getting ready to clean the church, I join in.

Some of the chatty old ladies engage me in a conversation about school and my family and one even asks if I have a girlfriend, pipping out her granddaughter to me. Another shushes her, telling her she sees me getting all comfy with Pickett's daughter, Darcy. The conversation is a bit amusing and I end up loosening a bit and being a little chatty myself. I ask about their children and grandchildren and they eagerly talk about them, their spouses, jobs and even problems.

By the time Confessions time come around, so does Darcy.

"Israel, fancy seeing you here," she gushes, throwing her arms around me in a hug. I hug her back, adding a little pat on the back.

"Nice to see you too Darcy."

She looks me over, "you're looking a little weary, are you alright?"

I roll my eyes, "don't I always look weary or something alike when you see me?"

"Hm, come to think of it, you do," she looks at me so serious that I laugh, not basically because it's funny but because there is nothing else to do or say, laughter fits in. "If you're having troubles sleeping, I've got sleeping pills."

I did not expect that, "why?"

"'Cause I'm a bit of an insomniac myself."

"Wow, I never knew."

"Of course you didn't," she digs into her bag and withdraws a small pill bottle, "want one?"

What could possibly go wrong with this? I think, eyeing the pill bottle. If my mum finds it I'm toast for taking an unprescribed drug but then it could help me shut down easier and get some sleep in. I need sleep to function right. With a shrug, I collect it, "Sure, I might need it after all."

Darcy slings her arm around me as we walk to confession, "but you should always try to eat something healthy, vegetables go a long way. Even if sleep isn't your problem, eating well never goes wrong. And have you tried protein shakes?"

I shake my head no. Jamal takes that but I hate it so much. "I don't like those."

She rolls her eyes, "it's no one's favorite Issy. And it doesn't have to be bad, you could just include your favorite fruits in."

"I'll think about it."

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Israel," she giggles, "and even if I was, that's not an appropriate answer either."

I refrain from rolling my eyes, "fine, Darcy, I'd do it."

"Great, now you won't believe what happened to me last week. I got into a fight with Celine in my class and she had the guts to call me names like a bluenose, a prude and a Mrs Grundy."

I didn't intend for to chuckle but I had no control over it when it's what I do next. I try disguising it with a cough when Darcy looks at me weird, "um—"

"Like, the nerve of that girl," Darcy continues like I didn't even interrupt, "is that supposed to be an insult?" I raise my brow confused if she wanted to actually answer that but she continues, I conclude that it was rhetorical question. "I didn't waste any time educating her on the fact that being a Mrs Grundy or a prude isn't actually an insult but a kind of praise."

"You did?" Oh God.

"Yes, I did. Being called a prude is usually an insult but it's not a bad thing. So what if I'm offended by their foul languages and fetish to sex and sexualizing everything. It just makes me a better person than they are and it's not like I can't talk about sex or even think about it. I just don't want my whole existence depending on just that or for it to be my one goal in life. Losing your Virginity these days shouldn't be—"

Darcy losses me at that and although she keeps talking and I nod and 'hm' at some junctions, I'm no more paying any attention to her. I don't even know what the fight is about and Darcy has the tendency to ramble, jumping from one topic to another regardless of whether the first topic was trashed out completely. To some extent I actually admire Darcy, she's in the body sixteen years old but it's like she's an eighty year old woman already. Only her can get into a fight with Celine Coleman and come out with her shoulder high, no tears in sight.

I don't know how she seems immune to peer pressure and keeps up her bold stand. It might just all be a facade and on the inside talks like this and being different does bother her but either ways, she's pulling off the facade well and that too is admirable.

I bet Darcy's gonna be a great woman one day, annoying maybe but great still.

-----

Confessions end and I walk Darcy back to her house and I come back to church. Nessa's probably at work now and only Mum is at home but I still don't want to go home. I've convinced myself that my dirty disgusting thoughts can't reach me here in the church but back home, they'd consume me.

After another round of chess on my phone, I decide to take five and look around the church a bit, maybe I'd see something I haven't seen before. Which is highly doubtful seeing as I've been in this church for the past sixteen years. My eyes land on the open window and from it, I get a clear view of the football field way across the other side of the road. I can't see it very well because of the distance but I can tell some people were playing football there already.

Don't go, he's not there. I tell myself, looking away from the window. It's futile because like magnet, my eyes return. Even if he is, he's the object of your nightmares, you should be avoiding him. I look away again, swiping open my phone to my game of chess again. But, I'm so bored!

In less than two minutes, I have already walked away from the premises of the church, crossing the road that would lead me to the football field. I'm not going there to see Sky, he might not even be there. I'm going there because I'm bored and football might end up a bit interesting. And I told Sky I'd watch a game, didn't I? What better time to make good of that promise than now?

When I arrive the field, I join other bystanders and spectators behind the low barb wire fence. I look around the field and the twenty two players on it, unconsciously searching for Sky. I see him eventually, he has on shorts and was standing at one corner, his beautiful grey eyes meticulously following the ball. I smile to myself on seeing his face, even while sweating, he still looks unbelievably good. It's pointless trying to avoid him, he's like this magnet that I can't help being drawn to. It's good I got the pills from Darcy after all, they are going to be very useful.

Sky remains on the field for a total of ten more minutes before the whistle blows. He looks paler than usual and his hair is falling limply over his head damp with sweat. The coach pulls him aside and they have quite a lengthy talk. I worry about how pale and tired he looks, way worse than I do, like he's going to fall anyway. I watch him, my eyes never leaving him once until he sits on the bench, guggling down the liquid like his life depends on it.

He stands, taking off his jersey shirt in one quick movement and causing a few eyes including mine to widen a bit. We don't get to look him over much because in the next second, he has his regular shirt back on. Sky throws the shirt into his bag and slings it over his shoulder, looking up and meeting my eyes just then. While I see him clearly, he doesn't see me clearly and has to squint hard before he could tell it's me behind the fence. He blinks clearly surprised but a smile adorns his face before he starts walking out of the field and over to me.

I leave the fence and the people around there, meeting him halfway between. "Hi."

"Hi," he smiles, the sighs in exhaustion. "I could just fall into your arms right now."

I stretch my arms out in case he decides to fall and he chuckles making me smile. "I would catch you, no big deal."

"That's nice to know," he pats my arm like he always does and we start walking. "I would fall but then I stink. Did you watch me play?"

I shake my head, "not really, I arrived minutes ago."

"Phew, thank God, I sucked at this match, worst one ever."

"And why is that?"

He shrugs, opening his car, "I'm getting weaker," he sighs and smiles at me. "Old age."

I laugh, "Of course you're getting old. I can see about five strands of grey hair from here."

His hand immediately goes to his hair, lips shaping into an 'O'. Then he looks at my face and rolls his eyes while I laugh harder. "Very funny, Israel."

"I learnt from the best, Sky."

He shakes his head and points to the car, "are you coming?"

"Where?"

"My house?"

I curiosity glance at the car, biting on my lip as I thought about it. I have nothing to do anyway and I am bored. "Sure."

Sky grins at me, "most awesome decision you've made this year."

"I bet."

"Come on then," he hops in and after I shut the door for him, I jog over to the other side of the car. Sky's looking at me when I get in and I blush.

"Shut up and drive."

He laughs loudly, starting the car, "Yes sir."

--------------------------------

Thoughts?

I think this is the last calm chapter of this book...lol. I swear the rest of them is a rollercoaster I'm certain you all would like as I did when writing them.

Share, vote and comment. ❤️