° I am starting to desire
The things I fear the most.°

Chapter 26

Darcy doesn't sit with us today, I have the feeling she's still mad at Mal for pushing her into the pool and at me for disappearing half of the night. At least I returned to take us all home and no matter what she feeling, I know that she had a lot of fun at the party without me even being there. I would have been no fun with her and I think going home with wet close is a small price to pay.

Anyway even as Darcy doesn't sit with us, our table becomes flooded with mathlets so when leave, no one really notices.

I can't help the little spirit in my steps as I leave the school building and out to the parking lot. I'm hoping that I don't look as excited as I feel. So what if it's Wednesday and I'm eating pizza out with Sky? It's no big deal, okay?

I don't get to look for long before I spot Sky's truck and the man himself already sitting on what is gradually becoming my favourite spot - the truck bed. I crack my knuckles as I got closer and he senses me, looking up to see me, smiling and removing the ear phones he had on.

"Hey."

"Hi," I rub my palms to get the little nerves out but Sky chuckles taking that as a sign of my excitement and eagerness. Well, he's not totally wrong.

"That excited?"

"Do you have the stuff?" I ask instead and he nods.

"You know I do," he pulls the take away plate out from behind him, "fresh and warm straight out of Princely Pizza."

"Then of course I'm that excited," I say and we share a look then laugh.

"Ouch and I though seeing me would be the cause."

I hide my smile, "well, now you know better."

"Oh my gosh," he groans, falling back at the truck and I laugh, pulling at his hand before his back rest down.

"Stop being dramatic, you know I'm happy seeing you too."

Sky shakes his head, making his hair bounce, "I don't know shit, Israel."

I roll my eyes, "Sky Hunt, I'm so happy that I get to see you again this glorious Wednesday." I place a hand on my chest, "my joy knows no bounds."

He looks me over and laughs, "I've missed you Israel, really really."

I roll the buttons on my jacket around my fingers, my voice coming out low and like a whisper as I say, "me too."

The night of the party turned out to be the last warm night in touch and the days after followed with rain and chilly atmosphere, the sun apparently taking a break from us. I have on my thick black jacket, zipped completely with socks on while Sky has on a sweatshirt with long arms that he keeps pulling on.

"I got you something extra," he produces two coffee cups from a bag beside him, handing one to me. "It'll warm you up and hopefully show you what you've been missing on."

I wrap my arms around it, basking in the hotness. "Thanks, although I don't think I'll see anything I'm missing on. I happen to be a tea guy forever."

Sky sticks his tongue out to me, "you're such a grandpa."

I stick my tongue out back, "I'm fine being a grandpa."

Sky looks at me and chuckles, "I can already see it, you in glasses sitting crossed legged on an arm chair, a newspaper in one hand and a tea mug in another." He shudders, "fucking perfect."

I chuckle too, taking a sip out of the hot drink. "And where would you be in that picture?"

Sky stills, his eyes searching my face as if not believing I asked that. I can't tell if he finds what he is looking for but he looks away and shrugs, "somewhere." Then he opens the take away plate, revealing two glorious pieces of pizza. "Do you plan on keeping me for that long?"

I carefully drop the disposable coffee cup down, rubbing the warmth of my palms in. "I don't know. But that would be great, wouldn't it? Having you there."

He smiles, the kind of smile that looks heavy and light at the same time. The kind of smile that comes with a fond memories or wish, "Yeah, it'll be fucking lit." He looks at me again and continues, "but hopefully I'd be right here." He points and touches the place right over my heart.

I nod. And up in the our bathroom, bleating out some pop music in your old cracky voice.

"Ah," Sky says taking me out my head to see him extending a piece of pizza to me, about to feed me. I blush, thankful that the parking lot is empty as everyone is in the warm cafeteria inside, and I open my mouth taking a bite off the cheesy heaven.

"Mm-" I moan, eyes shut tight as the flavours and spice go crazy in my mouth.

"Easy Issy."

---

The days go by quickly and before I know it Sunday evening and I'm lying to my mother again. Well, not actually lying.

"Can I have a sleepover at a friend's?" I ask, perch on the kitchen counter and watching her carefully turn the stew.

"Can't he come here?" Mum asks, not turning to look at me.

"Um," my fingers scratch my cheek as I thought of what to say now. "No?"

"Israel, it's not that I don't want you spending time with your friend but," she turns to me now, dabbing the wooden turner on her palm. "Jamal is of questionable character."

"Mum-"

"I don't mean to judge but you know it's true. His mother left his father because he was a good for nothing. If not for his dear Aunt, I'm certain that kid would have turned out exactly like him."

"Well he didn't," I say, teetering on the verge of anger. "His father is a better man now and Jamal is a really good kid, you know it."

"I do but I also know it'll be better you have a sleepover here," she turns back to her pot. "I don't want you being exposed to anything over there."

"Mum we already made the agreement. Next time, he'd come here, promise."

"You have a test?"

I nod, not lying this time, "Yes."

"If you're confused, maybe you should get an actual tutor and not your friend," she turns off the stove. "There's only so much you both can learn together."

"I'm not confused," my feet are already tapping in impatience. "It's just better to read together."

"You'd go to school from there?" She gets plastic take away plates and I sigh, knowing that I've worn her over. "No messing around and sleeping on time."

"Yes, I would."

Mum packs dinner for two people in the plates, packaging them tightly. "I trust you Israel-"

"I know."

"Remember to say your prayers and call me when you get there, okay?"

"Sure," her hold on my hand tightens and I wince, looking at her and correcting myself. "Yes, mum."

I don't breathe fine until I'm safely buckled in my car. It's then my nerves relax and I glance over at my stuffed school bag with a smile. I am not forgetting anything, I made sure of it. I packed extra clothes, books and even some hair products. I am excited and nervous at the same time, I am sleeping over at Sky's and while it's no big deal to any other, it is to me. I know nothing would happen but I'm just excited to be with him again, the last time I saw him being Saturday morning when I cleared the lawn and he drove by deliberately slowing down just to wink at me.

I pack my car by the driveway and as I get out of the car, I see Sky get up his front porch, rubbing his hands together before walking towards.

"Hey," he stops in front of me, dipping his hands into his pockets. "I've been waiting for you and freezing my ass off."

I smile sheepishly, "sorry, my mum was being an overprotective mother hen investigator."

He grins, "sounds about right."

I glance inside my car, "and I had to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything."

"How cute," he pats my arm, nudging his head out. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" I ask, confused when he doesn't start walking back to the house but instead, away from it.

"For a walk."

I look around the semi empty street, back at his house and back at him again. "Sky, it's seven pm and it's freezing out here. I'm not the weather or exercise dude but I know this is no time for a walk."

He smiles like he does when he finds whatever I'm doing adorable or funny, but I'm not being funny or adorable so I just frown at him. Sky removes his hand from his pocket and takes mine, his long fingers wrapping around mine. "My dad brought his girlfriend home and they are watching a movie in the parlor and laughing loudly. Didn't seem like a scene for us too, yes?"

Oh

I chew on my lip, "I guess but it's still freezing."

"And that's why you have me," he pulls me closer to him. "And a walk is actually nice, eventually warms you up. When last did you just take a walk?"

I pretend to think about it, "um, not lately."

He laughs, "maybe not ever." I shrug. "How are you not obese?"

"Good genes."

"Right, thanks to your mum and dad."

"My mum was going to marry this fat guy though, before she met my dad," I say, remembering the story mum has told us one too many times. "She'd already imagined a home with him and they were going to travel back to Africa, until she found out he was a cop."

"She hates cops?"

I nod, "kinda. They raided her house once for nothing, turned everything upside down and beat up her dad for speaking up. That left a scar in memory."

"Racism," Sky spits like the word makes him sick too.

I hate to think about it, I hate the word with so much passion so I shake my head, returning back to the topic. "Anyway, she didn't just leave him because he was a cop but also because he lied to her about it. Mum say honestly is the foundation of every relationship. She went to church to cry to God about it and then she met my dad."

"So the Immaculate matrimony kicked off?" I look at Sky and he shyly looks away. "Kinda like immaculate conception."

I laugh, "maybe but mum also says nothing except Christ is immaculate. They have their flaws and they fight too."

"You mum sounds like someone I'd love."

I look down at my shoe and mutter, "I wish I can say the same for her." I notice Sky go silent and a little tense and I look back at him. "I mean she'd love your charisma and person but..."

"I'm fluid," he simply says.

"Fluid?"

Sky moves his free palm that isn't holding mine, left and right like a  swimming fish. "I'd date and fuck any human," I cough at how raw he said that and he smiles at me, flicking my nose. "Pansexual works too."

"Yeah-" I drag my foot on the floor. "Do you believe in God?"

Sky nods, a thoughtful frown on his face as he looks ahead. "I believe he exist. I believe he's out there watching us all in his throne. I like to believe he answers prayers and I like to believe that we'll all meet one day. "

"You'd like to?"

"There's a part a me that thinks it's all fraud. A teeny weeny part though," he pinches his fingers closer. "Don't tell your mum."

"Do you think he'd like you?" I gulp, "us?"

Sky shrugs, "the Bible, last I checked, it said God is love. It also said he loves us all equally. He was good to the blind, the cripple, even to the prostitute. I think if he were here, he'd be good to us too."

"I'd like to believe that," I confess. "But the church and the priests--"

"I think we should just ask ourselves 'what would Jesus do?'," Sky stops at a building with transparent glasses and in there we can see little girls dancing ballet around. He smiles at them and I do too because they are the actual definition of cute.

What would Jesus do?

"I don't think he'd condemn us," I say at last and Sky nods.

"Me too."

We stop to buy roadside chicken and chips, Sky's decision obviously. And it's then I see that we have walked quite the distance away from his house, it doesn't even feel like it.

"Who did you like first, a boy or a girl?"

"A boy," Sky cracks his knuckles. "A blue haired to be more specific."

"Have you ever fallen for a girl?"

"Yup, we were together in the protest for protecting the forest, she was one fiesty little thing."

I shake my head in amusement, "I can't even imagine what your head was like, having all those new feelings and experience."

"It was tough, I won't lie but I had Charlotte," he smiles, then nudges me with his shoulder. "And I had the internet. I could teach you stuff."

I groan, "yes please. I saw non-binary and I didn't understand that one bit."

Sky burst out laughing, "I'm not done learning, but we could learn together."

"Can we also study for the test?" I remember promising my mum something though I can't remember it now.

"You already know that stuff."

"Yes but-" he rolls his eyes. "Just ten minutes would do."

"Okay, swot," he teases and I shove him making him laugh and spill some fries. "Have you ever watched an LGBT plus movie?"

LGBT, I repeat in my mind, trying to remember what the initials mean. Lesbian... Gay... Bisexual... Trans...

"No," I jog a bit to catch up to him. "I almost watched Love, Simon when it came out but I was too scared to actually do it. I can't imagine what would happen if my parents catch me watching it and I wasn't sure it was rated PG."

Sky laughs, "it was, I think. We'd watch it and we'd watch my all time favourite."

"Which is?"

"Call me by your name," Sky wiggles his brows at me and run ahead.

"Is it PG?" I shout, chasing after him.

"Not really."

My face warm up with a blush, but I shake it off, trying to focus on catching up to him. I could barely feel the chilly air anymore. "What's it about?"

--------------------------------

I love these two sooo much! Kisses to Issky!

The "what would Jesus do?" was gotten from one of my favourite movies 'Alex Strangelove'. I think it's a question many believers, if not all should ask themselves before they do most things.

Lastly; #BlackLivesMatter #freethepoc

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