Summer's POV

The day passes by and soon lunch arrives. After making a quick pit stop at my locker to retrieve my lunch bag, I hurriedly meet Kayla at our usual spot in the cafeteria. When I see her I quickly flash a petite smile. She returns the favour.
"Hey Summer. How's the first day of school been so far?" She asks with her usual cheerfulness.
"Amazing. Couldn't be better," I respond with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.
"Cheer up, at least we get to spend more time together now. Did I mention getting to see Arran Jones daily again?"
"Oh no not this again."
"I'm serious. I think he's looking at me."
"Really. Didn't he break your heart last year. You even vowed to me that you wouldn't even lay eyes on him for the rest of your life."
"Whatever. He seems different now. And everyone deserves a second chance."
"That's true. I just don't want you to get hurt again because of him."
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I can deal with these things on my own. I'm more worried about you. The state you're in worries me. Just cheer up and enjoy the ride."
"I'll do my best." A sudden perception of grief replenishes my heart after I say these words. Kayla must notice my change in mood because her face suddenly changes expression as well. "What's wrong?" She asks me with concern in her voice. "Was it something I said?"
"No, don't worry about it. I just had a sudden moment of rememberance of the last year. It's kinda hard to sit back and enjoy the ride when you can barely make it through the day without a tear streaming down your cheek," I respond fighting back tears in my eyes. Kayla takes a moment to understand my response. We just sit there looking at each other in silence for a moment before she quietly responds, "I know it's hard Summer, but you just can't go on living your life like this. I don't know Summer, I really don't. I hope I don't sound greedy but I miss the laughter we used to share. Every day it's the same now. The sorrow, the calmness, it just isn't my cup of tea. I hope you understand."

I look at her for a second trying to comprehend the words that just came out of her mouth. "Not my cup of tea," I wonder to myself. Did those words just come out of her mouth? I know I've been gloomy over the last few months, but honestly, can you blame me? I just lost my mother, my role model, my best friend, my everything. And she just said it's "not her cup of tea". Hell no it's not anyone's cup of tea. Who the hell would want that to happen in their life.  Well I certainly didn't want it to happen, but it fucking did. What am I supposed to do? Just laugh it off and enjoy the ride as she carelessly says?

Kayla must have noticed the anger that's building inside of me because she responds coldly, "It's not my fault your mother died. Remember that. Why should I have to deal with your tears? I've done it for too long. I thought you'd cope with the grief in a year tops. When I lost my beloved dog I only cried for a week. In a month I was totally over it, and I knew my dog for my whole life, just like you and your mother." At that remark I totally lose it. "Did she honestly just compare her dog to my mother?" I think while the rage engulfs my mind. What on earth has gotten into her today? When did she become such a bitch? "Did you just compare my mom to your dog?" I ask her her furiously. 

"Isn't it the same thing? You loved your mom and I loved my dog. End of sentence." This time I can't take it. First the change in appearance, then the change in personality. For goodness sake, she's wearing booty shorts and a v-neck crop top for the first time in her life. I don't know what happenned during the summer but it wasn't good, and I know that for sure. "Is everything okay?" I ask.
"Of course everything is okay. Why wouldn't it be. And if you're talking about my outfit than I would look at yourself in the mirror. We're not in grade eight anymore. This is highschool dear; senior year. Look around, everyone is showing cleavage. I'm not the only one. Grow up, can you?"

I feel my knuckles turn pale white. I dig my bitten nails into my palms stopping circulation as a whole in my hands. I can't stop it. I can't cope with the anger. I tried to understand her point of view, but I can't anymore. The way she talks about my mother is as if she's nothing more than a broken rag doll, impossible to fix anymore. I look around and the whole cafeteria is looking at us now. We must've of been screaming really loudly for that to happen. "Well dear, this eigth-grader is walking out the door. It just hit me that this friendship is no longer my cup of tea. I hope you enjoy the ride. I'm sure you will though because you can just laugh it off right?" I say resonantly as I make my way to the cafeteria doors. All eyes are on us now. The whole cafeteria has suddenly become dead silent. I approach the doors of the cafeteria taking one look back at Kayla. Shaking my head out of disbelief I turn around and exit out the doors, slamming them vigorously behind me. I march down the hallway to my locker and grab my bag. I swing it across my back and, without any thought, I rush out the school doors. I begin to run at full speed. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. All that my heart is telling me to do is to escape. To go somewhere where I won't be bothered. Somewhere where the world won't suffocate me at my every move.

"There's no turning back now," I think to myself. I bound through the rough ground. A sharp rock pierces my leg and I begin to feel blood pour down my calf. I don't even mind the pain anymore.

Only one thought is present in my mind, and that's to run. I make a sharp turn and bound down a hill. I keep straight until I reach a small pond. I sit down on a smooth, flat rock and look down at my reflection in the water. What I see isn't me. The anger is shown in my appearance. The stress is so visible it's as if someone wrote "broken" right across my forehead. The silence is beautiful, the way the frogs croak melancholy in the background. But then it's not. The silence gets to me. It brings out all of my imperfections. It makes me think of everything that just happenned minutes ago. I start to scream, and scream, and scream. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. My voice begins to tighten and I feel a sharp pain pang in my throat. It feels good, so very good. I scream until no more sound comes out of my throat. Once again I sit in silence. This time the calmness of the atmosphere feels satisfying and remains that way. I don't know what just occurred and why it did. I look at my phone and remember that lunch break ends in five minutes. I'm not going back to that dump, that's for sure. I might as well just sit here for the next few hours and then return home at the time I usually do. That way my father won't notice anything suspicious.

I look around my environment. It truly is a beautiful sight. As I look into the water I see my mother's face. "I don't know what to do mom. I really need your help right now. I kinda just blew up in front of the entire school with my best friend who compared you to her dead dog. Wow I just realized how stupid that sounds," I say to the water pretending to talk to my mom. I must look really dumb right about now for those taking a walk in the park. But I couldn't care less anymore. My mind is a mess; my heart: a puzzle missing a piece. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe this is just a nightmare. I pinch myself but I don't wake up. Oh how I wish this was all just a nightmare; all of this. That way I could wake up in my mother's caressing arms telling me it was all just a dream, my imagination. But that will never happen again. Reality hits me like a meteorite falling abruptly out of space. I have to stop thinking so much, it's not doing me any good. I check the time and luckily, school has just ended. I can go home now which is a good thing for sure. A minute more and I would've lost it for good.

In half an hour I reach the familiar bungalow I call home. My dad still hasn't arrived back from work yet. He usually comes home at around five. I grab a glass and fill it with water to its brim. I usually have a snack but the day's events have taken away my appetite. I head outside to our backyard and sit down on the porch. The water from the glass is spilling due to the lack of control my hands possess. They're shaking crazily, cold from the anxiety they've gone through. I take a sip of water, being careful not to spill it all over myself. The pureness of the water calms my restless nerves. Maybe this was all just a misunderstanding. Maybe I'm just overreacting. "Things will get better tomorrow," I think to myself. But I know they won't. They never do. Life isn't like that. It never will be.

The sound of the doorbell resonates in the distance.  My dad must be home. I quickly wipe the tears off my face and splash the remaining water in my glass to remove the puffiness from my cheeks. I come inside, wiping my face with a towel on my way to the door. My dad, fatigue showing on his face, comes in and gives me a hug like he always does. I've always been close to my parents. "How was school today?" He asks.
"Same old, same old," I reply with all my efforts to remain cheerful. I don't want him realizing anything wrong.  Luckily, he doesn't suspect a thing. He must've had a rough day at work not to notice my pale complexion. I decide to head upstairs and get a start on my homework. At least that will take my mind off of everything that's been happening.  It takes a while to concentrate at first, but after a few hours, I get everything done. Once again I'm left with my whirlwind of thoughts, blowing hard enough to send chills down my spine.

Everyone has their fears: spiders, heights, death, you name it. But one fear is different from the rest. One that is hardest to conquer in my opinion: the fear of yourself. It's hard to find peace within when the person you're most afraid of is solemnly yourself. When you can't sit still in silence without an explosion of thoughts erupting in your head. I suffer from this fear. Lately it has only gotten worse. I sometimes wonder if over thinking will be the cause of my death. That would be something. But honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised.

I decide to take a look at my phone to see if I have any texts from Kayla. I'm hoping she realized that the two of us just overreacted and wants to apologize. When I check my notifications, I'm left disappointed. There's a message alright, but not one about what I was thinking. "Our friendship will never be mended. Don't you dare try speaking to me tomorrow or sitting with me at lunch  I don't need you in my life anymore," her text reads. I gently place my phone down and flop down on my twin sized bed. What have I done? What is happening? Has our friendship really come to an end? I don't know what to think. I'm scared for whatever happens next. I know I need to be strong, but somehow the thought isn't becoming a reality. Tomorrow's going to be one lonely day. Shit, the whole school will be giving me death stares after what happenned yesterday in the caf. Just great. What am I going to do? What will everyone think of me? How come this is happening to me? All these thoughts spin around in my head as I slowly drift off to sleep. The sun will come out tomorrow they say. Well tomorrow the sun will surely come out, burning me into smithereens, piece by piece.