"what are you doing?" was the string of words that left phil's mouth as soon as he woke up and looked at dan frantically folding and re-folding his clothes, keeping them clumsily into his bag.

"mum called last night," dan murmured, not looking at phil. he didn't want to make this any harder, for either of them. he had no idea why his mum called him in the middle of the night asking him to come home urgently. he had no idea why all of a sudden his father had accepted him. he had no idea why his heart was splitting into bare splinters and piercing his insides. he was literally heart broken at the thought of leaving phil this soon, especially when he had no idea when he would see him again. it would be very hard for dan to look at the pixelated picture of phil on his laptop after seeing his raw beauty in real life. it just wasn't acceptable.

"yeah so?" phil's heart was racing, wondering why dan had a certain edge to his voice, why he wasn't looking at phil and why wasn't he in bed with him?

"so i'm going home phil, what else," dan snapped and phil shut his mouth, and leaned back in his bed. he felt like someone had just slapped him. what is wrong with dan? why is he acting this way?

"oh okay," phil muttered, running a hand through his hair and fixing his fringe, just staring at dan. he didn't want dan to leave, he was going to miss him, so much.

"i'm going to miss you," phil said softly and dan rolled his eyes at him. dan was anxious and frustrated. he couldn't control his actions even if he tried to, he had a lot on his plate and he didn't know how to handle it.

"sure you will miss having a depressing, whiny nerd who has been abandoned by his parents," dan spoke sarcastically and phil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. what?

"where did that come from?"

"leave it phil," dan sighed, harshly grabbing his shirt and folding it messily, shoving the black material inside his bag.

"do you need a ride back?" phil asked, his voice small and timid, as if testing the stormy waters that was now dan.

"no, i can manage myself. honestly what do you think? i am your fucking charity case? what is your problem? you don't need to help me with everything like i'm a fucking disabled child or something," dan had absolutely no coordination between his mind and mouth. at times like this when dan was overwhelmed and sad, he tended to say everything and anything, without realising what impact it had on the other person.

"i was just, never mind," phil sighed, pushing the blankets off him and getting out of bed. he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes but he desperately tried to control them. he didn't want to be vulnerable to anymore insults dan was going to throw. how could dan even misinterpret phil's love for something like a charity case? did dan even love him?

phil sighed heavily, walking out of the room and into the kitchen. he poured himself a bowl of cereal, and sat on the stool, shoving spoonfuls of cereal in his mouth and trying not to think about the inevitable that had happened. what did phil think? a guy like dan would be in love with him? he honestly did think so, but somewhere he knew that this would come to an end. who would want to spend their time with a constantly anxious nerd who hates cheese? that's right, no one.

"i am literally leaving in a few minutes and all you care about is having breakfast," dan rolls his eyes at phil, and phil looks up from his cereal bowl confused. what the hell is wrong with him?

"i-" phil begins, but dan cuts him off by harshly slamming a bowl on the kitchen counter along with the carton of milk.

"even if you are having breakfast, you could atleast pour me some damn milk and cereal as well, it's okay i'll do that myself," dan comments, angrily pouring the milk in his bowl and phil finally snaps.

"what is your problem? stop being mean to me for no reason! literally two minutes ago you said you could manage everything on your own and you didn't need my help, now you're asking me to pour some damn cereal in a bowl for you? like honestly dan, give me a freaking break!" phil yells, his chest hurting from yelling as he pushes the bowl away violently and gets up from his stool.

"give you a freaking break? you could have told me if i was such a fucking burden on you phil," dan retorts, pushing the carton of milk away. it tips over due to the harsh action and phil's annoyance is boosted by looking at his kitchen counter covered in milk.

"if you were a burden on me, i wouldn't invite you to live here me with me dan! stop being so fucking blind," phil grits his teeth and dan runs a hand through his hair, face twisted in anger and annoyance.

"i didn't force you to let me live with you, and it's not like it was any better than it was at home," dan lied, just wanting to get back at phil. phil's eyes softened at the statement and he looked down at his feet. did he really treat dan that bad? was he not happy with phil like phil was with him?

"i tried my best to make you happy, if this isn't enough," phil took a deep breath, not finishing his statement and balling his hands into fists to prevent from breaking down right now.

"enough? yeah right," dan laughed, heartlessly. his brain was still not connecting to his mouth and he didn't know why he was saying all this. he just knew that he was sad and hurt and he didn't want to leave phil, but his mind wasn't registering the fact.

"what is your problem? why are you acting like this?" phil was annoyed by dan's behaviour.

"i can act however i want, if you really loved me you would accept me, but of course you're just like everyone else!" dan knew what he was saying was absolute bullshit, that phil could never actually be anything close to his father.

"i am done telling you again and again that i love you. unlike you of course," phil finally says, unclenching his fists, and flattening them against his thighs. he feels his heart contracting causing a pain in his chest but he no longer feels like crying. he feels annoyed and angry and misunderstood and hurt and for the first time he just really wants to be alone.

"unlike me? what is that supposed to mean?" dan screams, walking around the kitchen counter to stand in front of phil. dan is slightly taller which allows him to hover above phil, but phil could be less intimidated. how dare he say that dan didn't love him?

"nothing," phil shrugs pushing past dan and making his way to his room. he is done with this conversation. if this is how dan wants their possibly last time together to be, so be it. he knows that dan didn't love him the way he loved dan and so he had nothing to loose. the sooner it all ended, the better. he didn't have time to listen to anything dan has to say. all phil ever was to him was a time pass and a person who's house dan could stay at when he came out to his parents. phil didn't really mean anything to dan and that hurt phil. he was trying not to let the fact sink in but it was hard.

"yeah just run away now! be the insecure little shit you always have been," dan yells, unaware of the pain he is causing phil with his unintentional words. that's when phil breaks, his lump growing unbearably big and he struggles to breathe.

"get out," phil sighs in defeat, tears pooling in his eyes as he desperately rubs his eyes to wipe out the moisture.

"i-" dan begins but phil cuts him off.

"what is this? were you only acting nicely because you needed a space to live? what have i done to you?" phil screams, hands pushing against dan's chest, hard. dan stumbles with the impact, his chest hurting on hearing phil's words. realisation hits him hard and the colour drains from his face. why the hell did he do that? his probably last day with phil, and what did dan do? hurt him?

"phil i-" dan begins again but it's too late. phil is already handing him his bag pushing him out of the house.

" no, i don't want to hear anything. goodbye dan, and don't bother to text me." phil snaps, eyes glossy and lips quivering. he stares at dan for one last time just staring at the boy who was causing a massive pain in his chest, before he sighed.

"phil," dan began again, breathing getting heavier but phil just shook his head and slammed the door in his face.

and now dan had realised that this was it. there was no escape now, from his anxiety and his family. there were no blue eyes to look into for comfort and there were no soft hands massaging his scalp. this was it.

he gripped his hair tightly, muttering a string of profanities as he rested his head against the door, feeling the moisture build up in his eyes. he softly knocked on the door, hoping that phil would understand the fact that he wasn't in control of his actions and forgive him.

"phil please open the door, i'm sorry," dan could feel his voice crack as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"dan go away, i don't want to speak to you," phil said bitterly, causing a bunch of tears fall down dan's face. dan wiped his eyes violently, wanting the tears to disappear but they just won't. they continued to fall, constantly against his slightly bruised skin and dan slid down the door, his head in his hands, unaware that on the other side, phil was on his knees as well, wondering where he had gone wrong.

--

idk I didn't like this chapter it's not that well written :/

maybe i will rewrite it again in the future??