After the events on Tuesday night, Mason doesn't talk to me for three days.

I wish I could say I was surprised about it, but I'm not. I had expected silence from him. He's always been a good one for sulking when things don't go his way. I remember times from our previous relationship when he refused to speak to me over something I had done wrong.

Usually, I would be the first one to give in, pleading for his forgiveness. Although, this time, I haven't chased after him with texts and phone calls. For once, I don't feel like I owe him an apology at all. I won't be the one to back down in this.

It's a small thing, but it feels like a huge leap for me. I'm finally done with blaming myself for every little mistake that we make.

I have spent my time going to work and coming home, doing everything I can to keep busy, so I don't think too much about him. Reminiscing about his actions in the car on Tuesday just makes me angry, and I don't want to dwell on it. The fact that he's not talking to me annoys me even more, it's immature. He's acting like a petulant child who didn't get the toy they wanted.

Shouldn't we be passed this? I understand, as teenagers how a minor disagreement could feel like the end of the world. But, we're adults now; we should be able to discuss our problems in a calm and civil manner. Communication is so important in any relationship.

Mason eventually phones me on Saturday morning. I almost consider leaving it to ring, not answering or speaking to him ever again. But then I realize that would make me the childish one, stooping down to his level. So, with a heavy sigh, I pick up the call, bracing myself for the fallout.

"Mason."

"Di," he answers shortly. His tone is curt and I know immediately that he is still angry about what happened in his car on Tuesday night.

It feels like we are engaged in a game of tug of war. Neither side willing to give in, the rope pulled so taut that it's going to break. He wants me to be someone who obeys his every command, I want him to love me for who I am. Neither of us is going to win.

At what point do we throw in the towel?

"Yes?" I am not going to make this easy for him.

"It's been a while."

Whose fault is that?

"I guess so." It's harder than I thought to keep my voice measured and calm.

Silence settles over the phone line like a blanket and I glance down at my nails. They need to be filed; the edges are jagged from where I have picked them. It's a nervous habit that I wish I would stop.

"Why haven't you called me?" he asks, the accusation seeps through his every word.

"Why haven't you?" I counter.

"I'm not the one who needed to apologise."

"Well," no matter how hard I try, frost creeps into my voice. "Neither am I."

There is a sharp intake of breath as if he can't believe I would have the audacity to say such a thing. "Are you serious right now, Di?"

"I think we are remembering Tuesday night a little differently Mason. From what I recall, it should be you who owes me an apology."

"Excuse me?" His indignation is as clear as if he was standing right in front of me.

"Yes. You had a sulk with me because I wasn't ready to take our relationship to the next level. You kicked me out of your car and left me on the sidewalk. It's my right to decide when I am ready to sleep with you Mason. You can't get angry at me because I'm not."

Damn, I wish Hailee was here to hear me say that. I can't help the bubble of pride I feel swelling in my chest for finally standing up to Mason in a way I never thought I would.

There is a pause before he says, "maybe this isn't working anymore."

I am about to protest when I realise his words tug on a memory, one I had been thinking of just the other night. It's a threat that I've fallen for before. But, I don't want to let him bully me into submission again. Instead of pleading with him to reconsider, I just calmly say; "okay, if that's how you feel."

I can almost feel the tension emanating through the phone as he realises that this conversation is not going the way he had planned. He had expected me to beg for his forgiveness, to ask him to stay with me. It cements my decision to stand my ground even more, refusing to play into his hands.

"Wait, what?" The shock in his voice is evident. Picturing him with his eyes wide and his mouth dropped open, almost makes me smile.

"I can't force you to be with me if you don't want to, Mason," I continue. "So if you feel that our relationship isn't working, then I won't argue with you. I'm not going to beg you."

"But that's not what I want."

"Then why did you say it?"

"I don't know." I can hear the confusion creeping into his words. He's so used to pushing me around; he's not sure how to handle it when I refuse to budge. His answer isn't good enough for me, so I don't say anything, instead waiting for him to fill the silence.

"I'm sorry Di," he finally concedes, it sounds almost as though it's painful for him to do so. "I do want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too, Mason." Although in all honesty, I'm starting to wonder if that's true anymore.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he pleads, "I'm going for drinks with Drew tonight."

"Sure."

I hang up the phone feeling like I've won a small victory. But then, I realise just how sad that is.

Why does it have feel like a competition?

♡

Just after lunch time, my phone rings again. I have spent the whole day moping around the apartment, torn between being mad at Mason, and being mad at myself. I don't really have a right to judge him, after all, I still haven't told him about meeting Chase for coffee.

I haven't seen or heard from Alexa all day and I'm not sure where she is, I'm assuming she is at a function. She probably even told me about it, but with everything that's going on with Mason, I've forgotten.

Some friend I am.

I stare at the screen on my phone for a while, the number is unfamiliar, and I can't help but remember the last time I answered an unknown caller. That's when this whole thing with Mason started.

"Hello?"

"Diana?" the voice sounds oddly familiar, but I can't quite put a face to it.

"Speaking."

"It's Chase, from Tall-Oaks," there's a pause. "And coffee the other day?" he adds as though I wouldn't recognise him.

"Yes I remember." Although, I'm still confused, I check my phone screen again. I know I had saved his number. "Where are you calling from?"

"The bar," he chuckles. "I'm at work, unfortunately. How are you?"

"I'm good thanks and you?"

"I'm alright thanks." He's quiet for a moment before he continues, "listen, are you busy today?"

"Um," this conversation has taken an unexpected turn. I think about Mason and how he has plans with Drew, which leaves me at a bit of a loose end. "I guess not."

"You want to hang out?"

I don't answer for a while, not sure if I should be doing anything with Chase again. Guilt still plagues me from the last time I saw him. I shouldn't be making plans with another man when I have a boyfriend, even if it is innocent.

And the problem is, I'm not so sure that it is anymore.

Chase seems to read a response in my silence because he speaks again. "Diana, I'm not asking you out. This is just as friends. I want to show you something."

I think about it for a while, looking around my empty apartment. At the evidence that I have been home alone all day, the dirty dishes in the sink, the crumpled blanket thrown across the couch, empty chip packets littering the table. Surely spending time with him once more would be alright? "Okay, I guess."

"Damn, Diana, tone down the enthusiasm," he jokes. "I will come pick you up in an hour. Please can you text me directions?"

I look down at my sleeping shorts that I haven't changed out of all day. I'm not sure an hour is enough time for me to get ready. "Okay."

I hang up the phone and send him a quick message with my address. Going through to the bathroom to have a shower, I have an internal debate about whether seeing Chase again is a good idea. Especially right now, when I'm already having so many doubts about Mason.

If Mason found out, then his anger from this week would pale in comparison to his fury that I would dare hang out with another man. What makes it even worse, is that Chase seems to have made his feelings pretty clear. That thought stops me in my tracks, my shower gel clutched tightly in my hand.

Is it fair to hang out with Chase at all? Am I leading him on by spending time with him?

Maybe this isn't such a good idea?

But as Chase said, we were just two friends hanging out. Surely that was okay? I should be allowed to have friends who are guys, shouldn't I? Chase knows where I stand; he knows I'm with Mason.

I wish Alexa was here to tell me what to do in this situation. She would know if meeting up with Chase again was okay. Or, if she was here, I would have had plans for the day and wouldn't have agreed to see Chase.

Or would I?

As usual, I am overthinking things.