Katherine

Since Gabe had told her Melissa was coming, Katherine had played out the scene in her head a thousand times.

In one scenario, Melissa gasped when she saw all the damage and spent the whole visit ranting and raving about Jacob's cruelty. In another, she was awkward and wouldn't stop rambling about how sorry she was for Katherine's suffering. In another, she was awkward and quiet, as if they had never been friends.

Between anticipation of Melissa's arrival and her dreadful interaction with Gabe earlier in the morning, Katherine spent the better part of the day in a restless, exhausted doze. Gabe had made himself scarce, for which she was grateful. Their conversation had left her feeling humiliated and wracked with terrible guilt. He was so kind to her, so generous, and it seemed she had lost even the paltry ability to make him smile.

So she tossed and turned in his bed, too weak to rouse herself and play with Isobel and too agitated to rest. Her body had left the fever and incapacitating agony phase of injury and had entered the pulsing, all-over ache and crippling weakness phase. She was no stranger to pain, but this was far and away the worst it had ever been. She had never before thought she would die...

No. It was better not to think about that night.

"Katherine?"

The low voice shocked her out of her half sleep and she shot up, only to be laid low by the knives of pain that shot through her ribs. She gasped, and would have collapsed back to the pillows if a strong hand hadn't curved around the back of her neck, another hand between her shoulder blades, lowering her down slowly.

His hands were so gentle, his voice so soft it hurt her somewhere deep inside where only tenderness could reach. "I'm sorry for startling you."

She was making him feel bad, and she wanted to weep because even his gentle hands, even his soft voice couldn't change the fact that his touch made her cringe. She couldn't bear for him to have his hands on her. Now that her senses were returning to her, it was as if some dormant instinct had come alive. She knew Gabe. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. But the low baritone of his voice and the strength in his hands repulsed her in a way she could not control, no matter how hard she tried. Even now, as he carefully lifted her aching body and stacked pillows behind her, his touch made her spine prickle with unease.

He seemed to know, because as soon as she was situated he stepped away, and she didn't miss the way his hands curled into fists at his sides. She knew how badly he wanted to touch her, and she understood. She wanted to touch him too. No, that wasn't quite right. She wanted to want to touch him. The way she had before Isobel, when she had trusted him implicitly and let him love her with every ounce of flesh and soul he had to offer.

Now...

"Melissa is here," he said softly, and she could hear how hard he was struggling to keep his voice gentle. Her Gabe had never had a gentle voice. Even as a boy he'd been a little gruff and rough around the edges.

"Oh," she said, because she didn't know what else to say. She knew what she wanted to say. Please, no. Make her go away. I just want to be alone. She knew what he needed her to say. Great! Send her right in! I'm so happy you arranged this!

"So..." he trailed off. "Amelia came too, and she brought Reb. They usually come with Josh when he visits, so it won't draw any attention. And they thought maybe it would be nice for Iz to have someone to play with. If you're not comfortable with it, that's okay. Amelia said she understands if you just want to see Melissa."

I don't want to see any of them! She looked at where Isobel was playing in the corner by the hearth, using a dull butter knife to cut into the "cake" she'd made from dirt, ashes, and water. What a mess. Where had she even gotten the dirt?

"It's alright," she said reluctantly. What kind of mother would she be if she denied Isobel the company of a girl her age? And Amelia had always been good to her. There was no reason to shun her. "I'd like to see them, and I'm sure Reb will be welcome."

"You're sure?" he asked, brow furrowed, and she wished he wouldn't prod her. How was she supposed to lie twice in a row?

"I'm sure," she forced herself to say, her smile equally false.

Frowning, he nodded slowly. "Alright. You stay here, I'll bring them in."

Dread built inside her until she felt like a boiling pot of thick soup, burbling and bubbling and spitting. Her stomach roiled with unease, and when the door creaked open she had half a mind to close her eyes and pretend unconsciousness. Except that would never work. They'd try to wake her up. Lord, how she wished she could just turn to water vapor and disappear into the air.

Melissa walked in first, and she came alone. As always, the girl was a rugged, earthy kind of beautiful. Ever since her brother had taken over the ranch, she'd abandoned all shallow pretense of prim, proper rancher's daughter and thrown herself with abandon into her role as the town's chief surgeon. Her tawny ringlets were shoved into a no-nonsense bun on the top of her head, and her dark blue dress was light and practical. In spite of her plain garb, she was stunning in a way Katherine never had any hope of becoming. Melissa oozed strength and confidence, her spirit like the winds that swept over the mountains.

Pretty and light as Melissa may be, the heavy, worn doctor's bag in her hand gave her an air of true power. She had knowledge, something Katherine would certainly never have. Useful knowledge that could help people. Katherine had once thought she could help people with her knowledge of the Bible and her direct line to God's ear, but that life had turned itself to a lie.

"Hey, Kat," Melissa said, before turning her attention to Isobel. "Hi, Izzy! Remember me?" Her smile was easy, and her face betrayed nothing that Katherine had feared. She saw no sneer of disgust, nor the flared nostrils of fury, nor the clenched jaw of wariness. Just her old friend's calm smile as she crouched down to greet Isobel.

"You can say hi, honey," she told her daughter, who had risen to her feet but refused to advance. Her eyes darted from Melissa to Katherine and back again. Katherine had warned her of their coming visitors, and Isobel had been overjoyed at the prospect of playing with Rebecca. Unfortunately, that excitement had quickly given way to crippling shyness.

"Hi," she said, her voice small, before turning to Katherine. "Ma, where's mister Gabe?"

Two questioning sets of eyes turned to her, one confused, the other amused.

"I think he's outside, honey."

"Oh." Isobel deflated. She knew she couldn't go outside the room. "Is he coming back with my new friend?"

"Rebecca will be in in a few minutes," Melissa offered. "I just thought I'd come in and introduce myself first."

Katherine knew what Melissa was doing, and twin strands of shame and gratitude wound around her heart. Her friend knew how fragile they both were, and was doing her best to ease them into this interaction, which she must have known had them both on edge.

"Will mister Gabe come back with Rebecca?" Isobel asked, ever persistent in spite of her shyness.

"No, honey," Katherine said, finally finding her voice. "He's got his own friends to visit with. He'll come back once you're done playing."

Isobel sighed and turned her long-suffering gaze back to Melissa. "Are you the doctor?"

Melissa smiled and gestured at the bag by her foot. "I sure am. Do you want to see some of my tools before I take a look at your mama?"

Isobel nodded cautiously and followed Melissa to the table. Her trepidation dissolved into enthusiasm as Melissa unearthed steadily more interesting items from the bag. She spread a stark white cloth on the tabletop, explaining the importance of cleanliness to Isobel before she began pulling items out and setting them on the cloth. There were small bottles and rolls of clean gauze and linen bandages. Tweezers and tiny knives which Isobel was of course not permitted to touch. As each item was removed, Melissa explained its purpose to Katherine's rapt daughter, and let her inspect it under a watchful eye.

"And this is a stethophone," Melissa said, pulling another item from the bag-- a strange, y-shaped tube with a disk at one end. "It helps you listen."

"Listen to what?"

"Whatever you want! Do you want to try it?"

Isobel nodded eagerly, sitting patient and quiet as Melissa crouched and carefully fit the split-end of the device into her tiny ears. "Hold those there, now," she instructed, and then pressed the disk to her own belly. "You hear that gurgling?" At the nod, she went on. "That's my tummy eating up my dinner." Isobel giggled, and Melissa moved the disk up to her chest. "Hear that thumping?" Nod. "That's my heart beating."

The look of awe on Isobel's features made Katherine's breath catch in her aching chest. She hadn't seen a smile like that on her baby's features in months, and her poor heart couldn't decide if it wanted to soar that the smile was back or plummet into the rubble that she hadn't been the one to conjure it.

"I can hear your heart!" Isobel gasped in hushed wonder, her eyes wide as she met Melissa's laughing eyes and then looked over at Katherine. "Ma, I can hear her heart!"

Fighting tears, Katherine smiled. "That's amazing, honey."

"Can I listen to ma's?" Isobel asked Melissa, and the woman laughed. "I think you probably can, but let's let me take care of her first, alright? Is it okay if I go get Rebecca? She brought you some new toys and she's really excited to play with you."

A touch of the shyness returned, but Isobel didn't hesitate before she nodded. "That's okay," she said. "I made her a cake." She gestured at the pan of mud in the corner and Katherine grimaced at Melissa, who just laughed.

"Alright, then. I'll be right back."

She disappeared, and returned at the lead of a small parade. She'd left her bag behind and now carried a small crate. Following her was Amelia, who had a covered basket over one arm, her other hand leading her daughter.

Katherine hadn't seen Rebecca except in passing since she was barely toddling, and again her heart stuttered. It was normal to see her own daughter age, as she was with her every day. Seeing this beautiful child, who looked so different now, and so tall, her face so open and cheerful, made her realize how quickly Isobel's childhood was rushing by. That she'd spent so much of it in a prison while this girl had danced free and happy...

"Hi there, Katherine!" Amelia greeted after the door shut behind them. She was so casual, like Katherine wasn't beaten and bruised, weak and confined to a bed, wearing a man's borrowed shirt for a nightgown and hiding out in the back room of a brothel. As if they were just gathering for tea and a playdate.

A hysterical giggle choked her and she swallowed it down, struggling to smile at her new visitors. If Amelia saw the tension in her expression, she didn't mention it.

"We brought some toys that Reb wanted to give Isobel," she said, nodding her chin at the crate Melissa carried. "Is it alright if I sit here in the corner and play with the girls while you and Lisa talk?"

Did she want to cry, or did she want to laugh? It was all so absurd, and so sweet. It was so far from every terrible scenario she had created in her head. Gratitude beat back even the ugliest tendrils of humiliation, and she nodded, her smile shaky but genuine.

"That's fine," she said, her voice raspy with restrained tears. "Thank you."

With a casual flip of her hand and a sweet smile, Amelia led her daughter to where Isobel stood waiting, and sat down on the floor. That pretty pink dress she was wearing would come away scuffed, but she didn't seem to mind as she spoke softly to Isobel, drawing Rebecca up to her side. Melissa set the crate down near the little trio, gathered up her tools, and dragged a chair to the bed.

"So," she said after a long pause, drawing Katherine's attention. "I'll be honest, Kat. I think your gatekeeper has a flair for histrionics. He had poor Josh thinking you were on death's door. You don't look so bad to me."

It was such a blatant, ridiculous, delightful fib that Katherine couldn't help the gasp of laughter that escaped her. It hurt, but it felt so good. So good she nearly began to cry just from the sheer relief. She had forgotten what it felt like to laugh.

"Ribs are hurting you?" Melissa asked, grimacing in sympathy as she leaned forward. Katherine nodded, bracing her arm over her middle. "Is it okay if I feel? You don't have to take the shirt off if you'd rather not."

"I don't?" she asked, frowning. Jacob had taken her to the doctor in town while she was pregnant, and the man had made her remove all of her clothing. She had hesitated at first, unable to reconcile the man's order with Jacob's demands of chastity and modesty. Her husband, standing in the corner, had given her a sharp nod and she had obeyed. She had supposed that having her husband there was somehow a greater shield to her purity than her clothing. Even so, she had hated the way the air had brushed over her naked body, had hated even worse the feel of the man's blunt fingers touching her. It was, in a strange way, even worse than Jacob's touch.

Melissa shook her head. "No, not if you don't want. I'd just like to feel to make sure nothing's badly broken."

"Will it hurt?"

Melissa gave her a wry look. "It will. But no more than a deep breath right now, I reckon."

Gritting her teeth, Katherine nodded. She dropped her head back against the pillows, closed her eyes, and focused on the sound of Izzy's voice. Melissa's fingers were gentle but firm as she felt down Katherine's aching rib cage. A few times, the contact caused pain to stab at her, but it was no worse than the usual. Plus the pain was dulled by the low conversation in the corner. Amelia's voice had faded, replaced by the chatter of two hushed little girls, clearly struggling to stay quiet. She heard snippets of Rebecca explaining the toys she had brought, and Katherine asking questions.

"It doesn't feel like any are broken," Melissa said, startling her out of her reverie. She hadn't even realized the torment was over. "Just bruised, most likely. Is it alright if I do the same on your back? Do you have any pain there?"

Katherine nodded in response to both the questions, letting Melissa help her sit up and gritting her teeth through another round of prodding. By the end of the examination, Melissa had seen every injury her body had sustained, from the swollen eye to the scratched up soles of her feet. But the girl had done so with such casual ease, and kept up such a steady stream of conversation, the humiliation at being exposed and helpless never rose to a fever pitch in Katherine's heart.

"Oof, this one looks pretty painful," she had said in sympathy as she inspected the purple-red bruise on Katherine's backside. She didn't comment angrily on the shape of the bruise-- clearly a boot-- or make her lay exposed on her belly. She took Katherine's word that there were no more injuries in that region and only had her roll up on one side and tugged the shirt up only as far as she needed.

"One of the men on the ranch broke a finger last month," she had drawled as she carefully unwrapped the splint Gabe had placed on her left pinky finger. "He cried like a newborn baby the whole time I was setting it, and he still calls me a butcher when he sees me. Between you and me, I prefer treating women." She winked and Katherine smiled. It was a pitiful thing, weak and one-sided in deference to her busted lip, but it was real.

On and on it went, until Melissa tugged the covers back up to her waist and settled back on her chair.

"I know you're in a heck of a lot of pain," she said, grimacing. "But honestly, Kat, you're mending really nicely. There's a cut on your foot that I'd like to clean, but otherwise everything looks like it should at this stage in the healing process."

As if summoned, Amelia rose to her feet and came to join them. If either of the girls noted her departure, neither one cared. Isobel sat with her legs crossed, a flaxen-haired doll in one hand and a tiny comb in the other. Rebecca knelt beside her, digging through a small bag of doll clothes as the two debated what clothes were best for horse riding.

"Thank you for coming," Katherine said as Amelia approached. Now that her initial trepidation had eased, she felt strong enough to offer a real greeting. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to offer a warmer welcome."

"Pfft," Amelia rolled her eyes and waved a hand with the unladylike sound. Where Melissa was beautiful and vivid like the mountain breeze, her sister-in-law was more like the mountains themselves-- regal and proud. Her blonde hair and delicate pink dress only added to the raw power and strength that seemed to emanate from her in invisible waves, like ripples across a pond. Katherine wondered what a woman like Amelia would do, married to a man like Jacob. Hit him back, probably. Oblivious to her inner rambling, Amelia grinned and joked, "I mean don't get me wrong, Katherine. Next time I expect tea and crumpets. But you get a pass this time."

Another surprised laugh, and she winced, pressing a hand to her side.

"Yes, I wouldn't recommend laughing for a week or so yet," Melissa said with a slight smile. "Doctor's orders."

Katherine felt the strangest urge to say something snotty like 'no kidding' or 'you don't say!' but just as quickly as the urge came, it was swept away by doubt. What right did she have to be sarcastic to these wonderful women who had already done so much for her-- the wife of a man who had made their lives a living Hell.

In the end, she only nodded. Perhaps it was fortunate that she felt so little urge to laugh these days.

The covered basket Amelia had brought, it turned out, contained the fixings for strawberries and cream. If she didn't know better she'd say they'd picked the snack specifically because it was easy on her battered mouth and her queasy stomach. And it was sweet and cold, easing the sticky heat of summer. Isobel and Rebecca took their servings on the floor and continued to talk about horse riding outfits. Amelia fetched the second chair and joined Melissa by Katherine's bedside.

Mostly, Melissa and Amelia talked. They were like sisters to each other, their banter easy and light. They talked of all the things Katherine had missed. For she had gone to town, yes, but only ever under the watchful eye of her husband. She had attended church, sure, but had only been allowed to talk to the wives of her father's most trusted followers.

From Melissa, she learned about the girl's expanding clientele. Apparently she was on the road as often as she was at home, setting breaks and stitching wounds. Tending the elderly and delivering babies. It sounded terribly exciting, but Katherine knew she wouldn't have the stomach for it, or the energy. Plus, it must be so hard to be in a man's job in a man's world. Amelia talked in a curt tone about the folks who refused Melissa's services, and the girl just waved it off with a laugh. It would have devastated Katherine-- to be told her help wasn't wanted just because God had made her a woman.

Then Amelia talked of the ranch and of Rebecca. She talked of the latest cattle drive, which she and Reb had joined. She said it so casually, Katherine actually chimed in.

"Your husband let you go with him?" she asked, utterly shocked.

"Oh, he didn't really have a choice," Amelia said with a laugh. "I'd been pestering him about it all year and I got Reb in on it. He can say no to me, but he'd never turn her down."

"Wasn't it awful?" she asked, so captivated she forgot to be shy.

"Oh, parts of it were," the other woman said, her eyes wide with remembered excitement. "The whole experience definitely made me appreciate my bathtub and my soft bed. But it was worth it for the adventure. And I'll be honest with you," she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and leaned forward. "My husband is very appealing when he's out there riding his horse and commanding his men. I like to watch."

"Ugh," Melissa said, twisting her face into a disgusted frown and slugging Amelia in the shoulder. "That's my brother. Don't be gross."

Amelia shrugged without shame, and Katherine realized a smile had formed on her lips. Just as quickly, the smile faded. She remembered Josh Tucker from her youth, and what glimpses she had seen after her marriage. He'd always been a quiet, kind boy, and he'd grown into a man who she could easily see inspiring this kind of adoration in a woman.

Even so, she couldn't imagine what Amelia had. It seemed so easy. What would Jacob have done to her if she had demanded to accompany him on some trip? What would he have done if she'd pulled Isobel into it and tried to use the girl to manipulate him? She had never felt pride in her marriage, and she had never felt that blushing fondness that Amelia clearly carried for her husband.

And then there was Gabe. She had adored him, that was for sure. And perhaps when they were children, they had possessed the easy friendship Amelia shared with Josh. But their affair had been a dark and passionate thing, always confined to the shadows of night. She tried to imagine linking her arm with his and walking with him down the street, tried to imagine teasing him in public. All her mind conjured were the hard lines of his face, lit by moonlight.

"Kat?" Melissa asked, her gentle voice shaking her free. She blinked away the tears that had formed, unbidden, and offered a feigned smile.

"I apologize," she said, struggling to mimic the other women's easy tones. "My mind is a little foggy since... since I came here. Sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts. It sounds like a wonderful adventure, Amelia."

Amelia's mouth turned up in a sad smile, the first of its kind Katherine had seen. She reached out and touched Katherine's shoulder, just a brush of her fingertips that barely registered through the shirt. "I'm a terrible daydreamer too," she said. "I understand. You're probably awfully tired, though. Perhaps we should be going?"

No, Katherine wanted to wail. Please, don't leave me. The hour they had been here was the easiest hour she'd had in years. She was still so tired, so beaten, so buried in fear. But this time had been like that little corner Gabe had left in the floorboards while she was hiding. It was a glimmer of light, a tiny brush of fresh air. She did not want them to leave. Not ever.

"I still need to take a look at that cut," Melissa said, exchanging a meaningful look with Amelia that Katherine didn't understand.

The dishes were carried away, and Melissa retrieved her tools and sat at the foot of the bed with her bag and a bowl of freshly boiled water at her hip.

"This may hurt a little," she said.

"Would you like me to hold your hand?" Amelia asked. Katherine stared at the woman's offered hand. Lord, but she wanted it. "You don't have to," the other woman said. "I just know that when I'm in pain I like to squeeze something as hard as I can. I promise you won't break me. I'm a cowhand remember? Tough as nails."

Katherine grasped the woman's slender fingers. "Katherine would you mind if I ask you a question?" Amelia asked as Melissa picked up her foot and the pain began to spike. Katherine's stomach lurched, at the pain and the dread. So far, neither woman had asked her about what Jacob had done. They hadn't prodded, and she hadn't even realized until now how much it meant to her that they had left the nightmare be. But it was time to pay the piper.

"Alright," she said reluctantly. It was so far from alright, but what right did she have to refuse them anything, after they had offered her such kindness?

Amelia's grip tightened gently around her own. "Well, I suppose it's more an offer than a question. You're welcome to say no, of course. I know you feel safe here. But Josh and I, and Melissa and Owen... well, we'd really love it if you and Isobel came to stay with us."

Wait... what?

"What?" she asked dumbly, her throat tight with pain. It felt as if Melissa was stabbing at her foot with a knife. Amelia's soft voice brought her back from the edge of screaming.

"We had talked about it last night, and we just thought you might like to come and stay. Melissa and Owen both live in our old house, and it's removed from the main complex. You can stay with them, or Owen could come visit us if you'd rather just stay with Melissa. You'd be safe, and you would have privacy. Reb stays over most days so I can work, so the girls could play together. Melissa would be there, to help doctor you up while you heal. And... well, I'm sure you know this, but the reverend isn't all that fond of the Tucker clan and... and please know I mean no offense to you when I say this, but we're not all that fond of him. We have guards. You'd be safe from him while you were with us."

Katherine blinked, the pain in her foot forgotten.

Was she dreaming?

"I can't put your family in danger," she whispered, tears choking her. God, please. Please, let this be your will. She wanted so badly to say yes.

Amelia laughed. "Oh, we're already in danger," she chuckled, her fingers once again tightening around Katherine's as her eyes sparkled. "Josh has always been on the reverend's bad side, and Owen caused quite a stir when he left the church. We can handle the reverend, honey."

Amelia wasn't any older than Katherine, so far as she knew, but she had the strangest urge to throw herself into the woman's arms and weep like a child.

And then she did cry. Tears streamed down her face, and somehow Amelia and Melissa both knew it had nothing to do with the pain in her foot.

"Oh, Katherine," Amelia sighed. "Is it alright if I hug you?"

She managed a nod, struggling to stifle her sobs as Amelia's weight shifted the bed by her hip and the woman's soft arms wrapped around her. She lowered her face to the woman's shoulder and let the raw relief claim her. The terrible, wrenching guilt.

She'd be leaving Gabe.

She'd always known she couldn't stay hidden in the brothel forever. It didn't make sense for her to stay, in the practical sense. For now, it was a haven. Once she healed, and Isobel grew restless, the secrecy would have become a prison. She'd always known she would have to find somewhere else to go, but it was only then, in Amelia's arms, that she realized she hadn't wanted to stay and it had nothing to do with the cramped quarters or the secrecy.

It was him.

Gabe held her heart in the palm of one strong, rough hand, and her heart was so fragile. It was a pitiful, whimpering thing and he had only to tighten his grip and she would fall. She had always loved the way it felt when he held her, when he loved her. When she was with Gabe, she was Blue Angel, standing on mountain peaks and battling robbers on the roofs of moving trains. She realized, now, that this terrible nauseous feeling she'd had was the knowledge that she wasn't that girl anymore. He still stood with her on mountain peaks, but she was suddenly afraid of heights. She no longer wanted to fly. She no longer wanted to fight. She just wanted to survive.

Gabe was not survival. He was life, and she could no longer afford to chase life. She no longer wanted to.

When the tears ceased, she raised her head and found a handkerchief hovering in front of her face. "It's clean," Amelia said, and she took it with a wobbly smile and cleaned the mess of her anguish from her aching face.

"Thank you," she croaked out, reaching out of her own volition and taking the other woman's hand. "I think we would really like to come and stay." 

***

Listen, this story is NOT going where I expected it to go. Both of these damn characters keep making decisions and going in directions I didn't expect, and it's really throwing me for a loop. 

I hope you are enjoying this story and that it's not boring your socks off. Eventually there will be romance, but it felt wrong and disrespectful to make that the focus while this poor woman is in such a state.

As always, thank you for reading!!! <3 <3 <3

Liz

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