̶ ̶ xiii. THANKS FOR NEVER BEING THERE.

you were supposed to be there for me when i wasn't myself. you were meant to be the one to ask, "hey, are you okay," when i hadn't talked for a while. maybe then, i would've told you the amount of days i haven't left my room, how strict i've gotten with my calorie intake, how the eyes you once said were beautiful were drained with nothing less than hopelessness.

you were selfish enough to worry more about why i'm ignoring you then why i haven't been texting you back. you out of all people know the house i'm too scared to call home is like, the many years your so called best friend had been dealing with a battle between finding herself and leaving it all behind.

thanks to you, i woke up with swollen eyes and a shaky heart, wondering why i was the shitty friend in this situation. for i recall how many times you put yourself first and everyone else next, always leaving me for last place like i was nothing compared to your wonderful life, how i shouldn't be apart of your wonderful life. the countless amount of days spent with each other now mean nothing because your selfishness ate you alive and threw me away when times got rough for you.

and even after it all, i'm still the one apologizing while you sit back and listen to what you want to hear, not what i want to say. so here's to one last sorry while you still are here.

i'm sorry for sticking around for so long,
now that i know you never really cared for me after all.