̶ ̶ xxix. MISTAKING MISTAKES.

the strange feeling of lost.

not knowing why nights make you feel so empty yet mornings rise with a full,
heavy chest that acts like an anchor upon the ocean of your bed.
the cramping of your fingers as you reach for someone not there.
a dream of only them,
something you wish to call a nightmare,
but can't considering it feels all too real to have them kissing
you again.
the longing hurt,
the not knowing what's to come with the after you,
the goodbye you play like a scratched record over and over and over again.

the feeling you once were addicted to now left you numb.
the anxiety of overdosing no longer existent.

you have a stranger sleeping next to you,
their naked body not as beautiful as the one you missed.
you distract yourself with another
and another
and another.

you find yourself still numb yet in so much pain.
you wonder why you ever even let them go.

maybe the 'i love you's' weren't lies after all.

[ he learned his mistakes through the spaces of his
fingers long after she left. ]