August Twenty-First 2014

How long has it been? How long has it been since Mum made me get some rest, even though I'm not even tired. I honestly feel like I won't be able to sleep ever again. My emotions are going all over the place, one minute I feel like crying into my pillow, the next I feel like I want to set my room on fire.

They've kept the fact hidden from me, that I was famous! I feel so stupid! It explains so much, why people are always staring at us! And that Rita person, she said something about how there's a whole chapter about my mother in her book!

But what really sets me over the edge is that mum won't let me tell Lily and Albus. They deserve to know as much as I do! And mum isn't even telling me everything! I just want to punch somebody! What's so bad that mum won't even tell me? I can't even imagine....

"James?" I hear a soft whisper.

"What?!" I snap my head to where the voice came from. Lily was standing by my door with a look of interest and curiosity in her eyes. If only she knew....

"Mummy says you're upset about somethin'. She said to leave you alone. What's goin' on James?"

"I- I- just go away Lily. Mum was right. Leave me alone!"

"Why are you upset dough? Al said it was somethin' about school, but I fink dat's silly."

"Lily, you won't understand. Go away, please."

"You were in daddy's office earlier. What happened?"

"How- how do you know that?"

"I'm not a dummy. I heard some racket upstairs, like somethin' fell. I told Mummy, and she wen into Daddy's office. You and her were talkin' about somethin'. You sounded angry."

"Lily, mum and dad have been lying to us. I shouldn't even tell you that, but it's true. Just go away, I don't want you to get in trouble."

"But Daddy says you live for trouble," She says giggling.

"Maybe that's true, but Lily, you don't understand how serious this is."

"I know you're feeling bad. Dat's why I'm gonna make you feel better."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Please, I'll call Mum up here if you don't leave now."

"Fine. You're no fun," She pouts. "But remember this, no matter how bad things get, you'll always have me."

I sigh laying back down on my bed. I feel so bad for Lily, she's so clueless. If only I could tell her.... But I can't, otherwise Mum will have my head and I'll be forced to join the Headless Hunt. This is just so frustrating! I feel as if I've been exposed to some kind of disease, and there's no cure. I'll just have to live with it.

But I don't want to live with it! Just too many complications. I just wish I understood some of the things that are confusing me. When I asked how many times Dad has escaped this Voldemort guy, Mum didn't give me a direct answer.

I just want to know the whole story. Is that too much to ask?

***

I have no clue whatsoever what time it is. It feels as if I've been in my room for just minutes, but I can tell it's getting late it's nearly dusk. Dad must be home by now. He's usually home by five, but judging by the sky outside it looks as if its nearly eight.

"James?" I heard Albus push open the door.

"What?" I ask.

"Mum and Dad want you downstairs."

"Did they say why?" I ask bitterly.

"No. They won't tell me anything. James what is this about?"

"Mum forbade me to tell. It's stupid. I'm stupid. We're all fools," I say, my feet touching the cold floor as I walk towards the door.

"'Forbade you'?" Albus asks. "What do you mean 'forbade you'?"

"Means I can't tell anyone," I say. "It's standard english."

"I knew that- just-" He sighs in frustration. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"Al," I say, "I want to tell you, I really do. I'm sorry."

I push pass him and walk downstairs, leaving him standing in the doorway of my bedroom, mouth hanging open. Him being my little brother, I usually tell him everything. Or at least, he thinks I tell him everything....

Both my parents were waiting for me in the kitchen. They have a lot of explaining to do. My mother was nervously looking at her feet, while my father wouldn't take his eyes off me.

"Dad," I say, "is what Mum told me earlier true?"

"Yes." He says. A spine chilling shiver crawls up my back.

"Why in the world would you keep something like that from me? You have no reason to-"

"James, I know. I should've told you kids the truth."

"Too late for that now," I mutter.

"Look, I will tell you everything, I promise. Just in return, don't tell your siblings."

"Why not? They deserve to know as much as I do-"

"You don't understand though. What your mother told you, that's just the beginning. Lily and Al, they're too young. They can't know. Some of the stuff that your mother and I have been through, is too much for them to understand. We literally lived in the middle of a war. A lot of those memories, I'm not willing to relive, but if it means the truth...."

"Mum said she grew up hearing about how you got rid of Voldemort when you were a baby. Why can't they know?" I counter.

"That's different. We were trying to protect you-"

"That's not protecting me! That's lying to me! And to Lily! And to Al!"

"James," Mum said, "if you sit down and listen, we'll explain. We have good reasons for everything that we've been keeping from you."

"I'd be interested to hear them then!" I say fiercely, taking a seat at the kitchen table between Mum and Dad.

"I've told him everything up to the Tri-Wizard Tournament," Mum says to Dad.

"Okay, so after the Tournament I came back to Hogwarts to finish my education. Nearly anyone believed me about Voldemort's return. They said I was 'an attention seeking liar'," He looked at his hand which was covered in very faint outlines of scars.

"In my fifth year, your mother's fourth, we got another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. We got a new teacher every year. This particular year, they sent a high ministry officer to teach the position. She didn't teach us anything useful, all we ever did we read our text books. I asked her why we were being taught like that since Voldemort had returned, and she gave me detentions. She called me a liar, like almost everyone else in the school. Very few people believed me.

"Your Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, and I decided to teach our own Defense classes that year for anyone who wanted to learn. But of course, we had to keep the meetings a secret. By the end of the year, we got discovered and the ministry worker took over the place of Headmistress. I think that she was the worst second Headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen."

"Who was the worst?" I ask.

"Well honestly, in my opinion I think he was one of the worst and the best. His name was Severus Snape."

That name rang a bell in my mind. Where did I know that name from? Severus.... Who do I know named Severus? Then it hit me like I had walked inot a brick wall.

"You named Albus after him?" I ask. "Why?"

"It's complicated," my dad says, "but let's just say that he was the bravest man I've ever known."

"Was?"

"He was also killed by Voldemort."

"Oh.... Why?"

"He had something Voldemort deeply wanted. You see, Voldemort was power hungry. He had to be the best, he had to have the most power. He was the true heir of Slytherin."

"What happened next then?"

"So at the end of the year, Voldemort finally revealed himself to the public, not on purpose of course." Mum said, "In my fifth year, your father's sixth. Nothing really that important happened, well except that Albus Dumbledore, the only wizard Voldemort ever feared was murdered."

"At that time, Voldemort slowly was taking control of the Ministry. By your Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur's wedding, it had fallen completely to him. Ron, Hermione, and I were on the run for months, we didn't even go back to school. The three of us were all wanted by Deatheaters and the Ministry. Finally, we snuck back into Hogwarts, which was infested with Deatheaters.... Voldemort got note that we were at the Hogwarts, so he gathered his army and attacked. The professors did their best to protect the school, but still many lives were lost."

I stared at my father in shock. I had always been told that Hogwarts was the safest place on Earth. Now that I'm hearing that many people died at the school to protect my father. He is such a liar!

"The final battle came, and we dueled. He tried to use the killing curse, and it rebounded, killing himself. Then it was all over."

This was too mush to take in at once. If he's saying what I think he's saying, that means he killed the darkest wizard of all time. No wonder he's head of the Auror Department. No wonder we're all famous. This is really too much! Were they going to send me to school not knowing any of this? And I know that they're not telling everything, it's obvious that they're still not telling me everything.

"What're you not telling me?" I blurt out.

"Nothing." My parents say at once.

"You told me you'd tell me everything."

"That- er- was everything."

"No it wasn't you're lying again. There's something big that you're trying to hide from me."

"James, even though we're telling this there are some things that may have to wait-"

"No! I want to know! I can handle it! Does this have anything to do with the last memory I saw?"

"Last memory?" Dad asks.

"I'll tell you later," Mum says. "But now, James we have told you everything. And I- we trust that you will not tell your siblings, am I right?"

"You have my word, I won't tell them. I'm still angry though! But I'm still having trouble understanding why...."

"It would be too much for them. You don't understand how fame can get to a person-"

"Please," I say, "I can't take this anymore. I'm getting tired of excuses and lies. I- I just can't- just- I need some time alone."

I run upstairs not looking back at the kitchen. I can't take this for much longer. It hurts me to try to even comprehend what they have told me. But I know one thing for sure, my parents are liars. And they still won't tell me the truth....