Hi guys... Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I just wanna say that I love you all so much and... Comment lots and pRESS THAT STAR because this might be the last times you can do so for SWP ;-;

Ya, it's ending.

Mmmmm, you can't see me but I'm sweating from my eyes on the inside (how does that work)

It's been a good journey with y'all... I still want to THANK YOU ALL if I could send a small loan of a million dollars to each of you, I would... But I can't even afford Winnie the Pooh from the vending machines so, forgive me.

You nuts are just the bestest (bestest isn't a word don't listen to me I'm a bad influence) as I was saying, you nuts are the greatest things in my life lately and it always makes me happy to receive messages about how someone's enjoyed my book, I just get this warm feeling and it's just uGHHHH GR8! It doesn't even matter that I didn't get an award cuz Y'ALL ARE STILL HERE AND I'M STILL SO GRATEFUL!

...Maybe, please, read these last three chapters fully/carefully? It's got lots of feels in it and I just don't want any of them to be missed :> Settle down somewhere nice and warm and just finish the hell outta this book.

[TLDR]: SWP is ending, I wanna write a collaboration, I love you nuts, and
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

xoxo

"Baekhyun?"

Baekgyu looked into the darkness with curiosity, a flashlight in his hand. He took a tentative step forward and gulped, shaking his head afterward.

With renewed determination, he walked head first into the pitch dark forest, the leaves crunching underneath his small feet as his hand tightened on the flashlight. The moon above him was covered in thin clouds, dancing along the sky in the same rhythm as the wind that blew his hair out of his face.

A cracking noise made Baekgyu's head turn sharply in the direction of the sound, his footsteps faltering as he almost turned around to leave the forest. He brushed past some bushes and when he reached a small clearing, he didn't see anything that could've made the noise.

He shone his flashlight in different ways, wondering what the noise could've been.

Just as he turned to look behind him, he heard a loud fluttering noise and what seemed like multiple sharp objects attacked him, the flashlight dropping out of his hand as he blocked his face, shutting his eyes in fear. The flapping noise was loud beside his ears and he crouched down to the ground, now covering his ears. It seemed like years of loud noises and occasional sharp claws before Baekgyu was nearly crying.

When the attacker disappeared, he cracked open his eyes and looked up into the sky, seeing a large bird flying away with its graceful wings. The tears stung his eyes as a throbbing pain appeared on his cheek, and just when he was about to retreat as what seemed like the third time that night, he gritted his teeth and grabbed his flashlight, standing back up.

This morning, after Baekhyun and he had celebrated their 7th birthday, they decided to go play hide and seek in the forest. They played multiple rounds in the forest behind their house, laughing together joyfully.

When it was Baekhyun's turn to hide, Baekgyu had been called inside of the house to play with his friend, Minwoo, who had decided to show up.

Baekgyu, as excited as ever, ran inside his house, all while forgetting about Baekhyun.

It had been 7 hours since then, and when Minwoo finally left the house, Baekgyu noticed that Baekhyun was nowhere to be found. Their parents were out at work, and the twin realized with horror that he hadn't seen Baekhyun ever since he had left to play with Minwoo.

He now took it upon himself to go searching in the forest, because he knew that Baekhyun was afraid of the dark even if he didn't admit it.

Baekgyu tried thinking of places that Baekhyun would try to hide, and he climbed over small rocks, searching everywhere.

He just about passed the trunk of a tree, stopping in his way as he approached the structure. It looked just big enough for someone as small as Baekhyun to hide behind it, and Baekgyu prayed that his twin would behind it.

He carefully treaded to the other side of the trunk, shining his flashlight into a mop of black hair.

"Baekhyun!" Baekgyu exclaimed, and the small figure looked up into Baekgyu's eyes, his own watering with tears.

Baekhyun immediately jumped out of his ball-like form when he recognized his brother, his frail arms wrapping around his twin.

"Gyu-hyung!" Baekhyun cried, calling Baekgyu something he always refused to say. "I—It was so dark and I'm c—cold too!" Baekhyun explained all while hiccuping. "I went to sleep and didn't realize it was time to go home..." He buried his face into his brother's shirt, simultaneously wiping his tears, "Why didn't you come to get me?"

Baekgyu made sure to pat Baekhyun's hair like he knew his brother liked, apologizing."I know, I'm sorry Baekhyunnie, I'll never do it again, okay?"

"Never?" Baekhyun questioned, just to be sure.

"Never."

Baekhyun nodded and Baekgyu pulled away, taking off the warm jacket that he had come into the forest equipped with.

Baekgyu wrapped it around the smaller's shoulders, causing Baekhyun to look up at him in worry.

"But Baekgyu, you'll get a cold!" Baekhyun claimed as he tried to take off the jacket. He was immediately stopped with one of Baekgyu's hands on his arms.

"...It's okay," Baekgyu flashed a smile at Baekhyun, one of his teeth missing (he was very proud of that fact, he got 5 dollars from the tooth fairy), before he said: "I'm already sick."

Baekhyun jolted awake, his mind clouded and his senses foggy. There was an ache in his chest, one that he couldn't explain even when he was wrapped in warmth on the outside.

He noticed the tears slipping out of his eyes and he wiped them off questioningly, examining the drops on his fingers as if he couldn't believe he was crying.

He hazily stared at the place on the wall where his window would usually be—only to find the curtains closed, the soft fabric unrelenting as it blocked the light from entering. His room was left with shadows in the corner, reflecting what Baekhyun felt inside.

He didn't want to move.

It felt like the world was dropping all of its weight onto him, and simply sitting up seemed like an impossible chore. Baekhyun laid on his bed for a few more moments before he weakly sat up, everything from his brain to his stomach: empty. He stared at his fingers, its slight tremble confusing the small man.

It was only when he saw a drop of water fall onto the blanket below him that he realized he was crying again.

...Then he heard it.

He heard the slow beat of a clock, somewhere in the room, and he remembered hearing something exactly like that. The tick-tock that seemed to go far too quickly for his own pace, racing ahead of him and turning the sun into the moon when he hadn't even been able to set foot outside of his room.

Baekhyun came to the conclusion that time moves too fast.

One moment, it feels like you're living an eternity in between the first tick and the second, but before you notice it, you'd already missed the count of the third.

Time moves too fast—at least, for Baekgyu.

...Baekgyu.

The pain came rushing back way too quickly, so quick that Baekhyun thought it had beaten time itself. The memories flooded through Baekhyun's mind and he let out a choked sob; that bitter day he could and couldn't remember playing through his head.

He remembered everything that happened, but he didn't want to remember.

It was constantly there in his mind, everything from the way that Chanyeol had kissed him, to the moment where Baekgyu had squeezed his hand just before saying his last words.

Baekhyun found himself short of breath, his world blurring from his tears. Every one of Baekgyu's expressions flashed in his mind, each one a jab to his heart.

He didn't want any of those memories.

He wanted to forget it all.

So, for what seemed like the hundredth time, he pulled his blanket back over his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

~

The sound of knuckles on wood rang throughout the house, bouncing on the walls before disappearing as quickly as it came.

When the sound was gone, everything else was left silence. In the distance, a bird's chirping filtered through the opened window downstairs.

"...Baekhyun?"

There was no response to the solemn call, and the elderly mother's grip on her tray of food tightened, her stomach churning in worry.

"Do you want to eat lunch?" She tried again, hoping, that after several weeks, she'd hear his voice again.

Her efforts fell on deaf ears and she let out a deep sigh, turning around and giving the man behind her a small smile.

"He's been locked up in his room for a while," she explains, "I hear him showering sometimes but I haven't heard his voice in such a long time... I'm sorry he's like this, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol shook his head, his fading red hair falling out of place in the process. "We can't blame him... After all, Baekgyu was..." He stared at the door as if he could see inside of it, his eyes softening as his heart clenched. "Baekgyu is really important."

They both stayed in silence as they reminisced the person who owned the previously mentioned name, their thoughts wandering in different places.

Chanyeol hadn't seen Baekhyun in a month, not since the day Baekhyun disappeared from their dorm room in the morning. He thought he should've just given Baekhyun some space, but if he'd known that the smaller would just lock himself away like this, he would've stuck to him like glue.

He longed to be in there, with Baekhyun, beside Baekhyun, holding Baekhyun, or just anything involving Baekhyun in general.

Even seeing Baekhyun would make him calm.

"Come, do you want some tea?" She eventually asked, taking a few steps to the stairs and ushering Chanyeol forward.

Chanyeol looked back at the door one more time before nodding, following Baekhyun's mom downstairs.

She pulled out two cups from the cupboard, the tea kettle already ready on the table.

Chanyeol sat down in one of the chairs, wondering which out of the four Baekhyun sat in—and the same for Baekgyu. He played with the table's lace cloth as his eyes sweeped the kitchen in wonder.

It still surprised him that it was legitimately the first time he'd been inside of the Byun's house, but he wasn't entirely offended because he now knew the real reason why Baekgyu hadn't let him in.

It was obvious how many marks of Baekhyun he would've found if he stepped in here two or three months ago, and he smiled to himself as he saw small marks on an empty space on the wall.

He briefly stood up to examine the lines, crouching down and running his fingers over the sprawled out writing of who he could only guess was a 5-year-old Baekhyun.

Baekgyu's lines were always at least three or four centimeters higher than Baekhyun, and he could imagine the small Baekhyun (that he saw in the pictures on the wall earlier) complaining about how Baekgyu was unfair.

"Cute, right?"

Chanyeol turned and looked at Mrs. Byun who had just spoken, nodding in response.

"Can you believe that Baekhyun actually stuffed his shoes to seem taller?" She questioned, and a wide smile made its way onto Chanyeol's face as he thought of the shortie's mischevious ways. "They were always so busy fighting and competing."

A wistful smile slipped onto her face as she recalled memories from long ago, "but I could see that they really loved each other."

Shortly after, she gestured for Chanyeol to sit back down, which he did, taking the warm cup in his hands regardless of how hot it was outside.

"I haven't heard much of their childhood," Chanyeol stated with a somewhat solemn smile, "our relationship is just really complicated."

After all, Baekhyun's parents still didn't know the full story revolving around the three of them, and Chanyeol felt slightly guilty for seeming like a perfect guy when in reality he caused most of the conflicts between the twins.

"That's okay," Mrs. Byun reassured, "I'll just fill you in on their childhood, and maybe one day you two can tell me what's so complicated about this sweet-looking relationship."

Chanyeol wanted to laugh.

'Sweet-looking', she says...

It could've been that before, but Chanyeol wasn't so sure now. With Baekgyu passing away, he felt like Baekhyun was slipping through his fingers again when he hadn't even had Baekhyun for long.

His hand clenched the cup in his hold as he thought of what it would feel like to live without Baekhyun when he'd gotten so used to it already. The last month without Baekhyun had been hell, even with distractions.

"So, which parts do you want to hear about?"

Mrs. Byun's voice snapped Chanyeol out of his thoughts and his gaze went from the leaves floating in his tea to the face that he had to get used to; it always shocked him that Baekhyun looked so much like his mom.

"I want to know all of it," Chanyeol stated, and the pleased smile on her face made Chanyeol smile too.

"Okay, I guess I'll start off with when Baekhyun and Baekgyu first looked at each other..."

Chanyeol didn't take note of time, listening intently on all of the stories Mrs. Byun was telling him. He laughed at many of the events that had happened prior to his meeting with Baekgyu, and it felt nice... Really nice, that he got to have a look at what the twin's lives were like before he budged inside.

Sometime during the story-telling, Baekhyun's dad came home, giving Chanyeol a stare down before leaving the two in the kitchen, with what Chanyeol—hopefully—thought was a happy smile.

Chanyeol roughly guessed that they had passed one hour just talking and listening, but when he turned to look at the clock he was shocked to see that it had been three hours. It was currently 4PM, and Chanyeol wondered if he should head home yet.

"Baekgyu... He was a really sad boy," she said with a distant look in her eyes, "when he was younger, he always came to me and told me that he was scared that maybe one day, his last words would be something he didn't want them to be."

Chanyeol could see tears welling up in her eyes and he stared down at his empty cup, not wanting for her to feel like Chanyeol was some creep if he just kept staring at her.

"I always told him to just live, and to not care about what people would think of him. If he ever caused any trouble to you two, I think that might've been my fault," Mrs. Byun admitted as she also stared down at her cup, fiddling with the handle.

"It's okay, everyone does things that they regret. Sometimes it's out of ill intent, but usually it's just because they weren't careful enough." Chanyeol sighed as he rested his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand, thinking about the things that he himself regretted. "People just don't realize how much words hurt until they get it directed at them."

They were left in silence after that, the background noise of natural ambiance filling their ears.

Chanyeol nearly laughed as he caught himself thinking of Baekhyun again, because he couldn't believe how crazy he was for the person on his mind.

It didn't matter what he was doing; cutting carrots, watching tv, eating lunch—he'd always find himself thinking of Baekhyun no matter what.

People could argue and say that Chanyeol was thinking of Baekgyu, because 'they look exactly the same' but Chanyeol knew that it wasn't Baekgyu he was thinking about. Baekgyu didn't have super cute eyes when he laughed, Baekgyu didn't have abnormally pretty and long fingers, Baekgyu didn't pronounce certain words adorably—

Chanyeol really needed to stop thinking about Baekhyun. It was becoming unhealthy.

Chanyeol saw movement from Mrs. Byun and he looked up at her, startled at her confused face.

"Wait..." Baekhyun's mom stared at seemingly nothing for a few seconds, as if she was trying to remember something, before she stood up alarmingly quick. "I completely forgot!" She exclaimed and ran up the stairs quicker than Chanyeol could say 'what'.

The giant followed after quickly, although not missing the chance to stare at the pictures hung up in the hallway. He lingered a little longer on one that was a little recent, when the twins were still in high school.

They looked young, younger than he remembered, but alas, that's what time did to everyone.

Old, insignificant memories are forgotten, faces get replaced, and words are left as jumbles that didn't make any more sense.

Would Baekhyun one day become just a memory to Chanyeol?

Chanyeol ripped his gaze off of the picture and went back to the task at hand. He didn't want to think about that now, it was a frightening thought.

He found Baekhyun's mom rummaging through a cardboard box, and she pulled out a piece of paper, looking a little frenzied.

On closer inspection, Chanyeol realized that it was a letter, donning the familiar white envelope.

She was about to go to Baekhyun's room before she stopped abruptly in her tracks, turning around to face Chanyeol.

"You give it to him," she said suddenly, and Chanyeol almost took a step back in surprise.

"What?"

She sighed and was obviously in distress, her entire frame stiff but her hands holding the letter gently as if it could rip up any moment.

"He won't listen to me... I know Baekhyun, he's stubborn."

Chanyeol shook his head, "I shouldn't be giving Baekhyun something so important—"

"But if you're as important as the letter is to him, it's okay, right?" She questioned as she held out the letter.

Chanyeol gulped as he stared at the letter. He didn't even know what was inside, but with how Baekyun's mom was reacting, it was obviously something they shouldn't take lightly. He didn't want to accidently mess up like he always did with everything else—who knows, maybe this time he'll accidently throw it out the window (his accidents were really unpredictable).

When she kept insisting for him to take it, Chanyeol eventually took it, though reluctantly.

"What's in it?"

"It's Baekgyu's letter, from just before he left for Tokyo. He said that it was for when he died..."

Chanyeol felt empathy for the lady when she began tearing up again at the thought of her son, and he finally decided to stop complaining. If she wanted him to give it to Baekhyun, then he would.

"I'll try to get Baekhyun out of his room," Chanyeol smiled, "oh, and do you have a guitar?"

She nodded and went further into what Chanyeol could only guess was a small storage room. She came out a few moments later, holding a guitar that resembled the one Chanyeol had back at his own home, with the exception of being dark brown instead of being light brown.

He grabbed it gratefully and made his way to Baekhyun's room.

Honestly, he didn't know what he was going to do to get Baekhyun out of his room, but for now it was looking a lot like he'd have to have a one-way conversation.

Chanyeol set the guitar down, leaving it to lean against the wall beside Baekhyun's door.

He knocked gently on the door and waited, before realizing that there was no point in expecting Baekhyun's reply.

"Baekhyun?" Chanyeol called, "are you asleep?"

He waited for a few seconds before continuing.

"I heard that you haven't been eating well, and that you haven't been out of your room in a while... I came here after getting a phone call from your mom."

Chanyeol continued talking, and talking, and talking, just like he had done the first time he went on a date with Baekhyun. At first, he didn't think he'd have enough things to talk about, but when he knew Baekhyun was listening, the words just didn't stop coming.

He talked about things that happened recently to things that had happened when he was five.

He was sure he had never talked this much in his life, and it could all be for nothing if Baekhyun was asleep, but he was hoping that Baekhyun could maybe—for once in a long time—stop thinking about Baekgyu a bit... Or maybe just become annoyed with Chanyeol's talking and finally letting him in.

He wasn't keeping track of time—like usual, but this time he didn't even feel the need to check. He felt like time was stopped for Baekhyun, and the small man was doing nothing but floating in his sorrows that he couldn't escape from. Without even realizing it, Baekhyun had pulled Chanyeol into his unmoving world, and luckily (or unluckily) for him, Chanyeol was bent on making the clock move again.

"The other day... Jongdae came to me asking where you were."

Chanyeol didn't even need to check the time to know that it was getting late, because it seemed like only a blink of an eye before the sun was setting and the hallway he was sitting in began to grow shadows.

"A lot of people are worried."

He briefly wondered how he went from talking about how Sehun met someone small and cute to how Baekhyun shouldn't be locked up in his room, but he just let his thoughts carry him away.

"I have a letter," Chanyeol began, staring at the mentioned object, "it's from Baekgyu... For you."

Chanyeol somehow knew that Baekhyun wouldn't come out unless he was sure that no one would be there to catch him, and he wasn't willing to slip it under the door and make Baekhyun's life easier.

"It's going to be here, in front of the door, and you can come get it when you want to."

With that, Chanyeol picked up his guitar and began playing some songs, knowing that he would be there for long, maybe even the entire night.

If people knew, they'd question why Chanyeol went to such lengths for Baekhyun, why he'd waste all of his time on someone that could possibly drop him at any second.

They weren't married—heck, they haven't even actually been in a proper relationship for more than a day.

But really, Chanyeol could care less about those labels.

They weren't dating, they didn't have matching rings on each other's fingers, but at least, Chanyeol knew that what he felt for Baekhyun was real, without the need of any material evidence.

Chanyeol played and sang all of the songs he knew, regardless of the fact that his throat was beginning to get dry from all of the talking that he did.

As more and more time passed without Chanyeol taking note of it, he was beginning to get tired, along with the fact that he didn't know any more songs that he could sing without repeating some.

He only had one more song to sing now, and he felt like sleeping but he tried to push the exhaustion washing over him.

"A flower rises in the sky,
spring blossoms on the ground
You can't stop it, it's been decided since the start
My heart is pulled to you

The moment your breath touches me,
your scent colours me in
Your body movement resembles a flower petal
I worry that you will break
So I can't even hug you all I want
My dazzling love

Open the door of heaven
My eyes are drenched with joy
Even forgetting time for a bit
I'm dreaming a dream of you forever..."

Chanyeol didn't know when or how it happened, but the next thing he knew, he was back in a sunflower field, the figure of his love standing amongst the bright colours.

It was exactly as he had remembered it in his memory; the cool breeze, the overwhelming smell of nature, the pounding of his heart...

Chanyeol smiled.

"Baekhyun."

~

Chanyeol stirred in his sleep, the sound of something alarming him.

It was the sound of someone crying.

Chanyeol's eyes snapped open, his environment shocking him for a moment. He was still sitting with his back against the door, the guitar safe in his hands.

He tried to move but his body flashed in pain. His muscles were sore, and he vaguely felt like there was something terribly wrong with his neck. Chanyeol tried to stand up again but had to hold back a groan when his muscles screamed in pain, causing him to remain stationary.

The sound of what woke him up was back inside of his head, and he focused harder, his brain still slow and unresponsive.

It clicked in his head after what seemed like more than just two seconds, willing himself to ignore his pain and do something. He grit his teeth and stood up with as little noise as he could possibly make, setting his guitar down and moving his limbs achingly. He pressed his ear against the door and his heart clenched when Baekhyun's cries were now clearer. He thought about how many times Baekhyun had done this before—wondered how many times Baekhyun had woken up just to cry himself back to sleep. It was a repeating pattern; loud sobs before they quieted down, only to get back to the same volume.

He blindly reached for the letter, feeling around on the ground before his fingers made contact with the envelope. Picking it up, he stood in front of Baekhyun's door, his hand going up to knock on the door before he pulled it back.

The sounds broke Chanyeol's heart more and more, and he wished that he was in there with Baekhyun, easing his pain—or at least that he could just help somehow, instead of being a useless giant who fell asleep at the wrong time.

There didn't seem to be any light around him, and Chanyeol randomly guessed that it was around 4AM.

He frowned when he realized that Baekhyun was crying at such a dark time at night, and he wondered how many hours of sleep Baekhyun received a night.

He leveled the pros and cons in his head before reaching the final conclusion that if he didn't do this now, he might not get another chance.

The noises of grief stopped abruptly, and Chanyeol took that chance.

"Baekhyun..." He took in a deep to steady himself, "it's Chanyeol."

He didn't hear anything, just like this morning—but as always, he wasn't ready to give up.

"I know you're not sleeping... Can you just—open the door?" Chanyeol questioned, keeping his voice low as to not wake Baekhyun's parents.

"I don't want you in there alone anymore. You're killing yourself, Baek..." Chanyeol paused, "No one else is going to come in but me. Only me."

It took a while—minutes, until finally he heard small, hesitant footsteps walking up to him from the other side, the handle of the door letting out a clicking noise as it was unlocked.

Chanyeol took a moment before twisting it, pushing the door open only to be greeted by more darkness.

Not a single sliver of light entered the room when Chanyeol closed the door behind him, walking blindly into the obscurity.

It surprised him when he felt a hand touch his arm and trail down to grab his hand, pulling him forward and further into what he now considered the dark abyss.

His legs knocked into the mattress frame and he nearly fell over but caught himself, making sure not to crumple the letter in the process.

The hand in his own disappeared, and after another few seconds a soft yellow light filled the room. It was hard to see most of it, but he made out another bed and desk on the other side of the room, just like the side Baekhyun was on.

The smaller didn't even stare at Chanyeol as he crawled back onto the bed and into a ball form, throwing his blankets over himself. He gave nothing for Chanyeol to respond to, only sitting still without making any noise.

The lamp that he had just turned on was beginning to respond more now, and the light was brighter, revealing how sadly empty one side of the room was. There were boxes in the corner, and Chanyeol guessed that those were Baekgyu's belongings.

He stared at Baekhyun's form and sighed, moving so that he was sitting beside him with crossed legs.

"Baekhyun... Get out of your blankets for a second."

The silence was another way of Baekhyun saying 'no', and Chanyeol grabbed a handful of his blanket, pulling it off in one swoop.

He had a better look at Baekhyun now; his hair still soft and his skin still smooth, but his eyes red-rimmed and his lips pulled into a small frown. His arms were wrapped around his legs and his chin was placed on his knees, his gaze on something imaginary in front of him.

He looked completely out of it, his eyes didn't hold that sparkle that Chanyeol had always loved and he wasn't even talking with the voice that Chanyeol would kill to listen to for the rest of his life.

"Talk to me," Chanyeol ordered, though there was no threat behind his words. "What are your thoughts? Your feelings?"

Baekhyun remained tight-lipped, irking Chanyeol.

It wasn't that he was annoyed of Baekhyun himself, he just knew that on the inside, Baekhyun was blaming himself every single second of the day. He never gave himself any breaks and always thought that he was behind every single wrong-doing in his life—when in reality, he was probably the most selfless person Chanyeol had met.

He wanted to banish those thoughts from Baekhyun's head and replace them with words that Chanyeol had told him repeatedly.

"Do you know how much you're hurting us?" Chanyeol questioned, "you're not the only one suffering here, Baek."

He moved so that he was sitting in front of Baekhyun now, forcing him to stare at Chanyeol's face—or anything including Chanyeol.

"Your mom and dad are so worried, the people at school are asking for where you are... And me... I don't think I can live another day smiling fakely when you're not there," Chanyeol's gaze wavered from Baekhyun to a random spot on the bed, his heart clenching, "I know—I really know how much it hurts to lose Baekgyu and—and I feel like I'm losing you too."

Chanyeol bit his lip as he closed his eyes in shame, wondering why he was beginning to feel tears rise in his eyes.

"Isn't it already enough to lose your first love? Do I have to lose the one who currently has my heart, too?"

He let out a shaky breath, trying to control his overflowing feelings and the tears slipping out of his eyes.

He felt warmth on his hand and he opened his eyes in shock, staring at Baekhyun who placed his hand on Chanyeol's own.

"I would never..." Baekhyun's throat was dry and his words were hoarse, but the sight of Chanyeol crying because of him compelled the words to come out. "I could never leave you."

"It didn't seem that way," Chanyeol mentioned as he sniffled, and he found it funny how the tables turned so quickly. "You didn't even want to talk to me..."

The sight of Baekhyun's lip quirking up into a smile lit up the room tenfold, and Chanyeol felt the familiar warmth fill him that he had missed so badly.

"You're such a child," Baekhyun remarked and Chanyeol nearly pouted.

"I didn't lock myself up in a room for a month—ow," Chanyeol rubbed the top of his hand, glaring at Baekhyun who had just slapped him there. "I didn't deserve that."

"I didn't deserve to be ridiculed."

"You did it to me first."

They stared at each other with sparkly eyes before they erupted into small and refrained laughter, still a little uneasy with the whole situation. Though Chanyeol didn't really care, because even if Baekhyun heard him talk for the whole day, this was the first time in months that Chanyeol had heard him laugh. Their laughter died down in a way that people would usually call awkward, but they both had to agree that it was much better staring at each other with love-filled eyes.

It was like a little ding in his head that reminded him of the real reason that he entered the room, and he felt guilty for having to destroy the slowly rising mood that they had started.

"About this..." Chanyeol grabbed the letter from his side and held it out to Baekhyun reluctantly, as if it would break him again. "You need to read it, even if you don't want to. Baekgyu wrote it for a reason."

Baekhyun bit the inside of his cheek as he grabbed the note, his hold shaky as he feared for what was inside of the letter. He wondered if there would be words of hate inside, or words that would make Baekhyun feel completely and utterly guilty.

Nonetheless, Chanyeol was right. He had to open it.

"What if... I regret seeing it?" Baekhyun asked as he stared at Chanyeol with pleading eyes.

At this point, Baekhyun didn't even know what he wanted to be inside, a pop-up of a clown? Confetti that would take years to clean up? A list of Baekgyu's favourite nuts?

To be honest, Baekhyun actually hoped that it was something that expressed Baekgyu's hate for Baekhyun. If it was anything other than that, he was sure he'd never be able to recover from the pain that was trying to swallow him whole.

With one last gaze at Chanyeol, he carefully opened the letter, and when he pulled out a piece of paper, something fell out from it.

He picked up the item and he nearly sobbed just from the sight of the picture he thought Baekgyu had already thrown away.

It was just a simple polaroid that they had taken when they were ten, but it meant so much to him because that was the first time he had considered Baekgyu his hero.

Baekhyun opened the folded piece of paper almost in slow-mo, wanting to delay the feeling of despair that he knew would catch up to him anytime soon. He saw Baekgyu's messy handwriting along with a few dumb drawings that he stared at before he began reading.

The letter started off simple.

'Hey, Baekhyun...'

The letter ended terribly with:

'Goodbye, Baekhyun,' and the weight of everlasting tears and a feeling like none other.

God, Baekhyun wished he never opened it.

"What was in the letter?" Chanyeol questioned carefully, afraid that Baekhyun might start sobbing.

Baekhyun smiled as he wiped his tears.

"The worst thing possible."

~

"Baekhyun?!" Mrs. Byun exclaimed as Baekhyun descended the stairs the next morning.

He gave his mom a small, unsure smile, but when he got to the bottom he was already being tackled into a hug.

Baekhyun wanted to say something, but for once he felt like he wasn't entitled to do so. He didn't have to pretend, he owed at least that much to Baekgyu.

"I missed you so much, Baek."

"I miss you too."

After much persuasion and coaxing, Chanyeol had finally gotten Baekhyun to step out of his room. Although, he couldn't take all of the credit because he knew it had something to do with the letter. Baekhyun never showed him what was on the letter, and he said that he had no plans to tell anyone, not even his parents. Chanyeol was okay with that, because as long as he could see the old Baekhyun, everything was okay.

Baekhyun's mom prepared breakfast for both of them and they ate in happiness, Chanyeol and Mrs. Byun telling stories about what Baekhyun had missed out on (Chanyeol didn't have many, considering he talked basically the entire time yesterday).

Baekhyun's dad talked too, more than Baekhyun usually heard him talk.

Overall, it was one of the best mornings he's had in a month, but he still felt a crushing feeling in his gut.

The words on the letter kept repeating on his mind and he couldn't forget about them, just as much as he couldn't forget about Baekgyu.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur with just Chanyeol, his room, and warmth—which were three things that he needed more than anything at the moment.

Now, the two of them were sitting in Baekhyun's room, with the smaller sitting at his desk and Chanyeol on the bed.

Baekhyun was mindlessly drawing doodles onto a blank piece of paper, reminding himself of the drawings on Baekgyu's letter. He sighed as he was reminded of his brother for what seemed like the umpteenth time. He would forget about his twin for a second, before his thought would drift back and he'd be sad all over again.

"What's wrong?" He questioned and Baekhyun smiled solemnly.

"I was just... Wondering if I deserve this, you know?" Baekhyun inquired as he stared up at Chanyeol. "I'm wondering if I really deserve to be happy when he can't."

Baekhyun didn't know how long his pain would stay with him—for another month? Two years? The rest of his life?

All he knew now was that it always came back like the waves of water on a beach, pulling back only to rush forward again, taking shells of happiness with it as it disappeared a second time.

"You know... Maybe you don't deserve it," Chanyeol spoke up after a while and Baekhyun nodded, although kind of shocked, "If you believe you don't, then you don't—but Baekhyun... If you're surrounded by happiness like this, doesn't it clearly show that everyone around you thinks that you do deserve it?"

Baekhyun shrugged sheepishly as he swung his legs back and forth, thinking about Chanyeol's words.

"You've already done too many nice things, I think it was okay to do one selfish thing, right?"

"But I... It was a terrible thing to do," Baekhyun mentioned and his shoulders slumped.

"Baekhyun, look at me."

Baekhyun, although reluctantly, looked at Chanyeol, his eyes sad while the giant's was filled with emotions.

"I think—actually, I know that you deserve this happiness. You keep telling yourself that you don't, which is why you can't move on."

"You only think so because you love me."

"With all of my heart and soul."

Baekhyun sighed, there was no way Chanyeol would understand. He stared at Chanyeol with pleading eyes that begged him to stop and Chanyeol got the message, grinning nonetheless.

"Hey... Now that things are finally calming down... Wouldn't it be a good idea to tell everyone that you're not Baekgyu?" Chanyeol questioned, and Baekhyun's eyes widened.

He had completely forgotten about the fact that some people still thought that he was Baekgyu—and how was he supposed to tell Kyungsoo that Baekgyu was gone, too?

There were so many things to resolve back at school and even if Baekhyun just wanted to stay at home for the rest of his life, Chanyeol somehow managed to convince him.

That's how Baekhyun found himself sitting in a coffee shop with all of his friends, prepared to confess his secret with Chanyeol by his side.

"Well... Um..." He cast a glance at Chanyeol, worried about the reactions of his three friends (Jongdae, Minseok and Junmyeon). Baekhyun gulped before taking a deep breath. "My name isn't actually Baekgyu."

He was waiting for all of them to get mad at him, or to shun him for lying to them the entire time. He was honestly thinking of the most horrible things at the moment, unable to form any positive ideas in his mind.

They stared at him blankly before they burst out in laughter, making Baekhyun raise an eyebrow. They were gaining the customers' interest but Baekhyun didn't really have it in him to care when Jongdae waved a hand to show how casual it was.

"I thought you were going to say you were pregnant or something. I was ready for the worst."

Baekhyun blinked a few times, confused for a moment before he felt complete relief flush through him when he realized nobody was looking at him with hate. Chanyeol's hand squeezed his own under the table and he cast a glance at Chanyeol who was giving him a shit-eating grin, as if to say 'told you they wouldn't care'.

"You sure you don't actually care?" Baekhyun asked and they all gave another chuckle.

"Of course. Baekgyu—or whoever you are, your name doesn't even matter. We've met you, and we've enjoyed our time with you."

Baekhyun stared at them wide eyed as they all began talking to him as if he was a little child.

"Your name is basically just a label, and even if your life would be a little different if you weren't called Baekgyu, you'd still be the same, right?"

"We still care for you, and you still care for us... That's all that matters."

Baekhyun felt himself tearing up at those mere words, unable to contain his happiness. "You guys are the best," Baekhyun stated, and he vaguely felt as if he was in some teen-fic for ages 12 and lower. "I'm so lucky to have you guys."

"And here, this guy was saying that he didn't deserve happiness," Chanyeol mentioned as if Baekhyun wasn't even there. Baekhyun frowned and kicked his foot under the table while the others shook their heads.

"Everyone deserves happiness, no matter how little or how big," Minseok smiled and Baekhyun swore he nearly shed the tears in his eyes.

"But first," Junmyeon cut in, "let's formally introduce ourselves again."

Baekhyun felt... Weird.

He didn't know why his heart sped up and his breath caught in his throat at the mention of introducing himself again.

It felt like he was getting a clean slate.

"I'm Kim Jongdae and these two are Kim Junmyeon and Kim Minseok... You are?"

If seemed like he was getting another chance at making the right choices this time.

'Who am I?'

It was a question that was so casual, but he felt that it meant everything to him.

He wasn't just some brother, he wasn't just some twin, he wasn't just Baekgyu...

This was the surest he had ever felt about who he was, and it could've been because of the hand holding his, or the unerasable words that rang through his mind.

Baekhyun smiled brightly and held out his hand for Jongdae to shake.

He knows now.

"I'm Byun Baekhyun."

xoxo

*Sheds a single tear* wowowowow I'm actually kind of sad?

Jk it's obvious that I would be sad. I love this story so much and blehhhhhh I already said this before but I love y'all too.

Seriously, seriously seriously seriously I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Thank you thank you, ohmygosh am I actually crying right now? This story just literally holds so many memories and accomplishments and it's ending and ughhhhh I'm such a child omfg

Question, would any of you nuts want to collaborate with me to make a story or smthing? It seems really fun to write with someone, mostly since I usually run out of ideas and an extra head is bae.

Still check out ma new story, it's gr8

Peanut out!