LILAH

PRESENT

An hour after Rolland's outburst in the car, Noah and I were holed up in our latest—certainly not greatest—motel room. A layer of dust and grime clung to every surface in the room, stripping out the color a little more with each guest that had left the place slightly dirtier than the last. Even the lightbulbs in the lamps cast a dingy glow, bathing the room in muted, yellow light. Between the layer of filth and the damp humidity, everything had a sticky feel to it. Even the air was sour—a combination of dust motes, cigarette smoke, and cheap perfume, that coated your throat in a tangy film. 

I laid on the bed, looking through the pictures on my camera, trying not to think of the unspeakable acts that probably took place in it. After opening it for the fresh air, Noah stood at the window, anxiously peeking through the broken blinds. I couldn't imagine he was the first to do so in that room. The burn holes on the carpet were enough of a sign.

Feeling tired and irritable, I let out a frustrated sigh. "Would you come to bed already? Nothing's gonna happen to your precious car."

He'd been checking on the damn thing every five minutes, somehow getting it in his head that Rolland might try to steal it in the night. Rolland checked in to a room a few doors down. Much to our surprise, he had money to pay for it, which came as both a relief and a worry to Noah, apparently.

"I don't trust him," he said, letting the blinds snap shut, turning to me. "You heard him earlier. Mind control and government experiments? He's fucking nuts, Lilah. And, how the hell does he have money to rent a room? The guy looks like he barely has money to eat." 

I dropped the camera in my lap and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. "I don't know. Maybe he robs gas stations for a living," I said, dryly.

Noah continued to stare at me. "Maybe he's hiding something from us." 

"So?" I shrugged. "It's not like you told him what we do. Why do you care?"

"Why don't you?" he asked, a little too loudly. 

I narrowed my eyes, letting him know I didn't appreciate his tone. 

Noah snorted and shook his head. "I never should've let you talk me into this," he paused. "This is the last thing we need right now. Why can't you see that?" 

"I don't know, Noah," I said, throwing my hands up in surrender. "Maybe, I'm just tired of watching people get treated like shit. You're no better than the rest of them." I shook my head in disapproval but quickly averted my eyes, knowing that I didn't fully mean it. I waited for his argument but it never came. 

He strode over to the bed and plopped down on the corner, the old mattress, groaning with his weight. Somewhere in the tense silence, his features had gone hard and cold. He gripped the back of his neck and hunched forward, staring blankly at the carpet between his feet. There was only an arm's length between us, but it felt like an ocean. This was his way of shutting me out. 

After a while, the mood was too much to bear. 

I was tired of arguing with him, tired of being the source of his frustration. This wasn't us. We didn't talk to each other this way.

The stress of living on the road and being hunted by the authorities, combined with the constant threat of losing everything was bringing out the worst in us. 

I wanted things to go back to the way they were... before the weight of the universe found it's way onto our shoulders. Back when we didn't keep things from each other and our heads weren't filled with doubt. When we were always on the same team and things made sense. 

When I was still a good person. The thought brought instant tears to my eyes.

I was becoming everything I hated about the world. And, it wasn't just the things Noah and I had done that plagued me, but what I was planning to do once we got to the city.

He's right. I have more important things to worry about than helping some stranger.

I dabbed the wetness from my eyes with my shirtsleeve before any tears could fall, but it was too late. The action caught Noah's attention. Next thing I knew, he was beside me, encircling me with his arms. I leaned into his chest, trying to hold back the flood of emotions that was about to spill over. 

Noah buried his face in my hair, his breath, hot on my neck. "Don't cry. Please... I'm sorry." Of course, his gentle words instantly pushed me over the edge and I burst into loud sobs. Noah seemed beside himself. "Lilah. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you. I'm just trying to protect you." He pulled away slowly, taking my face in his hands. "That's all I want. That's all I ever wanted." 

"Promise me you won't leave," I choked out.

His head drew back slightly, surprised by my response. "I'm not going anywhere. Why would you think that?" 

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. This is it, Lilah. You're chance to come clean. 

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't form the words. The longer I hesitated, the more his eyes filled with suspicion. Or, maybe it was concern. All the guilt had made me paranoid, unable to tell the difference. 

His eyes latched onto me and wouldn't let go, waiting for me to put him out of his misery. Unable to look at him and still think clearly, I glanced down at my hands, over at the door, up at the ceiling. Anywhere but at him. My heart thrummed painfully in my chest, keeping me from forming any sort of words. I was going to be sick.

"What is it, baby?" he asked, taking my hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly.

"It's just..." My mouth had gone dry. The heat coursing through me made me think I might spontaneously combust. At the last second, I chickened out. "I guess I'm just scared." 

The understatement of the decade.

His expression morphed into one of understanding, so I kept going, unable to face reality. "I don't want to lose you." 

His chest tightened. "I know." He paused, looking down at our locked hands. "I promise you that I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen." He hesitated. "That's why I think we should leave in the morning... without Rolland." 

I kept my face blank, choosing not to react right away. I studied his mouth, the way he bit down on his bottom lip after speaking. The dark circles under his eyes that made him look haunted, and somehow sexier at the same time. He needed to sleep. He needed a lot of things, and worrying about me wasn't one of them. 

Noah was the only person in the entire world that I trusted. That I knew loved me. He would do anything for me. I didn't know much about life, but I knew that. If he thought this was the best thing for us, then maybe I should stop fighting it. 

His eyes pleaded with me to do just that—if only this once. Still, it felt wrong to just abandon Rolland. Sure he was eccentric, maybe even bordering on unstable, but a lot of men returned from the war not the same. I couldn't help comparing us. He'd obviously been through a lot, and so had I. Rooting for him felt like I was rooting for myself in a way. Like if he could be ok, then maybe I could too. 

But, it was Noah, sitting in front of me, his eyes practically begging, that finally swayed me.

"Fine," I said, dropping my eyes in disappointment. "We'll leave in the morning."

His body relaxed instantly, revealing the true extent of his relief. It made me feel guilty for putting him in this position in the first place. What's wrong with me? 

I tried to explain, for myself just as much as Noah. "I was just trying to do something good for once—what I would hope someone would do for me if I was in that situation. Is that so bad?" 

Deep down, I knew it was more than that. That Rolland was a distraction. A way to delay the inevitable choice I would soon be facing. A way to focus on anything other than my own problems.

Noah shook his head. "No. It's one of the reasons I love you. You're too good for this place," he paused, letting out a shaky breath. "You're too good for me."

I tried with all my might not to cringe. 

Noah sometimes said stuff like this, especially when things got particularly bad. His insecurities and self-doubt ran deep, deeper than even I knew. They were as much a part of him as the blood in his veins. It physically pained me to think he actually believed these things. 

I mostly blamed his father. He planted the seeds of doubt in Noah at a young age, beating them into him and over and over until they finally took root. Noah had a black garden growing inside of him, and the scars on the outside to match. Whenever he got like this, the only thing to do was pull them out by the roots. I did my best to reassure him that nothing could be farther from the truth, the only way I knew how.

I leaned forward, slipping my hands gently under his t-shirt. I pushed the thin material up, letting my hands slide across his exposed skin. He raised his arms, helping me remove it entirely, tossing it to the floor.

Needing his skin on mine, my hands automatically went to his chest. My fingertips traced the shape of his muscle, heat transferring from his body to mine. It's crazy how just touching someone can make you feel so at peace. Like a conduit of soothing energy. 

My hands started to move on their own, sliding down his sides, around his back. His body tensed when my fingers brushed across the raised scars he had covered with ink.

When Noah was seventeen, he was bitten by a rattlesnake in the woods behind his house. He went to the hospital and got an anti-venom injection, but ever since that day, he's been obsessed with snakes. He claimed they were magical, that their venom had power in it. I thought he was crazy. He ended up getting a tattoo of one on his back. It covered his scars so well that a stranger wouldn't even know they were there. 

But, I wasn't a stranger.

Noah shook his head suddenly and grabbed my arms to stop me. There was a clear warning in his eyes, letting me know that this part of him was strictly off-limits. I stayed frozen in his grasp, not wanting to push it any further. Waiting for him to make the next move.  

His chest rose and fell in heavy breaths. Without warning, he shoved me back onto the bed, pressing me down into the mattress with his weight. His lips moved to my throat, kissing the area above my collarbone. I gasped when his teeth drug across the sensitive skin, his lips, hot against my pulse. 

My hands traveled down to his belt buckle, working it apart urgently. Layers of clothing quickly began to fall, shedding like autumn leaves, leaving us bare and vulnerable. Our limbs, twisting together like branches. Melding into each other until you could no longer tell where he ended and I began. 

He thrust into me with an urgency I had never felt before, reminding me that at any moment this could all be taken away from us. Showing me how desperately we needed each other.

And, declaring a much-needed truce between us. 

"You ready?" Noah asked, searching my face for any sign that I might've changed my mind about this whole thing. I hadn't. 

Determined, I nodded my head. 

Noah took a deep breath and whispered,  "Ok. Let's go." 

He thrust open the door of our motel room, the cool air rushing in past us. We stepped out into the night, both of us, peering left and right, making sure we were alone. The lot appeared completely empty. 

"You go start the car. I'll turn in our room key and meet you there," Noah whispered. 

I nodded in agreement.

He handed me the car keys and we shared a weary look before he turned and walked off towards the front desk. 

The sun was about to come up and we were hoping to quietly sneak away before Rolland woke up. Not wanting to stand around in the open, I hurried towards the dark shape of the Mustang parked across the lot. I glanced back just in time to see Noah turn the corner and disappear. 

I shuffled quickly but quietly across the lot, making my way around the car to the trunk. I fumbled with the keys, trying to find the right one in the dark. Finally getting it, I unlocked the trunk and thrust it open. I placed our two bags inside and, rather than slam it, I carefully lowered the trunk lid shut. I pressed down firmly and just as I felt the latch click shut, a voice called out. 

"Hey there."

Startled, my whole body jolted, sending the car keys out of my hand and onto the pavement with a clatter. I looked up to see Rolland standing a few feet in front of the car, clutching something in his hand. 

"Headed off already?" he asked. 

My heart slammed around in my chest while I tried to remember how to speak. How to explain. I knelt down to pick up the keys in an effort to buy my brain a few more seconds time. By the time I was standing again, I had thought up a reasonable excuse. "I was just loading up the car." 

He gave me a kind of half-nod while he studied me, his eyes, moving up and down my body in a way that made me feel uneasy. I could tell he was debating something, probably whether or not to believe me. 

"Where's your man?"

"Noah's just turning in our room key. He'll be back in a sec," I said, wanting him to know we wouldn't be alone for much longer.

"Who's Noah?" 

Shit. I completely forgot we gave him fake names. 

"Cotton," I said, quickly. "That's Cotton's real name." 

His eyes narrowed and a sly smile formed on his lips. "Huh. Interesting."

"Why is that interesting?" I asked, but just then, Noah appeared across the lot. 

The sun was now starting to rise and I could see the panicked look on Noah's face as his eyes moved between me and Rolland. Just as Rolland turned toward the sound of his footsteps, Noah wiped the expression from his face, replacing it with a fake smile. 

"There ya are... Noah." 

Hearing Rolland use his real name, Noah shot me a look. I could see his wheels turning, trying to suss out the situation to see where our plan now stood. 

"I was just telling Rolland we were getting ready to head out," I told Noah. I turned to Rolland. "We were about to come and see if you were up," I said, not wanting him to know the truth, that we were about to leave him behind. I'd already seen how short his temper could be and didn't know how he would react. 

"Is that right?" he asked, looking back and forth between the two of us. "Well... I'm up." 

I nodded. Noah said nothing. The three of us stood in tense silence, waiting for one of us to make the next move. It was Noah who finally spoke up.

"Well, I guess we should get heading out soon. The earlier we leave, the less traffic we'll have to deal with." 

I smiled at him, trying my best to appear calm and collected, but my heart was thumping wildly, and sweat was beginning to break out across my forehead and palms. 

"Ok then," I said, ready for the awkwardness to be over. Just as I took a step towards the Mustang, Rolland spoke.

"You know what's weird?" he asked, suddenly. Something in his tone made me freeze, my blood going cold. An uneasy feeling swirled deep in my gut. 

"What's that?" Noah asked. I could see the same weary look on his face. 

"Well, ya see, I was reading this morning's newspaper..." It was then that I finally noticed the thing in his hand was, in fact, a rolled-up newspaper. "... and I came across this strange article."

He held out the paper, carefully unrolling it. Squinting his eyes at the small print, he began to read from the front page.

"Two suspects wanted in string of armed robberies, investigation continues." 

My heart fell right out of my chest and landed on the ground. Noah, standing a few feet to my left, looked like he had just been punched in the gut. Neither of us spoke, so Rolland continued.

"It's funny, cause the folks they're describing sound an awful lot like you two. Young, white male. Early twenties. Dark hair, around six foot, armed with a black pistol. Young, white female, late teens or early twenties. Blonde, around 5'5". Both with strong, southern accents. Believed to be traveling together in a dark-colored vehicle. Last seen in Virginia." He paused and lifted his eyes to us. "Say... weren't you two coming from that way when you picked me up?" 

Noah lied through his teeth. "South Carolina, actually."

I fought to keep my emotions off my face. The bit of information about the dark-colored vehicle wasn't in the last article. This was bad. 

"Pretty big coincidence, don't y'all think?" Rolland asked, his face serious as a whistle.

I didn't dare speak yet, afraid my voice would give us away. Luckily, Noah seemed to recover faster than I did. "Yeah. It sure is," he said, sounding genuinely puzzled.

Rolland peered eagerly back and forth between the two of us. The longer the moment dragged on, the more I was sure I was giving us away. Just when I thought I might crumble under the scrutiny, Rolland burst into a fit of deep, roaring laughter. 

It was so unexpected, I flinched as a bolt of panic shoot through me. My shock was quickly replaced by confusion as I wondered what could possibly be funny. I glanced at Noah who was watching Rolland with a similar look of bewilderment. 

"I'm just fucking with you two," Rolland choked out, in between laughs. He doubled over and clutched at his side like he was in pain. 

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding. Noah looked like he wanted to strangle him, but after a moment, his shoulders visibly relaxed and he forced a smile on his face. 

"You had me going there for a second," Noah said, but I could just make out the hostility in his voice. Still chuckling, Rolland gave Noah a friendly slap on the shoulder. Noah shot him another forced smile and glanced at me, his eyes bulging, saying, I told you so.

Rolland let out a contented sigh and pressed his lips together. "Welp. I'll just go gather my things and then we'll head out. How's that sound?" he asked, staring at the two of us. 

"Yeah. Sounds good," Noah replied, though he seemed far less enthused. 

Rolland turned and walked off towards the motel. As soon as his back to us, Noah dropped the fake smile and friendly demeanor. He turned to look at me, fear and anger coloring his features. "What the fuck do we do now?" he asked, his voice, low and fuming.  

I didn't respond. My mind was still reeling, trying to process everything that just happened—what it all meant. A single thought rose up out of the fog, towering imposingly above the others.

There would be no leaving him behind now.