A little part of me wishes Hux would float back out here to make a buffer between me and Nuna's anger. At the same time, I hope he's so far deep into the bramble, he won't hear a word of this. I was never good at confrontation.

No, confrontation I'm fine with if I can use my pistols. This other thing where I have to talk about hurt and feelings. I almost throw myself into the thicket with him.

"It's good for him to know a little bit of Earth," Nuna says as she approaches. "Our apple trees did not look like this. But I did not live near too many apples. My family grew avocados."

"So you're talking to me?"

"You do not expect me to be angry with you?"

"I expected it." I hook my foot on a root and cross my arms. "Because I deserve it. I'm sorry I did that to you." The new Janika Lorn apologizes. She doesn't hold herself to such mighty standards as she did before.

Nuna grabs the branch I was holding before her arrival. "To be frank, I suspected your departure. It is one of the reasons I remained in your bed—to make sure someone was there for Huxley in the morning."

"He's lucky to have you in his life."

"Have me as what, precisely?"

Not this question again. "As his family. You, me, Teeno... and I guess Uncle Moon."

"Family?" She chews on the word like it's not the flavor she expected.

"Yeah. Like his favorite aunt."

Nuna grips the branch tight. "Auntie? Is that what I am? Have I not been by your side and his since you both came to the HMS Valediction to live?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Have I not bathed him, fed him, held him when he cried when you were out for stretches of time that, to him, felt like ages." She chokes on her emotion.

I knew this conversation was coming, but I had never planned for it to hurt this much. I am a terrible parent. I am a terrible—whatever it is Nuna wants me to be. Whatever it was Dean wanted from me. "You have. You've always been there for him."

"This is why I am mad at you, Janika. This is what breaks my heart. It's not that you come and go and leave without warning. I love the spirit that compels you. But I am mad because you do not let yourself see me how I see you and how I see us." She pushes herself off the branch and closes the gap. We collide softly, grabbing each other's forearms until we're locked together. Her large, brown eyes are glassy with restrained tears. I'm so tired of doing this to the people I love.

I pull away. "I can never thank you enough for what you do for him."

"I am not seeking your gratitude."

"Well, I don't know what else to give you." I release her and drift back. "Gratitude is about all I can manage right now."

"Keep it for someone else."

"Then it's settled. We don't owe each other anything."

Nuna gazes into the branches above where Hux is swinging between neighboring trees. "I am seeking your love. You do not have it for me, because you are still giving it to someone else, then?"

I wince. "There's no one else."

"Then who are you chasing?"

"My people," I say, my voice rising. "My father, my friends, the people who served with me in some of the worst fucking scenarios your nightmares couldn't even imagine. I'm searching for all the people who didn't make it here and who won't make it to their destination. And even if they do, there's nothing there for them. I want to bring them home."

Nuna doesn't speak, so I keep going.

"They're still out there and when I took the oath of the Reapers, I promised to protect them. All of them. And I am not doing that. I broke that promise." The words surprise me as they spill out of my soul. I had no idea I felt that way.

"You can complete your purpose and still have room to love and be loved. These states of being are not mutually exclusive," Nuna says. She pushes off the branch and floats back toward the silo entrance.

I track her retreat and swallow the scream building in my throat. Anger and sadness race through my limbs as I watch her back. I want to fling her against the wall and kiss her until she realizes I'm exactly what Moon says I am.

I'm broken.

I can't do it all no matter how much she believes in me.

Hux pops his head out of the branches. "Where'd Nuna go?"

"Probably to her cabin." I shake my hands to release some of the craze, but it's not working.

"Is she coming back to read a book?"

I pull myself up to reach for a nearby apple and pluck it from the stem to squeeze it. "I can read you a book, Kiddo."

"But I want Nuna. She reads it the best."

"I can learn," I say while trying to cover the hurt in my voice by clearing it. "I can do all the voices Nuna does."

"Why is Nuna sad when you come home? I'm happy, Mom. Doesn't she love you?"

Mindlessly, I squeeze the fruit until it breaks and becomes pulp between my fingers. Large chunks float off as a slew of harvest bots chase after them. I face Hux and breathe evenly, forcing back the boost of adrenaline one of my newer adjustments provides. "No, Kiddo. I love you and Nuna loves you. That's all you need to worry about."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes." The word comes out half sob, half shout.

"She knows that. Right, Mom?"

I watch Nuna's retreat. "I don't think so."

"That's silly. You—you need to tell her if you want you and Nuna to be happy." He swings back and forth while he attempts to hang onto his line of logic. "How will she know if you don't say 'I love you'?"

My kid is so much smarter than me. "You're right. We should go tell her."

He groans. "I just got here."

One of the harvest bots appears to my right. Its little speaker chirps. "I will keep an eye on him and ensure he gets to the dining hall, Lorn."

"Thanks, Ledi." As much as he still creeps me out, he does care about us. I pat the bot on the top of its head in thanks. The cold metal sends a jolt through me. "We might be a while."

Hux returns to his adventure, and I turn to face the figure floating toward the door.

"Nuna wait!" I shove off a branch and rocket toward her. I catch her leg just as she reaches the grab-lock door. "I'm sorry."

She rights herself and faces me.

"I'm sorry for making you feel like you aren't one of the most important people in my life. You are not Hux's aunt. I feel stupid for even saying that."

She blinks at me as if waiting for something different.

"I'm not good at loving. It took me a long time to try and figure it out the first time, and it hurt when it all went to hell. It took a big chunk out of me, and I think I'm still not whole yet. But I'm not looking to use you to replace that missing piece. I want to be with you because I don't want anyone else in Hux's life besides us. No one does the story voices like you, and—"

She grabs my head and kisses me softly. "I love you."

I slide my hands up her arms until she's enveloped in my embrace. I kiss her back. The fire in my core simmering, knowing it has a new course to take.

When I release her, I hold her at shoulder length. "That person who comes and goes? The one you mentioned over there? I don't like her. I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm happy here with you."

"Are you only saying that because your trips have returned unsuccessful and now your curiosity is satisfied? While I understand the trauma and challenges you have endured, I will not be your afterthought. Hux cannot either."

His little body pops in and out of my peripherals as he jumps back into the tree branches. "I've been an asshole. A total, unredeemable dickhead. All this ARC stuff makes me crazy—especially not knowing what happened to the whole thing—my father, Dean, the other eight ARCs—"

Nuna squeezes my hand as I drift off, thinking about Simon arriving at NOHA and searching for a daughter who will never land there. "I am not asking you to forget who you are or what you have done in your past. I'm asking you to be here, in the present, with me, your family. You never once asked me to go with you."

"You would have come with?"

"Absolutely."

I snort, "No you wouldn't."

"Try me."

I entwine my fingers with hers. "Nuna, if I'm called on any more goose chases through the galaxy to hunt false SOS recordings of my previously contracted partner to multiple dead-ends, will you join me?"

"My bag is already packed."

I raise my eyebrow. "It's that easy?"

She leans even closer to whisper in my ear. "Nothing is free, Janika. I will have you pay me in advance. Tonight when we lock the door."

Goosebumps rise on my back and arms. Her warm words tickle the shell of my ear before she bites down on my lobe. She runs her tongue over the hoops lined up on the cuff. My scales involuntarily rise, opening every nerve in my body to the millions of sensations I had been blocking. Every ridge in the pad of her finger rubbing against my palm, the rough bumps of her tongue on my ear, the fabric squeezing against my legs, and the million scents of the flora mixed with floating balls of humidity.

But the most prominent sensation is the fire from my core. The internal simmer boils over.

I fumble with the airlock door and finally manage to open and snap it shut behind me. Nuna pins me to the corner of the room between the door and the ceiling. Instead of activating gravity, she ensures the doors are locked and the portholes are closed.

"In an airlock? That's a new one for us," I say.

"It makes a few things easier that I have in mind."

I nearly rip all of her buttons off her uniform shirt as I rush to open it and untuck it from the powdery blue pants of our uniform. She shrugs it off one arm at a time and, with deft fingers, pops the buttons loose on my pants. Our clothes drift off and away as we reintroduce ourselves to each other's bodies. In the weightlessness, there's no place for brushes or gentle touches. Everything is purposeful and hard. She pulls my braid to drag me closer. I clutch her waist. She bites. I suck. With the force of our movements, we bump around from corner to corner, the cold metal on hot skin adding to the blast of sensations.

Nuna traps me again. She hooks her feet under a bar on the floor and angles my hips to be at the level of her face. She raises a brow as she meets my gaze over the expanse of my body. "I have missed your taste."

I groan. "I've missed literally everything about you."

"I would have never guessed it." I hear the subtle teasing note in her words. It would be undetectable to most, but I've been at the tail end of it so many times, it's part of her nuances that I've learned to love. Because I love her.

She holds me still because otherwise, her mouth would send me rocketing off across the universe. I feel every lap with the flat of her tongue, every flick with the tip. When I feel the tickle of two then three fingers inside me, I groan. I scream my release, grateful for the gravity-locks soundproof walls. I let go of every restraint and attack her body with equal zeal. I bite and lick my way from top to bottom where she holds onto the bars above our heads while I stroke her until she becomes fully weightless.

Spent, exhausted, floating among our stray sweat balls, Nuna slaps the button to ignite gravity. We dress and walk out of there, hands clasped together, shoulder to shoulder, her finger tracing my jawline. She remembers to sanitize the room before we exit.

On the way to my cabin, we pass Moon, who glowers at us, his black coat billowing behind him. "Disgusting," he grumbles. "It's a public facility. I should have you both thrown out the airlock for indecency."

We ignore him and tumble into bed once I've unlocked my door. The rest of the time before mess hall is spent languidly reuniting and rediscovering favorite soft spots.

My mess hall reminder dings, but it's impossible to leave my bed with our legs interlocked, my head resting against her breast, and her finger lazily tracing the spines of my scales. At this moment, I am at total peace.

"No matter what, don't believe me if I say this isn't the life I want," I murmur.

"What life is that? The sex life?"

I roll my eyes. "All of it. You, Hux, our home, this happiness."

"Janika Lorn, are you in love?"

I lift my head and pull my hand out of hers. My scales fall flat. "I don't really say that out loud too much."

"I am aware." She pulls me back against her.

We rest in silence for another few blips, her heartbeat thrumming against my ear until she slides out from under me. We re-dress, kissing the bare skin covered by our uniform, and meet Hux at the mess hall, his plate already before him.

The idea of being in love sends me spiraling. Images of my history scroll through my mind's eye of sunny afternoons against a broader, harder chest return. The voice, the SOS. I close my eyes tight and squeeze the memories out wishing for the millionth time there was a way I could remove them entirely.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone who has been jumping back into the ARC10 universe and sharing those stars and comments! I love this story, but honestly, interacting with you all has been my favorite part.

Sorry for the delay on the end of this chapter. The wildest thing happened this weekend.

My sister's dog jumped out her 4-story window on Friday. She was out at work and our building is doing renovations in the hallway. Something they did must have scared him so much, he broke through the screen and tried to escape out the window. My sister's window backs out into an alley, a parking lot, and then a very busy street where there are a lot of college dorms for the local art school. 

Apparently, a bunch of art students saw him standing on the window ledge. They came over to try and help. Some ran to get our building manager, and two of them caught him when he fell. 

He's okay! He has three or four broken ribs and his pelvis broke apart, but he's alive! He didn't need surgery, but he's on extreme rest and lots of pain meds as his ribs heal.

We've all been watching him on shifts to make sure he doesn't move while my sister works. It's been exhausting emotionally. I was the one who got the call from our building manager. The call was something like

"911 YOUR SISTER'S DOG JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW. AT EMERGENCY VET. COME NOW."

I've worked at the Humane Society and frequently went to pick up abused animals. I've seen A LOT.

I did not want to see this. I had no idea what I'd be walking into. Luckily, he was okay. I'm still so grateful  for those heroes who caught him.

LONG LIVE THE ART STUDENTS.