Teeno struts out of his office wearing padding over every vulnerable spot on his body. He wobbles with as much dignity as he can muster and pauses to adjust the pad over his crotch."If we are going to train the boy in combat, we're going to do it right," he says. His mischievous glint is covered by the protective gear he pulls over his eyes.

I nudge Hux's shoulder with my elbow. "Are you ready, Kiddo?"

"I don't want to hurt Uncle Teeno," he says.

"You're not going to hurt him. Watch." I nod toward Teeno and Moon who face off.

Moon flicks his golden rod, elongating it to half its length. He bats Teeno in the padded gut. Still standing after a soft "oof", he lifts his visor and smiles back at Hux.

I crouch to meet him eye-to-eye. "See? You can't hurt Uncle Teeno. Or would you rather practice on Uncle Moon?"

Hux buries his curly head in the crook of my neck and shakes it in the negative.

"There may come a time in your future when it'll be important to know how to fight. Nuna, Uncle Teeno, Uncle Moon, and I will do everything in our power to make sure that doesn't happen to you, but it's important everyone knows how to defend themselves. For emergencies."

His whimper breaks my heart.

"Your coddling made him soft," Moon says

"So what," I say over Hux's head. "Lots of people don't want to fight. It doesn't mean they're soft."

"That's right. I don't enjoy fighting either, Huxley. You can be just like me," Teeno says as he stumbles forward, swaying as he attempts to kneel next to Hux with all his protective gear still on.

Moon scoffs. "It doesn't help to lie to the boy."

Teeno twists around to face Moon. Something gleeful and mischievous—something secret—passes between them. I don't think I'll ever get the full story of their history.

"I'll try, Mom," Hux says bravely as he extracts himself from my shoulder."I can do it."

Moon offers Teeno the other end of his spear to hoist himself up when he teeters in his too-high center of gravity. As he stands, he leans on Moon's shoulder for balance as he corrects one of the pads that had swiveled behind his legs. Moon remains still, allowing himself to be used as a prop. He glances down at Teeno with a tenderness I don't think I'm supposed to notice.

Teeno stands tall again, his padded hands up. "Let's begin!"

As I demonstrate jabs and hooks for Hux, he imitates with limp enthusiasm. After many reassurances that he's not hurting Teeno followed by my example, he mimics my patterns with enthusiasm. Nuna shows up a while later to join in the fun. By the end of his training session, Teeno is on the floor with half the padding scattered around and gulping water while Hux runs off to finish his finger painting on my borrowed tablet. Nuna escorts Teeno back to his office. Moon and I are left in the ruins of our attempt to make my son a fighter.

We sit side-by-side on the ground. I take a swig of the slick, silver bottle of water and offer it to him. "Why don't you admit you love him?"

He doesn't acknowledge I've said anything. He stares at the floor, past the bottle.

"It's obvious you care more about Teeno than literally anyone you've ever interacted with. You treat me as well as you treat the flying fungi that hover around the vegetables in the kitchen."

"They are far less punishing on my mood."

"You've been on this ship for how long? Why haven't you—"

"Why haven't you told anyone about your planetoid field trips with Ledi? How many have you accumulated? Eight? Nine?"

I retract my teasing mood. "Fine. Don't tell me. But you should do something about it."

"Like what? Marry the idiot?"

The word shouldn't be as painful as it is. It hangs in the air, reminding me of the final goodbye in the URE, the ARCs' engines roaring through my skin right into my core as I used every ounce of my power to hold myself together. Dean's hands on my arms, his imploring gaze, his kiss, as heated as the underground rumbling as we prepared for launch. I clench my jaw, focusing on the spines on my scales laying dead-flat against my back to push out any of these useless emotions.

"Sure. Maybe if you were getting laid regularly, you wouldn't be such an asshole."

"You have no idea how often I'm getting laid. I could fuck anyone I wanted. At any time."

"I know. I've seen the crowds throw themselves at you, which is why your self-imposed celibacy makes no sense."

"Not that it's your business," he says, tugging the black leather tips of his gloves farther down his fingers. "I've had my fill of meaningless moments."

"You and Teeno aren't meaningless."

He leans in, the tips of his feather-soft black hair touching my cheek and the edge of his gold-filled eye socket glinting off the overhead lights of the expansive room. "If I were to dedicate myself to one man completely, that would close the door for anything else between us."

"Gross." I shove him away.

"Tell me what you're going to do about Major White's message. Your departure window is shrinking."

"Nothing. Also, I'd really like for you to stop listening to my messages."

"Get your own ship, then."

I pick at the cuticles around my thumb, but as I notice the slightly greenish color of my knuckles as I know the bruises are about to bloom, I stuff my hands in my jacket pockets. "There's nothing to do. I'm not interested in—what did you call it?"

"The anus of their problems."

"Yeah. I'm not interested in going there. Moyra will figure a way back like she did last time. Part of me isn't completely convinced it's not a trap."

"You're learning."

We sit together quietly. I have nowhere to be, and since he hasn't moved from his spot, it seems like his schedule is clear too. I watch him pick at his gloves. Little puffs of smoke fizzle out from beneath the leather near his wrist. It has been a while since we were on a battlefield dire enough to need him to remove his gloves and use his scalding hands. When I think of the ways he was changed without his permission, it pings a pain in me that resonates. "When did it stop hurting?"

Moon pulls my left hand from my pocket and examines the forming bruise. "Are you referring to the pain of realization when you are merely a pawn in a bigger scheme over and over again?"

I nod, pulling my hand away when he presses on the sore spot.

He doesn't let go. He holds my hand harder, his grip on the tender flesh even more crushing. With my scales down, I feel a soft pressure, but I know this should hurt. Without my transplant to protect me, I would be squirming under the pain.

"It doesn't. You learn to live with a baseline of agony for the rest of your life. It keeps you awake and keeps you aware so when they think they can puppeteer your comings and goings, you show them you are the only one in control of your destiny," he says.

"Are you saying you approve of my trips with Ledi?"

"Is it keeping you awake?"

"It's letting me sleep."

"Then you're only digging yourself a deeper trench. Instead of hiding away your pain until you explode on my ship's sentience trapped in your beat-up boyfriend, why not let it move you? According to the Vesta crew who blow their hot air up your ass constantly, isn't that something a previous version of yourself would have done?"

When I pull my hand away again, he lets my fingers slip through his grip. I watch the white spots his grip left behind fade into angry purple. "I think a previous version of myself would have told you fuck off and left this conversation entirely."

"Mature."

Teeno's booming laugh echoes to our spot on the floor outside his office. "They're probably expecting us," I say.

"So what are you going to do?"

The crossroads is ahead. I stare down my paths for the thousandth time and weigh my options with a freshly cleared head. I think about what "the previous version of myself" would have done.

Nuna or the unknown.

Safety and peace or danger and disaster.

I could do nothing.

Or, I could save them all. I could bring my father home. I could give Moyra and Coodi a chance at everything I have with Nuna.

Had. They deserve a chance to feel the joy that I would have had with her. And maybe we'll have it again in the future.

Why can't I do both?

"It's why you don't settle down with Teeno, isn't it?" I don't need to face him to know he's looking right at me. I feel the laser focus as he watches my wheels spin.

"It wouldn't be fair," he says with a gruffness I understand.

I brace my hands on my knees as I prepare to jet away, my decision final. "I have to go. But I'll be back."

"Why?"

"Because they can't control me and neither can you." I flick him in the neck—hard—and rise. "And who says we can't have it all?"

His mechanical bones spring him up in one fluid motion. "I'm coming."

"Why? You hated this plan. You've fought me every step of the way."

There's fire behind his eye. For the first time since Juno's death, I recognize Captain Moon's spirit that's alive behind his constant scowling. He glares at me through the curtain of his black hair. "You think I'm allowing you to go rogue on some unknown planet, instigating an inter-species, multi-galactic conflict while I have to suffer through a staff meeting?"

There's no use fighting. "Ledi?" I say to the open room.

"Yes, Lorn?"

"Tell Teeno and Nuna we have a quick errand. We'll return soon."

"Yes, Lorn."

We rush to the harbor and board the Foot. We slip into the cockpit seats like it's our natural place, and buckle in for a short journey to a rarely visited wasteland. John tags along behind us and settles into his hiding place in the wired bulkhead before the dock clears us for our exit.

As I watch the HMS Valediction disappear in my rear viewfinders, I beg that this stupid, ill-articulated attempt to save my perfect life and save the civilians of the URE works out. That initiating a new mission to entangle myself in the journey I fought so hard to shirk will end in my freedom—the only real wish I've ever had.

Moon points in the direction we should follow before my navigation system can process our location. I turn the gears with his guidance as we race to meet Moyra where and when she said she would tell us everything.

**A/N**

Happy new year, my loves!! I hope all of you have a wonderful, safe, healthy, and joyful place to ring in 2023. 

Hooooo boy what a year. Honestly, this has been a clown car of a year. It started off by me deciding to buy a farm, but then pulling back because it would cost way too much get it in working order. I started a new job that was finally able to provide me with enough to let me quit my other two side hustles so I can focus on my family and my writing. I read 30 books and helped a few friends with their manuscripts. I was a PitchWars mentor in the last year PitchWars existed. I finished a brand new manuscript that will be out on submission in the next few months, FINGERS CROSSED. Covid finally caught me and everyone in my family. We began our house hunt in earnest. 

What were some of the best moments of 2022 for you?

What are you looking forward to in 2023?

As always, THANK YOU for making my years so special. I am so grateful to all of you who read, reply, and leave your stars all over my stories. Thank you for giving me your time. I appreciate it and wish you so much love and happiness in 2023. 

🧡L