Note// to get more from the story, more of a feeling, listen to Skinny Love through the story please. If it ends just replay it. Thanks loves :) hope you enjoy

ALANA

What's it like to be loved ? To have everything you could ever want . A endless surplus of life . What's it like to not be completely dead.

It was like I was watching myself slowly fade from someone other than myself. And the thing is , I envied myself for a moment. Just for a single moment.

Then I was back to just hating myself. Oh well.

My earbuds were stuck in my ears as 'Skinny Love' by Birdy blasted through, drowning out any key noises.

I gave up on Elijah showing up. I just assumed he changed his mind about me. I didn't care. I couldn't care. I didn't really know him. So I guess that's fine.

He'd just probably end up a weight on me. A reason to not kill myself. It's better off this way anyway.

I didn't realize it until now, that tears were streaming down my cheeks. I hurt so much. For reasons unknown . When will I be ok?

I tell my love to wreck it all.
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My my my, my my my, my my

A playground lays up ahead. Abandoned and alone . What a coincidence.

I find myself climbing the monkey bars and sitting on it staring at the dark clouds in the distance . It would rain soon.
The wind whipped at my hair and the cold stung my cheeks. I saw puffs of my breath floating out joining the clouds.

I would like to join the clouds. I don't know how long I sit there. Until my hands are red and frozen. Until I feel the presence of someone beside me. I look and there he is.

"Welcome back" I mumble. He gives me a short smile.

"I had some business to attend to"
He cheeks and nose were flushed pink from the cold.

"Took you long enough"

"Miss me?" He ventures.

I shrug "if your asking if I care, I don't"

He smiles even though I had hoped my words would've hurt him. Like he hurt me. Like he left me.
"Missed you too love"

I snort and stare continuously in the distance. I'm aware that he's hopped down and held his arms up from below motioning for me to jump.

I do. And for once while I'm falling, someone catches me.

For a while we walk back to my house in silence. Our hands stuffed in our pockets and beanies pulled as low on our head as possible without covering up our eyes.

"I can draw" I randomly mention. I don't know why I do, it felt important at the moment.

He hears me I'm sure, but keeps quiet .

"You left me" I continue. "Abandoned me just like everyone else"

He looks at me, with a pondering gaze. Like he was trying to read me while I keep my eyes forward .

"I thought you didn't care?" He finally speaks , puffs of his breath coming out with every word.

"I don't , you actually did me a favor" I whisper, just loud enough for me to hear, but I guess he hears to.

" how so?"

"You made it easier for the idea of death "

He is very silent after that. In fact the whole walk back to my house is a dangerous silence.

When we enter, beer bottles are visibly scattered around the room. Lucas must be drinking again. I lead to my room , Elijah follows behind closely as if if he loses me from his sight. He loses me permanently.

I sit on my bed slipping off my shoes and falling backward my arms covering my eyes.

I just want to eternally sleep. To just close my eyes and let it be that easy. No pain. Just the ever growing silence that is death...

"What happened to you?" He suddenly asked. My heart skipped a beat. I hated that dreaded question. What happened to me?

I intend to just ignore him, block him out. But he pulls my arms from my face so that our eyes meet. He was searching so hard for answers, it hurt him to.

We were silent for several minutes. Some things were better left unspoken but part of me wanted to tell him. To have someone to talk to for once..

"I.." He lifts his eyebrow. But can I trust him? Can I let him in, just to have him abandon me in the end?

Trust him.

"I'm an orphan" he eyes go wide and solemn with pity and I instantly regretted it "yeah um, long story short, dead beat dad starts a fire, kills him, my mom, my grandparents on my dads side. And this dog I loved, Huck. After that we were placed in my moms parents house, where every night they would disappear to go dance and listen to live music which I think was just an excuse to get drunk because that exactly what they were every night. Until eventually, they died to. But by that time my brother was old enough to watch the both of us. He to, had developed a drinking habit. It was a hard time, to see him destroy himself right in front of me, but he's better now." He was really silent. Pondering what to say next. And I would hope he'd say nothing. Just , absorb it. Then he gets up.

I hear Elijah walking around my room as he stops in front of my shattered mirror but doesn't question it.

"You said you draw?" He says hanging off every word, as if unsure which words to use . Thinking if he were to say the wrong thing I would break just like the mirror.

"I do" I reply.  I see him pick up my sketch book turning it over and flipping through the pages. His faces contorts into different unreadable emotions as he scans through my work. The last one I can tell was curiosity . His fierce blues eyes were fixated on the girl I had drawn days ago. I stand up padding over to him to look as well.

ELIJAH

The girl had her sleeves up to her wrist and her hands covering her mouth. Her wide green eyes open with fright and her small frail body presses against a tree from behind . A small tear slipped down her cheeks as she stared at something, far beyond the picture , somewhere I couldn't see. Somewhere I couldn't be.

"Who is she?"

her lips tightened in a line , pondering my golden ticket question. Who is she.

"Just a girl. a figment of my imagination"

"Well she must have a purpose"

a shrug. "Not everything must have a purpose. per say, we hurt people, just to hurt people. we love people just to love people. we make up ideas, dream, and wish, just to do all those things. none having a purpose"

She looks down at the girl of paper, her brown hair falling over her eyes as she stares vulnerably for an answer to my still unanswered question. who is she?

Suddenly her big lilac brown innocent but broken eyes float back to my own.

"Save me Elijah"

Suddenly she was in my arms. A perfect fit as she sobs into my chest.

Save me Elijah

"Ive got you. It's ok"
......................................................................
Playlist//
* Skinny love by: Birdy
*Skinny love cover by: Bon Iver
*People help the people by: Birdy
*Tee shirt by : Birdy
*Perth by: Bon Iver

Question// do you like to draw?

May the story begin..

Sincerely ,

Trinity